Codependency and Beyond - Part 25
Survivor
Join Date: Apr 2004
Location: Proud Upstate New Yorker
Posts: 869
Sunday, November 4, 2012
You are reading from the book The Language of Letting Go
Anger
Feeling angry - and, sometimes, the act of blaming - is a natural and necessary part of accepting loss and change - of grieving. We can allow ourselves and others to become angry as we move from denial toward acceptance.
As we come to terms with loss and change, we may blame our higher Power, others, or ourselves. The person may be connected to the loss, or he or she may be an innocent bystander. We may hear ourselves say: "If only he would have done that... If I wouldn't have done that... Why didn't God do it differently?"... We know that blame doesn't help. In recovery, the watchwords are self-responsibility and personal accountability, not blame. Ultimately, surrender and self-responsibility are the only concepts that can move us forward, but to get there we may need to allow ourselves to feel angry and to occasionally indulge in some blaming.
It is helpful, in dealing with others, to remember that they, too, may need to go through their angry stage to achieve acceptance. To not allow others, or ourselves, to go through anger and blame may slow down the grief process.
Trust the grief process and ourselves. We won't stay angry forever. But we may need to get mad for a while as we search over what could have been, to finally accept what is.
God, help me learn to accept my own and others' anger as a normal part of achieving acceptance and peace. Within that framework, help me strive for personal accountability.
From The Language of Letting Go by Melody Beattie ©1990, Hazelden Foundation.
You are reading from the book The Language of Letting Go
Anger
Feeling angry - and, sometimes, the act of blaming - is a natural and necessary part of accepting loss and change - of grieving. We can allow ourselves and others to become angry as we move from denial toward acceptance.
As we come to terms with loss and change, we may blame our higher Power, others, or ourselves. The person may be connected to the loss, or he or she may be an innocent bystander. We may hear ourselves say: "If only he would have done that... If I wouldn't have done that... Why didn't God do it differently?"... We know that blame doesn't help. In recovery, the watchwords are self-responsibility and personal accountability, not blame. Ultimately, surrender and self-responsibility are the only concepts that can move us forward, but to get there we may need to allow ourselves to feel angry and to occasionally indulge in some blaming.
It is helpful, in dealing with others, to remember that they, too, may need to go through their angry stage to achieve acceptance. To not allow others, or ourselves, to go through anger and blame may slow down the grief process.
Trust the grief process and ourselves. We won't stay angry forever. But we may need to get mad for a while as we search over what could have been, to finally accept what is.
God, help me learn to accept my own and others' anger as a normal part of achieving acceptance and peace. Within that framework, help me strive for personal accountability.
From The Language of Letting Go by Melody Beattie ©1990, Hazelden Foundation.
Trudging that road.
Join Date: Nov 2010
Location: Seattle Wa
Posts: 6,840
Morning everyone,
GF you came to WA right at the start of our rain season it will be dark cold and raining for another few months with some short breaks in-between. To bad we didn't know each other or you could have called me and I could of taken you to some really cool places.
DOL thanks for doing the readings. I sure relate to this one as I suffer sometimes from anger. Not so much the blaming anymore but I can still see red.
Amy love the picture of you and the baby.
Have a great day all.
GF you came to WA right at the start of our rain season it will be dark cold and raining for another few months with some short breaks in-between. To bad we didn't know each other or you could have called me and I could of taken you to some really cool places.
DOL thanks for doing the readings. I sure relate to this one as I suffer sometimes from anger. Not so much the blaming anymore but I can still see red.
Amy love the picture of you and the baby.
Have a great day all.
Survivor
Join Date: Apr 2004
Location: Proud Upstate New Yorker
Posts: 869
I enjoy posting the readings. 
I also struggle with anger. It was always so over the top in my household that I find it to be just frightening. So, I have a really hard time expressing it. So, it's a good reading for me too.
Also, you and baby b look so cute Amy.
Love,
Lily
I also struggle with anger. It was always so over the top in my household that I find it to be just frightening. So, I have a really hard time expressing it. So, it's a good reading for me too.
Also, you and baby b look so cute Amy.
Love,
Lily
mergirl
Join Date: Jan 2009
Location: Paradise
Posts: 4,161
Newby, If I were here on myown I would have called. It s part of the struggle I am having. MW has been a 24/7 siamese twin and I am exploring the inner reaches of my ideas on relationships (but I always am). Anyway, next time I come up it will be summer and I will feel much more comfortable taking the car out myself and cruising.
Living in a Pinkful Place
Join Date: May 2006
Location: Louisiana
Posts: 7,545
Good Morning all
This morning kaileigh's dad has court again ~ in a different parish (county) than a few weeks ago (such is the active disease) I was so proud of Mr. PINK, he didn't even ask what for when we found out he was going. He told us, "I'm probably going to have to do some time on this one". We let Kaileigh call him last nite, but she doesn't know anything about the court dates of course.
So he has this date today & another date coming up in another court system ~ We saw him this weekend, he was drinking, didn't seem to be using, just drinking heavily. So grateful that both Mr. PINK & I were able to apply the Mind Your Own Business and that Kaileigh happened to be spending the nite at her other grandmother's (her mom's mom - That from my perspective was a God thing!! protecting her from seeing him like that!!)
So, I just prayed for God's very best for him - whatever that needed to be ~ because I once again can admit that I have NO clue what can help him.
Last weekend, he was great with his daughter, this weekend he was completely involved with his active disease ~
Insanity ~
and heartbreaking to watch ~
So once again I realize my overwhelming need to stay focused on my al-anon principles and my own recovery ~
Thank you for allowing me to post this here - it helps keep me sane & serene ~ I am so very very grateful for all of you & for our SR family!
PINK HUGS!
Rita
This morning kaileigh's dad has court again ~ in a different parish (county) than a few weeks ago (such is the active disease) I was so proud of Mr. PINK, he didn't even ask what for when we found out he was going. He told us, "I'm probably going to have to do some time on this one". We let Kaileigh call him last nite, but she doesn't know anything about the court dates of course.
So he has this date today & another date coming up in another court system ~ We saw him this weekend, he was drinking, didn't seem to be using, just drinking heavily. So grateful that both Mr. PINK & I were able to apply the Mind Your Own Business and that Kaileigh happened to be spending the nite at her other grandmother's (her mom's mom - That from my perspective was a God thing!! protecting her from seeing him like that!!)
So, I just prayed for God's very best for him - whatever that needed to be ~ because I once again can admit that I have NO clue what can help him.
Last weekend, he was great with his daughter, this weekend he was completely involved with his active disease ~
Insanity ~
and heartbreaking to watch ~
So once again I realize my overwhelming need to stay focused on my al-anon principles and my own recovery ~
Thank you for allowing me to post this here - it helps keep me sane & serene ~ I am so very very grateful for all of you & for our SR family!
PINK HUGS!
Rita
Living in a Pinkful Place
Join Date: May 2006
Location: Louisiana
Posts: 7,545
Update on court date ~
Last weekend Mikie said his court date was Monday, but he told Mr. PINK that his court date was Tuesday -
Well it's election day - so we know the Courts are closed today ~
So he didn't go Monday and he missed his court date - from my perspective it's typical A behavior of avoiding the consequences of his actions ~
So now more drama, more stress - Mr.PINK is handling it pretty well -
I just keep praying and thinking the drama with active addiction never ends ~
I hate hate hate this disease and all the insanity that goes with it ~
Going to have a great day regardless ~ hope all of you do too!
pink hugs
Last weekend Mikie said his court date was Monday, but he told Mr. PINK that his court date was Tuesday -
Well it's election day - so we know the Courts are closed today ~
So he didn't go Monday and he missed his court date - from my perspective it's typical A behavior of avoiding the consequences of his actions ~
So now more drama, more stress - Mr.PINK is handling it pretty well -
I just keep praying and thinking the drama with active addiction never ends ~
I hate hate hate this disease and all the insanity that goes with it ~
Going to have a great day regardless ~ hope all of you do too!
pink hugs
Survivor
Join Date: Apr 2004
Location: Proud Upstate New Yorker
Posts: 869
Tuesday, November 6, 2012
You are reading from the book The Language of Letting Go
Enjoying Life
Do something fun today.
If you're relaxing, let yourself relax, without guilt, without worrying about the work that is undone.
If you're with loved ones, let yourself love them, and let them love you. Let yourself feel close.
Let yourself enjoy your work, for that can be pleasurable too.
If you're doing something fun, let yourself enjoy it.
What would feel good? What would you enjoy? Is there a positive pleasure available? Indulge.
Recovery is not solely about stopping the pain. Recovery is about learning to make ourselves feel better; then it's about making ourselves feel good.
Enjoy your day.
Today, I will do something fun, something I enjoy, and something just for me. I will take responsibility for making myself feel good.
From The Language of Letting Go by Melody Beattie ©1990, Hazelden Foundation.
You are reading from the book The Language of Letting Go
Enjoying Life
Do something fun today.
If you're relaxing, let yourself relax, without guilt, without worrying about the work that is undone.
If you're with loved ones, let yourself love them, and let them love you. Let yourself feel close.
Let yourself enjoy your work, for that can be pleasurable too.
If you're doing something fun, let yourself enjoy it.
What would feel good? What would you enjoy? Is there a positive pleasure available? Indulge.
Recovery is not solely about stopping the pain. Recovery is about learning to make ourselves feel better; then it's about making ourselves feel good.
Enjoy your day.
Today, I will do something fun, something I enjoy, and something just for me. I will take responsibility for making myself feel good.
From The Language of Letting Go by Melody Beattie ©1990, Hazelden Foundation.
Survivor
Join Date: Apr 2004
Location: Proud Upstate New Yorker
Posts: 869
Many hugs to Mrs.Pink, Mr. Pink, and little Kaleigh. I am sorry this going on right now. Hold on to recovery. Everything will be okay in the end love.
I missed Monday's reading. Drats! Mondays are tough for me because of the double shifts that I work on the weekend. Tuesday's reading is good. It is always a nice reminder to remember to enjoy life.
~~~~
I am working super hard with school as usual. Hoping to get two tests done this week and a little 3 paged paper.
I am still feeling the same about the guy I have been dating. I haven't really talked to him since he blew me off on Friday. I am pretty peeved with him right now and I need to find a healthy way to tell him that. The thing is...I don't really want to do the work. I just wanted to toss him to the side. I still can't believe he made plans with me Thursday. Told me we would hang out Friday. Friday comes and not only does he blow me off but acted like he didn't care about my passing that second hard test. Not only passing it, but acing it under circumstances that were working completely against me.
All I needed from him on Friday was 1.) Cancel the plans..."Hey Lily, I can't hang out today." That was all I needed to hear. The end. And 2.) "Awesome job! I knew you could do it." He chose to blow me off and well...I deserve way better than that. I'm not trying to pass judgement on him, but I am not into being treated like that.
~~~
I am not even terribly upset about it. I feel the way I feel. I may be ready to move on. However, I talked to one of my friends about it and she totally attacked me. She violated one of my boundaries. She told me that me and the guy I am seeing are just *&^%$ buddies and therefore he may feel like he doesn't have to notify me of changes in plans. She also said that it sounds like I want the benefits of a relationship without being in one.
ARGH! First of all..Kyle and I are not *&^%% buddies. We are not boyfriend and girlfriend and I really don't want the labels either...but we are not that either. Secondly, it doesn't matter. If someone makes plans and something comes up, no matter who they are, they are responsible for cancelling said plans. And as far as me wanting the benefits of a relationship without being in one...just simply not true. I am tired of this particularly friend lashing out at me for no good reason.
So far, I have stepped away from both Kyle and the friend. I think she is VERY codependent. To talk to me that way. How controlling and vicious is that? All in the name of trying to help (read interfere) with my life choices. She has this habit of being "overprotective" and feels the need to talk to me like that in order to get me to do what she wants. Which never quite happens so I am not sure why she tries. She doesn't know any better I suppose. So yes, I will be much more careful about what I talk to her about. Keep it surface level. I never pass that kind of judgment on her.
I really need to say something to both of them. Because I seem to vent about it every day just about. This all happened on Friday so....I don't know. I will let you all know what happens.
Love,
Lily
I missed Monday's reading. Drats! Mondays are tough for me because of the double shifts that I work on the weekend. Tuesday's reading is good. It is always a nice reminder to remember to enjoy life.
~~~~
I am working super hard with school as usual. Hoping to get two tests done this week and a little 3 paged paper.
I am still feeling the same about the guy I have been dating. I haven't really talked to him since he blew me off on Friday. I am pretty peeved with him right now and I need to find a healthy way to tell him that. The thing is...I don't really want to do the work. I just wanted to toss him to the side. I still can't believe he made plans with me Thursday. Told me we would hang out Friday. Friday comes and not only does he blow me off but acted like he didn't care about my passing that second hard test. Not only passing it, but acing it under circumstances that were working completely against me.
All I needed from him on Friday was 1.) Cancel the plans..."Hey Lily, I can't hang out today." That was all I needed to hear. The end. And 2.) "Awesome job! I knew you could do it." He chose to blow me off and well...I deserve way better than that. I'm not trying to pass judgement on him, but I am not into being treated like that.
~~~
I am not even terribly upset about it. I feel the way I feel. I may be ready to move on. However, I talked to one of my friends about it and she totally attacked me. She violated one of my boundaries. She told me that me and the guy I am seeing are just *&^%$ buddies and therefore he may feel like he doesn't have to notify me of changes in plans. She also said that it sounds like I want the benefits of a relationship without being in one.
ARGH! First of all..Kyle and I are not *&^%% buddies. We are not boyfriend and girlfriend and I really don't want the labels either...but we are not that either. Secondly, it doesn't matter. If someone makes plans and something comes up, no matter who they are, they are responsible for cancelling said plans. And as far as me wanting the benefits of a relationship without being in one...just simply not true. I am tired of this particularly friend lashing out at me for no good reason.
So far, I have stepped away from both Kyle and the friend. I think she is VERY codependent. To talk to me that way. How controlling and vicious is that? All in the name of trying to help (read interfere) with my life choices. She has this habit of being "overprotective" and feels the need to talk to me like that in order to get me to do what she wants. Which never quite happens so I am not sure why she tries. She doesn't know any better I suppose. So yes, I will be much more careful about what I talk to her about. Keep it surface level. I never pass that kind of judgment on her.
I really need to say something to both of them. Because I seem to vent about it every day just about. This all happened on Friday so....I don't know. I will let you all know what happens.
Love,
Lily
Member
Join Date: Sep 2007
Location: Atlanta
Posts: 31,179
((MrsPink)) - Keeping all of you in my prayers.
((Lily)) - I would be bothered by the actions of both of them, too. I don't know about you, but I tend to have all KINDS of conversations that I want to have...in my head
I've never like confrontation, so it's been a learning process to speak up when my boundaries have been broken, but I'm getting better at it!
It's pouring down rain, here, and the senior center called to see if I could come in. I'm going in, as it keeps me occupied, I love it, and I can't MAKE the background check come back any faster on the job!
Sm and I went down to bratkin's yesterday, I really enjoyed it. I looked on the internet, for baby discounts at local stores and texted bratkin. I was SO worried that I was not going to be allowed to be a part of this baby's life, but it appears my fears were ungrounded...once again! Progress, not perfection
Hugs and prayers,
Amy
((Lily)) - I would be bothered by the actions of both of them, too. I don't know about you, but I tend to have all KINDS of conversations that I want to have...in my head
I've never like confrontation, so it's been a learning process to speak up when my boundaries have been broken, but I'm getting better at it!It's pouring down rain, here, and the senior center called to see if I could come in. I'm going in, as it keeps me occupied, I love it, and I can't MAKE the background check come back any faster on the job!
Sm and I went down to bratkin's yesterday, I really enjoyed it. I looked on the internet, for baby discounts at local stores and texted bratkin. I was SO worried that I was not going to be allowed to be a part of this baby's life, but it appears my fears were ungrounded...once again! Progress, not perfection
Hugs and prayers,
Amy
Survivor
Join Date: Apr 2004
Location: Proud Upstate New Yorker
Posts: 869
Wednesday, November 7, 2012
You are reading from the book The Language of Letting Go
Relationships
There is a gift for us in each relationship that comes our way.
Sometimes the gift is a behavior we're learning to acquire: detachment, self esteem, becoming confident enough to set a boundary, or owning our power in another way.
Some relationships trigger healing in us - healing from issues of the past or an issue we're facing today.
Sometimes we find ourselves learning the most important lessons from the people we least expect to help us. Relationships may teach us about loving ourselves or someone else. Or maybe we'll learn to let others love us.
Sometimes, we aren't certain what lesson we're learning, especially while we're in the midst of the process. But we can trust that the lesson and the gift are there. We don't have to control this process. We'll understand, when it's time. We can also trust that the gift is precisely what we need.
Today, I'll be grateful for all my relationships. I will open myself to the lesson and the gift from each person in my life. I will trust that I, too, am a gift in the other people's lives.
From The Language of Letting Go by Melody Beattie ©1990, Hazelden Foundation.
You are reading from the book The Language of Letting Go
Relationships
There is a gift for us in each relationship that comes our way.
Sometimes the gift is a behavior we're learning to acquire: detachment, self esteem, becoming confident enough to set a boundary, or owning our power in another way.
Some relationships trigger healing in us - healing from issues of the past or an issue we're facing today.
Sometimes we find ourselves learning the most important lessons from the people we least expect to help us. Relationships may teach us about loving ourselves or someone else. Or maybe we'll learn to let others love us.
Sometimes, we aren't certain what lesson we're learning, especially while we're in the midst of the process. But we can trust that the lesson and the gift are there. We don't have to control this process. We'll understand, when it's time. We can also trust that the gift is precisely what we need.
Today, I'll be grateful for all my relationships. I will open myself to the lesson and the gift from each person in my life. I will trust that I, too, am a gift in the other people's lives.
From The Language of Letting Go by Melody Beattie ©1990, Hazelden Foundation.
Survivor
Join Date: Apr 2004
Location: Proud Upstate New Yorker
Posts: 869
My Sponsor and I have been working on my ability to interpret each of my relationships, past and present, friends, lovers, family, as gifts.
And I really have been able to see gifts in my relationships. Even with Kyle, though that has come to an end. He opened my heart a bit.
Anyhoo, I have a busy day ahead of me. Better get going. Pertinent reading today. I will share it with my sponsor when I see her later.
Love,
Lily
And I really have been able to see gifts in my relationships. Even with Kyle, though that has come to an end. He opened my heart a bit.
Anyhoo, I have a busy day ahead of me. Better get going. Pertinent reading today. I will share it with my sponsor when I see her later.
Love,
Lily
Living in a Pinkful Place
Join Date: May 2006
Location: Louisiana
Posts: 7,545
Good Morning all ~
Lily - I am so proud for you - the way you are growing and learning what works & what doesn't work for you in relationships with friends and with men ~ that is hard work.
I posted on another thread about what I learned in recovery about me & relationships with others - I learned that if someone truly cared about me - I didn't have to beg, plead or bargain with them to spend time with me - I am a fabulous person and if they don't want to spend time with me - I know someone who does ~ ME and my HP!
I spent a lot of time learning to be comfortable with ALONE time ~ so I can do just fine without all the drama & neediness. Doesn't mean I want to be that way for the rest of my life - just means that I can go thru those alone periods without being desperate - just like you have learned to ~
You are a valuable wonderful woman ~ anyone who can't see that - probably isn't ready to full enjoy your fabulous company!
Congrats on doing so well on your test ~ wahooo - good for you!
Amy - so glad you are enjoying B & the baby time ~ how fun! still praying God's best for you on the job!
Judy ~ how's things going your way????
Lisa ~ How about you & MW?
Life is PINKful with us ~ our Sunshine is doing just fabulous - everyday she just keeps doing better and better at school ~ growing and maturing ~ such a blessing!
Hope everyone has a peaceful day!
PINK HUGS
Lily - I am so proud for you - the way you are growing and learning what works & what doesn't work for you in relationships with friends and with men ~ that is hard work.
I posted on another thread about what I learned in recovery about me & relationships with others - I learned that if someone truly cared about me - I didn't have to beg, plead or bargain with them to spend time with me - I am a fabulous person and if they don't want to spend time with me - I know someone who does ~ ME and my HP!
I spent a lot of time learning to be comfortable with ALONE time ~ so I can do just fine without all the drama & neediness. Doesn't mean I want to be that way for the rest of my life - just means that I can go thru those alone periods without being desperate - just like you have learned to ~
You are a valuable wonderful woman ~ anyone who can't see that - probably isn't ready to full enjoy your fabulous company!
Congrats on doing so well on your test ~ wahooo - good for you!
Amy - so glad you are enjoying B & the baby time ~ how fun! still praying God's best for you on the job!
Judy ~ how's things going your way????
Lisa ~ How about you & MW?
Life is PINKful with us ~ our Sunshine is doing just fabulous - everyday she just keeps doing better and better at school ~ growing and maturing ~ such a blessing!
Hope everyone has a peaceful day!
PINK HUGS
Survivor
Join Date: Apr 2004
Location: Proud Upstate New Yorker
Posts: 869
Thursday, November 8, 2012
You are reading from the book The Language of Letting Go
True to Ourselves
This above all: to thine own self be true, and it must follow, as the night the day, thou 'canst not then be false to any man.
—William Shakespeare
To thine own self be true. A grounding statement for those of us who get caught up in the storm of needs and feelings of others.
Listen to the self. What do we need? Are those needs getting met? What do we feel? What do we need to do to take care of our feelings? What are our feelings telling us about ourselves and the direction we need to go?
What do we want to do or say? What are our instincts telling us? Trust them - even if they don't make sense or meet other people's rules and expectations.
Sometimes, the demands of other people and our confused expectations of ourselves - the messages about our responsibilities toward others - can create a tremendous, complicated mess.
We can even convince ourselves that people pleasing, going against our nature and not being honest, is the kind, honest thing to do!
Not true. Simplify. Back to basics. Let go of the confusion. By honoring and respecting ourselves, we will be true to those around us, even if we displease them momentarily.
To thine own self be true. Simple words describing a powerful task that can put us back on track.
Today, I will honor, cherish, and love myself. When confused about what to do, I will be true to myself. I will break free of the hold others, and their expectations, have on me.
From The Language of Letting Go by Melody Beattie ©1990, Hazelden Foundation.
You are reading from the book The Language of Letting Go
True to Ourselves
This above all: to thine own self be true, and it must follow, as the night the day, thou 'canst not then be false to any man.
—William Shakespeare
To thine own self be true. A grounding statement for those of us who get caught up in the storm of needs and feelings of others.
Listen to the self. What do we need? Are those needs getting met? What do we feel? What do we need to do to take care of our feelings? What are our feelings telling us about ourselves and the direction we need to go?
What do we want to do or say? What are our instincts telling us? Trust them - even if they don't make sense or meet other people's rules and expectations.
Sometimes, the demands of other people and our confused expectations of ourselves - the messages about our responsibilities toward others - can create a tremendous, complicated mess.
We can even convince ourselves that people pleasing, going against our nature and not being honest, is the kind, honest thing to do!
Not true. Simplify. Back to basics. Let go of the confusion. By honoring and respecting ourselves, we will be true to those around us, even if we displease them momentarily.
To thine own self be true. Simple words describing a powerful task that can put us back on track.
Today, I will honor, cherish, and love myself. When confused about what to do, I will be true to myself. I will break free of the hold others, and their expectations, have on me.
From The Language of Letting Go by Melody Beattie ©1990, Hazelden Foundation.
Survivor
Join Date: Apr 2004
Location: Proud Upstate New Yorker
Posts: 869
MsPink,
Thank you so much for that positive feedback. I really appreciate it. It feel good to be acknowledged and validated.
Amy, I am so happy that you are involved with Baby B. That warms my heart. I am sure Bratkin can use all the help she can get! Having a baby humbles people.
~~~~
I haven't actually had the chance to tell Kyle we were through. He has been so absent lately. I think he is busy. He doesn't really communicate what is going on with me and I find I have a hard time reaching him unless he chooses to pop up. I trust that my HP will set the course and the right moment will come very soon.
I understand that my friend who made all the unnecessary jibes at me has some very personal issues and is speaking as a hurt person who doesn't want me to get hurt. She means well, but the things she is saying are robbing me of my journey. This is what I mean by saying she is very codependent. I choose not to tell her about my love life or any of my other personal relationships because she always takes it upon herself to "give it to me straight without sugar coating."
That is entirely unnecessary. I actually have a really good grasp on my life, relationships, expectations, how to communicate and like the reading said...how to be true to myself.
I am dating someone else now. I was already getting to know him slowly but surely. Kyle and I never were exclusive. We never got to the point of making a decision to see only each other. The new guy Sam and I hung out the other day. It was very sweet and very intimate. He read me like a book. I think it will be very nice getting to know him. And no, I did not tell my girlfriend about it. I'd rather not hear her warnings about how I need to not get my hopes up and etc. She gave me that whole speech when I first started dating Kyle. So, I have learned not to give her fuel, as my sponsor puts it.
Have a lovely day all!
Lily
Thank you so much for that positive feedback. I really appreciate it. It feel good to be acknowledged and validated.
Amy, I am so happy that you are involved with Baby B. That warms my heart. I am sure Bratkin can use all the help she can get! Having a baby humbles people.
~~~~
I haven't actually had the chance to tell Kyle we were through. He has been so absent lately. I think he is busy. He doesn't really communicate what is going on with me and I find I have a hard time reaching him unless he chooses to pop up. I trust that my HP will set the course and the right moment will come very soon.
I understand that my friend who made all the unnecessary jibes at me has some very personal issues and is speaking as a hurt person who doesn't want me to get hurt. She means well, but the things she is saying are robbing me of my journey. This is what I mean by saying she is very codependent. I choose not to tell her about my love life or any of my other personal relationships because she always takes it upon herself to "give it to me straight without sugar coating."
That is entirely unnecessary. I actually have a really good grasp on my life, relationships, expectations, how to communicate and like the reading said...how to be true to myself.
I am dating someone else now. I was already getting to know him slowly but surely. Kyle and I never were exclusive. We never got to the point of making a decision to see only each other. The new guy Sam and I hung out the other day. It was very sweet and very intimate. He read me like a book. I think it will be very nice getting to know him.
And no, I did not tell my girlfriend about it. I'd rather not hear her warnings about how I need to not get my hopes up and etc. She gave me that whole speech when I first started dating Kyle. So, I have learned not to give her fuel, as my sponsor puts it. Have a lovely day all!
Lily
Trudging that road.
Join Date: Nov 2010
Location: Seattle Wa
Posts: 6,840
Morning everyone,
Life has been kinda tough the last few days. The short of it is I went on a 12 step call with another woman and the house we went to the woman had been drinking and mixing pain pills with it. She is now in the hospital in a coma. She has two children and the whole scene was a mess, and very heart breaking for all people involved. I have been having a really hard time wrapping my head around this one, which I don't understand because in my addiction I had several overdoses so you would think I would be used to it, but not hardly.
Still having a hard time with my sis who has cancer. She is living in such a denial state, but it seems to be working for her so I can't judge her if I am not walking in her shoes. I don't have to faintest clue what it feels like to have cancer, nor do I know how I would react? So when I keep that foremost in my mind, the conversations go better, but being codependent I want to fix her, and well we all know how that tale ends.
I am doing some volunteer work down at my church for Thanksgiving and Christmas, so that feels good. I am also siked because black Friday is almost here, and this year I am buying toys for a 6 year old girl and boy whose name I got from our churches giving tree. I also want to find a Nook Tablet cheaper than what they are now which is a few hundred. I saw one at Walmart for $179.00 it is a 16GB like the one I want, but I still am hoping the price will go even lower if I don't get to impatient.
So there you have it a little look into Judy's world. lol
Lilly thanks for doing the readings
Ms Pink thanks for asking what's been going on.
Amy how is the wee little one? The message I left you on face-book was just a little tease I called you grandma lol
Hope everyone else will check in and let us know how life is going.. Hugs all.
Life has been kinda tough the last few days. The short of it is I went on a 12 step call with another woman and the house we went to the woman had been drinking and mixing pain pills with it. She is now in the hospital in a coma. She has two children and the whole scene was a mess, and very heart breaking for all people involved. I have been having a really hard time wrapping my head around this one, which I don't understand because in my addiction I had several overdoses so you would think I would be used to it, but not hardly.
Still having a hard time with my sis who has cancer. She is living in such a denial state, but it seems to be working for her so I can't judge her if I am not walking in her shoes. I don't have to faintest clue what it feels like to have cancer, nor do I know how I would react? So when I keep that foremost in my mind, the conversations go better, but being codependent I want to fix her, and well we all know how that tale ends.
I am doing some volunteer work down at my church for Thanksgiving and Christmas, so that feels good. I am also siked because black Friday is almost here, and this year I am buying toys for a 6 year old girl and boy whose name I got from our churches giving tree. I also want to find a Nook Tablet cheaper than what they are now which is a few hundred. I saw one at Walmart for $179.00 it is a 16GB like the one I want, but I still am hoping the price will go even lower if I don't get to impatient.
So there you have it a little look into Judy's world. lol
Lilly thanks for doing the readings
Ms Pink thanks for asking what's been going on.
Amy how is the wee little one? The message I left you on face-book was just a little tease I called you grandma lol
Hope everyone else will check in and let us know how life is going.. Hugs all.
Member
Join Date: Sep 2007
Location: Atlanta
Posts: 31,179
Big ((Hugs)) to everyone
I am still waiting on news back from the job on my background check. Just talked to the lady and it's not done yet. Dad went off on me, yesterday, that my volunteer job gets in the way of me helping my family.
I had to bite my tongue and just left. His van had broken down, again, he was frustrated and sm was at bratkin's. He was calmer when I got home, but I don't like not being able to financially contribute to the household so am hoping to hear something soon or just find another job.
Going back to the sr. center today. Finally quit smoking, again, and darned if I'm not sleeping better? Haven't smacked anyone yet (going on 2 days) but definitely a bit grumpy at home. Don't even think about it at the center.
Hugs and prayers,
Amy
I am still waiting on news back from the job on my background check. Just talked to the lady and it's not done yet. Dad went off on me, yesterday, that my volunteer job gets in the way of me helping my family.
I had to bite my tongue and just left. His van had broken down, again, he was frustrated and sm was at bratkin's. He was calmer when I got home, but I don't like not being able to financially contribute to the household so am hoping to hear something soon or just find another job.
Going back to the sr. center today. Finally quit smoking, again, and darned if I'm not sleeping better?
Haven't smacked anyone yet (going on 2 days) but definitely a bit grumpy at home. Don't even think about it at the center.Hugs and prayers,
Amy
Survivor
Join Date: Apr 2004
Location: Proud Upstate New Yorker
Posts: 869
Friday, November 9, 2012
You are reading from the book The Language of Letting Go
Accepting Love
Many of us have worked too hard to make relationships work; sometimes those relationships didn't have a chance because the other person was unavailable or refused to participate.
To compensate for the other person's unavailability, we worked too hard. We may have done all or most of the work. This may mask the situation for a while, but we usually get tired. Then, when we stop doing all the work, we notice there is no relationship, or we're so tired we don't care.
Doing all the work in a relationship is not loving, giving, or caring. It is self-defeating and relationship defeating. It creates the illusion of a relationship when in fact there may be no relationship. It enables the other person to be irresponsible for his or her share. Because that does not meet our needs, we ultimately feel victimized.
In our best relationships, we all have temporary periods where one person participates more than the other. This is normal. But as a permanent way of participating in relationships, it leaves us feeling tired, worn out, needy, and angry.'
We can learn to participate a reasonable amount, and then let the relationship find it's own life. Are we doing all the calling? Are we doing all the initiating? Are we doing all the giving? Are we the one talking about feelings and striving for intimacy?
Are we doing all the waiting, the hoping, and the work?
We can let go. If the relationship is meant to be, it will be, and it will become what it is meant to be. We do not help that process by trying to control it. We do not help the other person, the relationship, or ourselves by trying to force it or by doing all the work.
Let it be. Wait and see. Stop worrying about making it happen. See what happens and strive to understand if that is what you want.
Today, I will stop doing all the work in my relationships. I will give myself and the other person the gift of requiring both people to participate. I will accept the natural level my relationships reach when I do my share and allow the other person to choose what his or her share will be. I can trust my relationships to reach their own level. I do not have to do all the work; I need only do my share.
From The Language of Letting Go by Melody Beattie ©1990, Hazelden Foundation.
You are reading from the book The Language of Letting Go
Accepting Love
Many of us have worked too hard to make relationships work; sometimes those relationships didn't have a chance because the other person was unavailable or refused to participate.
To compensate for the other person's unavailability, we worked too hard. We may have done all or most of the work. This may mask the situation for a while, but we usually get tired. Then, when we stop doing all the work, we notice there is no relationship, or we're so tired we don't care.
Doing all the work in a relationship is not loving, giving, or caring. It is self-defeating and relationship defeating. It creates the illusion of a relationship when in fact there may be no relationship. It enables the other person to be irresponsible for his or her share. Because that does not meet our needs, we ultimately feel victimized.
In our best relationships, we all have temporary periods where one person participates more than the other. This is normal. But as a permanent way of participating in relationships, it leaves us feeling tired, worn out, needy, and angry.'
We can learn to participate a reasonable amount, and then let the relationship find it's own life. Are we doing all the calling? Are we doing all the initiating? Are we doing all the giving? Are we the one talking about feelings and striving for intimacy?
Are we doing all the waiting, the hoping, and the work?
We can let go. If the relationship is meant to be, it will be, and it will become what it is meant to be. We do not help that process by trying to control it. We do not help the other person, the relationship, or ourselves by trying to force it or by doing all the work.
Let it be. Wait and see. Stop worrying about making it happen. See what happens and strive to understand if that is what you want.
Today, I will stop doing all the work in my relationships. I will give myself and the other person the gift of requiring both people to participate. I will accept the natural level my relationships reach when I do my share and allow the other person to choose what his or her share will be. I can trust my relationships to reach their own level. I do not have to do all the work; I need only do my share.
From The Language of Letting Go by Melody Beattie ©1990, Hazelden Foundation.
Survivor
Join Date: Apr 2004
Location: Proud Upstate New Yorker
Posts: 869
Saturday, November 10, 2012
You are reading from the book The Language of Letting Go
Beliefs about Money
I was starting a new job for a corporation. I was good at what I did for a living. The personnel manager and I were down to the details of employment, and he asked me how much money I believed I deserved. I thought about it and came up with a figure of $400 a month. This was back in the sixties. I didn't want to ask for too much, so I decided to ask for the smallest amount I could live with. He hired me and gave me what I asked for. Later on, when I left that job, the personnel manager told me he had been willing to pay me whatever I wanted. Had I asked for $600 or even $700 a month, which was a tremendous salary at that time, I would have gotten it. I had limited myself by what I believed I deserved.
* —Anonymous
What are our beliefs about money?
Do we believe that money is evil and wrong? Money is neither. It is a commodity on earth, a necessity. It is what people need to purchase many of their basic needs, as well as luxuries and treats; it is one way they are rewarded for their work. Loving money, however, can be as self-defeating as loving any other commodity. We can become obsessed with money; we can use it as an escape from relationships and feelings; we can use it compulsively to gain a temporary sense of power. Money is simply money.
Do we believe there's a scarcity of money? Many of grew up with deprived thinking concerning money: There's not enough. There will never be enough. If we get a little, we may guard it and hoard it because there's no more.
Money is not in short supply. We do not have to waste our energy resenting those who have enough. There is plenty of money here on earth.
How much do we believe we deserve? Many of us are limiting ourselves by what we believe we deserve.
Money is not evil. There is no scarcity, except in our mind and attitudes. And what we believe we deserve will be about what we shall receive.
We can change our beliefs through affirmations, by setting goals, by starting where we are, and working slowly forward to where we want to be
Today, I will examine my beliefs about money. I will begin the process of letting go of any self-defeating beliefs that may be limiting or blocking the financial part of my life.
From The Language of Letting Go by Melody Beattie ©1990, Hazelden Foundation.
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You are reading from the book The Language of Letting Go
Beliefs about Money
I was starting a new job for a corporation. I was good at what I did for a living. The personnel manager and I were down to the details of employment, and he asked me how much money I believed I deserved. I thought about it and came up with a figure of $400 a month. This was back in the sixties. I didn't want to ask for too much, so I decided to ask for the smallest amount I could live with. He hired me and gave me what I asked for. Later on, when I left that job, the personnel manager told me he had been willing to pay me whatever I wanted. Had I asked for $600 or even $700 a month, which was a tremendous salary at that time, I would have gotten it. I had limited myself by what I believed I deserved.
* —Anonymous
What are our beliefs about money?
Do we believe that money is evil and wrong? Money is neither. It is a commodity on earth, a necessity. It is what people need to purchase many of their basic needs, as well as luxuries and treats; it is one way they are rewarded for their work. Loving money, however, can be as self-defeating as loving any other commodity. We can become obsessed with money; we can use it as an escape from relationships and feelings; we can use it compulsively to gain a temporary sense of power. Money is simply money.
Do we believe there's a scarcity of money? Many of grew up with deprived thinking concerning money: There's not enough. There will never be enough. If we get a little, we may guard it and hoard it because there's no more.
Money is not in short supply. We do not have to waste our energy resenting those who have enough. There is plenty of money here on earth.
How much do we believe we deserve? Many of us are limiting ourselves by what we believe we deserve.
Money is not evil. There is no scarcity, except in our mind and attitudes. And what we believe we deserve will be about what we shall receive.
We can change our beliefs through affirmations, by setting goals, by starting where we are, and working slowly forward to where we want to be
Today, I will examine my beliefs about money. I will begin the process of letting go of any self-defeating beliefs that may be limiting or blocking the financial part of my life.
From The Language of Letting Go by Melody Beattie ©1990, Hazelden Foundation.
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Trudging that road.
Join Date: Nov 2010
Location: Seattle Wa
Posts: 6,840
Evening everyone,
Not much to say other than I took advantage of a sale at Macy's today. It was weird cause before i went I did my homework on the computer because I wanted to get a set of sheets. So I found a really great deal over 60% off. Well I get there with all the info and the cashier wanted to charge me triple what the sale price was. I was like oh no wait a minute on the computer it quoted this. Well after 20 minutes he went to the computer and found the sale price but OMG it took him forever and he kept asking the same question over & over. I had all the info the UPC # even the web #. All he really needed to do is look up the numbers but I stood there very patiently and when it was all said and done they honored that sale price.
Other than that I did a bunch of cleaning at home and that has been it for my Saturday besides computer stuff.
Hope everyone else is having a nice weekend?
Not much to say other than I took advantage of a sale at Macy's today. It was weird cause before i went I did my homework on the computer because I wanted to get a set of sheets. So I found a really great deal over 60% off. Well I get there with all the info and the cashier wanted to charge me triple what the sale price was. I was like oh no wait a minute on the computer it quoted this. Well after 20 minutes he went to the computer and found the sale price but OMG it took him forever and he kept asking the same question over & over. I had all the info the UPC # even the web #. All he really needed to do is look up the numbers but I stood there very patiently and when it was all said and done they honored that sale price.
Other than that I did a bunch of cleaning at home and that has been it for my Saturday besides computer stuff.
Hope everyone else is having a nice weekend?
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