Impurrfect

((Rita)) - You got to be blessed because you learned from your mistakes and you are a shining example of recovery, or at least that's how I see it

AWESOME day! We have a new volunteer at the sr. center. Though no one there knows of my past, I heard her mention something community service, so I talked to her while we were eating. She just got out of treatment, a week ago, for opiate addiction; lost her brother to a heroin OD in March (later realized it was on my clean date anniversary) and dealing with all the stuff that comes from addiction. She walks to the center, but I drove her home and will give her my number tomorrow. Oh, and she also lost custody of her 14-year-old.

Went to tour a historical home for my blog, this week (oh yeah, made a 100 on the art blog), totally fascinating. It was Margeret Mitchell's grandfather's house, lots of Gone with the Wind stuff.

Get out, had turned the phone off during the tour (their request) and had a phone call from the job I am applying for. She is going to send me the paper application, wants me to call her when I am sending it back to them so she can look out for it It's part time work, but it would be doing what I LOVE and I'm still crossing fingers and toes.

Dad is on his way to FL, sm is spending another night with bratkin, so me and the furbabies are on our own and it feels SOOOOO nice.

Oh, and my supervisor at the center got totally out of line, was yelling at another employee who's big sister is one of my chefs who I really like. Chef has requested an arbitration with the HR guy, I stifled the urge to rush to her little brother's defense (NMP) but did give both of them support later.

Very grateful for BOTH of my recoveries today

Hugs and prayers,

Amy

MsPINKAcres

wahoo - congrats to you Amy on the 100 on the art blog ~ so glad you are doing so well in school ~ keep up the great work!

I forget when is B's baby due? that's going to be so much fun! Still praying your HP's very best on the job situation!!

Sending out my special PINK HUGS to all of you!

Impurrfect

((Rita)) - Due date is 24th, but her dr doesn't think she will make it that long. Baby is about 6 pounds now

Getting ready to go to the sr. center, then come home and work on the other blog.

Hugs and prayers,

Amy

Gypsy Feet

Thursday, October 11, 2012
You are reading from the book The Language of Letting Go
Recovery

How easy it is to blame our problems on others. "Look at what he's doing." . . . "Look how long I've waited." . . . "Why doesn't she call?" . . . "If only he'd change then I'd be happy." . . .

Often, our accusations are justified. We probably are feeling hurt and frustrated. In those moments, we may begin to believe that the solution to our pain and frustration is getting the other person to do what we want, or having the outcome we desire. But these self-defeating illusions put the power and control of our life in other people's hands. We call this codependency.

The solution to our pain and frustration, however valid is to acknowledge our own feelings. We feel the anger, the grief; then we let go of the feelings and find peace - within ourselves. We know our happiness isn't controlled by another person, even though we may have convinced ourselves it is. We call this acceptance.

Then we decide that although we'd like our situation to be different, maybe our life is happening this way for a reason. Maybe there is a higher purpose and plan in play, one that's better than we could have orchestrated. We call this faith.

Then we decide what we need to do, what is within our power to do to take care of ourselves. That's called recovery.

It's easy to point our finger at another, but it's more rewarding to gently point it at ourselves.

Today, I will live with my pain and frustration by dealing with my own feelings.

Gypsy Feet

I sooooo needed to hear this this morning. I have been room/job shopping all morning. I am tense and uncomfortable. I tell myself I am just tired of the dragging negativity of MW as he goes through his divorce. He is one guy in public/meetings, love and joy and choosing to be happy, then at home it is all howtired he is of the struggle.

I was/am? happy to be his sounding board and want to be there for him BUT

I hit a wall this week. I feel the need today for a little space to call my own to detox when needed.

Then I remember I have everything I need. It is all available for me in an abundantly loving universe, I need only to be open to receive the gifts.

progress not perfection, I am off to try and work a program of recovery and get out of self

Side note: The cd doesnt play in my car Rita, so I will try it in my laptop when I have downtime


oh yes, and while I am WHINING, I went with nephew and sis to disneyland for her birthday yesterday. . .life is good, even when my head is a mess

newby1961

Morning all,

It is so great to read all the miracles people have gotten through their recovery process. God knows all of us have been through quite enough and deserve some blessings.

Amy life seems to be going well for you how cool. I learned something in my on-line class about people making money who have web pages & blogs. Google and ***** as well as other sites pay people to place adds on their page and you get also a commission every time someone clicks on the link. Its only a few cents but you get enough clicks you can make $. Anyway just thought I would throw that out for you or anyone else that may be interested.

Ms Pink I saw the picture you posted of the flowers how beautiful they were. You must of felt so appreciated & loved that day? Thanks for mailing the CD lol. I am waiting for its arrival.

GF I really liked your comment about how life can still be really good even when your head is messed up. Boy howdy did I need to read that today. I have been fighting slipping into depression. The holidays are coming again and my Dad again this year would rather have me plan a visit in June. I don't think he gets how truly difficult it is to spend every holiday all alone with no family? A thanksgiving dinner for one is just pathetic in my eyes, and it sadness's me more that I can put into words. It is so hard sometimes for me to feel loved when I don't really have anyone I am close with. Then I start to feel guilty and think I am just feeling sorry for myself. Well yeah I am but with good reason. I know things could be worse, but its an aching that even God isn't filling these days. Is there anyone else on here with out family or feels this way? I am thinking not cause I have heard everyone talk about people they live with or are dating. Anyway sorry to whine so much I am just really sad these days. I thank God for my cat cause with out her I might do something really stupid.

Have a great day all.

Gypsy Feet

newby, I have family, friends and a boyfriend with lots of family and friends. Thanks giving can still depress me.

My family of origin holidays were packed with alcohol and drama. I havent had a christmas without hurt feelings in memory

everyone in my family is divorced, so the kids are pressured to be at 6 houses in a day

that being said, the last 3 thanksgivings I have spent at the Alano club serving. Volunteering to help at a free thanksgiving community meal is by far the best way I can think to spend the holiday

I will see family, mine and his maybe on alternative days. I will be grateful to my family for planning the holiday on Sunday so I can attended to my volunteer work.

Then Christmas will roll around and people will have strong feelings about where and when, and the kindness will evaporate. Gifts and money and obligation will be the reasons for the season.

I will remind myself to be grateful I have people, and also that Dec 26th it is back to the regular business of life

Impurrfect

((Lisa)) - I'm glad you are doing what YOU need right now. I don't mind being a sounding board...for a while, but when dad or sm get stuck on something, I put an end to the conversation.

((Newby)) - Yes, I am interested in what you found out in that class. I've been toying with the idea of starting a blog with interesting stuff around here, after I got so immersed in history yesterday, as well as my artist friend and other local artists are losing their shop the end of this month. I'm still VERY much a newbie at the blogging stuff, but at least I am learning

Great day at the center, gave the new girl my phone number and SR's website info. She goes to court on Wed., not sure what she is facing but she's definitely working a program and we are delighted to have her. She is so tickled to be getting a free meal of really good food, it reminds me of all I have to be grateful for.

Still have the house to myself, dad is on his way back from FL, don't know when sm will be home. We are having a run of absolutely gorgeous weather

Hugs and prayers,

Amy

Gypsy Feet

Friday, October 12, 2012
You are reading from the book The Language of Letting Go
Being Gentle with Ourselves

During Times of Grief

The process of adapting to change and loss takes energy. Grief is draining, sometimes exhausting. Some people need to "cocoon for transformation," in Pat Carnes's words, while going through grief.

We may feel more tired than usual. Our ability to function well in other areas of our life may be reduced, temporarily. We may want to hide out in the safety of our bedroom.

Grief is heavy. It can wear us down.

It's okay to be gentle with ourselves when we're gong through change and grief. Yes, we want to maintain the disciplines of recovery. But we can be compassionate with ourselves. We do not have to expect more from ourselves than we can deliver during this time. We do not even have to expect as much from ourselves as we would normally and reasonably expect.

We may need more rest, more sleep, more comfort. We may be more needy and have less to give. It is okay to accept ourselves, and our changed needs, during times of grief, stress, and change.

It is okay to allow ourselves to cocoon during times of transformation. We can surrender to the process, and trust that a new, exciting energy is being created within us.

Before long, we will take wings and fly.

God, help me accept my changed needs during times of grief, change, and loss.

Impurrfect

"Grief is heavy" - boy is THAT an understatement, though I do love the reading. I still have times where I grieve what I could have been, had I never started using. I feel both grief and guilt, and that's a really heavy load, but I've gotten better at realizing how I'm a better person because of what I went through. Sometimes it's a roller-coaster ride, but I try to keep gratitude first.

Was walking out the door to go to the center, sm's eyes are glazed, half open. Right before I walked out, she had eyes closed and cigarette with long ashes just hanging there. I said her name, sharply, she woke up...told her "put that cigarette out, your asleep with it in your hand".

Dad was in the dining room on the computer, said something to her. She SWEARS she wasn't asleep, was "looking at something on the carpet". Dad said "you're going to burn the damned house down, one day" and I just said "whatever" and walked out.

Yes, it infuriates me that she thinks she can snow me like she does dad. However, getting all frustrated doesn't do any good, so I was able to walk out the door and leave it behind.

Just put the application for the job in the mail, left a voice mail for the woman who is going to look out for it. Recovery or not, I still worry about how I'm going to feel if I DON'T get the job. Guess me and HP need to have a little talk

Hugs and prayers,

Amy

MsPINKAcres

Lisa - hate the cd wouldn't play in the car - maybe because it's a copy - let me know if it doesn't play on the computer - i'll send another copy -
I think it's ok to listen & be supportive for our loved ones for a WHILE but then if it begings to be a habit - like you said we have to do something to keep ourselves healthy -

Judy - I hate that the holidays bring such sadness to you - if you were closer I would tell you to pack a bag & come hang on for the day with us - this year Mr. PINK will be working so Kaileigh & I will be cooking & doing holiday stuff together - we can always use another girl to hang out with us ~

Amy - oh do I remember those days of my exah falling asleep under the influence with the cigarettes in his hand - burnt carpet, pots left on the stove, I knew for sure we were all going to die in a house fire - I use to not sleep because I kept getting up to make sure he didn't have something burning when he passed out - finally I just had to let it go and turn it over to my HP - it was detaching the best way I could - he kept burning himself, but we stopped fighting about it - at least things were a lot more peaceful on one thing in the house.

I brought Kaileigh
with me to a meeting last nite - I had been afraid to do that - because of the things discussed - but she has matured so much and is handling things a lot better. So we went - she did fabulous - she can't wait to go back. She didn't ask a lot of questions, but I do know she paid attention -

She is now talking about things her & her mom use to do, their favorite songs, tv shows - without crying - what a beautiful healing blessings - I am so proud for her ~

So life is PINKful at our world - hope the same for you!

PINK HUGS,
Rita

Gypsy Feet

Saturday, October 13, 2012
You are reading from the book The Language of Letting Go
Substance over Form

I'm learning that for a variety of reasons, I've spent much of my life focusing on form rather than substance. My focus has been on having my hair done perfectly, wearing the right clothes, having my makeup applied perfectly, living in the right place, furnishing it with the right furniture, working at the right job, and having the right man. Form, rather than substance, has controlled my behavior in many areas of my life. Now, I'm finally getting to the truth. It's substance that counts.
—Anonymous

There is nothing wrong in wanting to look our best. Whether we are striving to create a self, a relationship, or a life, we need to have some solid ideas about what we want that to look like.

Form gives us a place to begin. But for many of us, form has been a substitute for substance. We may have focused on form to compensate for feeling afraid or feeling inferior. We may have focused on form because we didn't know how to focus on substance.

Form is the outline; substance is what fills it in. We fill in the outline of ourselves by being authentic; we fill in the outline of our life by showing up for life and participating to the best of our ability.

Now, in recovery, we're learning to pay attention to how things work and feel, not just to what they look like.

Today, I will focus on substance in my life. I will fill in the lines of myself with a real person - me. I will concentrate on the substance of my relationships, rather than what they look like. I will focus on the real working of my life, instead of the trappings.

SoberMan2012

Today I shall wear the world like a loose garment. If one did not like this song, I would suspect they have a hard heart.

youtube.com/watch?v=he32vwlKQPY

MsPINKAcres

SM - Kaileigh & I LOVE LOVE LOVE that song! - Hope you have a fabulous day!

All is well with us - I have been texting Ash - she is doing well - still learning about living life on life terms

for those who are knew to our group~ this is my adult addict daughter - who has struggled for many many years with her disease -many rehabs, jail, has lost custody of all 3 of her children, etc - she will be 35 on Tuesday. she has 9 months sobriety now.
She is in another state - doing her best - but it's difficult for her - the Sober Ash really adores & longs to be with her children & they need her. Her middle daughter has never had any contact with her biofather - she is 7 and is asking questions about does she have a daddy?
She does, he is a dealer, an addict and in prison long term -
This is the part that is so heartbreaking - we can get recovery - but the consequences of our actions during the active part of the disease still affects us and others ~

so my friends if you have a moment, please keep Ash & her little ones in your thoughts & prayers - only a HP can heal these types of pains ~

thanks so much ~

PINK HUGS to all,
Rita

Impurrfect

((SM)) - I couldn't get the song?

((Rita)) - Lots of extra prayers going out to you, Ash and her kids. I'm glad she is doing well, but those consequences are definitely hard to deal with.

Just got back from church, am going to start on this next week's assignments. I think it's the first time I ever got through with all assignments more than 24 hours in advance!

Hugs and prayers,

Amy

Gypsy Feet

Sunday, October 14, 2012
You are reading from the book The Language of Letting Go
Controlling Versus Trust

There was a time in my life when I felt so afraid of and overwhelmed by the very act of living that I actually wanted to make out a schedule for each day of my life for the next five years. I wanted to include all the chores I had to do, when I would do them, even when I would schedule relaxation. I wanted to get some order into what felt overwhelming. I wanted to feel like I was in control.
—Anonymous

Controlling is a direct response to our fear, panic, and sense of helplessness. It is a direct response to feeling overwhelmed, and to distrust.

We may not trust ourselves, our Higher Power, the Plan, the Universe, or the process of life. Instead of trusting, we revert to control.

We can approach this need to control by dealing with our fear. We deal with fear by trusting - ourselves, our Higher Power, the love and support of the Universe, the Plan, and this process we call life and recovery.

We can trust that when things don't work out the way we want, God has something better planned.

We can trust ourselves to get where we need to go, say what we need to say, do what we need to do, know what we need to know, be who we need to be, and become all we can become, when we are intended to do that, when we are ready, and when the time is right.

We can trust our Higher Power and the Universe to give us all the direction we need.

We can trust ourselves to listen, and respond, accordingly.

We can trust that all we need on this journey shall come to us. We will not get all we need for the entire journey today. We shall receive today's supplies today, and tomorrow's supplies tomorrow. We were never intended to carry supplies for the entire journey. The burden would be too heavy, and the way was intended to be light.

Trust in yourself. We do not have to plan, control, and schedule all things. The schedule and plan have been written. All we need to do is show up.

The way will become clear and the supplies will be amply and clearly provided, one day at a time.

Trust, my friend, in today.

Today, I will trust that I will receive all I need to get me through today. I will trust that the same shall happen tomorrow.

Gypsy Feet

Building 429: "Where I Belong" Official Music - Video Take This World and Give Me Jesus - YouTube

Ha! You would consider my heart hard then, today I am grateful for the unlimited diversity in art and taste =)

Impurrfect

Thanks ((Lisa)) - I had finally figured out how to get it and LOVE that song!

Hugs and prayers,

Amy

newby1961

Evening all,

Ms Pink if I lived closer I would take you up on that idea of coming and hanging out.

GF so sorry your holidays are so chaotic. I do know what you mean about volunteering during the holidays, because I will be doing that this year with my church. I refuse to give into the sadness, and the self pity that would be sure to follow.

Today I spent the day watching football. 2 great games Cowboys & Ravens, and then my favorite 2 teams New England Patriots & Seattle SeaHawks. Got to mess with my Dad over the phone a few times, especially at the end of the game when Seattle beat New England by only 1pt, but hey its still a win.

Its been raining a few days, which is good cause we needed it pretty bad. I am predicting we are going to have a mellow winter since our summer consisted of only 4 or 5 days of it being really hot, and then not much of a summer.

So that's about all I have to share, hope everyone has a great week. Oh yeah I forgot the other day when I was feeling depressed I went out and bought myself a dozen & a 1/2 yellow roses. They are so beautiful I have them in two vases because they were to crowded in just one.

Gypsy Feet

Monday, October 15, 2012
You are reading from the book The Language of Letting Go
Letting Go of Chaos

No good work comes from unrest.

Unrest, fear, anger, or sadness may motivate us. These feelings are sometimes intended to compel action. But our best work emerges after these feelings have been replaced by peace.

We will not accomplish our task any sooner, or any better, by performing it out of a sense of urgency, fear, anger, or sadness.

Let go of unrest. Let peace fill the void. We do not have to forfeit our power, our God given personal power - or our peace - to do the work as we are called upon to do today. We will be given all the power we need to do what we are meant to do, when it is time.

Let peace come first. Then proceed. The task will get done, naturally and on time.

Today, I will get peaceful first, and let my work and life emerge from that base.