Impurrfect

Thanks I did realize that I would not want to be in my stepbrother's position, as I don't want to be dependent on anyone, or jumping into a relationship the day another one ended.

I got a good lead for a job at the sr. center. I've applied to be a caregiver and someone who works for the company (and is a volunteer at the center) came and said "PLEASE apply". The perfect job - sitting with elderly people for 4-5 hours, no heavy housework or cooking, and she brings home $900/month.

SO, I just applied for it and put her name and the lady who directed her towards me's name (she is the one that sets up home care for the seniors at the center). I prayed "PLEASE let me get this job" then remembered what ((Rita)) has said and added "If it's Your will". I could even work overnight and when the client goes to sleep, I could study.

They lady said the company takes VERY good care of the employees - took them to dinner at a really nice party, throws a Christmas party and gives them gifts? Wow, it's like the sr. center but getting paid AND I could still volunteer at the center.

I'm trying not to get my hopes up, but not doing very well at it

Hugs and prayers,

Amy

SoberMan2012

MsPink _ Thank you for checking in on me. May you always be born in happy realms...

Life is full of joy and pain, full of wisdom and full of cruelty. 78 years ago there were people who put people in gas chambers and basically suffocated them to death, even little toddlers they did this too. Then they took the bodies and put them in an oven and without conscious after work they went out got drunk and chased women. This is a fact. My issues are small change. I am not so screwed up or bad. To be honest I am an amazing man.

So thats my finger pointing at the moon.

Warmly,
SM

Gypsy Feet

Saturday, October 6, 2012
You are reading from the book The Language of Letting Go
Taking Care of Ourselves

It's healthy, wise, and loving to be considerate and responsive to the feelings and needs of others. That's different from caretaking. Caretaking is a self defeating and, certainly, a relationship defeating behavior - a behavior that backfires and can cause us to feel resentful and victimized - because ultimately, what we feel, want, and need will come to the surface.

Some people seem to invite emotional caretaking. We can learn to refuse the invitation. We can be concerned; we can be loving, when possible; but we can place value on our own needs and feelings too. Part of recovery means learning to pay attention to, and place importance on, what we feel, want, and need, because we begin to see that there are clear, predictable, and usually undesirable consequences when we don't.

Be patient and gentle with yourself as you learn to do this. Be understanding with yourself when you slip back into the old behavior of emotional caretaking and self-neglect.

But stop the cycle today. We do not have to feel responsible for others. We do not have to feel guilty about not feeling responsible for others. We can even learn to let ourselves feel good about taking responsibility for our needs and feelings.

Today, I will evaluate whether I've slipped into my old behavior of taking responsibility for another's feelings and needs, while neglecting my own. I will own my power, right, and responsibility to place value on myself.

newby1961

Morning everyone,

Amy such exciting news of course its hard not to get excited and hopeful cause if I am for you of course you are gonna be lol.

SM I was wondering where in the heck you disappeared to? I was ready to send out the codie patrol..:rotfxko

GF I really enjoyed yesterdays reading. The part i liked was when it talked about being kind & gentle with ourselves when we fall back into old behavior so

Hope everyone has a peaceful Sunday.

Impurrfect

Yesterday I had another codie slip. Dad confronted sm about taking his tramadol, which he only takes when he is REALLY hurting. He has 2 pills left. I confronted her about all the pain medicines and it got ugly. I'M a liar and a thief. Whatever. I got in my car, went to the store, listened to my music and came back home. We didn't speak for the rest of the day but that was fine.

I KNOW better than to try to make an A see the truth, to threaten their use. I didn't stay in codie-land long, and for that I'm grateful.

((SM)) - Glad to see you again!

Hugs and prayers,

Amy

SoberMan2012

These Chicago Bears are special Bears. They are so red hot....Bear Down Chicago Bears Woot!

Impurrfect

((SM)) - I have a friend who would TOTALLY agree with you I'm watching the Falcons game and I LIKE games that are close and both teams are actually playing!

Awww, just realized they players are wearing PINK shoes and other pink stuff for breast cancer awareness - how awesome!

Hugs and prayers,

Amy

SoberMan2012

Since its a codie thread...am i the only one who loves this song?


It reminds me of someone I used to know....




Now and then I think of when we were together
Like when you said you felt so happy you could die
Told myself that you were right for me
But felt so lonely in your company
But that was love and it's an ache I still remember

You can get addicted to a certain kind of sadness
Like resignation to the end, always the end
So when we found that we could not make sense
Well you said that we would still be friends
But I'll admit that I was glad it was over

But you didn't have to cut me off
Make out like it never happened and that we were nothing
And I don't even need your love
But you treat me like a stranger and that feels so rough
No you didn't have to stoop so low
Have your friends collect your records and then change your number
I guess that I don't need that though
Now you're just somebody that I used to know

Now you're just somebody that I used to know
Now you're just somebody that I used to know


Now and then I think of all the times you screwed me over
Part of me believing it was always something that I'd done
But I don't wanna live that way
Reading into every word you say
You said that you could let it go
And I wouldn't catch you hung up on somebody that you used to know


But you didn't have to cut me off
Make out like it never happened and that we were nothing
And I don't even need your love
But you treat me like a stranger and that feels so rough
No you didn't have to stoop so low
Have your friends collect your records and then change your number
I guess that I don't need that though
Now you're just somebody that I used to know

youtube.com/watch?v=DqRC5tquyU


woot!

MsPINKAcres

SM - so glad to have you back on our thread - I'm not a big NFL fan - will watch some it - mainly the Cin Bengals because of an Uncle who is watching from the "Best Heavenly Seats in the Stadium" But I'm a huge College fan & My LSU Tigers lost Saturday - not happy!

Chino - still praying for you sweetie!

Amy - how awesome for you to realize all those different emotions around your step brother - what a great awareness & a great job to KNOW you want something different - praying for your HP to bless it or block it on the job searches - I know His very best is what I pray for you!

Judy ~ also asking for your HP's very best for you ~ going to PO today to mail your cd - PROMISE!! lol

Lisa ~ continued prayers for MW's ex ~ that those seeds of bitterness, revenge, hatred and anger would be healed for her daughter's sake and for her own ~ be strong in your taking care of YOU skills ~ I pray wherever you lay your head at night you always feel safe & loved ~

Still struggling at my job ~ for the first time since 1997, I actually said the words aloud "I hate my job" the promotion is tough, because the work load is unmanagable - hoping to have a break after the first of the year ~

So again the program gives me a slogan to help . . . "This too shall pass"

So it will be a great day & I am happy, joyous and PINKFully free ~

PINK HUGS to all,
Rita

newby1961

Good Morning Guys & Gals,

I love the NFL and I would have to say my top 2 teams are the Boston Patriots and the Seattle Seahawks who beat the Panthers this weekend 16 to 12 :rotfxko
And the Patriots beat the Bronco's 31 to 21. Next Sunday for me is the game though, cause the Hawks are playing the Pats now that is always cool cause me & my Dad are rivals and we call each other through out the game.

SM I totally love that song cause I guess I relate to it so much.

Amy forgive my ignorance as I am new in learning about codie behaviors but what you did IMO was get honest with a loved one about their use and you didn't allow enabling by covering up all SM's lies about how much she uses. I think that is a good thing. I think it is much more loving then letting her live in her addict fantasy world. I had a few people in my life who used to call me out on my using and today I thank God for those people because they helped me reach my bottom. So I am really interested in what all of you on here think do I have it totally wrong?

Ms Pink Lol thanks for going to the P.O. I will be looking for it in the mail.

I hope everyone has a great day.

Impurrfect

((SM)) - Love that song!

((Newby)) - It's not so much that what I did was wrong, it was that it was futile. She not only doesn't appreciate or acknowledge it, she lashes out at me even if that means bringing up stuff from the past. It's deflection - let's focus on what AMY has done wrong and get the focus off of me. It gets my blood boiling and nothing will change.

She will still get her refills, dad will still pay for them, so I would have done better to talk to a pine tree. Last night, we started talking again and for now..I'm talking to sm; the other day? I was talking to addiction 100%

((Rita)) - I'm sorry about the job, I didn't realize it had gotten to the point where you don't like it I know when I worked at McD's, I'd have to give myself a pep talk before going in, "it's only -- hours, you can do this" and I'm pretty sure I learned that through AA, though sometimes it was MINUTES not hours.

Hugs and prayers,

Amy

Gypsy Feet

You are reading from the book The Language of Letting Go
Learning to Wait

I've started to realize that waiting is an art, that waiting achieves things. Waiting can be very, very powerful. Time is a valuable thing. If you can wait two years, you can sometimes achieve something that you could not achieve today, however hard you worked, however much money you threw up in the air, however many times you banged your head against the wall. . .
—The Courage to Change by Dennis Wholey

The people who are most successful at living and loving are those who can learn to wait successfully. Not many people enjoy waiting or learning patience. Yet, waiting can be a powerful tool that will help us accomplish much good.

We cannot always have what we want when we want it. For different reasons, what we want to do, have, be, or accomplish is not available to us now. But there are things we could not do or have today, no matter what, that we can have in the future. Today, we would make ourselves crazy trying to accomplish what will come naturally and with ease later.

We can trust that all is on schedule. Waiting time is not wasted time. Something is being worked out - in us, in someone else, in the Universe.

We don't have to put our life on hold while we wait. We can direct our attention elsewhere; we can practice acceptance and gratitude in the interim; we can trust that we do have a life to live while we are waiting - then we go about living it.

Deal with your frustration and impatience, but learn how to wait. The old saying, "You can't always get what you want" isn't entirely true. Often, in life, we can get what we want - especially the desires of our heart - if we can learn to wait.

Today, I am willing to learn the art of patience. If I am feeling powerless because I am waiting for something to happen and I am not in control of timing, I will focus on the power available to me by learning to wait.

Impurrfect

((Lisa)) - Very good timing on today's reading as I wait to see if I get that job I DO keep reminding myself that things happen on God's schedule, not mine, but sometimes it's tough living in the land of limbo.

Hugs and prayers,

Amy

Gypsy Feet

Amy, I will talk to my HP and have it talk to yours about the job =)

Rita, I hate hating my job. It's one of the fears that gets mixed up in the stuff with MW, I haven't had to work a full time job in a long time, and I get scared I may need to soon to get my own place.

SM, if that song gets stuck in my head all day you are in big trouble mister!

Hi to all
I am reaching for surrender today. MW wants me to put my things in drawers here, but when the kid asks whose car they are in (he took her in the Porsche for a ride), he evades and misleads. Says he doesnt want to "go there" yet. . .so what happens when she opens a drawer and sees girls under things?

Anyway, I am looking for a spot to set up my next mosaic project here on the beach. He wants me to do it next to the bus, I need to just not have expectations about how he deals with questions from his kid when they come up

I would prefer we hide my stuff til he is ready to be totally honest, but the reality is, its not up to me

Impurrfect

((Lisa)) - I can't imagine how hard it is to be "hidden". Even though it's for a more noble reason, I guess, as he wants what's best for his kids, I was hidden as a "secret" gf with XABF#1 and I remember what it felt like.

However, you have good codie recovery and you aren't quick to say "I'm not good enough" like I was.

I'm trying to study, have to put my book on a lap desk and of COURSE, that is where Elvis wants to lay. It's a bit awkward, but as ((Rita)) would say, "Elvis rules"

Oh yeah, lightbulb moment today. I've noticed such a huge (and good) change in bratkin. I assumed it was being married to a really good guy, pregnancy, etc. I realized, today, that though she is still VERY close to sm, she has escaped dysfunction junction. She's seeing things through different eyes.

I'm very happy for her, I'm just looking forward to the day I, too, can escape.

Hugs and prayers,

Amy

MsPINKAcres

Judy - honesty in all my affairs - no trip to the Post office yesterday - they were closed - Columbus Day ~ so Determined to go today! wanna know how my sick mind works - there will be such a build up over this cd - you will listen to it & then say - geez all that hype over this - blah - not so much of anything - ha ha ha ha ha geez some of the things Ritaville tells me - such a crazy place in my head!!

Amy - so glad you recognize that Elvis does rule ~ I'm sure he greatly appreciates that ~ hee hee ~ Kaileigh sez "the only person ReeRee thinks is cutier than PawPaw is Elvis! gross"
Praying God's very best for you on the job situation - and that you too will have the freedom to live in a home without the active disease soon

Lisa - It's been a long long time since I have felt this way about my job ~ it be honest I truly believe part of it is the pull I feel to be home more with Kaileigh. The strong desire to be a "full-time" ReeRee with her and to have more time with my other granddaughters is overwhelming ~ due to my exah being active in the disease when my daughters were young - I worked 2 & 3 jobs to pay all the bills so I missed so much ~ now I have been given the responsibility to do it again - I truly don't want to miss so much this time nor do I want to mess it up!!
Prayed for you this morning on my drive into work - my heart was overwhelming burdened for your situation ~ for MW's children, his ex who must be consumed with her pain, and for the limbo this situation puts your life and of course for MW - who I'm guessing feels torn at all ends

SM- I guess I'm going to have to take the time to listen to the song - everyone is talking about it but I don't recognize it ~ but I don't keep up with current top 40 hits -just not my style ~ thanks for stretching me - I often find myself stuck in a routine - I need to be stretched - keeps me learning!!!

Chino - are you still hanging in there? sending out good vibes for you and your family!

Annie ~ how are things in your neck of the woods??

Hope all of our other friends are doing well ~

PINK HUGS & Happy Tuesday!
Rita

Gypsy Feet

Tuesday, October 9, 2012
You are reading from the book The Language of Letting Go
Self-Disclosure

Learning to gently reveal who we are is how we open ourselves up to love and intimacy in our relationships.

Many of us have hidden under a protective shell, a casing that prevents others from seeing or hurting us. We do not want to be that vulnerable. We do not want to expose our thoughts, feelings, fears, weaknesses, and sometimes our strengths, to others.

We do not want others to see who we really are.

We may be afraid they might judge us, go away, or not like us. We may be uncertain that who we are is okay or exactly how we should reveal ourselves to others.

Being vulnerable can be frightening, especially if we have lived with people who abused, mistreated, manipulated, or did not appreciate us.

Little by little, we learn to take the risk of revealing ourselves. We disclose the real person within to others. We pick safe people, and we begin to disclose bits and pieces about ourselves.

Sometimes, out of fear, we may withhold, thinking that will help the relationship or will help others like us more. That is an illusion. Withholding who we are does not help the other person, the relationship, or us. Withholding is behavior that backfires. For true intimacy and closeness to exist, for us to love ourselves and be content in a relationship, we need to disclose who we are.

That does not mean we tell all to everyone at once. That can be a self-defeating behavior too. We can learn to trust ourselves, about who to tell, when to tell, where to tell, and how much to tell.

To trust that people will love and like us if we are exactly who we are is frightening. But it is the only way we can achieve what we want in relationships. To let go of our need to control others - their opinions, their feelings about us, or the course of the relationship - is the key.

Gently, like a flower, we can learn to open up. Like a flower, we will do that when the sun shines and there is warmth.

Today, I will begin to take the risk of disclosing who I am to someone with whom I feel safe. I will let go of some of my protective devices and risk being vulnerable - even though I may have been taught differently, even though I may have taught myself differently. I will disclose who I am in a way that reflects self-responsibility, self-love, directness, and honesty. God, help me let go of my fears about disclosing who I am to people. Help me accept who I am, and help me let go of my need to be who people want me to be.

Gypsy Feet

((((Rita))) I am so touched by your post. I always pictured myself living very close to my children and being a daily grannie. Both of my grand children have their other grand mother's doing some or all of the child care, and I see both grand babies at most a couple of times a month. You get to see K every day, but a job prevents you from being full time with her, and a life I love 100 miles away holds me from moving closer to mine. Quality problem indeed

MsPINKAcres

Last nite my oldest step-son & daughter-in-law invited us over for supper - it was casual and a short visit - but I am constantly humbled by the great acceptance and love I am given by people that God has brought into my life ~ I know there are so many situations where step-child don't accept the new wife - especially when they are ADULT step children -

I am truly blessed and so very grateful ~

PINK HUGS,
Rita

MsPINKAcres

I have another huge gratitude moment ~ as you know & I have shared often I have many regrets about the household my daughters were raised in - the chaos & pain of being in a home with the active disease - alcoholism, addiction and untreated al-anonism ~ I do my best to be a living amends to them on my part of that dysfunction.

This week on Monday my gorgeous youngest daughter & granddaughter, Sammie Jo came to work & visited with me - had lunch with me - it was awesome ~ then just a few hours ago, my beautiful blonde child, KK came by and brought me a beautiful bouquet of mixed pink flowers - just to say she loves me.

It brought tears to my eyes ~

I love these girls so much and am so grateful for a program of recovery that has helped us mend those bridges ~

How did I ever get to be so blessed???

Thank you God for all you do for me!!

PINK HUGS to each of you and may your day be filled with special blessings so that you know you are loved in a very special way!

Rita