cinderellawkids

Gotta control what I can and once again clean up tonite and wake up to a clean house.
Maybe one day I will not be so emotional

cinderellawkids

Just talking it out. Sober AH misses the kids terribly and longterm sober AH always pays his debts. Maybe he's working towards it, maybe hes not time to focus on fixing things about me and keep moving forward

kj0975

Everyone sounds so good and so strong tonight. cinder it maybe he was clean for a moment and decided he was hungry and u know he could eat a whole shopping cart full of food after a binge. Sit back as Bigsis says more will be revealed.

In a million yrs well a few yrs ago my ex didnt look like a crack head but to see him now its hard not to believe hes on the stem fast diet. Sorry if that upsets some what once was the most gorgeous (sp) the I had to fight women off of the last time I saw him women were mocking him cause he is skinnier than a toothpick. It all comes out no matter how hard they try to hide it. I actually had to walk away from the women I would have fought tooth and nails for my HOT man cause they were right.

Man sad but true. Well my microwave dinner is ready since my jackass fiance ordered a pizza with all the toppings I HATE see who says living with a non addict is fun ******** hope he falls asleep on the couch cause LORD knows I will be taking the whole bed up tonight hope hes full.

kj0975

NOW he just comes downstairs and is like I picked all the toppings off the SLICE of pizza and u didnt eat it NO. Go choke in the toppins ARGH I swear I cant stand him sometimes...................

teke

i was feeling a little disencouraged so i took a nap for a min. cinder, i think that its good that you are able to talk it out. i don't feel like much help to you right now, i feeling a little heavy hearted myself, and can't quite put my finger on why. i've been reading your responses and post trying to find me in some of it. i hope this feeling passes soon. i hope that it does for you too.

teke

kj, omg, you have a sober man that you can't stand sometimes?

teke

so what would my ah do with this big jail house tatoo on his arm that has my name on it? and wonder why would he do such a thing? just curious

cinderellawkids

It has to pass becomes time keeps moving and tomorrow is another day. I have a heavy heart. Why? Because your suppose to fall in love marry and live happily ever after. Not ride a crazy nauseating roller coaster backwards with your eyes shut.

SO its completely realized I still love this man and I still hope things will get better
Im not going to file divorce anytime soon. Still looking ats elling the house. If sold he'll ahve 30 days to relocate. Im giving myself 30 days before making any more big decidions. Ill reevaluate where Im at on June 15

cinderellawkids

Teke, who knows, not your problem

kj0975

Damn right Teke I cant stand him sometimes. And Sometimes I miss my singlehood I miss living all alone I miss thinking off just ME! See it goes with ALL relationships. Hes an ass I'm a bitch we can go round and round all night. Sometimes I wish I didnt know where he is...... But I do....... So no relationship is roses trust me! As he is eating a nice looking pizza and I am eating frozen salsberry steaks with bread and butter ARGH

cinderellawkids

Im having deep fried pierogies. Nothing like good comfort food

kj0975

I love perogies I feel something is wrong with me kids upsetting bad. Like I'm typping a clouds . I think I should go as for help everything I see is doubled and yet I can feel like I can touch it like now my looking at this is si 3d andand odd. is this vertigo? I can see 3 of everything and still see weird I might be freaked out though too

kj0975

Well called my mom she said it could be bp and had me take a xanax and baby asprin. Then call her back dont know what happened all was fine now I see 2 of everything.

kj0975

Got a call into my DR to figure this out. Once again let the professssioona ls take care of id

liesagain

hello everyone, well I hate to jump in with a vent but I dont want to start a thread on a vent either...................so here I am ( thanks you guys)
So AH was told today no bed in rehab till Thursday............fine he went back to his sponsors house till then

But tonight he called me about a customer, and wanted to know if I would just have the other tech who occassionally helps out run the calls till he gets out..........ok fine but tonight I get the call from him about the customer and he answers yet acts like hes in the middle of something or he needs to get off the phone.................plus he has phone access and did not bother to call his child not one time today............ANd damn it I'm mad, here we are picking up the peices of his mess child is still upset CPS comes to my house I am trying to figure out how to keep HIS business afloat and hes sitting around chit chatting with his sponsor without a care in the world about the HELL he left behind!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!Oh I swear sometimes I hate him down to my core I swear I do!!!!!
so I text messaged him saying ok so your not even in treatment you act rushed about answering questions about your business and you didnt bother calling you child

he calls back acts like its so awful that I am hasselling him..........told me he forgot to call his child..............how do you know that you have reaked havoc on your families life yet forget.............I dont he using tonight with the sponsor and all but still.................hell he may as well be in the crack house with the crack whor* he Forgot about his family then TOO.............couldnt ya just strangle them?

Jewelz

I think I am bugging out tonight. He woke me up asking for money tonight his money so I have to give him it. But I reacted this time I think it was brought on by him taking my phone when I was sleeping last night and everything I went through with our son earlier. I gave him the money but I also went into the bathroom with paper and wrote things all over it and taped it to every area that man could look at and wrote something on it. I wrote things from telling him to leave, to my heart is broken , is crack better than family to just plainly why. I'm not feeling normal right now.

liesagain

oh jewles I am soo sorry for you and I know how you feel right now I am so beside myself One minute I hate him so and the next second I feel so crushed I cannot believe that this has become my life................I cant believe he doesnt seem to even care that he has broken my heart and our family

Jewelz

I had a moment of clarity and thought of taking it down but then didnt.

How crazy is this hes out trying to get crack and I am online chatting with childhood friend whose a cop.

Jewelz

i wish someone was around..

cinderellawkids

SOrry guys, I haad to get my beauty sleep.
Lies again, men think differently bout kids then you ad in addiction and its not unusual for them not to call. Like my vent above. AH haaasnt called us or kids in 10 days, yet when he sees his brother in law he calls his sister. I think its just part of it. Im sorry for your pain

Jewelz, dont be so hard on yourself. You reacted, your human. Remember when AH was here I got to the point of banging my head into the wall so I couldnt here his lies, crazy yes... Went to psych... their response was addiction becomes a family disease. Codependant many times die first of bad health issues brought on by sttress, sooner or later we all react

KJ, I used to get those vision things. They usually triggered a migraine...Its important to call your doctor a number of tings could be happening, or not but you want to find out.

This morning Im still feeling all out of sorts. I dont want to go to work, but I have to, dont want to deal with boss, but I have to. Want to get AH out of my mind but dont know how. Want to go strangle him but know my heart will interfere likely leading to more pain. Why cant I just get angry and stay angry? Cause its not in my nature?