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A Penny For Your Thoughts, Part 8

Old 05-15-2007, 02:19 PM
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Jewelz , your doing good. Your exactly where I was the 3 to 6 weeks before it all fell through. When youve had enough you'll know and it will just fall into place. Sure I get bad days from time to time, but right now, mine all hormone induced.
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Old 05-15-2007, 02:21 PM
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jewlz, cinder's right, when you've had enuf, you'll know it. it still doesn't make it an easy decision, its downright the hardest thing i ever did, but in the end you still know you're doing whats best for you no matter how painful it feels.
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Old 05-15-2007, 02:22 PM
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Boss is ina mood, just slammed his door Im tired of this up and down work environment.
Im sure he'll come out soon and apologize. I dont want to accept an apology, I always feel like I have to, but I dont want to, its not okay, but if I say that he'll come back at me with a response. Typical alcoholic!!!!!!!

I work my butt off I do my job, I dont deserve to eb treated that way, you bring me handwritten scribble scrabble at 4:15, sorry its not gonna get out today!!!
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Old 05-15-2007, 02:41 PM
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so if i'm in mourning can someone please help me to understand what i'm mourning
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Old 05-15-2007, 02:47 PM
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teke, i think its like we're mourning the loss of the relationship and even the person they once were ( although my husband's been an addict since he was 15 so pretty much the whole time we were together he was using on & off). just my theory, i mean mourning starts off with denial right? weren't we all in denial at some point about their using? i know i was, i think i've now progressed to the anger phase, sometimes i'm just plain said but mostly i'm angry.
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Old 05-15-2007, 02:49 PM
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almost time to go home, can't wait to see the kids they always make me smile if i think i don't want to. gonna take them for a long walk tonight, that should help me feel better. hope everyone has a good night. cinder, maybe you'll find time for that bubble bath tonight!
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Old 05-15-2007, 02:53 PM
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Teke, if your mourning, although youve been quite the active joiner lately, if your mourning your mourning the loss of what you thought you could have, I think. I think thats what Im mourning, acceptance that the person I want him to be all the time is dying, but I ahve to look at it as he's dead or Ill go find him, so for me, for all we've been through Im mourning the loss of what I thought we had or would have.

Bath tonite, yep yep. Now what do you do when taking a bath, i get BORED.
Remember I need excitement. No new magazines or books lately
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Old 05-15-2007, 02:54 PM
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I enjoyed spending the day with you all and see some of you tonite.
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Old 05-15-2007, 03:30 PM
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Teke I think the mourning is to me personally is just letting go of the relationship. Meaning I'm mourning the loss of my loved one. Not that he is dead but the person I once loved and knew is gone. Its like saying the final goodbye. Its hard its difficult. Maybe u just wish he was thinking of u and calling u and thinking about the kids and maybe your just sad and hurt that he hasnt or isnt doing that right now. Maybe he doesnt know how either. Everyone has always picked him up now is his time to figure it out. If he wants to use he will if he wants to change and become a good father he will.

Its hard u have had a love hate relationship with him. U have been with him for 21yrs its not that easy to let go and move on. U have been to hell and back with him I understand your hurt. If the past is sometimes the future than u know he will call u know he will crawl back and u know what u have to do. Its time to live for TEKE and make TEKE happy and do what TEKE wants damn u deserve it girl.
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Old 05-15-2007, 03:31 PM
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i just don't know whats going on with me, my ah, he says, has been an addict since 12 yrso. i didn't know, believe it or not, i never paid too much attention to the word addiction until i was addicted myself and introduced to the 12 program. i didn't undertand what it was until after i was married and even then i thought that it was my wifely duty to stick it out, not knowing that it was something that would last a life time. i didn't really began to understand my own addiction at first even though i was staying clean. i got into spirituality and kind of stopped going to so many meetings. i didn't get alanon so i didn't continue that, if i had, don't know how it would have effected me to day.

i could think that i'm mourning the relationship that i had but i don't really remember having one that was worth mourning. maybe it the fact that i feel like a failure in marriage for a second time and never wanted to grow old alone. looks like i've done that already though. i don't know whats wrong with me these days.

i know that if ah called a begged to come home, i'd have to pass on that, it just not something that i think would be a good thing to do. i completely feel like i don't know the man that i'm married to at all. the kids don't know their father at all. its so sad, i've never wanted my kids to grow up without their father like i had to but its happened anyway. maybe i was hangin on to what i wanted for my kids but at the same time, sacrificing what i wanted for me and the kids
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Old 05-15-2007, 03:32 PM
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One more thought maybe your upset cause after all this time with him u wish that you were called b4 his mother was called and that he could have been the man he thinks he is and pick up the phone and call u instead of passing a message through his mommy. I can see where that would hurt my feelings u have been there just as much as she has and damnit he could have called u too!
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Old 05-15-2007, 03:38 PM
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Teke read my post above yours I thought I had a great thought lol!! We were typing the same time.
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Old 05-15-2007, 03:40 PM
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Whats The Deal With This Thread, Has It Taken Over A Life Of Its Own Lol. I Beleive Its The Longest Ive Ever Seen
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Old 05-15-2007, 03:42 PM
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Yes it does have a life of its own thats for sure. There is a little bit of everything in this thread. lol
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Old 05-15-2007, 03:43 PM
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kj, i'm kind of glad that he did call his mom, i don't really want to talk to him, wouldn't know what to say, don't have anything to say. i don't know like i said, why i feel the way that i feel. i think maybe i get kind of angry with his mom, she calls to say what she wants to say, ask as many questions as she wants and then she don't want to talk about anything else. what about my feelings, what about her grandkids. she's all about her son and her bills. i think that she's kind of mean. i can't ask anything and she can ask everything i guess cause she's the mother, wife and kids has never really counted when it came to this son, he has two bros, with wife and kids who she considers part of the family and you know i don't get that or that family
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Old 05-15-2007, 03:46 PM
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did u read post 491 did I explain mourning right lol. I know I have had a bf's mom that was that way. U sit and listen to all the biotching they do and as soon as u start to speak they gotta go all of a sudden. There u sit. Some families I will never figure out and have stopped trying like Scotts weird oh well it works for them right?
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Old 05-15-2007, 03:46 PM
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hey lake, i guess you're right, seems like a little room off to the side, huh

i guess we cross talk it out sometimes, it gets to be kind of fun, sometimes sad, sometimes full of recovery, food, kids, pets and whatever else you want to think or talk out.
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Old 05-15-2007, 03:55 PM
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yep i did read it kj and thats about right, i guess you can say that im mournong something. i guess since you said it about the talking family and when its your turn, all of a sudden they got to go. well, maybe that has a lot to do with things too. i have this friend and cousin who i've been trying to detach from a litte in the last 3 or 5 days or so. they are just like that only they are the most depressed people you ever want to meet. don't ever want to do anything to help their depression but cry and complain EVERYDAY. sometimes its not healthy for me to listen to negativity all the time, the feelings that i have now could have been agrivated by the negative and depressed vibe sent out by me just listening to all of this stuff that my friend and cousin have to cry about. i mean, i'm not a phycologist and i think they literally need to see one, but if i mention that then i have the bigest arguement because in their mind, i think i'm better than them and is calling them crazy. then i have to spend 4hrs tring to defend my meaning and its just so tiring. i've been avoiding those calls cause i'm just not able to listen to all of that all the time and it not effect my own mood. do this make sense
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Old 05-15-2007, 04:02 PM
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ok, i guess its 500, already, time to move this to part 9. meet yall there.
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