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QUACKERs....

Old 08-21-2012, 07:42 PM
  # 421 (permalink)  
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My AH had a doozie - maybe one of the most original I've heard.

He was drinking, messed up his new iPhone, handed it to me, said
"fix it". I took it and up popped a text from an internet prostitute, saying unmentionable things. I must have looked shocked, and AH grabbed the phone from me. "What is going on?" I said.

"You just TOOK my phone from me. That was illegal search and seizure. So anything you learned was fruit of the poisoned search, and you are NOT ALLOWED to say anything about it."

BothSidesNow
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Old 08-22-2012, 04:36 AM
  # 422 (permalink)  
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My STBXAH didn't quack at me today. He quacked at other people, the people who decide if he has a job or not.

I saw the email he sent to his work regarding the reason he couldn't go to work today:
"As you know Huey is still sick. We have kept him home from school all week. It's my turn to stay home to look after little Huey, so unfortunately, I won't be in to work today."

I put little Hewey on the bus to school early this morning. Little Huey WENT TO FREAKING SCHOOL!

Big quacker spent the day pretending to me he had a "bad cod in hib nobe" (aww, poor baby NOT) and had to stay home.

STOP USING MY CHILDREN AS EXCUSES FOR NOT BEING ABLE TO GO TO WORK BECAUSE YOU ARE DRUNK YOU [email protected]#$ER.
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Old 08-23-2012, 06:13 AM
  # 423 (permalink)  
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"It's a disease that runs in my family so it's easier for me...."

Easier for what? easier to excuse it? how do you justify being an alcoholic because your dad is and your grandfather was and so on up the line? that makes it OK?
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Old 08-26-2012, 09:38 PM
  # 424 (permalink)  
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A- "what did you just eat, what's that on your breath?"

Me- "peanut MnMs"

A- "so you can have chocolate but I can't have beer? You can have your DOC but I can't. That's F***ing ********!"

Me- Utter loss for words
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Old 08-27-2012, 05:04 AM
  # 425 (permalink)  
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So, he goes shopping last night. Says he will get stuff and cook dinner. Asks what I need for the kids for school lunches. I write a list:

I specify 3 medium sized bananas; medium sized because the lunch boxes are of a size that will only accept a medium sized banana. He brings home 5, i.e. FIVE of the BIGGEST bananas I have ever seen. He comes home with nothing else. I asked for bread - no bread. Nothing for the FANTASTIC DINNER he was going to cook (much better than "the slop" I dish up, that he never eats). Come to think of it he never eats anything no matter who cooks it.

He insisted I write him a list so that he wouldn't [email protected]#$ it up. He then [email protected]#$s it up on purpose.

YES WE HAVE SOME BANANAS but manoeuvring them into the lunch boxes is going to be [email protected]#$ing impossible. Thanks d%^&wad.
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Old 08-27-2012, 05:07 AM
  # 426 (permalink)  
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Oh, damn.... I'm humming that banana song again
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Old 08-27-2012, 07:40 AM
  # 427 (permalink)  
I AM CANADIAN
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^^^^LMAO:rotfxko
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Old 08-27-2012, 08:01 AM
  # 428 (permalink)  
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So ABF is not feeling well. I suggest (because I am an idiot) that we get the makings for chicken noodle soup. ( I make a great homemade chx noodle soup ) and he agrees. This is Friday, I assumed we were making it after we got home from the store. My bad, he wasnt hungry just yet. Translation, I would rather continue drinking tonight, let's, make it tomorrow. As the evening progresses he tells me he likes bread with his soup and doesnt have any. He makes a suggestion we walk to the 24 hr gas station and get some. I am excited. I love to walk, it was a beautiful night and I thinking maybe he drank enough and just wanted to do this together. Then, he suggested on our way to the store we could hit a tavern that is on the way. I should have known better. Long story short, I say no to that he says fine and goes to bed, I tell him I'm going to go home. I am not tired. It's only 10:30pm. He says go you psycho alcoholic b**ch. You are no fun. Just want to sit there like a bump on a log.I leave. Sorry this is so long, havent even gotten to my quack yet.

That comes on sunday via voicemail because I am not answering his calls.

I get a slurred voice mail that says........ We got all that stuff to make soup and you leave beacuse you are pissed at me, and here it is...


"Why are you always so pissed at me???" quack
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Old 08-27-2012, 12:59 PM
  # 429 (permalink)  
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These are amazing - laughing and crying at the same time.

Here's mine:

ME: I'd like you to help me with dishes more. (last night)

AB: All you try to do is manipulate, control, and CHANGE ME (I can only assume he's referring to several months ago when I said I'd like him to drink less?!??) *pours another drink, slams door, heads for back yard.

Yeah... I'd really just like you to do the dishes... say 1 out of 10 times

quack quack QUACK
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Old 08-30-2012, 05:01 AM
  # 430 (permalink)  
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As I wait out his leaving my house, this is my favourite thread.

Tonight:

Him: "I would like to take this with me when I leave"

I didn't even ask what "this" was.

I eventually turned around and he gestured towards a lamp which was my grandmother's.

Him: "Although technically, it's yours so I guess I can't take it."

I gave no reply. Why bother when all he was doing was quacking and trying to start something, gaslight me and engage me in a fruitless round and round and spin and spin "discussion".
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Old 08-30-2012, 05:06 AM
  # 431 (permalink)  
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I have a clock which was my Grandfather's. My Grandfather received it as a retirement gift in the 1970's.

STBXAH claims it's his and his friend Jaquie gave it to him for his 21st birthday

I bought and gave his friend Jaquie a similar clock for HER 21st birthday some 22 years ago...he wouldn't remember, he was as pissed as a newt.
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Old 08-30-2012, 07:25 AM
  # 432 (permalink)  
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I love this thread soooo much!!

I check everyday to see the new ones. Sometimes, it is the first (sometimes only) true, gut-level laugh for my day.

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Old 08-30-2012, 10:31 AM
  # 433 (permalink)  
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This took place last summer, during an argument about drinking and driving...
ME: I just dont understand it. You live 3 miles away and everytime you pull into my driveway you've got an open beer in your hand. Ya cant wait the THREE FLIPPIN MINUTES it takes to get here before you crack open a beer??
ABF: I TOLD you I dont do that any more. I throw the can in the ditch before I come up your driveway..
ME: staring at him in utter disbelief, mouth hanging open....blink blink
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Old 08-30-2012, 10:39 AM
  # 434 (permalink)  
And Presents For Pretty Girls
 
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I had to go to emergency one night for a heart issue. I called him for support. He shows up drunk and tells me how he had to leave a pitcher of beer to come see me. Then while in the room he says he needs to lay down and passes out next to me on my hospital bed.

A year later we are heading to an estate sale that he really wanted to go to. As I am driving there my heart starts racing and I almost pass out. I tell him I need to het to the hospital. Its almost his turn inside and he says, right now? Uh, yeah. On the way he has to pee. Pulls into a parking lot and starts peeing on the side of his car. We finally get there and while I am sitting in a wheelchair waiting he asks me would it be bad if he went back to the sale? About an hour into waiting to see what was wro.g he had enough and was calling people because he was concerned about my car, which we left there. He ended up going back after all. Oh, and my heart problem was caused by stress dealimg with him.
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Old 08-30-2012, 10:46 AM
  # 435 (permalink)  
And Presents For Pretty Girls
 
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* You know I would stop all this drinking if you gave up something too...like your cats.

* when I mentioned I was going out with some friends for a drink he told me if he couldnt drink then neither could I..even though he wasnt going to be there and I dont have a drinking problem.

* After watching him slam 2 beers before getting in the car and almost falling asleep at the wheel his excuse was it was hot out and it must have made him tired.
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Old 08-30-2012, 10:55 AM
  # 436 (permalink)  
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itsmylifenow, OMG! Passed out in your hospital bed. I have no words.......
:rotfxko
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Old 08-30-2012, 11:05 AM
  # 437 (permalink)  
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Itsmylifenow,

He left you at the hospital?!?
Oh my goodness;(
Please tell me you've already gotten rid
of him!!
From your screename, I'm thinking perhaps
you already have?!?

I hope you're doing better...

Diva 76
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Old 08-30-2012, 11:08 AM
  # 438 (permalink)  
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Ok, my turn. I go NC with AH to avoid toxic interactions:
AH: " You're ostracizing me"
I need to interact with AH over financial/legal matters, at his request:
AH: "You're being abusive toward me"
Guess I'm always wrong, whether I keep my mouth shut or not!
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Old 08-30-2012, 08:53 PM
  # 439 (permalink)  
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Originally Posted by itsmylifenow View Post
* You know I would stop all this drinking if you gave up something too...like your cats.
"You should get rid of your iPhone and computer, THEN I'll stop drinking"

ugh!
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Old 08-30-2012, 09:09 PM
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"you're not giving me the chance to prove I can be the good man you know I can"...um, it's been less than a week since you drove over in your mom's car drunk and tried to come through my back door? And that "good man" existed maybe 20% of the time before, yet he thinks he deserves 100% of my attention!
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