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QUACKERs....

Old 06-16-2012, 05:56 AM
  # 401 (permalink)  
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I just remembered another stupid QUACK from my XAB.

A: I am not eating red meat anymore.
ME: Why not?
A: Because it increases your risk of bowel cancer.
ME: And smoking, drinking and taking cocaine doesn't?
A: Listen, my lungs are fine. I had a checkup.
ME: So that means in the next 10-20 years they'll still be fine?
A: Shut up! I'm healthier and fitter than any of you!?
ME: Right!

QUACK QUACK QUACK
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Old 06-16-2012, 09:42 AM
  # 402 (permalink)  
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You make me feel sad/mad/depressed/angry/upset/bad about myself/fill-in-the-blank emotion.
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Old 08-19-2012, 12:05 PM
  # 403 (permalink)  
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After me finding an empty bottle of brandy in the closet: "I needed that to calm down and I knew you wouldn't approve so I hid it"

After getting drunk all day with a friend and being too plastered to have dinner with me: "It was just a day out with a dear friend, you take everything so personally!"

"I was drinking too much because I was depressed"

"I was drinking too much because I lost my job"

"I don't always drink this much" (said after a bender, ummm okay)

"You're the one with the problem, not me" (classic)

"I just go to the bar to be sociable, you're not as outgoing as I am"

Quackedy quack...
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Old 08-19-2012, 01:05 PM
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OMG this thread has had me laughing most of this afternoon. It is truly amazing how most alcoholic's say the same damn thing!!! AMAZING!! I have a little ditty to add regarding my AM:
Towards the end of my AM's life she could no longer drive. So, in order to get booze she had to recruit people to buy it for her. I REFUSED. However, she conned my sister, brothers, uncles, aunts, and anyone she could to get her "stuff". It seemed she had someone dropping by all the time with booze - she was constantly on the phone navigating who and when and how much was due in. She might have been old but she had a great business mind, especially when it came to getting alcohol. Anyways, she finally got busted by the family. People started comparing notes and realized she was getting enough liquor delivered to her for an army let alone a 120 woman!! So, they stopped. One day, I ran into the MAID...She said oh have fun at the huge family party this weekend! I was like, HUH? WHAT family party? The maid said she ran out and bought 2 cases of alcohol for my mother for the "Huge family party" this weekend because no one else was able to do it. I was like ohhhh realllly???? QUACK!! Imagine...getting the MAID to go get cases of vodka and rum because no one else wanted to be a part of her alcoholic shenanigans anymore... Sheesh...
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Old 08-19-2012, 01:10 PM
  # 405 (permalink)  
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Originally Posted by StarCat View Post
I love the spelling.

I couldn't help but come up with a book title out of it.
The Art of Alcoholic Quakery
by Jeluos N Imacher
THIS.

RIGHT HERE.

BRILLIANT!

I literally almost pee'd my pants laughing at this. PERFECT!

((I loved how he texted her: Jealous (Jeluos) and (N) Immature (Imacher) still laughing over here))

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Old 08-19-2012, 04:52 PM
  # 406 (permalink)  
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I have to lie to you because if you knew the truth you'd be mad at me.

If you didn't ruin my music career I'd be as big as Bono.
I asked that instead of losing money playing gigs at 2am and then drinking and drugging and sleeping all the next day, he earn some money.

I failed to finish University (3 times)/ that audio mixing course/ that horticulture course because you demanded I do too much around the house. You didn't support me enough.

I'm just going out for an hour or so...
Pours himself in the door 4 hours later, drunk.

I'm cooking dinner. It will be better than the slop you make.
Chop chop chop, drink drink drink, slice slice slice, drink drink drink, stumble, cut finger, spill alcohol on floor, drop food, rummage blindly in pantry. Give up.
I'm too tired to finish cooking dinner.
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Old 08-19-2012, 06:20 PM
  # 407 (permalink)  
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Originally Posted by JrsJourney View Post
OMG this thread has had me laughing most of this afternoon. It is truly amazing how most alcoholic's say the same damn thing!!! AMAZING!! I have a little ditty to add regarding my AM:
Towards the end of my AM's life she could no longer drive. So, in order to get booze she had to recruit people to buy it for her. I REFUSED. However, she conned my sister, brothers, uncles, aunts, and anyone she could to get her "stuff". It seemed she had someone dropping by all the time with booze - she was constantly on the phone navigating who and when and how much was due in. She might have been old but she had a great business mind, especially when it came to getting alcohol. Anyways, she finally got busted by the family. People started comparing notes and realized she was getting enough liquor delivered to her for an army let alone a 120 woman!! So, they stopped. One day, I ran into the MAID...She said oh have fun at the huge family party this weekend! I was like, HUH? WHAT family party? The maid said she ran out and bought 2 cases of alcohol for my mother for the "Huge family party" this weekend because no one else was able to do it. I was like ohhhh realllly???? QUACK!! Imagine...getting the MAID to go get cases of vodka and rum because no one else wanted to be a part of her alcoholic shenanigans anymore... Sheesh...

The Gardner told me my A would pay him to drive him to the liquor store on the weekends while I was at work or out of town on business. It is pathetic!!
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Old 08-19-2012, 11:19 PM
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AH: "I think at this point you probably drink more than I do. Maybe you are an alcoholic."

We live apart. I found this one especially funny.
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Old 08-20-2012, 12:03 AM
  # 409 (permalink)  
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"Oh no, honey, but thanks. I can't have Tylenol products anymore. I've taken so much TylenolPM over the years that it's hurting my liver, so the doctor said I can't take anymore." I really, really wanted to say this out loud, but I just nodded my head instead: "No, mom. It's all the alcohol and the pills you've washed down with it over the decades that hurt your liver."

"I don't have to stay with you guys while I'm there. I think I should re-book my room at the Navy Lodge, so that I'm not putting you out. Just bring the kids to me to stay the night." This was said the same day she was arriving to be here for our wedding back in June. She was so pissed that I made her stay with us during the visit. It required forfeiting any privacy where luggage was concerned, and she wasn't allowed to go anywhere by herself the whole week.

"I can't help it, I'm an alcoholic." My mother is one of those people who throws the phrase around like a neon sign that screams, "Pity me! I'm sick and helpless, so I can't possibly take responsibility for anything that I say or do!" Yeah, it's great.
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Old 08-20-2012, 12:31 AM
  # 410 (permalink)  
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Originally Posted by mmk11 View Post

If I'm an alcoholic, then half the people i know are alcoholics.
*
I work hard and I deserve to have a drink.
*
And based on someone's suggestion on another thread, I did change my AH's ringtone to a Duck - so when I hear the quacking I know to expect to hear something stupid from him.
All of the above! Impressive how they all say the same thing!

Ugh, half of my AH's friends (all heavy drinkers) have quacking ringtones, the ultimate irony.

Favorite excuse/comment as of late:

"I burn all of the calories [from the drinking] when I'm working out. You need to exercise more to get toned and actually do something."

I'm in school full time with a part time job. Also, not fat. But it's amazing what they do to your self esteem.
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Old 08-20-2012, 03:23 AM
  # 411 (permalink)  
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How about:

(R?)AH: I'm not an alcoholic, I just like being drunk.

Quack.

And:

(R?)AH: I really feel you don't care about me. At my therapy sessions they have family days and other RAs have family members come along and you don't come.

Me (thinks but doesn't articulate because I don't have the emotional energy or inclination to do so): Maybe that would be because when I told you to leave our house 6 months ago because I couldn't take any more of your behaviour, including emotional and verbal abuse and the effect it was having on me and our two young sons... you did indeed leave. I kind of envisaged you'd get somewhere to live in the neighbouring town....and you went 4,000 miles away to your family [whom I adore by the way and who are giving you some tough love] on the other side of the Atlantic. So it would be a bit tricky for me to turn up to one of your family days while I'm working and keeping things together for me and our two sons. Sorry about that.


Feel a bit better for getting that off my chest - thanks SR!
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Old 08-20-2012, 04:26 AM
  # 412 (permalink)  
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I just cannot conceive that you could hear a child cough like like and think he is well enough to go to school. As he pours himself another...

In other words: I heard him cough like that and I was like WOW I can take tomorrow off work and drink all night because I have a great excuse to not go to work tomorrow! W00T!

The child does not have a fever, nor a headache. The child has spent Saturday, Sunday and Monday at home recuperating from the worst effects of his viral illness.

The STBXAH sends at least 3-4 emails a month to his work saying he cannot come in as one of the children is sick which is absolute BULLSHIZZ.

I get up at stupid o'clock. Pack their lunches, pop them on the bus and then go to work myself while he is unfu#$ingconscious and drunk but texting and emailing that he can't go to work because one of the kids are sick. Liar liar pants on fire.
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Old 08-20-2012, 05:23 AM
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Sorry guys. It's my Monday night and he likes to QUACK on a Monday...

You'll have to get used to being alone when I'm gone.

I've been "alone" for the last 15 years you ********.

I can't wait 'till I'm gone from this house. Then I won't have to sit up until all hours (drinking) until you're asleep until I can go to bed. I'll be able to go to bed at a decent hour.

Oh yes. I can soooo see that happening. Uh huh. Right on. Whatever you say.
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Old 08-20-2012, 08:14 PM
  # 414 (permalink)  
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I'm not going to stop drinking. We just need to work on rebuilding trust.
Yeah, so he can steal more cash and lie some more. Sweet. Yeah. Let's do *that*. That'll work for sure
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Old 08-21-2012, 09:50 AM
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"I just need to stop drinking in the morning, that is wrong"

"I need to try different things so I don't sit around the house all day & think about drinking"

Ohhhh! that's why your never home, because your out drinking instead of home thinking about drinking!
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Old 08-21-2012, 10:34 AM
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"I have to have it in order to get out of bed everyday or I can't help other people." (situation where a crisis was partially created by the addict in another persons life and then addict blames other person for their use.."If it wasn't for so and so I wouldn't have to use".) Ugh!

Thanks for this thread... Helps clear the fog!

Aries
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Old 08-21-2012, 11:44 AM
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Conversation with my adult son not long before I refused to let him live here any longer. *Carlos is the guy who comes over, ocassionally, to help me with yard work.

ME: How did these 4 empty vodka bottles get under your mattress?
Son: Carlos must have put them there. You never notice, but, he drinks like a fish.

ME: Thats riduclous, Carlos has never seemed drunk and has never had a drink at this house. He only goes into the garage or kitchen to talk to me. Why would he hide empty liquor bottles under your mattress?
SON: He must sneak them in when you aren't looking.
ME: Why would't he just put them in the trash somewhere between his neighborhood and and your mattress??
SON: That's a good question. You will have to ask Carlos.

YEAH, RIGHT.

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Old 08-21-2012, 02:03 PM
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Originally Posted by dandylion View Post
Conversation with my adult son not long before I refused to let him live here any longer. *Carlos is the guy who comes over, ocassionally, to help me with yard work.

ME: How did these 4 empty vodka bottles get under your mattress?
Son: Carlos must have put them there. You never notice, but, he drinks like a fish.

ME: Thats riduclous, Carlos has never seemed drunk and has never had a drink at this house. He only goes into the garage or kitchen to talk to me. Why would he hide empty liquor bottles under your mattress?
SON: He must sneak them in when you aren't looking.
ME: Why would't he just put them in the trash somewhere between his neighborhood and and your mattress??
SON: That's a good question. You will have to ask Carlos.

YEAH, RIGHT.

dandylion
I'm sorry, but this had me laughing for a good five minutes. I must be more tightly wound today than I thought.
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Old 08-21-2012, 03:07 PM
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Originally Posted by NWGRITS View Post
I'm sorry, but this had me laughing for a good five minutes. I must be more tightly wound today than I thought.
Me, too. Just priceless. :rotfxko
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Old 08-21-2012, 03:26 PM
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Hey guys, I know! It is funny---and there are so many more exchanges like that. At the time, though, I didn't see the humor---because living with this crap had me literally at the end of my rope!

I will try to remember some more---and post. At least we can get a good laugh.

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