fulloffaith

Too funny! Mine was famous for this line:

"yes, it's true I need to make some changes. But you do too"

Because I always wanted to do my share and more for making the marriage work, I'd ask for concrete examples of what behaviors or actions he'd like me to change.
"just stop controlling everything".

Ummm ok. Have u not noticed the past year with my alanon recovery, I not only do not control, but also stopped caring so much. That is why we separated! Even out of the house, away from wife and kids, divorce filed, it's still
"you need to make changes too..."
Yeah- I finally did and thanks for the advice!! Lol

OnMyWay11

Here are two of my favorites:

I only drink because you are such a b!tch. I can stop drinking any time but you can't stop being a b!tch.

I drink because everything is yours. (he lived in my house and owns NOTHING so yeah everything is mine but this never did make any sense to me, still doesn't)

strawberryfair

"You never listen to me" after listening to him banging on for the last 25yrs.

or
"you never give me support" that's a good one as well

married10

after having it out with him with him last night, this is now since his 4th DUI, staying sober for 7 months and going back (yep and I still didn't leave him, but last night I said it was done.)

has a blow machine in vehicle and has been starting it by by-passing it. "they can't do anything to me" (via courts and DOT)

"the technician from the blow machine place told me how to by-pass it"
(interesting he only disconnects when he has CHOSEN to have a few)

"like you don't have a drinking problem, leaving the vehicle at the bar to walk home and get a ride the next day to get your car"

"whens the last time I got totally smashed" (I guess it is okay for an alcoholic to drink as long as they don't get smashed"

OnMyWay11

Oh yes I just remembered another great pearl of wisdom from the ABF:

When I finally told him to get the heck out he says, "all you do is make decisions about your life and don't care how it impacts others."

Now you gotta laugh at the irony.:rotfxko

Sylvie66

Yeah, that one's right up there with 'How could you to this to me?'

unanswerable.


- Sylvie

XXXXXXXXXX

I can't believe you actually left me.

danielleinto

a friend: I brought you this Mickey Mouse (stuffy) because you love Disneyworld so much

me: I've never been to Florida

friend: but Paul said you went to Florida on your honeymoon and you both loved it

me: that was his first wife

friend: OMG I'm so sorry - I feel so bad

me: Don't worry, don't feel bad - nothing he says or does surprises me anymore

me: Oh, and Camilla did you know he's available


love the quack thing by the way, nothing he says phazes me anymore. He's a big idiot duck quack, quack


and then there's that everlasting bottle - you know the one - "where'd you get the money for the liquor yesterday"? "I found that bottle, it was an old one".

and those headaches caused by the slipped discs in his neck.

wanttobehealthy

I was told last night:

"In a few months I hope I'll be able to let go of some of my resentment for the ways you've hurt me and be your friend... I don't want a divorce WTBH but you've done too many hurtful things and I can't take your sh*t anymore".

My response: "ummmmm, okay"

What I wanted to say? It will be a cold day in hell before I will ever want to be your friend, AND, if it helps you sleep at night to blame me for the state of your miserable life, knock yourself out.

But I stuck with umm, okay and hung up. Progress!

danielleinto

Whoever puts up stickies - this is a must as a sticky.

If anything can show that what comes out of their mouths is all about the alcohol it's this thread. This is the first thing I thought of when I got on the computer today. Laughter really is the best remedy.

Terminally Unique

I just wanted to chime in from "the other side" here, hope that's OK. I'm not one to use the term "quacking" myself, but this has been one of the best threads I've read here on SR. Kudos for not believing the ridiculous excuses that addicted people routinely give in order to justify their continued drinking or using.

Keep 'em coming...

danielleinto

Hey avrt, bring em all over here from the other side. Some alcoholics do post here and those posts are some of the most insightful and helpful to me. You know you're doing well with this when you can laugh about it.

Terminally Unique

Yeah, they don't like too much, since I can be brutal in exposing the excuses sometimes. In my previous time in the rooms, though, many of the al-anoids seemed to like my style. I've often imagined tossing an addicted one, alone, into a room full of al-anoids. :-)

The thing to keep in mind is that addicted people have always concocted fabulous excuses for their craziness, and created sensational schemes for continuing their use of alcohol and other drugs. What you guys call "quacking" is effectively the "addictive voice" being projected onto others.

It seems to me that one could illustrate "quacking" from the addicted person's perspective as follows:


"QUACKING"

1. I drink.
   
   
2. If (Not 1)
   (Example: "I really shouldn't, I'm on thin ice, wife may leave me.")
3. Concoct multifarious excuse, justification, or scheme to get my precious stuff.

danielleinto

Love the mental image that al-anoid brings to mind. The quack thing works for me because of the mental image. I know it's addict speak and I know the why of it but logic is hard to apply when you're being verbally abused. Picturing a big idiot duck - as simple as that sounds - doesn't make it a big joke - it just helps keep me focused on the fact that what's coming out of my AH's mouth isn't personal. Knowing everyone on here is hearing the same load of crap helps to keep it in perspective.

Good for you finding what worked for you. It's not one way or the highway. If AA worked for all alcoholics they couldn't build a building big enough to hold all of the people that go through those doors. I'm healthy now but I would have never got "it" in Alanon. . It's not personal. I only ever got help with anything because I felt desperate but we're individuals. Being turned off by the twelve steps doesn't mean I was a hopeless case. It's not a case of if you don't work the program you don't want it bad enough. People need to hear what worked for you and why. I get alot from this forum but I sure feel like I alienate people and that I'm the odd man out. Thing is most if not all people who come to this forum belong to the same club.

Keep on keepin on AVRT and welcome to the Quacker thread. Sorry all that I went way off topic.

Terminally Unique

Any talk coming out of an addicted person's mouth which supports, or even suggests the possibility of continued drinking/using on their part is bill$hit. Addicted people will concoct justifications from a variety of sources in order to keep on getting drunk or high, including, but not limited to the "classics": medicine, rotten parents, rotten childhoods, bad genes, bad luck, stress, and lack of support.

danielleinto

AH - "He's nothing but a fu....en crackhead".

Me - "You do realize that you're not different than a crackhead right? - an addict is an addict".

AH - As he walks away - "You don't know what the fu.. you're talking about".


"Yeah right" and "you don't know what you're talking about" is pretty much what he says everytime as he walks away. I used to think he would be thinking about what I'd said when he was alone - that it would strike a chord. "yeah right"

blueroses

"I had a few drinks but I swear I wasn't drunk driving" (still saying this 4 years after being arrested and pleading guilty to DUI charges)

FreeingMyself

Me: When is the last drink you had, really?
STBXAH: Last weekend.
Me: So a couple days ago.
STBXAH: Yes, but I quit.
Me: You can't quit every few days and call that quitting.
STBXAH: What do you know, you're not working a program, all that counts is today, and I didn't drink today!!

**oh ok......that kind goes wtih the, "I've quite thousands of times!!"

SoaringSpirits

This is a great thread! Thanks! My offerings:

AH, yesterday in counseling: "I might (quit drinking) if I had privacy and a good place outside to smoke." Huh?

Also: "I drink because of your damn horses!"

Also: "Why are you breaking up our family over this? Don't you care about the kids?"

MTSlideAddict

"I got a lawyer and he said that I get the house and the dog, you get everything else. The paperwork is on its way."

...Really the lawyer said that? it was a Sunday. Lawyers usually don't work on Sunday, and you did all this without even any money or a consultation in a matter of ten minutes while drinking… Surrre!

Quack… Quack… Quack.

“I got food poisoning from that burger last night, and that’s why I’m sick.”

…Hmmm….The alcohol had nothing to do with it.