QUACKERs....
Member
Join Date: Jul 2011
Posts: 588
My AH is the King of non-gifts. He'll give me a card and a package of junk food and say "I was going to give you....." and then describe a really nice gift with a sad look on his face. I always wondered why he didn't get it for me (probably too much effort), or why tell me what I am not getting?
Member
Join Date: Feb 2012
Location: Atlanta, GA
Posts: 159
Originally Posted by wellnowwhat 
My AH is the King of non-gifts. He'll give me a card and a package of junk food and say "I was going to give you....." and then describe a really nice gift with a sad look on his face. I always wondered why he didn't get it for me (probably too much effort), or why tell me what I am not getting?
Lol. Didn't you feel guilty for not appreciating the cheetos? Don't you know that cheap candy from the drug store is so much more thoughtful than an quiet romantic dinner you didn't have to make or clean up after?
Member
Join Date: Feb 2012
Location: Atlanta, GA
Posts: 159
Oh I forgot this gem.
I mistakenly told my XABF when getting to know each other that I had an affair at the end of my marriage 20 years ago when I was 22. I felt horrible about it and have never ever cheated on anyone since. I regret telling him anything private or about my past because he always uses it against me. Anyway, so my XABF "never" cheated on his ex-wife but cheated on me. So every time we get into a fight about me not trusting him because he is a liar and a cheater, he always screams:
"I'm not a cheater and I'm sick of you calling me one! YOU cheated on your husband!"
I always reply: "Yes that was 20 years ago and I haven't cheated on anyone since. You cheated on me dumbo so that makes you a cheater."
He always replies back: "I'm not a cheater. I never cheated on my wife, you cheated on your husband! You're a f***ing cheater! Not me! I don't trust you because you lie and cheat"
Yea, um, okay.
I mistakenly told my XABF when getting to know each other that I had an affair at the end of my marriage 20 years ago when I was 22. I felt horrible about it and have never ever cheated on anyone since. I regret telling him anything private or about my past because he always uses it against me. Anyway, so my XABF "never" cheated on his ex-wife but cheated on me. So every time we get into a fight about me not trusting him because he is a liar and a cheater, he always screams:
"I'm not a cheater and I'm sick of you calling me one! YOU cheated on your husband!"
I always reply: "Yes that was 20 years ago and I haven't cheated on anyone since. You cheated on me dumbo so that makes you a cheater."
He always replies back: "I'm not a cheater. I never cheated on my wife, you cheated on your husband! You're a f***ing cheater! Not me! I don't trust you because you lie and cheat"
Yea, um, okay.
Present
Join Date: Apr 2011
Location: "Happy Rock" (Gladstone) Oregon
Posts: 1,252
Originally Posted by StarCat
Oh gosh, XABF used to use this section of the Bible against me.
"StarCat, when you were a child you could talk and think and reason like a child, but now that you're an adult it's time to put the childish things behind you and start taking care of things!"
"StarCat, when you were a child you could talk and think and reason like a child, but now that you're an adult it's time to put the childish things behind you and start taking care of things!"
)I would not do that to another person, including my AH when childhood anger fuels his desire to drink. That's a Let Go and Let God, for sure.
Member
Join Date: Jul 2011
Posts: 588
Originally Posted by wellnowwhat
My AH is the King of non-gifts. He'll give me a card and a package of junk food and say "I was going to give you....." and then describe a really nice gift with a sad look on his face. I always wondered why he didn't get it for me (probably too much effort), or why tell me what I am not getting?
originally posted by Zoenob: That's like telling a child you were going to take them to Disneyworld but instead took them to Chucky Cheese.
Lol. Didn't you feel guilty for not appreciating the cheetos? Don't you know that cheap candy from the drug store is so much more thoughtful than an quiet romantic dinner you didn't have to make or clean up after?
I guess he's a follower of the "it's the thought that counts" way of thinking. Me, not so much.
My AH is the King of non-gifts. He'll give me a card and a package of junk food and say "I was going to give you....." and then describe a really nice gift with a sad look on his face. I always wondered why he didn't get it for me (probably too much effort), or why tell me what I am not getting?
originally posted by Zoenob: That's like telling a child you were going to take them to Disneyworld but instead took them to Chucky Cheese.
Lol. Didn't you feel guilty for not appreciating the cheetos? Don't you know that cheap candy from the drug store is so much more thoughtful than an quiet romantic dinner you didn't have to make or clean up after?
I guess he's a follower of the "it's the thought that counts" way of thinking. Me, not so much.
Member
Join Date: Mar 2012
Location: New York
Posts: 6
Originally Posted by wicked
Oh yes, it does make sense. I am very sorry.
You can still take care of yourself.
All the blame shifting and taking no responsibility for himself, and blaming his future drinking on the possibility you will naghim while he is sober.
Find an Alanon group for yourself, and I know with five kids it would be difficult, but you will need the knowledge and the strength of the group to understand and get through this.
We are here for you, 24/7.
:ghug3
Beth
You can still take care of yourself.
All the blame shifting and taking no responsibility for himself, and blaming his future drinking on the possibility you will naghim while he is sober.
Find an Alanon group for yourself, and I know with five kids it would be difficult, but you will need the knowledge and the strength of the group to understand and get through this.
We are here for you, 24/7.
:ghug3
Beth
Originally Posted by twolivestouched
I found this site much by accident a week ago and it has been the greatest thing in the world for me. I have an alcoholic boyfriend, we have one son together who is 20 months old and we have joint custody of his 2 other kids.
For the first 24 hours after reading all of the stories here I was really depressed with my life and thought "how could I have been this stupid". But then I realized that it’s not stupidity-the folks on this site with similar stories are not stupid. So I started reading the sticky post and the 'understanding the steps' thread and realized how not alone I was. It has been liberating to know that there are others out there fighting this fight or who have won this battle.
I hope that you can find comfort, some strength, and your voice here with us!
For the first 24 hours after reading all of the stories here I was really depressed with my life and thought "how could I have been this stupid". But then I realized that it’s not stupidity-the folks on this site with similar stories are not stupid. So I started reading the sticky post and the 'understanding the steps' thread and realized how not alone I was. It has been liberating to know that there are others out there fighting this fight or who have won this battle.
I hope that you can find comfort, some strength, and your voice here with us!
Member
Join Date: Mar 2012
Location: Alabama
Posts: 53
Let's see, most have already been covered but mine loved to throw out these...and they worked for a long time.
"I can't do this own my on, I need your support or I'll never be able to do it" (Never remained sober with or without me and I was always the first one he turned on)
"You and James (his son) are my sobriety and as long as I have the both of you, I can beat this thing"
"What do I have to live for if I can't be with you and my son? I think I'm just going to check out and end it all" (Go ahead--I could probably handle that better)
"Tell me what doctor, therapist, rehab, medicine or just what I need to do to fix this thing..."(And when it come down to it, he would never get any kind of help because it costs too much)
"I'm tired of people telling me what to do, last time I checked I was grown and didn't need anyone's permission to drink" (Nope, you sure don't--go right ahead but we won't stick around to watch you do it)
"You just need to learn to forgive and forget because you hold a resentment towards alcohol and it is really not that big a deal"
"If you would just let me drink at home then I wouldn't feel like I had to go to bars and not come home for days at a time so you can just blame yourself for all of your sleepless nights"
Oh my!! The more I sit here and think of these...the angrier I get...but then it's also kind of funny. Who would have thought I would believe this crap?
"I can't do this own my on, I need your support or I'll never be able to do it" (Never remained sober with or without me and I was always the first one he turned on)
"You and James (his son) are my sobriety and as long as I have the both of you, I can beat this thing"
"What do I have to live for if I can't be with you and my son? I think I'm just going to check out and end it all" (Go ahead--I could probably handle that better)
"Tell me what doctor, therapist, rehab, medicine or just what I need to do to fix this thing..."(And when it come down to it, he would never get any kind of help because it costs too much)
"I'm tired of people telling me what to do, last time I checked I was grown and didn't need anyone's permission to drink" (Nope, you sure don't--go right ahead but we won't stick around to watch you do it)
"You just need to learn to forgive and forget because you hold a resentment towards alcohol and it is really not that big a deal"
"If you would just let me drink at home then I wouldn't feel like I had to go to bars and not come home for days at a time so you can just blame yourself for all of your sleepless nights"
Oh my!! The more I sit here and think of these...the angrier I get...but then it's also kind of funny. Who would have thought I would believe this crap?
Member
Join Date: Feb 2012
Location: mission viejo, ca
Posts: 134
" you know, we broke up because of your family! It's your families fault we are breaking up! Because if you woudnt of told them about my drinking, drug use and the new GF I have, then we could of worked on it cuz they hate me now. So just remember, we could of had beautiful love but your family ruined it for us.. So blame them and blame yourself for talking **** behind my back, we had 6 years together, 6 years! Yeah, what a waste that was! Good thing I have a new Gf who loves me and all she needs is my love"
Sigh... Enough said lol
Sigh... Enough said lol
Member
Join Date: Dec 2010
Location: No Surf In Cleveland USA
Posts: 60
Heard this yesterday while the AW was in a stupor. Her one year probation(booze related) period ended in February which did'nt allow her to consume booze(it did'nt stop her any how). So she gets drunk now and says " its legal for her to drink now " QUACK,QUACK,QUACK !!!!!!!
Member
Join Date: Aug 2011
Location: North West, England
Posts: 500
I've sneaked in from F&FSA but..
'I don't need to go to *name of closest rehab*, it's full of junkies!' this came after he emptied my bank account over the course of a week and spent it all on heroin!
'I haven't been taking drugs, I've been at *XYZ bar* all night drinking, alone, and then came straight home!' this was 3pm, said bar was closed since midnight and he had not had a single drink.
'If you didn't **** me off so much I wouldn't have to stay out for 4 days and spend all our bill/rent/food money, it's because I can't stand to be around you'.
'get over it, you live in the past, you never let me forget anything' this was when I asked him if he had indeed sold my laptop and memory stick complete with every single picture ever taken in the first year of my daughters life
'all my friends think youre a nasty bitch' hmm, I've never met them so I can only imagine that you've told them so..
'i look after the baby and clean the house and cook the food and pay the bills and go to work, you do f*ck all!' ok, is this some kind of parallel universe where you DON'T go out all night every night, roll in around lunchtime, sleep all day and then repeat? While spending all the money and meaning I am feeding our child and paying rent with cash advances on my already maxed out credit card?
Ooh I have a lot!
'I don't need to go to *name of closest rehab*, it's full of junkies!' this came after he emptied my bank account over the course of a week and spent it all on heroin!
'I haven't been taking drugs, I've been at *XYZ bar* all night drinking, alone, and then came straight home!' this was 3pm, said bar was closed since midnight and he had not had a single drink.
'If you didn't **** me off so much I wouldn't have to stay out for 4 days and spend all our bill/rent/food money, it's because I can't stand to be around you'.
'get over it, you live in the past, you never let me forget anything' this was when I asked him if he had indeed sold my laptop and memory stick complete with every single picture ever taken in the first year of my daughters life
'all my friends think youre a nasty bitch' hmm, I've never met them so I can only imagine that you've told them so..
'i look after the baby and clean the house and cook the food and pay the bills and go to work, you do f*ck all!' ok, is this some kind of parallel universe where you DON'T go out all night every night, roll in around lunchtime, sleep all day and then repeat? While spending all the money and meaning I am feeding our child and paying rent with cash advances on my already maxed out credit card?
Ooh I have a lot!
Member
Join Date: Mar 2012
Location: Los Angeles
Posts: 94
Originally Posted by Windmills
'get over it, you live in the past, you never let me forget anything'
Member
Join Date: Feb 2012
Location: Ireland
Posts: 202
Originally Posted by mayalewiston
This is one of my personal favorites... After 6 years of being with AH, he will use this to refer a situation from only a few days ago... all I can do is LOL at this point I suppose!
Member
Join Date: Mar 2012
Location: Los Angeles
Posts: 94
Originally Posted by Adventure
Oh, and add to this the fact that the one "mistake" you made was like 3 years ago, but they continue to bring it up again and again and again......
Member
Join Date: Aug 2011
Location: North West, England
Posts: 500
Oh another favourite 'At least I didn't ABANDON you. Being lonely is SUCH A TRIGGER. This is the worst thing anyone has ever done.. If someone hurts you at least it means they love you!'
I actually had to phone someone from my meeting over this because it was such a WTF moment but in his head it made perfect sense!
I actually had to phone someone from my meeting over this because it was such a WTF moment but in his head it made perfect sense!
Member
Join Date: Feb 2010
Location: PA
Posts: 21
My AH on his new habit of drinking a bottle of wine at home and then "going for a walk"- driving (w/ an expired license) to get some beer and sitting in the car to drink it.
"You of all people should understand what it's like.... It's like you with food."
Yeah. People go to jail for cookies ALL THE TIME.
Reality distortion field par excellence!
"You of all people should understand what it's like.... It's like you with food."
Yeah. People go to jail for cookies ALL THE TIME.
Reality distortion field par excellence!
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