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Old 09-05-2012, 06:33 AM
  # 441 (permalink)  
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I love to come and read these when I start feeling like I am going crazy... reminds me that I'M not the one who is crazy!

My favorite on our house is any conversation that starts with, "I need your advice on something..." and ends with an angry, "You know, it would be really great if you agreed with me just once!!!" Anything in between is just quacks! He doesn't reallly want honest advice so I've stopped giving it.
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Old 09-05-2012, 07:15 AM
  # 442 (permalink)  
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XBF(RA) - his "f*** all the women in his life"/ AKA manipulative ploy to make himself desirable rant" (via email, several weeks ago)

"You dont talk to me no more (drunken bad grammar is the worst) and my exgf wants to get back together with me and there is this older woman that wants to talk to me.... but f*** it all!!! Why don't you give us another chance????!!!!! I love(d) you!!!!!!"

wow! Talk about temptation, right??? lmao!!! I mean, I can't let these 2 lucky ladies get such a prize such as yourself!!!!!!!

wow.
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Old 09-05-2012, 07:28 AM
  # 443 (permalink)  
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rdlesstraveled, I don't even know him and I'm trembling with excitement!!!

dandylion
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Old 09-05-2012, 07:36 AM
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Originally Posted by dandylion View Post
rdlesstraveled, I don't even know him and I'm trembling with excitement!!!

dandylion
bahahahahahaha! I know, right??!!! hahahahaha! :rotfxko
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Old 09-05-2012, 07:48 AM
  # 445 (permalink)  
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Adult son came home late at night and totally destroyed the kitchen making pancakes, eggs, and bacon. Left most of the food uneaten.

Me: Lets talk about the mess in the kitchen and all that wasted food.

Son: The food is not wasted. I'll give it to Angel (the dog). She looks hungry , to me. Mom, you always try to live in the past.

Picture me with smoke coming out of my ears!

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Old 09-05-2012, 05:38 PM
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Last November I got a puppy. She is awesome.

The night we went to pick her up, we took her back to my house.

I have wanted a puppy for 3 years.

Me: I'm going to take her to puppy class.

Him: Why don't you let me take her for a month and train her???

Me: No!

Him: I'll give you 1500 dollars if you give her to me right now.

Me: No!

Him: You are making a big mistake.

Needless to say, that evening ended up with me walking my puppy around the neighborhood by myself with my new puppy for 2 hours,. We had a blast.

He started drinking heavily again shortly after I got her.
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Old 09-05-2012, 05:41 PM
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He is watching videos on utube, very sexy woman.

Him; Baby, come here for a minute please.

Me: What's up.

Him: you should watch this video you might learn something.

Me: You should treat me like a woman, you might learn something.
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Old 09-05-2012, 05:43 PM
  # 448 (permalink)  
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We are having all these problems because of your new friends. You have changed.

Yeah, I know, it has nothing to do with being called an effing bitch, a c!!!!

Nothing to do with you blaming everything on me.

Nothing to do with you hiding booze under the sink and drinking while I am in the shower.

It's my new friends that I have met at the dog park, who are ruining this loving and deep relationship.
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Old 09-05-2012, 09:17 PM
  # 449 (permalink)  
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Gosh there are so many.....but this one was a true winner!
I need a hobby, I drink because I am bored! I have always wanted a Harley I have worked hard the last 3 months held a job! (this was a major accomplishment) buys a Harley then I have to celebrate my new Harley!
Actually pretty sure he was wasted after the big purchase
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Old 09-06-2012, 03:31 AM
  # 450 (permalink)  
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'I socialize because i work damn hard in a job i hate while i'm trying to chase my dream. You wouldn't understand because you have no ambition or vision.'

'IF you didn't go on at me so much about it then i wouldn't socialize as much as i do'

'My nan died, i need a drink'

'My Mom is sick, i need a drink'

'I had some great news, i need to celebrate'

'We can't possibly work because you're too boring and too straight'

'I wouldn't want any other woman other than you because i love the fact you don't drink and drug like me. You're perfect.'

I could go on.
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Old 09-06-2012, 03:40 AM
  # 451 (permalink)  
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Him : Why did you leave.

Me: You were yelling at me and you told me to leave, and never come back..

Him: No I didn't.
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Old 09-06-2012, 04:47 AM
  # 452 (permalink)  
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HIM: "I'm really, really, really, really sick and nobody cares."

ME: "I had what you've got. It's a virus. The kids had it too. We all managed to go to work and school after a day off work and school."

HIM: "But I'm sicker than you all were!"

ME: "Yep you are [email protected]#ing correct about that. No argument from me. If you PUT DOWN THE BOURBON THE BEER and the BONG you might feel better in the morning."

HIM: "You are a [email protected]#ing CHILD. An immature CHILD."

Tomorrow will make day 5 that he has not shown up at work.

In the past I would have been at my wits end. I would have tried ANYTHING to get him up to go to work.

Now, well, he has signed his lease and bought his furniture. He is out of here and "glad of it", apparently.

Can't imagine what he will quack when he is put on another probation at this job or sent to a medical officer in order to keep this job. At least he will be gone when that happens. And it will [email protected]#ing WILL HAPPEN!
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Old 09-06-2012, 05:32 AM
  # 453 (permalink)  
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I am going to start living my life for myself! I don't care what everyone thinks and feels!
I thought.....really! Haven't you been doing this all along! That one still gets me!
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Old 09-06-2012, 05:48 AM
  # 454 (permalink)  
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"what you don't want to try the new wine I bought, I bought it for you"

"I just ran into so and so.....I hadn't seen him in ages, it was just a quick one."

And my new personal fave.....

Him: "I was doing so good, and then you didn't send me a picture of our son with his cupcake" (it was our sons birthday that he missed)
Me: "I sent you a picture of him in his little suit."
Him: "well, he didn't have a cupcake in the picture, did he?"
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Old 09-06-2012, 06:07 AM
  # 455 (permalink)  
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Originally Posted by Confetti View Post
"what you don't want to try the new wine I bought, I bought it for you"

"I just ran into so and so.....I hadn't seen him in ages, it was just a quick one."

And my new personal fave.....

Him: "I was doing so good, and then you didn't send me a picture of our son with his cupcake" (it was our sons birthday that he missed)
Me: "I sent you a picture of him in his little suit."
Him: "well, he didn't have a cupcake in the picture, did he?"
oh I get this one ALL the time..."I got it for you!!" ....
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Old 09-06-2012, 06:40 AM
  # 456 (permalink)  
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Oh Confetti! you got me sitting here at work giggling! You have no idea (wait...maybe you do!) how many bottles of wine my XABF um..."bought for me!"
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Old 09-06-2012, 07:21 AM
  # 457 (permalink)  
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"No one will ever love you as much as I do"

"I believe in my heart I'm the best thing for you"

"It's 5:00 and I've only had one beer today"

"Will there be beer at this 80th birthday party? I'll bring my own just in case"

At his son's engagement party, "What? Canned beer? They should all know the father of the groom only drinks bottled beer. This is bullsh**! How dare they not know this and consider what it is I needed to have to drink. Somebody needs to go out and get me a 6 pack"

"I wanted to start a business with you but because of other people who it didn't work out with before me, you won't do it. It's all your fault I can't start one now."

When we did finally do something together where we split the costs, the profits, worked together, etc and I stated this as an example of doing it with him. "Oh no. I didn't have any communication with the vendor, didn't know who we were dealing with. You started the whole thing with him. This was your thing, this wasn't a partnership."

"I need a partner. You don't have the first clue on how to be there for someone, how to communicate and work together"

"We'll have sex when I say so. Last I knew I was the one with the penis"

Then there's all the loving comments:

"If you went on the Jerry Springer show you'd have to pull your top down instead of up to get your beads because...well you know..you are kind of thick in the middle"

"When you dance you got a lot shaking in that trunk. The whole place shakes"

"I love looking at you without my glasses on because you are all dreamy looking. When I put them on I can see every little pore in your face. It's like high-def"

"Baby, come snuggle with me and put those tight abs up against my back"

Okay...that's enough of that.....
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Old 09-06-2012, 09:41 AM
  # 458 (permalink)  
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"Anyone would drink if they were married to you."

Him: "I just want to be able to be myself."
Me: "What does that mean."
Him: "I want to be able to drink and be myself."
Me: "Wouldn't 'yourself' be the real you, you without alcohol?"
Him: "No."

Him: "I was out of control because I was drinking vodka. I'm going to go back to only beer."
Me: "Isn't 1 oz of vodka the same as 12 oz of beer?"
Him: "No."

"If you don't let me buy pot, I'll start drinking again..."

When he is slurring:
"I haven't been drinking. I did smoke some pot."
"I haven't been drinking. I have been working outside in the heat all day."
"If you are going to accuse me of drinking, I might as well drink..."

And when rational/sober:
"You are always able to tell when I've been drinking. You always know."

"If you divorce me, that's pretty much the end of the line for me."
"This isn't working. We are just two different people."

Brother died. Cause of death chronic alcoholism.
Me: So and so had a slow heart rate and had to have a pacemaker.
Him: Maybe that's what happened to _______ (his brother).
Me: No, the autopsy report said ______ died because he was a chronic alcoholic, same as you and _____ (other relatives).
Him: But he was an alcoholic for a long time.
Me: (looking at him in disbelief). Yeah, like you and _____ (other relatives).
Him: Not really...
Um, okay....live in denial!

Him: I need to eat more vegetables. We don't eat enough vegetables.
I'm thinking: Doesn't matter as long as you're drinking! Your liver is too busy processing the alcohol. If you want to be healthy, the biggest thing you could do is STOP DRINKING - then worry about vegetables.
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Old 09-06-2012, 11:38 AM
  # 459 (permalink)  
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We're going through a divorce and for 6 weeks STBXAH has hounded me about keeping our attorneys fees down, meanwhile calling his attorney every week, while also trying to get me to agree to things on the side before I can discuss anything with my atty.

Him: will your attorney talk to me directly?
Me: no.
Him: don't understand why not, quack quack quack.
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Old 09-06-2012, 12:42 PM
  # 460 (permalink)  
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"Worry about yourself."

"It wouldn't be a big deal if you didn't MAKE it a big deal."

"I have to drink to tolerate living with you."

Him: "Well, YOU are addicted to Prilosec."
Me: "I have reflux."
Him: "It's all in your head. You just THINK you need it."
Me: "So when I wake up with acid in my throat and mouth, that's my imagination?"
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