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DAY 90 - Against the Grain

Posted 03-29-2019 at 11:54 AM by LoveHateMerlot (Diary of Wino)

Feeling pretty fantastic today! I don't post on my blog anymore because I feel like I have overcome so much and don't need this outlet to process all those crazy emotions. I am so strong now. I faced so much head on, I climbed the biggest mountain, reached the top, and I feel alive. I feel like a brand new person. I am terrified to go back to my old drinking habits, and that is basically what keeps me sober.

What it means to me to be sober is that I am not drinking socially,...
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LoveHateMerlot
Posted in Diary of Wino
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DAY 68 - 12 Pounds Down

Posted 03-07-2019 at 09:13 AM by LoveHateMerlot (Diary of Wino)

I have lost 12 pounds and 13% body fat so far in 68 days. My tummy is flat! Hallelujah! My clothes fit so much better, plus I have more options now. My goal is to lose 13 more pounds. I am starting to have this amazing energy early in the morning through late at night. I am no longer lethargic. Alcohol stole so many years away from me. Alcohol suppressed me from living. Alcohol gave me a fat belly. Alcohol muted my dreams. Alcohol made me make the worst choices. Alcohol made me bitter....
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Posted in Diary of Wino
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DAY 66 - An Inner Struggle

Posted 03-05-2019 at 01:00 PM by LoveHateMerlot (Diary of Wino)
Tags alcoholic , poem , sober , wine , wino



An Inner Struggle

I am lost.
I cannot seem to remember what led me here.
I walk naked and barefoot carefully over a thin sheet of fragile ice that covers water.
My vision is blurred.
A grey darkness is above and all around me.
I am trying to stop shaking from the stabbing wind chills.
I feel so alone but nobody is close to me so I do not bother screaming for help.
I just move, because that is the only thing
...
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Posted in Diary of Wino
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DAY 65 - South Beach Miami

Posted 03-04-2019 at 08:02 AM by LoveHateMerlot (Diary of Wino)
Tags alcohol , miami , sober , wine , wino

My husband flew my 14 y/o daughter and I out to Miami for this past weekend, he had been there all week for work. The benefit of having a husband traveling so much is that he has a ton of miles he can use to purchase tickets.

I managed to get the house, my daughter, the dogs and cat, and myself organized for just 2 nights away. Usually I am frantically running all over the place getting everyone ready for the trip with an open bottle of wine. This time I did it all sober, that...
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Posted in Diary of Wino
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DAY 59 - Drunk Dreams

Posted 02-26-2019 at 07:24 AM by LoveHateMerlot (Diary of Wino)
Tags dreams , drunk , mom , wine , wino

Have you ever had a dream (or nightmare) where you have given up on your sobriety and gave into a drink? I keep having those dreams. Last night I was wasted drunk in my dream and having a great time at a resort on a beach. Drink after drink, dancing and laughing and having a "what the hell" attitude. I didn't feel any remorse or regret in my dream. I wasn't worried about consequences. I didn't care that I was embarrassing myself. It was so vivid, like I still feel it actually...
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