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DAY 66 - An Inner Struggle

Posted 03-05-2019 at 01:00 PM by LoveHateMerlot (Diary of Wino)
Tags alcoholic , poem , sober , wine , wino



An Inner Struggle

I am lost.
I cannot seem to remember what led me here.
I walk naked and barefoot carefully over a thin sheet of fragile ice that covers water.
My vision is blurred.
A grey darkness is above and all around me.
I am trying to stop shaking from the stabbing wind chills.
I feel so alone but nobody is close to me so I do not bother screaming for help.
I just move, because that is the only thing
...
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LoveHateMerlot
Posted in Diary of Wino
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DAY 65 - South Beach Miami

Posted 03-04-2019 at 08:02 AM by LoveHateMerlot (Diary of Wino)
Tags alcohol , miami , sober , wine , wino

My husband flew my 14 y/o daughter and I out to Miami for this past weekend, he had been there all week for work. The benefit of having a husband traveling so much is that he has a ton of miles he can use to purchase tickets.

I managed to get the house, my daughter, the dogs and cat, and myself organized for just 2 nights away. Usually I am frantically running all over the place getting everyone ready for the trip with an open bottle of wine. This time I did it all sober, that...
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LoveHateMerlot
Posted in Diary of Wino
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DAY 58 - What??? No!

Posted 02-25-2019 at 07:38 AM by LoveHateMerlot (Diary of Wino)
Tags journey , mother , sober , wine , wino

I am a clean person. My husband and my 14 y/o daughter are super clean as well. My house is always clean. I do a big deep clean every weekend. So why on earth did I find lice in my daughter's hair last night?

I know. It has nothing to do with the fact if you shower every day. In fact, I read if you have greasy hair, lice will have a harder time clinging to the hair shaft. Gross and ugh yes, I see now. My daughter has extremely squeaky clean hair shafts for those little...
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LoveHateMerlot
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DAY 51 - Blood Test Results

Posted 02-18-2019 at 07:45 AM by LoveHateMerlot (Diary of Wino)

I reached out to my 20 y/o daughter last night via text. She is beautiful, inside and out, but is dealing with her own demons. It's been a week since her last 3:00 am episode. Her boyfriend FaceTimed me while she was trying to kill herself (drunk). I just simply texted her last night, "how are you?". I had originally made a decision to just be here for her, and not make an effort to try to save her anymore. It's painful and it's so hard to act normal like everything is okay around...
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LoveHateMerlot
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DAY 50 - Desires Versus Reality

Posted 02-17-2019 at 09:26 AM by LoveHateMerlot (Diary of Wino)
Tags drunk , sober , sobriety , wine , wino

Desires....

Orange Mimosas at brunch.
Menage a Tois Merlot while cooking.
Dirty martini at a night club.
Guiness on tap at an Irish pub.
Fat Tire at a football game.
Mambo Taxi margaritas at Mi Cosina.
Frozen Tom Collins on the beach.

Reality....

Shitfaced on the floor.

You can't have one, you would drink 5, then end up feeling like arse and full of shame the next morning. There is so much more to life
...
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