DAY 35 - The Body Keeps the Score - SoberRecovery : Alcoholism Drug Addiction Help and Information
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Every day is a new day, that's what I keep telling myself. The struggle is real. I'm in deep with this addiction to wine. I am searching for the answer how to turn it off. I feel lucky if I can keep it down to a daily minimum of just one bottle. I pray to God to take this addiction away. Some days I'm a fighter. Other days are a bit more challenging. Hopefully by putting this out there, starting today, I can find a new hope and believe in myself again.

LoveHateMerlot
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DAY 35 - The Body Keeps the Score

Posted 02-02-2019 at 10:07 PM by LoveHateMerlot

After all this blogging, I am digging deep down to my core. I feel like I have ripped myself apart, bleeding and raw. I have been trying to be honest with myself and let myself truly feel the pain for once. I have been saying whatever I feel and whatever comes to mind, good and bad. It's so easy to get sucked into depression and self loathing and shame. It's so easy to isolate yourself. It is really quite frightening, carefully dissecting yourself into pieces. I don't know who I really am or why my soul jumped into this earthly body. I don't know if anyone that reads my blogs feels the way I do or has had similar life situations, but honestly I feel so alone. I am reliving everything I went through in my past. I look in the mirror at the little girl that they all called "crazy"; whether it was a playful and teasing "crazy" label or outright hateful name calling.

I am on my second "sober" book now since I stopped drinking. This particular book is not a book written for alcoholics necessarily. Although I already found answers to a lot of my questions why I behave the way I do and why I have to fake to be "normal" around others, I am still only in the beginning. This book is mad science behind PTSD. It is called 'The Body Keeps the Score'. There is a doctor who wrote this book, his name is Besser van der Kolk. He has spent so many, many years researching and working closely with victims of traumatic experiences, from Vietnam vets to 19 year old that was raped. He studied children and adults. He has compassion towards me, my kind, and it soothes me to read this book. It makes me feel like I am not so alone and I have hope I can slowly start to heal and feel "normal" again.

If you are out there reading this blog, and you feel you have been subjected to trauma in your life (once or more than once) and you try to cope with anger outbursts, isolation, use alcohol or drugs to self medicate, and feel detached from society, then please (#1 get professional help) and read this book!
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