Libby06

Entropy, you are my soul sister. You just described me to a T. I have a problem with food. It quieted down while I was drinking, but I took clean eating to extremes when I got sober. Im 4ft 11 and 10 lbs is 10 % of my body weight, so yes, I have to buy new clothes when that happens. Everyone says I am tiny, but I know that I am skinny fat. Not much muscle and pretty out of shape.

People find me ridiculous when I do not indulge in a cupcake. They do not get it. I do not want A cupcake, I want 6. If I ate 6, the shame I feel is deep and then fast I feel like I need to for so long and I am miserable. It all centers in my mind. Im pretty sure its not normal. Im glad to hear I am not the only one who struggles with this in sobriety.

I would feel ridiculous and laughed right out of OA if I ever went to a meeting. Nobody wants to hear from the 97 lb girls complaining about a cupcake.

Stayingsassy

I started the thread for anyone who felt like a cross addiction was causing severe issues in their life after alcohol sobriety.

It’s turned somewhat into a diet thread, but it is still simply for cross addiction.

I haven’t gone back to keto myself either...

Today I was bouldering and weight training for an hour, it was glorious. I was red and panting and drenched in sweat and high on endorphins, I seemed to have strength for days today. I’ve been off keto for a few days and I haven’t had a workout like that in weeks. Since I can’t seem to avoid the gym....as it is my antidepressant and also just fun for me, I’m leaning toward eating in a way to support performance. I’m thinking of getting a dexa scan. I have a lot of muscle and I can see it, so I’m wondering if I’m stupidly focusing on weight when my muscle to fat ratio is likely not what I think it is. I don’t like being muscular aesthetically really, but I deeply love being this strong, and I think just maybe that’s going to tip the diet scale for me...today I used my fitness pal and it was interesting to try to meet what I’m supposed to have, with vitamin C, protein, potassium, etc. I’m going to try to move in the direction of mental and physical health here, as I feel my thinking has really gotten way off track.

Anyway: anyone who struggles with compulsions after sobriety belongs in this thread.

Libby06

I would rather weigh more and be strong like you Sass. I have found that when I was heavier I thought life would be so much better if I was thinner. It is no better. Don't get me wrong , life is good, but it has nothing to do with what the scale says. It kind of led to more problems. Obsessing about not gaining a single pound back. Its not even dieting. Its food obsession, and control. I wouldn't go back to the hell of drinking again, but I do miss not fighting all of the unrest that is a basic necessity.. food. I admire those that do not fight these type of things and stay sane and sober! Maybe I need a shrink...

Dropsie, I will also go to the back of the line. 😆

Sass, good for you on todays fitness achievement, I bet youmsleep well tonight.

Cosima11

That’s kinda been my experience too. I’m 5’4 and weigh 121 lbs. At my worst before I quit drinking I was over 175 lbs. (my weight has always kinda fluctuated but being that overweight was not “normal” for me).

I didn’t go on any specific diet regimen, lost a lot just from eliminating drunken gluttony.. then slowly but surely started making other changes.

I could still lose maybe another 5 pounds at most but for the most part I’m at my ideal weight. Sure I like the compliments and the way I feel about myself but can’t say I don’t miss the days where I could eat a piece of cake without feeling guilty (which I still do, just not very often) and not feel like I have to weigh myself every single day.

For me to get too in depth with the calories and fats and all that is almost dangerous territory for me so for the most part I just try to eat when I’m hungry, stop when I’m full, and not eat anything highly processed or filled with sugar. Still haven’t eliminated artificial sweeteners though (mostly just diet soda and french toast with sugar free maple syrup, which has sadly become somewhat of a staple meal).

Cosima11

Oh and part of that was also beer weight, how could I forget.. By the end I was drinking mostly just beer, because it’s what took me the longest to black out on. Really classy times.

Anyway, I hope you find whatever method will be the best fit for you Sassy.. keep trying and keep sharing about it.

Bethany57

Wow....this is so me. My whole mood sometimes depends on what the scale will say that morning. It's nice to have this supportive thread.

murrill

I put the scale away. It's in the top of the bathroom closet. I used to weigh daily, and you know that a scale can be inconsistent. I can gain/lose five pounds within minutes! Had to quit that!

Dropsie

I am addicted to self destruction (SD), but I dont consider it to be a cross addiction, I consider that my addiction to alcohol and marrying a sociopath is all part of my addiction to SD. But when I quit drinking and got divorced so those could not feed my SD addiction anymore, the other parts of my SD came out more.

My SD maifiests now through procrasitnation (getting better), creating chaos (getting better) and unecessary financial issues (total cluster). I never have had a money issue in my life when I was drinking and married to Dr. Jeckell.

I know that this all comes down to shame, fear and not wanting to be vulnerable, and that evil Inner critic.

But I decided that the only way out is through, so everyday I try to do the three things that will help me most, before doing the 50 I do for others. Not easy, but at least its a plan!

My weight is a constant stuggle, but I have no food addictions. Indeed, truth be told, its really not my thing. So why am I 40 pounds overweight, who knows, but I hope that keto may help, nothing else does that is for sure.

X

murrill

I have been sober for quite a while (31 years). I thought that once the drinking stopped I was "fixed." Not so fast! I've dealt with multiple episodes of major depression, anxiety, and PTSD. I quit smoking. I got a handle on over-spending. I stopped getting into abusive relationships (although I still find myself in some unhealthy liaisons!). I guess I'm just broken. I don't mean for that to come across as defeatist. I just think that my neediness and damaged parts keep showing up in a variety of areas. You mentioned shame, which is a big one for me.

Stayingsassy

I suppose you have to ask if it’s 40 lbs over a vanity weight you used to weigh when in your 20’s, or 40 pounds over a reasonably healthy weight which puts people in an obese range.

When I was in my 20’s, I avoided eating to be lean. I ate around 900-1000 cals a day. I monitored it and lived on that calorie amount for several years, intermittently binging on alcohol. That kept me at a BMI of around 22. I’ve always been very dense, and I realized later that my body retains and puts on muscle easily. If I had lifted then instead of dieting, boozing, and sleeping with boys, I could have made some amazing fitness strides. I’m almost 50 now and it’s only in the last few years that I’ve realized how naturally strong I am. It’s a shame.

I guess you ask, what is your body type? I believe everyone has a certain type of body, some are smaller, some are rounder, some are muscular. Your body may need to starve more consistently to be much smaller than you are now, and maybe on a day to day basis, starving feels ridiculous when we are older, wiser, smarter, and living as guides instead of naiive young women.

I quit drinking partly to fit the image of what I wanted for myself at fifty: I wanted to be wiser, more compassionate, someone to be trusted, someone younger women could count on...as I am a mother to 22, 20 and 13 year old daughters. I have achieved that. My husbands demeanor toward me is less of frustration and disgust and more of respect and admiration.

This kind of diet obsession demeans and belittles who I am. I am tired of hanging on to these 30 year old behaviors.

Briansy

Damn, Sassy. Life isn't fair. I'll admit to being one of those people whose entire confidence and self esteem at any given time is linked to my appearance. And I am skinny fat - only subjecting myself to misery will cure it. But I have yet to try eating healthily and getting a personal trainer 3 times a week. Maybe this will be the magical cure!

Anyone have issues with spider veins, ruddy skin on cheeks and forehead - irreversible stuff like that? Laser treatment is something I want to look into this winter but I don't know if it actually works.

Stayingsassy

Some people just need less food to survive.

I’m actually most comfortable and happy on a fast: day 2-3 I feel best, day 4-5 I start to struggle a bit, probably partly because I always keep exercising on a fast (although I don’t hit it as hard as I do when I eat).

Yet others struggle hard to make it to noon before eating,

I have always fasted through my life, even as a teen I’d just randomly go all day without eating, sometimes into the next day, without even thinking about it. I think some people honestly just need less, if you consider the huge scope of dna in the human population doesn’t it make sense that a general calorie amount for everyone can’t really be calculated.

MyLittleHorsie

I do laser peels. I love them! There are 2 my plastic surgeon offers, a quickie nano peel, it is called a weekend peel. I have a very fair complexion, I am down a week minimum with it, but I look so good after! Also super cheap, couple hundred. There is a deeper peel, I had it on my nose for some acne scars. It is about $750 a treatment. The laser treatment for the veins is $2500. My varicose veins have greatly improved with yoga and low carb, I also quit wearing heels, including my boots. Flat boots are a trip lol. I do wear support hose sometimes. There are some really nice new ones available by prescription. I team them with a waist trainer sometimes. I joke with dh my under things are gravity defying.
I like my plastic surgeon, like his clinic, I have had a fair bit of work since I quit drinking. I don't hide it, lie about it or apologize for it lol. If I decide I want permanent makeup like Pennywise, I'm going to do it. In some ways sobriety has freed me. Yes I am vain, yes I also eat mayo on my French fries, so what lol.
If you can afford laser treatment go for it. I used laser (cold) and hypnosis to deal with smoking one quit.

Della1968

MyLittleHorsie

Just to add, I do my peels around Christmas. My kids love when I show up burned to a crisp at their concerts lol, BUT you have to stay out of the sun and wind, the skin is like baby skin. So December is shortest days, usually the winds are not as biting, plus if I need more than a nano, I need the downtime over the holidays.
I just did a chemical peel on my hands and feet, it is a fruit acid they use, they can do your face too, I didn't have the burn, I just peeled. So there was limited downtime, I just wore socks and shoes and gloves.

entropy1964

Hey Sass

Muscle is your friend! I can't remember how old you are, but if you haven't gone through menopause yet do everything you can to maintain that muscle. I am blown away by the muscle loss over the last 2 years....and I'm fit. I've never been a 'muscular' person but I still can't believe how I simply seem unable to build muscle now. The other thing that I'm realizing is over use. I was one of those people that had boundless energy...and I'd be active sometimes many hours a day. The gym, walking, hiking, hot yoga, house work , yard work...hours and I might be bit sore, but I could deal. Now? Not so much. I mean, comparatively I'm doing great. But muscle is your friend. Muscle wasting diets (diets where you drop weight fast) and too much cardio...not your friend.

Anywho, I know what I need to do. And I have had to very much 'adjust' how I do things. I have really done that with fitness. Now it's time to kick that sugar completely to the curb. Of course I've been saying that for 2 years. So progress not perfection.

I am definitely one of those people that simply can't eat much. And I don't seem to need to. Its hard tho at times. But the body image issues and how they affect my contentment (and my abstinence) are almost overwhelming so its better for me to handle those off line.

Good luck to all you guys! See ya on other threads

Stayingsassy

I will be fifty next month.

Being able to handle my body weight with handstands, pushups and bouldering makes me happy. . I’m glad I started this thread because I think it’s helped me figure out where my priorities are. I really want to take the focus off just dropping weight, especially when I am demanding so much from my body and muscles. I think feeding myself appropriately for once may actually end up putting me where I need to be.

Yep what you say about menopause and muscle loss is true. Although I have no signs of menopause. I am as regular as I was at 25 and I don’t see any sign of change. The slow metabolisms been there forever so that’s not new. I dearly hope this doesn’t mean I’ll be one of those 60 year old women who still menstruate, but as it is a sign of overall health, and it means you still have good levels of estrogen, I’ll take it.

Dropsie

I listened to two podcasts by Paul Mason yesterday about the science behind keto and the dangers of lectins.

I would recommend him highly, but he surely takes the fun out of kidney beans, sugar and pasta!

I also do not need much food and dont eat much, sadly I also have a lot of fat around my stomach, which needs to go!

Anda ll the science says that as we age, weights and boulders are our friends...

Grymt

"as we age, weights and boulders are our friends..."

this is so true. my comments about it is about how.

For me it has been important to:

Let go of magical thinking. : results are because of personal effort. There is no magic that makes a flabby belly be slim.

Realise that it takes (a lot of) time. Put away the weighing scales and don't stare in the mirror.

Educate myself. Read books about weightlifting, resistance training, aerobics and stretching. All of those not just one. (muscles weigh more + muscles at rest burn fat etc...)

Going slow. It's going to take time. Learning to be patient is going to be essential to success. Let go of the idea of losing fat weight quickly.

Stayingsassy

Yesterday I was pretty sore from my gung ho bouldering and hiit movements the day before (15 walls, farmers carries at 110# x 4, 30 box jumps and 60 squats) so I planned a nice, light row, since it was mainly my legs that were beat up.

So I get going with rowing, and then I start hitting it hard, and I end up rowing 6,000m in 30 minutes at 10 resistance, which was too much.

Exercise is interesting for me. I start to feel a little high, then I start going hard and fast. Sort of like I did with alcohol...and sugar...I like exercise a whole lot.

Must be mindful of my body. Last night I had some quad pain with spasms. This morning it was nearly gone, though because I’m eating in a way to make sure my nutrition is met.

I am eating for my muscle now, using my fitness pal as a guide. So far this is pretty bomb: exercising more is thrilling, and eating this way is fun.