Notices

Health and wellness after sobriety

Thread Tools
 
Old 08-30-2019, 10:47 PM
  # 121 (permalink)  
Member
 
Callas's Avatar
 
Join Date: Apr 2019
Posts: 598
Hi Sassy. Interesting thoughts. Do you think your mother’s disapproval is perhaps at the root of all this?
Callas is offline  
Old 08-30-2019, 11:15 PM
  # 122 (permalink)  
Member
Thread Starter
 
Join Date: Jul 2017
Posts: 3,027
Thumbs up

Originally Posted by Callas View Post
Hi Sassy. Interesting thoughts. Do you think your mother’s disapproval is perhaps at the root of all this?
Well, I go back and forth between believing she caused all my problems, to believing she saw the problems inherent in me (the Addict within), was alarmed, tried to control me, and failed miserably.

At any rate, she and I have an understanding now. She’s apologized many times for her harsh attempts at control. She was overall a present and adequate mother, if not as nurturing and loving as my dad was.

After all, part of growth is acknowledging where we must take responsibility for ourselves. What others did to us they did to us. What strengths can we find within us to move forward and to grow, despite how we were treated when we were young?

Still I grapple with this twisting monkey inside me. It’s never quiet, but it wasn’t quiet when I was a child either, and when I finally wrestle it down, it morphs. So I must learn to live with it.
Stayingsassy is offline  
Old 08-31-2019, 01:09 AM
  # 123 (permalink)  
Member
 
Dropsie's Avatar
 
Join Date: Sep 2015
Posts: 3,163
Sass,

You have a much better understanding of yourself and your relationship with your parents than most of us do, congratulations on that.

I can still recall when I was in my 40s and my half sister mentioned in passing that my mother was cold and it came as a total shock, but she was totally right. My mother was wonderful and everyone loved her and she was so good to people etc etc, but warm she was not! That passing remark helped me undestand a lot of things, but jeez, I should have figured that out on my own.

I also had a strange relationship with food when I was a child. Lots of sugar, hording etc. But that stopped for the most part with puberty, but that was also the time I started drinking too much, which I then did for decades.

But other than a few years when I was in my 20s, I have always carried too much weight in my mid section. I always thought it was from the driniking, but when I stopped, no weight loss. But I did start eating more sugar, then I put down the sugar with whole 30 and no weight loss. Now keto and again, very little shift in the scales or in my mid-section.

My main concern is that I have already had a quad bypass, so I need to get my oxidized cholesterol in check, which I know the no sugar is key to. So that piece I will keep in place, but for my health and my vanity I wish I could find something to get rid of this midsection.

I am going to get an appointment at the metobolism clinic to what may be causing this, because its odd. I keep thinking that my high cholesterol and my high level of fat around my mid-section must be connected, but who knows.

Thanks for the great post Sass. I think you sound good. I do not know how or why it happened but at some point the part of my brain that was emotional involved with food seems to have just shut down and when I stopped drinking thankfully did not come back. Instead I have a lot of other self destructive habits around other things, like creating chaos, money etc., but not food.

Keepa go everyone
Dropsie is offline  
Old 08-31-2019, 09:01 AM
  # 124 (permalink)  
Member
Thread Starter
 
Join Date: Jul 2017
Posts: 3,027
Dropsie, I would think there should be a solution to the weight on your midsection. I carry most of my weight in my upper body and lower body, my waist is smaller and I think this is an estrogenic pattern, because I have not entered menopause yet. The menopausal body means weight gain in the middle but I see that many people have figured out how to conquer that.

I think it’s great you have decided to enter a metabolism clinic. I’m sure they will work on this with you until it is resolved. This is clearly a hormonal pattern.
It could just be a calorie issue also.

Have you tried weighing and measuring portions? I know the slowdown in calorie need can be enormous as we age. I exercise regularly and on exercise days I can eat about 1500 calories without weight gain, and that is with heavy weightlifting and cardio, on non exercise days it is around 1200.

Northern Europeans are well adapted to famine, if you examine the last several hundred years and the land topography we have managed to survive within it is no surprise that we can survive on much less than other people with more genes originating closer to the equator. We need fish and omega 3’s more than equator dwelling folks, a lot less carbohydrate and I think in general, a lot less food, our bodies are thicker, denser, more muscle, more bone, and we are built to make it for months on very little...otherwise hundreds of years ago when those famines hit we were dead.
Stayingsassy is offline  
Old 08-31-2019, 11:50 PM
  # 125 (permalink)  
All is Change
 
Join Date: Jun 2009
Location: Australia
Posts: 1,284
The things like patience, while it can be difficult practice, is easy to understand. There is another thing that's probably universal but can be difficult to acknowledge or notice. And if it is noticed then doing something positive about it is hard because it's that very thing alcohol is supposed to fix and sobriety is often gained by denying its existence. I'm talking about that knot in the gut.

Christians talk about it as a vacuum that needs to be filled by God. For atheists and agnostics I talk about it as a tight gripping or clinging with craving as a base. Just thinking about it makes it possible to imagine relaxing the grip and thereby finding satisfaction. How to actually accomplish that.?

Firstly it is good to develop a kindness towards ones self. The aim is relaxing the core, the gut. So having fewer things to tense up about simply means to do good things and to not do bad things. Things tend to come around so see that those that come are good more often than not.
​​​
In a way the greatest kindness to self is a great kindness to an other.

As things calm down, be, calmly, aware of the knot in the gut and see how the reactions to it drive actions in an almost unconscious way.

These habits have taken a long time to embed inside so it's going to take along time of calm, repeated introspection, melting away, piece by piece the tight grip in the gut. There are no short cuts, no magic just gentle calm patience and a time will come when the knot melts and the reasons for all the perplexing misery is revealed. One day at a time.
Grymt is offline  
Old 09-02-2019, 03:01 PM
  # 126 (permalink)  
Member
 
Hawkeye13's Avatar
 
Join Date: Oct 2013
Posts: 11,434
I’m finding just keeping ketogenic, managing stress, getting sleep, and not over exercising are working a slow steady magic. I eat to satiety, don’t count calories, and keep a six hour eating window no snacks.

I may stall for a few days, but then it starts dropping again. Drops, healing just takes time sometimes. Getting other input is great, but don’t overthink or stress and it will work better. Syndrome X causes midsection weight which I think I had due to stress, drinking, and fluctuations in hormones. You might read up on that.
Hawkeye13 is online now  
Old 09-03-2019, 10:36 AM
  # 127 (permalink)  
Member
 
Dropsie's Avatar
 
Join Date: Sep 2015
Posts: 3,163
Thanks Hawk, will check out Syndrome X, day by day, just sticking to keto, about an 8 hour eating window, etc. I feel good, clear headed, good concentration, but occassionally still a bit light headed. Just see how it goes.
Dropsie is offline  
Old 09-04-2019, 05:17 AM
  # 128 (permalink)  
Member
 
Hawkeye13's Avatar
 
Join Date: Oct 2013
Posts: 11,434
Yes, I find the mental benefits of Keto substantial. Concentration, more emotional stability and positive outlook are wonderful. But the lack of obsession around food has been one of the best surprises. I eat something delicious and filling, and don’t crave food for six or more hours. I can turn my mind to other things like Life.
Hawkeye13 is online now  
Old 09-05-2019, 12:21 AM
  # 129 (permalink)  
Member
 
Dropsie's Avatar
 
Join Date: Sep 2015
Posts: 3,163
All true, but at time I find myself wondering what we do now to indulge ourselves....may be a massage...
Dropsie is offline  
Old 09-05-2019, 02:37 PM
  # 130 (permalink)  
Member
 
Join Date: Aug 2015
Location: US
Posts: 5,095
I often wonder what kind of mother I will be classified as when my daughter is older. Or even right now. Am I to blame for everything? Probably. Woman are the receptacles of so much blame in the family system. We are the 'mother' after all.

I am what I am. And I'm pretty sure I was born very much who I am. Yeah, my childhood sucked. Whose doesn't? Or do I tend to see the negative in a lot of things? I sure did when I was younger. Not sure now.

I remember I had to steal. I mean, a lot. I stole everything...not just what I needed. I stole because I could. I mean, I had to steal makeup because my Mom wouldn't buy it. Really any kind of cosmetics or hygiene beyond ivory soup and baby shampoo (that was all I needed apparently). Oh and razors. I didn't need to shave until I was 18. Oh yeah, and pads. She said all I needed were tampons..and um, they hurt when you're young. So I stole and stole. I cannot believe the amount of stuff I took. I used to go to this clothing place that sold Chemin De Fer jeans (remember those) and I'd go in with a big down jacket on and just pile them in the back, pull the draw string tight and walk out.
I stole jewelry. It was horrible. And my mom never asked one question. Not one. By the time I was 15 I was working enough that I could buy what I needed.

I thought no one knew. Recently my brother made a joke about it. And I thought, do you know WHY I stole everything?

I have no idea why I just brought that up. Parents are weird. Childhood was weird. I'm weird. Oh well.
entropy1964 is offline  
Old 09-05-2019, 04:10 PM
  # 131 (permalink)  
Member
Thread Starter
 
Join Date: Jul 2017
Posts: 3,027
I’m having a hard time. I wake up every day intending to fast and I fail by early afternoon. Sometimes I wake up and eat everything in sight. Half the week I can’t sleep because I have stomach pain from binging that day. I have days I count calories or try keto or eat whatever or eat nothing and none of it works.

It’s gotten so I miss the time I was drinking....because I was effortlessly paleo and lean. I remember doing burpees and pull-ups and rope climbs before going home and hitting the whiskey. I can’t do any of these things now.

I never really stopped being tired in sobriety. I never really got my perk back. I lost my sex drive after quitting drinking and that’s been gone awhile, husband has just gotten used to a more platonic relationship and when I was drinking....I was the opposite.

I look older. Feel old. Poor memory. Tire easily. Tired in the morning. My feet hurt a lot. Lately, I don’t want to go to the gym. I guess I don’t see the point.

I don’t miss the act of drinking....I just miss how I felt, how I looked and my fitness level when I was drinking.

Food addiction sucks. I want to be as fit as I as then....without starting drinking again. But I know that’s not what my brain does. It drinks. Or it mainlines sugar. Period.

Just sent my daughter off to study in Russia, my oldest daughters waiting on a final job offer, no problems with family or work or anything else. I feel like just crawling into a hole, though. Preferably a hole with a big stash of chocolate.
Stayingsassy is offline  
Old 09-05-2019, 06:55 PM
  # 132 (permalink)  
Member
 
Libby06's Avatar
 
Join Date: Dec 2016
Posts: 2,576
You sound to be in a dangerous spot Sassy. Yes, food addiction sucks, but dont kid yourself about looking better while drinking. It ages us terribly, and the bloat does come eventually, even while not eating.

Food addiction sux. ( worth repeating lol) I hate it. I feel like I fight food every day. I am just constantly denying myself self imposed "naughty" foods because of my propensity to binge them.

I quit smoking 8 weeks ago, and am very afraid of gaining weight, so my restriction is off the hook. I know me. If I gain, I will go back to smoking. Due to my recent medical issue, it will kill me, or worse. I dont want to be a burden to others. But to rather smoke than be overweight? Yep. It is nuts.

I am exactly your age. My sex drive hit the floor when I sobered up too. My husband is less than pleased. He doesnt want to be platonic and I hear all about it. Its aggravating.

Please dont romanticize the drink. You sound like a beautiful person inside and out. I think maybe we are being too hard on ourselves. I need to practice more self love for sure. I would rather be heavier than I like than to be drinking or drunk. The mind thing is just a constant battle, and you are not alone on this.

Last edited by Libby06; 09-05-2019 at 06:59 PM. Reason: Spelling
Libby06 is offline  
Old 09-05-2019, 11:34 PM
  # 133 (permalink)  
Member
 
Dropsie's Avatar
 
Join Date: Sep 2015
Posts: 3,163
Sass,

I feel you.

Based on my experience, with about a month of keto under my belt, sugar becomes a non-issue. I have bought some stevia vanilla for my coffe and peach for my tea, and I do have some strawberries every once and while, but nothing else.

I was thinking about you yesterday, because I realize that I am treating non-keto foods like I did booze and cigs when I stopped. A simple no I dont eat that, but the fact is, the idea of ice cream (my vice) is not really appealling.

I can echo Libby (and yourself) drinking is not the answer. On the sex front, again in my experience, it just takes some getting used to.

With respect to looking better, if I see photos now of me when I had had a few, not over the top, but buzzed, not pretty. You can see when I have been drinking in my eyes, which are my strong suit.

Go down in your hole as needed, take the chocolate, but leave the scotch.

X
Dropsie is offline  
Old 09-06-2019, 09:04 AM
  # 134 (permalink)  
Member
Thread Starter
 
Join Date: Jul 2017
Posts: 3,027
I’m not romanticizing the drink: I am romanticizing how easy it is to avoid this damaging addiction when I’m deep in the thick of another damaging addiction; and the great irony that while my life was crumbling around me, I looked and performed better. Seeing the pics kill me: I looked ten years younger.

Returning to drinking isn’t the answer for me, I am an alcoholic.

I guess everyone around me knows I am sober and can understand why I look bloated, fat, tired....I’m sure they’ve all figured out that I can’t put the cake down!
Stayingsassy is offline  
Old 09-07-2019, 01:04 AM
  # 135 (permalink)  
Member
 
Callas's Avatar
 
Join Date: Apr 2019
Posts: 598
Hi Sassy, I obviously do not know what you looked like while drinking. In my case I was borderline anorexic. I never felt like eating. I had to force myself to get some nutrition in. Obviously it is nice to be skinny. BUT. My face looked terrible. Bloated, blotchy, red, spider veins, eyes puffy and red. The whole nine yards. When I now look back at photographs all I see is that face. Now six months later it is all gone. My face looks normal, my skin great, eyes clear. I even have cheek bones. Now I can meet new people without thinking omg what do they see? A drunk? Counting calories is a pain but so worth it not to have THAT look anymore. Keep going and stick to a plan. It’s like alcoholism. One needs to work on the toolbox all the time.
Callas is offline  
Old 09-07-2019, 04:59 AM
  # 136 (permalink)  
Member
 
Hawkeye13's Avatar
 
Join Date: Oct 2013
Posts: 11,434
Your body may just be hungry for good nutrition Sass. Hence the inability to fast right now. Also a hungry body may not want to go to the gym. You are fighting Nature perhaps.

You know once you adapt to Keto fully your performance as an athlete will adapt too. Data shows this. Many weight lifters, runners and climbers at the elite levels are trying Keto and performing well. They also can beat the dreaded carb bonk and actually improve over preketo times, weights, and efforts.

It can take time to adapt. Real time if your hormones are Deregulated, you are a middle aged or older woman, if you have sugar issues, have deprived your body of calories through dieting in the past, deal with excessive stress, abused alcohol, etc.

I have found Keto to be very different than paleo, which I also did for years. Even lower-carb paleo still triggers insulin and cravings. This is the first time I’ve had real peace around food. My brother is a food addict and our family also had strange unhealthy food practices.

Yes, I can deadlift what I used to and more. I got handstands, can climb, can carry fifty pounds of horse feed on one shoulder and a full five gallon water bucket in the other hand. My stamina is coming back too. I’m actually planning a trail running race season next year. That would not be possible if I hadn’t gone Keto.
My whole body is slowly reforming as the fat is replaced with lean tissue. I tend to muscle anyway, but my clothing size is going down even if if the scale shifts slowly. I have lost puffiness, skin is clear, and I can work all day without thinking about food or snacks.

I don’t buy performance issues as a reason to not give Keto a chance. You weren’t on it long enough to adapt. You are suffering terribly and giving Keto Time to work as a lifestyle instead of a diet with no quarter given to “sugar relapse” just as you did your sobriety,it might change your life.

Honestly it is changing mine.
Hawkeye13 is online now  
Old 09-07-2019, 05:33 AM
  # 137 (permalink)  
Member
 
Hawkeye13's Avatar
 
Join Date: Oct 2013
Posts: 11,434
Sorry last paragraph was pre coffee grammar
Hawkeye13 is online now  
Old 09-07-2019, 08:35 AM
  # 138 (permalink)  
Member
Thread Starter
 
Join Date: Jul 2017
Posts: 3,027
Originally Posted by Hawkeye13 View Post
Your body may just be hungry for good nutrition Sass. Hence the inability to fast right now. Also a hungry body may not want to go to the gym. You are fighting Nature perhaps.

You know once you adapt to Keto fully your performance as an athlete will adapt too. Data shows this. Many weight lifters, runners and climbers at the elite levels are trying Keto and performing well. They also can beat the dreaded carb bonk and actually improve over preketo times, weights, and efforts.

It can take time to adapt. Real time if your hormones are Deregulated, you are a middle aged or older woman, if you have sugar issues, have deprived your body of calories through dieting in the past, deal with excessive stress, abused alcohol, etc.

I have found Keto to be very different than paleo, which I also did for years. Even lower-carb paleo still triggers insulin and cravings. This is the first time I’ve had real peace around food. My brother is a food addict and our family also had strange unhealthy food practices.

Yes, I can deadlift what I used to and more. I got handstands, can climb, can carry fifty pounds of horse feed on one shoulder and a full five gallon water bucket in the other hand. My stamina is coming back too. I’m actually planning a trail running race season next year. That would not be possible if I hadn’t gone Keto.
My whole body is slowly reforming as the fat is replaced with lean tissue. I tend to muscle anyway, but my clothing size is going down even if if the scale shifts slowly. I have lost puffiness, skin is clear, and I can work all day without thinking about food or snacks.

I don’t buy performance issues as a reason to not give Keto a chance. You weren’t on it long enough to adapt. You are suffering terribly and giving Keto Time to work as a lifestyle instead of a diet with no quarter given to “sugar relapse” just as you did your sobriety,it might change your life.

Honestly it is changing mine.
I think this is exactly what I needed to hear right now.

Hawk did you give up sugar and carbs completely....or do you have them sometimes?

This is an awesome and inspiring post. Thanks for this.

I know that my excuses about keto are all just 100% AV for sugar. I remember how fit I was without carbohydrate and I remember it took a couple months to adapt. I’m just struggling with sugar addiction.

Paleo worked for me because my paleo was nondairy keto (no fruit, flour of any kind or potatoes). I still didn’t eat high carbohydrate things at the time. It’s why I looked better despite drinking also. I didn’t drink anything with sugar or carbohydrate in it.

So do I want chocolate or do I want to bang out those pull-ups and manage to do another spartan myself....I did my first spartan in 11/2017 (two months after quitting booze, I was already up 7-8 pounds but not the 30 yet) before the sugar ravaged me. Maybe some similar goals might help me.

Thanks for this post again hawk. I have some deep thinking to do.
Stayingsassy is offline  
Old 09-07-2019, 08:44 AM
  # 139 (permalink)  
Member
Thread Starter
 
Join Date: Jul 2017
Posts: 3,027
Part of it is that I’ve used keto since 2002 (we just called it Atkins then) : and I have a pretty strong association with drinking on lowcarb diets. I found I could lean out and feel better anyway despite drinking. So the association freaks me out when I start to adapt to it, In the past I’d quit for a week or two but when I started to fat adapt I’d drink again,
Stayingsassy is offline  
Old 09-08-2019, 05:48 AM
  # 140 (permalink)  
Guest
 
Join Date: Jan 2018
Posts: 675
Ok not that everyone needs to know all my thoughts on dieting but I'm just gonna talk in depth about my food habits here.. Sugar was the main culprit for me. I had several "rules" about sugar which seemed to help in slowly eliminating cravings. First it was only on holidays, which led to pretty substantial binges that lasted days longer than they were supposed to. So then I changed it to once a week, but limited myself to only one serving of whatever I chose to get. Now with no official rules in place, it seems I do still allow myself to indulge maybe once during "that time of the month" and am totally ok with that. Guess my body chose that rule for me. And looking back, going from eating sugar everyday to once a month is a big change, although it didn't feel that way cause I did it gradually.

As for the rest.. Truthfully, I guess I don't see what all the fuss is about with carbs. If I'm eating a certain kind of carbs (pizza, pasta, fried foods) obviously that's not great.. but I can and do eat carbs moderately within a healthy diet and include things like (non sweet) bagels, sandwiches and brown or white rice.

But like you mention.. intuitively, paleo makes more sense to me than keto. I'll never be vegan but do think there's a wealth of good vegan recipes for ways to replace dairy in sauces and other things. Nothing makes me feel bloated and weighed down faster than excessive dairy.

So does it really have to be so black and white? I don't know, I just know tracking calories and imposing strict limits on myself only keeps the cravings (or obsession in the other direction) that much more alive. If the old ways haven't worked (without alcohol) I guess I'd challenge you to look at it differently.. To look at yourself and your history with food addiction differently. You can be free of this, it may just not look like what you're expecting it to look like.
Cosima11 is offline  

Currently Active Users Viewing this Thread: 1 (0 members and 1 guests)
 
Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off
Trackbacks are On
Pingbacks are On
Refbacks are Off





All times are GMT -7. The time now is 09:05 PM.