Dropsie

Sass,

You sound great!

X

Stayingsassy

I’m slipping back into bad food habits.

I don’t know how to lose weight or be lean without drinking.

I’ve been controlling my weight by drinking alcohol since the age of about 19.

I am having difficulty training my brain to do this. It’s possible that I can’t.

I have damage from drinking. There was a lot of drinking: an enormous amount, really, for a long time.

I have balance problems, memory deficits, a persistent dysphoria and I suspect; poor blood sugar and endocrine regulation, inefficient use of lipids and sugars, sluggish thyroid, reactive adrenals that crash on the reg, impulsive behaviors and cross addictions.

My dad burned his kidneys out taking too many medications and it seems every time I’m prescribed something I have side effects, so the motivation to go get medicated for life enhancement is just not there.

For the number I did on myself through my life, I am relatively healthy. I’m sure I’d be a cleaner, leaner, happier organism if I hadn’t abused myself from age 25 to 50 but I did. So it is what it is.

I’m fortunate to not be morbidly obese, to not have chronic pain that limits exercise, to have family that loves me, to have quit drinking. I need to just accept what is, and stop torturing myself on a regular basis.

Dropsie

Yes, yes , yes!

entropy1964

Ok so you went from being fired up on keto, to realizing that keto often can affect work outs, to absolutely killing it while working out, to eating for muscle and over all health, to slipping back into bad habit. And that happened fast.

What does intuitive eating mean to you? How about intuitive exercise?

How does control play into this? Obsession?

Thoughts?

Stayingsassy

Now you’re starting to get why I’m posting about it.

OCD. Intuitive eating would be amazing. Do people exist who can do that? It sounds like something I’d never be able to do. I think I’m going to die with my brain tied up in this ********.

However, I seem to be pulling out of “bad habit weekend.”

I have to sing tonight at 8:30 pm (band practice) so I have to be careful: too much and it affects vocal quality.

I was just discouraged today to find myself ravaged with hunger, diet thoughts, body image issues, you name it: it was awful.

On another note: I spent all weekend going through every photograph in my home, because I felt a strong need to see pictures of my Dad on my walls. So there was some organizing going on. Not at all something I normally do...

Dropsie

That sounds very positive.

Dropsie

Posting pictures of you Dad sounds very positive.

Stayingsassy

And yesterday I spent four hours at the piano with my daughters...playing all the pieces I used to play, giving lessons to youngest and eldest. Then yesterday evening, singing from 8:30-10-30.

I don’t know why, but maybe that project with my father brought forth his spirit somehow.

My father’s biggest happiness was seeing me onstage, back when I was thinking I’d be a concert pianist and dabbling in musical theater. he was proud of me for spending time devoting myself to family and learning my career but he always wanted me to be onstage. I haven’t spent this much time with music in years.

About 4-6 months before he died my husband was chatting about starting a band with me and tired as he was, my dad’s face completely lit up. He never got to see me do it, he died before I picked this up again, 30 years later.

Food and diet obsessions are quiet today.

Dropsie

Music creates bonds.

Stayingsassy

So much more than screens do. My lord, what screens have done to us. All the organic things we used to do that spring from the heart and soul, in ways they are lost to us.

Cosima11

Sass, I bring this quote from all the way over in O's thread cause I didn't think that would be the appropriate place to address it, but I have to ask.. How much of this alcohol/food thing is tied up with sex for you? I'd say I know my own "power" now in ways I never did as a drinker, and part of that is definitely sexual (even if technically I was hotter when I was younger). If the inverse were true I can imagine how frustrating it would be.

But maybe if you found a sober (and non marriage threatening) outlet? Like take a pole dancing exercise class.. not actually joking, though of course that's merely one example of an option. It's not really about how thin you are, it's how you feel about yourself. The rest will follow imo.

Again, I don't know what the best dietary route is for you, but I think quelling the obsession needs to be top priority. It's nice that you've gotten back into music and have been making these new memories with your kids and husband..

Grymt

As I wrote before I went cold turkey on sugar. The first day was horrible. Felt like going through a wringer. Then a couple of days later I feel really good. Full of energy and enthusiasm. Yesterday I drove to the city to do things. This morning when I woke up I started to feel strong cravings. Not for anything in particular. I remember the instructions, be aware of the feeling, relax the gut, and be patient. It got to where I was feeling weak and dizzy. I kept doing what's recommended and suddenly it passed. Back to feeling good but now with a faith born of experience that it's going to be ok.

Stayingsassy

What an interesting question, and quite perceptive of you. It’s something for me to think about more carefully.

I’m not going to answer that question here, but let’s just say I could write a book.

Dropsie

So back to the diet thing - I have now been eating keto for one month, and have lost five pounds, the same five pounds that I lost after the first week or so.

I do not cheat, I dont not overdo the dairy, do not overdo the calories, eat fats and take excellent MC8 oil, and have been in ketosis since I started testing a couple weeks ago.

I really dont get it. All my weight is in my mid-section, and it is all there ripe for the taking, but there it stays. It may be that truly nothing will help -- Frustrating.

Rant over.

Grymt

From my reading I gather that loosing the belly flab is difficult and there are certain things that should be understood.
Patience and persistence

"Subcutaneous Fat Loss

"Visceral fat is more responsive to diet and exercise, but these same strategies work to fight subcutaneous fat, too. Your body doesn't discriminate from where it mobilizes subcutaneous fat when you create a calorie deficit, though. It may hold onto the subcutaneous fat in your belly longer than it does abdominal visceral fat or subcutaneous fat in other parts of your body, such as your buttocks, arms and face. How your body loses weight is determined by your genetics. Be diligent and patient with your weight-loss efforts, and you will eventually lose your belly flab along with the apron-like fat."

REFERENCES & RESOURCES

• Harvard Health Publications: Taking Aim at Belly Fat
• The Royal College of Nursing of the United Kingdom: Body Fat Percentage
• Rush University Medical Center: Is There 'One Trick' to Losing Belly Fat?
• Centers for Disease Control and Prevention: How Much Physical Activity Do Adults Need?
• American College of Sports Medicine: ACSM Position Stand on Physical Activity and Weight Loss
• Journal of Obesity: High-Intensity Intermittent Exercise and Fat Loss
• National Institute for Diabetes and Digestive and Kidney Diseases: Weight-Loss and Nutrition Myths "

murrill

Disclaimer: I do not consider myself to be "in recovery" from my eating disorder. I finally owned up to having a problem I could not control late last year. I sought therapy (very helpful) and since then my relationship with food has ebbed and flowed, but I've been in a pretty good place for a month or so now.

My therapist & I debate the "intuitive eating" issue at times. I dislike the term. It is too loosely defined to be of value to me. Anyway, I think I am getting to a pretty good place with food, though I am far from where I want to be. My anchor is three meals a day. It is an easy practice to make, and I have a success to feel good about. Sugar: Not sure about whether I have to abstain or not, but I am not bingeing these days. I've tried all sorts of plans and programs, and I become overwhelmed by the minutiae. A diet that eliminates a food group sets me up to crave the off-limits food!
In the several months that I have tried to address my eating disorder, I have learned that I am best with whole foods, three meals plus a couple of snacks, lean proteins and complex carbs. I have strayed, of course, but I notice that I wander less often & for shorter periods. I think this is a behavior modification challenge for me. I have to remain mindful, so I begin the day with something relevant--meditation, a writing exercise, something from my eating addiction workbook--and I state an intention for the day. And I stop thinking about food all the darn time!!!!
One of the most frustrating parts in all this is that, despite having some control over eating & not bingeing, I have not lost weight. My therapist says there is something called "set weight" which means your body holds only to a certain weight. I realized I cannot make the scale my measure of success.
When I quit smoking many years ago, my turning point was when I no longer wanted to quit smoking--it was when I wanted to become a non-smoker. There's a difference. At the root of my problem is an eating disorder; being overweight is a side-effect of that. I made a decision to stay the course: I was changing behaviors and attitudes even if I was not losing weight. I was not ready to discount the small steps I had made, so I decided to find non-scale victories. I count success in terms of healthy eating and exercise.

Hawkeye13

Drops I post more later but it takes some time for hormones to regulate and your body to settle down. One month isn’t long in the scheme of things. This isn’t a diet but a lifestyle change.

One early problem some have is not eating enough, believe it or not

Stayingsassy

This is going to sound extreme and not something that anyone has to do, but when I was keto from 2015-2017 and I had lost 60 lbs, about halfway through I quit eating dairy and cut the rest of my fats back a bit, upped my carbs a bit in the form of squashes, above ground vegetables, etc and the rest of my weight came off immediately.

Dairy can be inflammatory. And leaves: any leaves, can be goitrogenic.

Keto is bound to stall me while paleo never does, paleo just gets me down to a correct weight. At least when I was drinking it did.

And then, alcohol sobriety packs all my weight back on.

I have to go now because I need some granola, as this week I am eating emotionally and that just is what it is. Should I eat emotionally, NO. But I DO eat emotionally, so that’s just where it is this week.

Dropsie

Thanks everyone. I am lucky in that I never eat emotionally, dont really like food that much. I have followed Whole 30, which is a strict form of paleo, for 6 months and lost, you guessed it, nothing....but I felt great. I could cut diary out on keto if I thought that would help, but I am not sure it would....I am just going to keep on keeping on for now as its only been a month,and I do feel good, but I really want to get rid of this fat around my midsection. I am trying to "be diligent and patient with your weight-loss efforts, and you will eventually lose your belly flab along with the apron-like fat." I fear it is a set weight issue, but its so tiring. Thanks again.

Stayingsassy

I’m going to tell you all a little anecdote from my past.

I was a food addict before I became an alcoholic. Alcohol was a tool I used to manage my food addiction.

When I was in high school, I began eating a lot of sugar and bread products, and gaining a lot of weight. It happened when I got my drivers license, and I could get away from my mom and buy any food I wanted and eat as much of it as I could away from her eyes. So from about age 16-18, I’d buy hostess cakes, cookies, and candy, and keep them in my car. At some point, I realized that I could steal food and it was easy, I wore a jean jacket and I would slip those 2 pound bags of peanut m and m’s into the inside side pocket, then go back to school for the afternoon, eating it all day before I had to go home to my petite mothers prying and disapproving eyes.

Mind you, I had never stolen anything in my life. I was not a thief. Ever. But when it came to food, something would come over me, and I would just take things form grocery stores. Wouldn’t you know it, one day I got caught by a security camera in a store. I was arrested with a misdemeanor theft charge. It was a snack cake and some candy that I slipped into my purse.

My parents sent me to a therapist. He tried to hypnotize me many times, but I couldn’t be hypnotized. He let me talk a whole bunch about things, ways I felt my parents were failing me, boys I liked, food I couldn’t stop eating. He told me about the microbiotic diet and said I should try it. Then he told me I should tell my brain I am “dropping” weight, because “lost weight” is something to be found again.

So I eventually stopped going to him and never went to therapy again, honestly it was kind of a lame but very expensive project my parents had to pay for.

The courts gave me a probation officer to help get the charge off my record.

He was the only one who ever asked me honest questions about my problem. He asked me if I was bulimic. No, I I said. He asked me if I was a binge eater. He told me it was strange for a white collar daughter to be stealing food and he was genuinely perplexed, and asked me a lot of deep questions that I really couldn’t answer. Then he said “you’re getting a second chance here. I don’t know what you should do about your eating disorder, I don’t even know what kind of eating disorder you have. But you can’t ever steal food, or anything else, again.” I said, ok.

About a year later I traded food love for alcohol. Boy did it work. I lost all the weight. Boys loved it. I found boys and alcohol were really fun together when I wasn’t getting myself into really dangerous and creepy situations. There was a date rape once. But overall I was impressed at the respect most boys gave me when I was drunk, I’d say 98 percent of them would back off at any point I was done playing for the evening.

I got tired of my promiscuous image in a small town. Finished my schooling, did quite well, and met a nice man to settle down with. I picked a man who was “steady,” knowing that I was chaotic....and I needed someone steady to balance me out. He’s pretty much kept being steady for me for 23 years.

But, I have ping ponged between alcohol addiction and food addiction for a very, very long time now. I have two grown kids and one teen and a husband, and I will be 50. This is the longest I’ve ever stayed away from alcohol. It’s pretty miraculous. But the food thing....it’s just there, and I think it always will be.

I think sometimes I’ll fast it off or exercise it off and sometimes I’ll gain again and sometimes I’ll eat so much I vomit and sometimes I can’t sleep my stomach hurts so badly....but these behaviors are as old to me as time, they are as old as the day I snuck into the kitchen at age 2, and emptied out every cabinet of cookies, and the fridge of pudding, all over the floor to have myself a big binge, as a baby. At that time my mom thought it was so cute that there is picture evidence of the event on her wall.

It’s just me. It’s not going away. So far it’s less dangerous than alcohol, which threatened to kill me and take everything I had. So far, anyway.

Musings on a Friday night.....