I am in withdrawal. It really sucks. Just when I think that I am through the rawest and worst of it I start feeling really bad again.

Most withdrawals take 5-10 days at most. Maybe what I am having is PAWS. Yep....that's probably what it is....I just looked up the symptoms and that makes a whole lot of sense.

Everyone keeps telling me that everything will be okay if I just keep doing the next right thing...if I keep coming back until the miracle happens.
...

I was just reflecting on how 6 years ago I found Sober Recovery. At the time I had fallen in love with a man that claimed to be in recovery.

Of course, that was a lie. I had never known someone that could look you in the eyes, answer a question with a lie, and never flinch or flicker. "No, I'm sober" he stated without even the slightest hint at his duplicity.

And so it all began. Yes, he did get sober 5 months later. Yes, I ended up marrying him 16 months...

I already know the answer to my question. It's because of my insanity. I keep doing the same things and expecting different results. If I explain myself better, if I make it clear, if you know how much it hurts me then you'll be different.

This is when I know to go back to the first step. If I jump right into Step 2 then it won't work. So here I am with Step 1 - yet again.

I am powerless over people, places, and things. I have no power over whether someone is...

I am in a grief process because I am finally at the point of acceptance. As I have progressed in my own recovery I've repeatedly experienced having to let go of how I want another person to be.....particularly my husband. And I am beginning to accept that this relationship will never ever be what I want or need.

When he first became sober 5 years ago (he had a 20 year history of cracK addiction) we both committed to lives revolving around recovery and all of it's principles. I...

I walked into the house and there were all the things that I have been missing for the last 25 years. Where had that brass chest been? And the leather rhino? The brass lamp with the deer? Do inanimate objects really not have the cellular memory that we as humans have? How can they not remember me when I remember them so clearly?

And then I saw him swaying and moving to the music playing. All of the ways he swayed and moved with me. The light in his eyes and the humor that he...