Quinnleigh

I started reading the RR book this morning (whilst sober). With every page, my AV is screaming and thrashing to get a drink, "we cant read this sober, it's too unsettling", still I persisted.

On pg 23 I came across the line:
"What would you be doing today if you hadnt been drinking the last ten years?"

And it broke me, I just sobbed for an hour at how different my life would have been. I would have had a baby, kept a relationship, had more friends....the list went on.... so much squandered life...

I kept reading and it said "So do you want anything better than whats going on now?"

Yes, yes I do.

So Im keeping on reading...

tammy711

Keep us posted. I am excited for you.

Tippingpoint

Really glad to see that you're inching your way to your very own tipping point.

Maybe tomorrow could be your Day 1.

Tippingpoint

So? Any progress to report?

Quinnleigh

My day 1 has not yet arrived. Im still reading the book, about 100 pgs to go... I know its a different way to others to read it before hand, but I am still learning about my AV whilst I am feeding it (or at least in the sober time before hand).... I feel more armed going into day 1 having read the book first... it is the way that will work for me. Tholen I will re read to reinforce. I have been practicing Gestalt therapy for 10 years so Im quite advanced at awareness of "constructs" such as the AV/Beast. Even got a visual for mine (he kind of looks like Gollum).

Also, in the book he keeps asking, have you had enough drink yet..are you ready... and whilst I think my tipping point is close, I am not yet there. It probably sounds like excuses but Ive got to really hate it to do this... Im going to jump soon... I dont want to do it half=arsed, I will jump as soon as I can (with full awareness the beast will also be tricking me into delaying).

Tippingpoint

Your post doesn't sound like excuses to me....

It sounds like AV. It sounds like the beast. It sounds like your Gollum.

Couldn't possibly attempt to quit till you've got your PHD in AVRT - no point doing it half arsed - who could disagree with that. You AV is likely telling you that now that you've got the answer all laid out for you in this terrific book, that you can ditch this whole recovery thing for a couple more years and stop posting at this silly website.

YOU know for a fact that YOU want to quit drinking...look at your posts. The only one that isn't ready is your BEAST.

By quitting drinking you will finally be able to get some separation between you and the beast and finally become aware of the hypocrisy and the nonsense of this addiction that has you by the throat.

Taking control of it - exerting authority over it - is one of the most liberating things you will ever do in your life.

You need to give yourself a deadline - pick a day - if it isn't going to be today then when is it going to be? Tomorrow? Friday? Pick a day and see what your beast has to say about it? Now move it forward a few days and see how it reacts?

tammy711

I think Tippingpoint is correct. If you want to try AVRT, then you do have to pick a date. That is what I did. I think it was a Wednesday or a Thursday and I picked the following Monday. I don't know what "the # of days" in the future it should be, but picking a date to start your new, improved life is a good place to start.

You appear to be cycling in contemplation.

"What we plant in the soil of contemplation, we shall reap in the harvest of action." -Meister Eckhart

Good Luck. I am rooting for you.

soberlicious

Tippingpoint is SPOT ON. Your beast is not ready...but your beast will never be ready. YOU have long been ready. While it is clear you understand the ideas, you have not fully seperated from your beast.

Quinnleigh

I have a few days off coming up and I have chosen this time in order to handle withdrawal, have arranged support. The beast will never be ready I know, but in the words of Colin Hay, "Im waiting for my new life to begin".

This sounds weird but Im actually "enjoying hating" drinking. The Beast still loves it. But "I" have become more aware since reading the book how disgusting it is, and I hate being chained to it.

Tippingpoint

I found Allen Carr's book to be a good one to go hand in hand with AVRT.

I'm excited for you! You can do this.

Quinnleigh

I know right?! I read the book 10 years ago when I quit smoking and the model is very similiar... the one thing that Allen Carr states that RR book doesnt is the "celebration" each time you notice the Beast up to his tricks... and you say to yourself, isnt it wonderful Im now a non drinker / smoker etc..

I plan to do this to boost myself up. Still freaked out, but starting to get really bad memory problems, (dont remember beginning of day, or where I parked car, and im like OMG.. Im brain damaged. My life is crap. It has taken far more than it has given.

D day is coming. Is it ok to use Valium in the first few days?

freshstart57

It's a good idea to talk with your Dr. about quitting alcohol, and we always recommend that in lieu of any sort of medical advice. I am sure that your Dr. would like to know that valium or any other sort of prescription med is taken under medical supervision.

We each needed to face our fear of sobriety, Quinnleigh, the one you talked about in your first post in this thread. I will suggest that you are not afraid of being sober, but your AV is scared to death. You know what you need to do, but you need to understand that you can do it, and you will succeed.

Look at the replies you have gotten, the first one from Cleo for example. We all of us had the same thought after putting this decision into action - why did I wait so long? You have everything you need to do this now. Look at the clock and note the time - this can be the moment you quit drinking - for me, it was about 9:40 on a Monday morning. The relief that this is finally over and joy in starting your new life can start right now.

soberlicious

I didn't read Allen Carr, but I do the same thing. I quit smoking about 4 months ago and I frequently note the times it's so nice to be a nonsmoker...to be free. I point it out to everyone too LOL "Hey, did I mention I'm a non-smoker?", "I would have had to go outside right now, but seeing as I'm a NON-SMOKER I don't have to" or "Hey you guys, smell me, don't I smell good? I'm a non-smoker ya know", "Look at these fab new shoes!! I bought them with cigarette money...Did I tell you I'm a non-smoker?!" I'm not known for my subtlety. AVRT describes this as Abstinence Commitment Effect or ACE; "the pleasant up-lifted feelings reseulting from sensing control and the return of hope" and JT points out that it is different than a pink cloud that may vanish at some point...but rather "Hope feels good, and you may confidently enjoy it." Oh yeah...

BRD

I would only use it under strict medical supervision like a hospital. From your posts it sounds like you have a physical dependency on alcohol and you could use a detox.

Please go to the hospital.

soberlicious

Yeah...Quinn..your doctor needs to answer this.

I strongly second the others. You need to look at a medical detox. People can die from this.

Quinnleigh

Ok, point taken. I will see my physician today.
Due to being caught at work drinking, Im on thin ice there, and so asking for time off isnt an option.. There arent alot of jobs around ATM.

But I understand what you are saying, I have a longer period of time coming up but I dont want to wait til then. This needs to happen now.

I have stopped before (even about a month ago I stopped for 4 days) and I was ok, no sweats or DTs or anything, just irritable, it was for that attempt the doctor gave me the valium. I work in the medical field, so I know what to look out for.

Thank you for your concern and advice as always, it is your joy in your freedom that is egging me on...

Tippingpoint

Good stuff Quinnleigh!

The thing that I found helpful with Allen Carr was the length that he goes to in debunking all of the reasons why people drink...

Thirsty - it dehydrates you.

Tastes Good - it tastes awful - as all poisons do.

It relaxes me - it takes away the cravings which we associate with "feeling normal" - take away the cravings and we'll feel normal forever.

It's a social lubricant - believe me, only other drunks like drunk you!

Realizing that there are no redeeming qualities to alcohol takes away some of the sheen of romanticism that accompanies thoughts of drink. It also casts every drinker - even what we think of as "normal" drinkers as being in a stage of addiction. So when you look around at others you don't see a club that you wish you were a part of...you just see people on their way to trouble.

I found it helpful and found that it was a good match for AVRT.

Quinnleigh

Tipping Point, when you first mentioned the Allen Carr book, I thought you were just talking about the Stop Smoking one (which i suceessfully used many years ago) and transpiring that method over to booze, but today I stumbled across Allen Carr's Easy Way to Stop Drinking. Very excited I bought the e-book immediately and I agree with you, it is a VERY good match for AVRT - I like how is helps you not to miss it or envy others...

I am reading it sober for the rest of the day...

Quinnleigh

"You haven't been abusing alcohol, on the contrary, it's been abusing you." (Allen Carr).

Not wanting to detract from the awesomeness of RR, but just really liked this line.

Quinnleigh

I made an attempt, I picked a day and failed. I buckled under the beast, who took my "I" and said "Ive picked the wrong day, next week will be better, by then xyz...."

And before I knew it I had blown it.

If anything it has strengthened my resolve but trying to shake off the dissappointment and hopelessness in myself and try again. Ok not try, actually do it (Yoda / Tipping Point).