walkingonglass

I do not like who I have become. Who drinks before they even make their morning coffee?? Who needs to drink just to step outside the door and talk to the neighbour? How am I going to deal with this without my wine??? Who am I going to be without it?

RobbyRobot

All you've really done is succeed in drinking, not so much failed in not drinking, you know?

None of us can be sweet talked or otherwise "helped into" making a Big Plan to quit drinking. Its really a personal choice, and its nobody's business when that same Big Plan comes into being. Or not being, as the case may be. Don't sweat the failure. Take on the responsibility of once again succeeding in your Beast's desires and your own enduring plans to drink.

Separation is the ideal place to be. This cannot be said to often. Separation is essential. With taking on responsibility for your choice to return to drinking you're taking back the real deal of who is really in charge, and this begins the separation required with AVRT.

Forget about failure, and just become responsible for what choices are being made. This is the very best starting place to start again.

BRD

Talk to a physician. You may need a detox.

Thepatman

Pretty much as been said. I wish you the best in your journey. Life is awsome once you feel liberated. The power is inside you, waiting ;-)

Quinnleigh

Thank you but I dont need to be reminded of my own statements. If negative motivation and repeating self admonishment worked I wouldve quit years ago, and thus wouldnt be here investigating AVRT.

So I stumbled. It was a trial run. Maybe for the best. Now I know better what to expect and be armed to attack

tabasco

One of the clever tricks of the beast is to "hold your rap sheet up as evidence" of future doubt of success. Now with the doubt, the beast can sit patiently and slowly continue to work on increasing the doubt, combined with its other tricks until it gets its way.

Bin your rap sheet. It is history and in no way has a memory, or can influence your decision in the present moment.

Still learning about this but I hope that helps a little bit.

freshstart57

Coming along nicely there, Tabasco. Excellent.

RobbyRobot

Nicely said, Tabasco. I would add that all and any doubt of successfully abstaining forever -- those doubts are always pure AV. And so, it's a worthy experience to not just bin our past failures, but to also give thought and investigation into how those doubts come into being, respective with the ex-drinker's life experiences.

Much can be learned from our past failures. Even after 31 years of success, I still examine my AV for whatever clues are present. The truth is AV always holds a clue or two, lol. Being indifferent to my AV is not to say I'm clueless about it's worth to my Beast.

So for me, I examine and investigate prior to me binning my AV, or whatever else may, in future, aid my Beast. I leave no stone unturned.

soberlicious

If you look at it as "shining a light on the beast" it feels less personal. Remember, some of those really aren't *YOUR* words anyway this part...
"How am I going to deal with this without my wine??? Who am I going to be without it?"
...is AV

bjames

I was that bad too. Have you considered a medically supervised detox?

Junebugapril

I love this thought-provoking thread. If you guys have any links to really good AVRT threads or that free AVRT thing, I would appreciate it.

I have to say I found Alan Carr's stuff really annoying when I was quitting smoking.

I quit and failed many times and just kept plugging along. I used every trick in the book to quit smoking. The patch, drugs, gum, eating candy, chewing on straws, whatever it took. And I did make it. For ten years. But it took me six months of trying and failing to finally quit.

All the rigid people who said I had to quit cold turkey or it wasn't a "genuine" quit were full of it.

Do whatever it takes to quit drinking. Your way is the best way. The way you find yourself, the way that works.

Whatever that is.

freshstart57

For the free AVRT thing, you need to go to the AVRT website. There are copyright things and SR's policy about linking to commercial websites, so there you go. Google knows where to find it.

For AVRT threads, you can't do better than the one on the front page here called AVRT Discussion, the one now currently in Part 5, which means we are now up to over 2200 posts on it. There is a link to page one in the same thread.

There is another thread, AVRT Explained that I think is not bad. But that's just me.

So, JuneBugApril, jump in anytime. Looking forward to your comments and participation too.

Quinnleigh

Day 1 today (take 2)

Nailed it!
Got hit with all kinds of stress, stressful work day, ran into my ex....

But no matter what happens Im not going back.

Quinnleigh

Day 2, depressed, teary, stressed, I suppose its to be expected, body is in withdrawal stage. No AV activity unless it is playing with my emotions.... I am in no way tempted though. Just dumped all the bottles in the recycling bin and was happy I never have to do that (or hide them) again.
Even though I depressed Im happy to be free. Its small but its there. Things will get better and brighter Im sure of it.

Tippingpoint

Good work Quinnleigh!

In the very beginning it can be very difficult - there's no real payoff for those early days of not drinking. You typically feel like crap...the sort of feeling that you really only ever medicated from in one way...drinking. It's too early for you to really start to feel good again...although it will be along shortly if you can stay with it...trust me.

I think it would be a good idea to join one of the monthly threads over in the newcomers section...Class Of November. You'll meet some folks that are going through the same things you are and be able to lean on them for support while encouraging others at the same time...very powerful in the beginning.

Junebugapril

Quinn, a lot of us are in the same boat over in Class of November. It would be great if you could join us. http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...-new-post.html

Quinnleigh

Yes thank you I will. I just find everyone there seems to be doing AA and "counting days" and that doesnt work for me. In my mind, Im done, I dont need to wait to succeed, Im already a non drinker doing my life. I just re read the Allen Carr book, and he says not to count. Why count? It's over. but I'll give it a go, maybe others are doing AVRT too...

dybehfar

Quinn,

My first few days were pretty crappy. Head in a fog. By day 5 I had clarity back but my nerves were raw and I tended to suffer a full range of emotions. I tried not to over react and take it easy.

I worked all the way through my "detox" so I found it very important not to over react to work or to what people said(my first 4 days were over a long weekend at home). In the first couple of weeks it is very easy to have your mind run off in all manner of directions. Focus was hard to come by.

By two weeks I was pretty well back to normal. Still had minor sleep issues and stress would trigger me(physical or emotional). My heart would race and anxiety would spill out. I also noticed some very slight shakiness. I would have to excuse my self, go to the restroom or some other room and just breath and calm myself down. Would only take a few minutes.

I am coming up on 1 month and things are markedly better.

So I guess my point is if you can just hang in there for several days things start to look better. For me I set expectations that I would really not feel good for a month or so and not to be hard on myself. Ignore any regrets or thoughts of the past. Also ignore any thoughts of the concept of never again. That seemed hard for me to grasp and would get my AV to start sounding off. Just get through the first couple of weeks and the rest of the RR / AVRT program can really take hold.

Hope that helps. I know you can do it.

FeelingGreat

Hi Quinn, let us know how you're going. I am a secular non-meeting ex-drinker, as well as an Aussie so really identify with you. I hope it's still on track for you, and I promise that if you can get through the initial cravings, it gets easier until you realise you haven't even thought about drinking that day/week/month. But I must admit to counting. I have a calendar full of black crosses, one for every day without my favourite prop. It's been 33 weeks so far.

Quinnleigh

Thank you for saying that, congratulations on your one month!

.... I am finding my mind / memory is all over the place, I walk into a room but forgotten what for.... and was thinking I might be permanently brain damaged. Im scattered, start doing one task, but then go off on another.. Feeling no energy...

I too have been working through my detox, and I have noticed like you, a bit of shakiness, and heart racing. But it settles down. Sleeping ok, taking a little valium.

Day 3 today. It feels like longer! Today is a day off for me which will be more challenging. But every time it comes into my mind I play a little scene out where I kill my beast and then celebrate that Im free, and think about the good things that are going to come (hopefully a baby, weight loss, more money etc)..

Thanks for your support FeelingGreat, glad there is another Aussie aboard ...33 weeks congratulations...

I did a rough calculation and realised that my drinking was costing me $20 a day, thats $7300 a year. Yay, I'll have that money back now thanks Beast!