Weekender Thread 28th June to 2nd July 2018
Member
Join Date: Jun 2017
Posts: 148
Thanks for the great post PJ - just touched a spot for me. Hope you feel OK today Snufkin. Happy Canada day!
Being retired, I miss the special days off here in France. The weekends? They are the same as every other day too. It's tough.
Being retired, I miss the special days off here in France. The weekends? They are the same as every other day too. It's tough.
Member
Join Date: May 2014
Location: northeast US
Posts: 715
Originally Posted by PhoenixJ 
Snuf...I get that. The shame and guilt btw- is you directed at you,,no one here will judge you. How many times, thousands of times did that happen to me??
It seemed to me if I drank- it was like I just did not understand why. The reason, I think - for that is because addiction does not follow logical thought. It is connected to a physical feeling, which gives and emotional response. The trick for me- was to build in a fail safe switch- so I do not go from good intentions to drinking. I know a guy, 10y sober- who for no reason he could understand- skulled a bottle of Japanese cooking wine, He was not stressed, had a good life- stable partner etc. He went on a 7 year bender. He does not understand why.
That is where the acceptance of being entirely and utterly unable to drink - to accept this as a FACT for me is so important. I can only do this with checkups from my GP- for major depression, PTSD etcetc, a counselor so I can work through keeping sober and a psychologist - with CBT to change my thinking.
My fail safe switch depends on a battery- that only gets recharged with constant effort.
I post here a lot, write books of journal stuff, paint a lot of crap (instead of drinking away a lot of crap) and make sure I avoid booze- and those who do booze. I also seek purpose- listen to advice and do stuff I do not understand why, or want to- because professional advise me too.
Meetings are very important- for me so I do not isolate - 'humaning' and to accept that this free group therapy is good..I do not hold to the god bit- but that is beside the point. I hear people say 'AA is not for me'..well it really is not for anyone. I try to focus on the prize- continued sobriety, rather than stay in the problems...
It takes work and focus- but you do not have to reach the depths of hell I went to..you can learn from others. Remember to rest, eat and hydrate- get some help...today is a new day and this moment is all we will ever have. The past cannot hurt us unless we let it.
Try to be kind to yourself...support to you.
It seemed to me if I drank- it was like I just did not understand why. The reason, I think - for that is because addiction does not follow logical thought. It is connected to a physical feeling, which gives and emotional response. The trick for me- was to build in a fail safe switch- so I do not go from good intentions to drinking. I know a guy, 10y sober- who for no reason he could understand- skulled a bottle of Japanese cooking wine, He was not stressed, had a good life- stable partner etc. He went on a 7 year bender. He does not understand why.
That is where the acceptance of being entirely and utterly unable to drink - to accept this as a FACT for me is so important. I can only do this with checkups from my GP- for major depression, PTSD etcetc, a counselor so I can work through keeping sober and a psychologist - with CBT to change my thinking.
My fail safe switch depends on a battery- that only gets recharged with constant effort.
I post here a lot, write books of journal stuff, paint a lot of crap (instead of drinking away a lot of crap) and make sure I avoid booze- and those who do booze. I also seek purpose- listen to advice and do stuff I do not understand why, or want to- because professional advise me too.
Meetings are very important- for me so I do not isolate - 'humaning' and to accept that this free group therapy is good..I do not hold to the god bit- but that is beside the point. I hear people say 'AA is not for me'..well it really is not for anyone. I try to focus on the prize- continued sobriety, rather than stay in the problems...
It takes work and focus- but you do not have to reach the depths of hell I went to..you can learn from others. Remember to rest, eat and hydrate- get some help...today is a new day and this moment is all we will ever have. The past cannot hurt us unless we let it.
Try to be kind to yourself...support to you.
Member
Join Date: Nov 2012
Location: German Village, Columbus with my love ♥
Posts: 88,521
Originally Posted by Snufkin
Sadly... it’s a big big fail tonight. 
I had a really bad day at work, which I could talk hours about, but I think excuses are not the point... anyway, after my nightmare-shift, I still had to stay for a while to help carry some stock to another restaurant. When we were finally done, my coworkers asked if I wanna join them for a pint. I was mad at my boyfriend, exhausted with work and so angry at what happened, I didn’t even think much before I said yes. It was so late... shops were closed. How much can I drink with my colleagues anyway?
At first it was so nice - I felt great. Included... anything I’ve ever wanted - to belong, so I didn’t mind that all we did was talking crap about other people working in our restaurant (pathetic - I’m aware). As soon as I touched my fist beer, I knew that the speed we’re going with won’t be enough for me, so I insisted on buying everyone rounds, so I could have sneaky shots at the bar. Wow how cliche.
We’re finally done, I stumbled back home, drunk as one can get... first thing I thought of - time to die - where are my blades? I looked everywhere, but my BF did an amazing job and I couldn’t even find a pair of scissors. That’s when I started feeling sick... and my beautiful evening with such great friends turned into a vomitorium.
And now I’m here... restless and shameful in bed...
Was it worth it? Heh...
I’m thankful I didn’t hurt myself tonight.
I had a really bad day at work, which I could talk hours about, but I think excuses are not the point... anyway, after my nightmare-shift, I still had to stay for a while to help carry some stock to another restaurant. When we were finally done, my coworkers asked if I wanna join them for a pint. I was mad at my boyfriend, exhausted with work and so angry at what happened, I didn’t even think much before I said yes. It was so late... shops were closed. How much can I drink with my colleagues anyway?
At first it was so nice - I felt great. Included... anything I’ve ever wanted - to belong, so I didn’t mind that all we did was talking crap about other people working in our restaurant (pathetic - I’m aware). As soon as I touched my fist beer, I knew that the speed we’re going with won’t be enough for me, so I insisted on buying everyone rounds, so I could have sneaky shots at the bar. Wow how cliche.
We’re finally done, I stumbled back home, drunk as one can get... first thing I thought of - time to die - where are my blades? I looked everywhere, but my BF did an amazing job and I couldn’t even find a pair of scissors. That’s when I started feeling sick... and my beautiful evening with such great friends turned into a vomitorium.
And now I’m here... restless and shameful in bed...
Was it worth it? Heh...
I’m thankful I didn’t hurt myself tonight.
Lean in girl....we got your back.
♥♥
Member
Join Date: Mar 2014
Posts: 25,373
I struggled with all kinds of issues over my life...I get it with the food, the alcohol, the sweets, the self-harming. May as well add cigarettes, gambling, drugs and inappropriate sex while I'm at it. OH! Shopping. Pretty classic pathology. My love goes out to all who are struggling. It was always about control (or lack of it) for me.
As much as I agree with PJ's great post, I think the one thing that did help me the most was a strong connection to the greater Creation/Nature/God - whatever you want to call "it." That we are all connected in this short blip of a life. The acceptance that I cannot do it alone. That we all struggle. That this life can be difficult. Difficult isn't a reason for me to self-destruct. There are solutions for whatever the problem is, and the solution is within.
I'll again say that my biggest recovery has been from codependency. I was raised as a good little go-along, get-along, don't-make-waves, don't tell family secrets, worry-about-what-everyone-thinks person. My mother was raised like that and she tried to mold me into this person who always went along with - rather than confront. Boundaries? What is that? I didn't learn about boundaries until I was 30. Thank you baby Jesus for finally getting through to me. I don't have to put myself last. I can stand up for and go after what I want. I am worth it, just as I am. I can protect myself from harm and I can practice self-care. Daily. Emphasis on the Daily part. It is a discipline.
I have a 100% success rate in getting through bad days. As Dee would say, they don't have to be graceful. Many (most) of them are survived without hurting myself because of it. That's a big deal for me. I stopped punishing myself for other peoples' actions.
As much as I agree with PJ's great post, I think the one thing that did help me the most was a strong connection to the greater Creation/Nature/God - whatever you want to call "it." That we are all connected in this short blip of a life. The acceptance that I cannot do it alone. That we all struggle. That this life can be difficult. Difficult isn't a reason for me to self-destruct. There are solutions for whatever the problem is, and the solution is within.
I'll again say that my biggest recovery has been from codependency. I was raised as a good little go-along, get-along, don't-make-waves, don't tell family secrets, worry-about-what-everyone-thinks person. My mother was raised like that and she tried to mold me into this person who always went along with - rather than confront. Boundaries? What is that? I didn't learn about boundaries until I was 30. Thank you baby Jesus for finally getting through to me. I don't have to put myself last. I can stand up for and go after what I want. I am worth it, just as I am. I can protect myself from harm and I can practice self-care. Daily. Emphasis on the Daily part. It is a discipline.
I have a 100% success rate in getting through bad days. As Dee would say, they don't have to be graceful. Many (most) of them are survived without hurting myself because of it. That's a big deal for me. I stopped punishing myself for other peoples' actions.
Member
Join Date: Mar 2014
Posts: 25,373
Yeah, Purps - I know. But the self-respect is worth more than any job.
It takes finesse to stand up without being offensive,
. I lost a job (I quit right before I was fired) by refusing to go along with ethical dishonesty. <-- Is that an oxymoron?
It takes finesse to stand up without being offensive,
. I lost a job (I quit right before I was fired) by refusing to go along with ethical dishonesty. <-- Is that an oxymoron?
Member
Join Date: Mar 2014
Posts: 25,373
Originally Posted by andyh
how's your fridge doing today Bim?
Not recommended. I was willing to take that chance to shut it up.
Member
Join Date: Mar 2014
Location: Colorado
Posts: 3,474
.
Fridges freeze the Freezer. A Fan, controlled by a Thermostat, moves 'some' of that chilled Air to the Fridge section. With a Gauge of some type, ensure the Fridge part is still cold enough to keep Food.
.
Fridges freeze the Freezer. A Fan, controlled by a Thermostat, moves 'some' of that chilled Air to the Fridge section. With a Gauge of some type, ensure the Fridge part is still cold enough to keep Food.
.
Member
Join Date: Mar 2014
Posts: 25,373
Originally Posted by MesaMan
.
Fridges freeze the Freezer. A Fan, controlled by a Thermostat, moves 'some' of that chilled Air to the Fridge section. With a Gauge of some type, ensure the Fridge part is still cold enough to keep Food.
.
Fridges freeze the Freezer. A Fan, controlled by a Thermostat, moves 'some' of that chilled Air to the Fridge section. With a Gauge of some type, ensure the Fridge part is still cold enough to keep Food.
.
I did learn how all that works - AFTER I stuck a pencil in the fan at 3AM.
ours de petit cerveau
Join Date: Aug 2017
Location: London, UK
Posts: 1,630
Originally Posted by biminiblue
Not recommended. I was willing to take that chance to shut it up.
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