TennantSmith

I drank last night.

I don't know what to do anymore.

LBrain

You have brains in your head.
You have feet in your shoes.
You can steer yourself any direction you choose.
You're on your own. And you know what you know.
And YOU are the guy who'll decide where to go - - Dr. Seuss

TennantSmith

Awww, LBrain, that's perfect and you are right.

I keep going back to "It's so simple and that's what makes it so difficult"

I don't want to be a liar on here or in my life. Or a hypocrite.

ZaBoozer

Hey TS,

Well the thing to do is get back on your bicycle and start again. Figure out what the trigger was and adjust your plan accordingly.

One day at a time - you can do this.

Be safe and be strong.

Cheers

ZAB

Soberwolf

(((((Michelle))))) dust yourself off have you got a plan my friend ?

TennantSmith

Yes I created a plan and wrote it down.

But of course, I also wrote as part of my plan "This won't work unless you do it"

ScottFromWI

What is the plan? Perhaps sharing it here would lend some accountability to it for you.

TennantSmith

Okay, here it is. I'm open to input

--make bed daily (this is to establish routine)

--Meditate daily

--Journal daily

--30 minutes of exercise

--Have people to call or text

--SR daily

--Gratitude thread, 24 hour thread, and my accountability thread

--Job search

I don't know. Maybe I'm missing something.

LBrain

you sure are missing something.

Put this at the top of the list.

1. Don't pick up that first drink no matter what.

Then look at the ways to get over that urge to drink, all of the other things on you list you can do and still drink.

Setting up a routine if fine and dandy. But taking preventive measures to keep you from drinking is another story. Yes, establishing a routine is helpful, but you must include not drinking AND options to take when you find yourself reaching for that drink.

TennantSmith

LBrain, thank you. I'm going to work on that today. I appreciate your input and realize that I should have had that on the top and didn't even think of it.

ScottFromWI

I think you have a lot of good things on your list. Routine is good to keep you busy, but you also need to have specific items on the list that directly deal with the actual drinking aspect. Most specifically, how to deal with life's problems without picking up a drink. Because at the end of the day, that's really the crux of the matter - we drink to try and "get away" from our lives when it becomes difficult.

So you do have some of those on your list - SR is a great place to learn how others deal with life, and all the various methods they employ. The daily/monthly/journal threads can help with that too. But you have been doing those already - and it hasn't always, worked, right? So either you aren't doing them enough, or you need to add something else. That "something else" could be a very formal plan like AVRT/AA/Smart/LifeRing, etc. It could involve couseling - maybe you have some underlying issues that are making it more difficult to follow through on the rest.

You will figure it out if you keep trying...just keep an open mind and don't' dismiss anything until you've given it a fair shake.

TennantSmith

Is this more in line with a sobriety plan:

1. Don't pick up the first drink, no matter what

For urges:

Practice Urge surfing
Post on SR for support
Read the forums
Go to SR chat
Go for a run
Call someone and talk

TennantSmith

I have the tools for Rational Recovery/AVRT. I need to use them.

I have all of the tools I need to be sober. I need to be more active about it.

I'm realizing I'm being way too passive with my sobriety and thinking I can just go about my daily life and it'll gradually go away. That's not how it's going to work I see now.

I have to make this my top priority, not something I hope will happen magically on its own.

This is a daily learning process for me. I am just ready to learn while being sober, not learning a little bit through each relapse. I can't keep doing two steps forward, one back because it is going to catch up with me.

HoosierFarmer

Did you have to go out of the house to get alcohol or was it easily available? I'm curious also as to what was on your mind right before you drank.

TennantSmith

I had to go down to the bar. I made a conscious decision to drink. I don't keep alcohol in my house anymore.

What was on my mind was that I was anxious and I knew a drink would take care of that. What was on my mind was that I had a choice and I could stay home and I'd be fine. I'd get through the anxious feeling, go to bed and wake up okay.

I was ashamed that I was going to the bar. I went anyway. I told myself I'd only stay for a couple and then come home.

I had every single out and I blew them off.

I don't want this to be an excuse. Maybe it's part of the reason. I don't know yet.

I have ADHD. I was taking medication for it but the side effects were really bad. So the doctor switched me to a new medicine. My insurance won't pay it. I finally called my doctor yesterday and told them I need something now that my insurance will cover. I haven't heard back yet.

Many times when I choose to drink, it's because my mind is going a million miles a minute. I can't stop moving around. Having a drink calms that down.

Of course, so does meditating, chatting with others, running, and resting.

Soberwolf

Have you tried a recovery programme whether its aa or the secular based recovery programmes smart or rr ?

thats a good list michelle when i got sober i went group therapy i went aa i saw a alcoholic outreach team i started to read books based on recovery

Anna has complied a exellent list of books check it out bud http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...rituality.html

and here is help with a plan for additinal ideas http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...at-we-did.html

TennantSmith

Soberwolf, I've done AA in the past. I've considered it again but do find that RR is more of a fit.

I have some of the books and I'm getting more.

Once school is out and I have more access to a vehicle, I'm going to start going to counseling.

HoosierFarmer

I'm sure the med changes aren't helping things. I'm only 41 days into this, but for me having a weekly meeting to go to, having people who I can call if I get an urge and creating different routines than my past ones have been very helpful. I haven't read through all your other posts; are there meetings close by you can get to on a regular basis?

TennantSmith

Hoosier, no. The closest one is about 45 minutes away. I currently don't have a vehicle. Im in the process of trying to get a car and a new job. Both are slow going.

TennantSmith

Here is what I realize: no program will work for me unless I actively participate. I cannot be passive about this anymore. I cannot go about my daily life and hope that sobriety happens on its own. It doesn't work that way. Me approaching it that way hasn't worked.

This has to be a priority now and I have to be active in it. That's the bottom line.