TennantSmith

Hi everyone. I've read a few threads of this type and really found them useful and helpful. I thought I'd do my own thread. A place to journal my sobriety while having a tangible place to be accountable.

I've realized the desire to drink just pops up out of nowhere. It'll be a normal day and the thought enters my mind. It's not always a forceful thought, but a quiet, constant thought. Most times, I push it away. At other times, I give in until it's a roar.

My biggest issue right now is not 100% accepting I have a problem. I justify by saying I don't drink often, etc. But as I've said before and heard from others, its not quantity, it's quality.

Alcohol offers me nothing!! Nothing. Even one day sober gives me more than all of my drinking time combined.

I have concrete fitness goals. I have concrete life goals. I need to work on accepting 100% that I cannot drink again. Ever!

SR is a huge source of support. The words posted here are truly life changing.

Thank you for reading.

MarathonMan

Hopefully the thread will give you a place to talk through and annalyse those thoughts and compulsions before they turn into a relapse. Anything that will help keep you accountable is a positive step.

Good luck with you're sobriety goals and know we are all routing for you.

TennantSmith

Thank you!! I was journaling earlier and realized isolation and secrecy are unhealthy. So I thought this would be useful.

I'm not always good at being honest. I hide issues and that may be one of the biggest issues I need to work on.

Getting to truly know myself and being willing to present myself honestly to the world has been scary. However, it's not impossible and not as negative as I feared.

Change4good

Good thoughts! Supporting you all the way. Enjoy your sober Friday.

Soberwolf

Journaling is exellent for reflection Michelle i love looking back at my thoughts emotions feelings etc

TennantSmith

Thank you!! My youngest is babysitting my friend's boys here tonight. I suspect a lot of Star Wars and Xbox time, lol.

I'm going to attempt to make a dent in the book I'm reading. I love to read and can't believe it's taken me this long to finally read To Kill a Mockingbird, lol.

Soberwolf

Awesome book

TennantSmith

I'm enjoying it. I think I'm putting her next book on pre-order.

Well,small victory maybe? My oldest daughter got her biopsy results back. The bad white cells have increased and spread. I'm waiting for her to call back so that we can discuss it further. She's been sick for so long. We've learned to build our lives admist it. I love that she refuses to let her disease define her. However, after doing research and speaking to doctors, she's decided to not have children naturally. It's put her in a bit of a funk. It's a hard dream to release at such a young age.

And through this, unlike the past, my thoughts didnt stray to drinking but supporting her and doing what is necessary while enjoying a fun, family filled weekend.

In the past, there were times I created a drama filled story or exaggerated a situation to justify drinking. Sigh....thats just not normal. However, my behavior was never normal as a drinker. As I have more sober time, I am learning I'm actually quite nice and normal, lol.

Who would've thunk it?

lunar

Excellent thread!
I hope all turns out well for your daughter.

PurpleKnight

Sounds like a great idea Michelle!!

Dee74

Good idea TS

D

TennantSmith

Tonight is a good night. We're babysitting three boys. One group is in the kitchen making cupcakes. Two others are playing video games. Rain is about to begin.

I feel so much contentment. So much joy. My daughters are growing up so quickly. I don't want to miss any moments.

My house is full of chaos right now. It's the perfect type of chaos, though. Laughter, music, heated discussions about the perfect way to kill a zombie.

I had it wrong for so many years. THIS is living. THIS is having a life.

I'm blessed.

Soberwolf

(((Tenantsmith)))

waywardson8260

Great thread Michelle!!! I wish you and your family the best as you continue with your recovery. I have also had some tough cravings lately but am working through them.

trachemys

I'll propose a change in thought: " I need to work on accepting 100% that I cannot drink again." needs to be: "I need to work on accepting that i don't want to drink again".

"I can't drink" should be "I don't want to drink" or simply "I don't drink".

TennantSmith

Wow, you make an awesome point. Thank you!! I DON'T want to drink again.

Croissant

Hi Michelle. I just wanted to post and wish you all the best. The above post is soooo true. Do not listen to the AV when it's telling you there's more excitement from it. It's not true.

What you posted above is making beautiful memories for yourself and your children. Write this day down in your journal for them and for you. These years when they are growing up are precious. Make the most of the gifts you have right now.

Best Wishes.xx

Ultramarathoner

I choose to be alcohol free since it allows me to . . .

Anna

Michelle, I am sorry to hear about your daughter's struggle with her health and having to choose to not have biological children. That is tough to deal with, and good for you for being a strong support.

'To Kill a Mockingbird' - one of the best books ever written. Enjoy it!

TennantSmith

I've decided to head to bed early to read some more. The girls are actually the one being paid to babysit, so I gave them some brief instructions and I'm taking some time for myself.

I am loving To Kill A Mockingbird. I'm also ready for her next book that is being released July 14. I read it's the continuation of Scout's story, 20 years later.

Thank you all for the encouragement, food for thought, and support. I head to bed tonight feeling good and relaxed.