Here goes ..
Member
Join Date: Feb 2007
Location: New Zealand
Posts: 1,622
Hi Octo,
OMG!! Thank you so much for explaining so wonderfully what happens.
It happened to me on Thursday night. It started a couple of hours earlier and by 5.30pm I was parked outside the bottle store flipping out.
There I had been - safe and sound in recovery. Happily trudging my road and feeling "cured". I got a huge fright.
I managed to txt for help but I should have called. An AA rang me and the craving instantly went away. He told me that this is normal. It happens. It's OK. You ring for help when it happens and the times between it happening get further and further apart.
And I ABSOLUTELY understand when the voice does the - don't be so stupid - of course you can - it is ridiculous not to drink - thing.
I am so pleased you didn't drink Octo. You will be stronger now.
The reading in my daily book is about acceptance of our disease every day and vigilance. Helping other alchies seems to be my best insurance.
Thanks again for a great post Octo.
Steph
OMG!! Thank you so much for explaining so wonderfully what happens.
It happened to me on Thursday night. It started a couple of hours earlier and by 5.30pm I was parked outside the bottle store flipping out.
There I had been - safe and sound in recovery. Happily trudging my road and feeling "cured". I got a huge fright.
I managed to txt for help but I should have called. An AA rang me and the craving instantly went away. He told me that this is normal. It happens. It's OK. You ring for help when it happens and the times between it happening get further and further apart.
And I ABSOLUTELY understand when the voice does the - don't be so stupid - of course you can - it is ridiculous not to drink - thing.
I am so pleased you didn't drink Octo. You will be stronger now.
The reading in my daily book is about acceptance of our disease every day and vigilance. Helping other alchies seems to be my best insurance.
Thanks again for a great post Octo.
Steph
Member
Join Date: Dec 2003
Posts: 12,136
Octoman,
You've got a great friend. I've had family continue to offer me drinks, pour me drinks, that's how supportive they are. But to think your friend took it from your hand and tipped it out, and stuck around despite your humiliation and his unease .. well .. I think that's fantastic.
Please don't call yourself a psycho - that's untrue, and really not helpful. Alcoholism is neither a moral defect or a weakness - it's a disease, and it will try to tell you that you don't have one. If I had a drink in my hand today, I'm not sure what would happen either - so I protect myself at all costs.
I am very grateful that you made it past this, and that you are here to celebrate 50 days. Congratulations! And thank you for posting this, and for articulating it so well.
Rowan
You've got a great friend. I've had family continue to offer me drinks, pour me drinks, that's how supportive they are. But to think your friend took it from your hand and tipped it out, and stuck around despite your humiliation and his unease .. well .. I think that's fantastic.
Please don't call yourself a psycho - that's untrue, and really not helpful. Alcoholism is neither a moral defect or a weakness - it's a disease, and it will try to tell you that you don't have one. If I had a drink in my hand today, I'm not sure what would happen either - so I protect myself at all costs.
I am very grateful that you made it past this, and that you are here to celebrate 50 days. Congratulations! And thank you for posting this, and for articulating it so well.
Rowan
No more merlot, more mamma
Join Date: Feb 2007
Location: Hills, Ct
Posts: 2,139
Yes, you have voiced perfectly what happens when the craving hits and overtakes all good sense..been there too. It's friggin scary. And I also agree with Rowen..what a good friend you have there..
I'm glad that you made it through Octo..
Karen
I'm glad that you made it through Octo..
Karen
Community Greeter
Join Date: Aug 2007
Location: Upstate New York
Posts: 51,576
Octo, thank you for admitting....
...THE BARRIER IS PAPER THIN AFTER ALL!! No one could have said it better. My story isn't as dramatic as yours, but here it is. In our town there's a huge end of summer 3-day festival. I went with my husband, wasn't even thinking of alcohol. Dressed up, feeling good, (just like a real grown-up), I was enjoying the arts & crafts, bands, & ocean views. Strolling along, suddenly in front of me appeared a beer booth - and one part of my brain said, "Oh, cool - beer AND porta-potties all in the same location, how convenient!" My evil twin once again tried to convince me that I could use my willpower to just have 2-3 beers & enjoy the day like a so-called normal person. I had a horrible mental battle with myself, stuggled HARD to turn away from it. I wanted it so damn bad. WHY??? after all it's done to me. I won the fight, THIS time. Something tells me there will be many more similar incidents, some that I may not get through. It makes me feel like I totally do NOT have this thing made. I am scared. That's why I love SR - I can say this and no one will condemn me. I'm miserable, not encouraged. I didn't expect this. Thank you all for listening to me once again.
Sober
Join Date: Sep 2007
Location: Phoenix, AZ
Posts: 1
Hello Octo!!
I'm new to this board but not new to recovery. I read your entire thread as a start to "Get Acquainted" to this site and can really relate to your battles through your first 50 days. Congratulations on that, by the way. It is no small task and an accomplishment to cherish.
When I first stopped drinking, I was much like you in that I was sure I could do it through education, understanding, support of family and a heavy dose of willpower. I had to attend two work related events in my first 30 days where the drinks flowed heavily, and on the company's tab. They were both tough, but at the moment, my resolve was tougher and I made it through. Something I am very proud of and extremely grateful for. I also once attended a concert and ordered a Diet Coke, which must have registered differently in the ears of the bartender because I got a coke but it wasn't of the diet variety, and when I took a swig, something in me registered this as "Not Right" and I spit it back in my cup and quickly and VERY firmly requested an exchange for DIET Coke. There are only two other times in my life in which I remember being that scared, one was having a gun pointed at me by a lunatic who thought I was someone else, and the other, my first encounter with a rattlesnake without the luxury of being at a zoo. I know all too well what precarious sobriety feels like.
I am glad you have made it through your tougher times, sobriety in hand, and stronger for the experience. I believe your friend is a true one and should be hung on to.
For me, the "Paper Thin" barrier between me and the first drink wasn't enough, and after 8 months of "White Knuckling" it, I decided I needed a more thorough solution. That's when I embraced AA as that solution. It has worked for me, the mental obsession is gone, and I don't have that fear of failing. I'm not saying that I have nothing to worry about, but like I said, it's a lot easier without the obsession.
You're doing a great job!!! Keep up the good work...and I'll be following your success!!
I'm new to this board but not new to recovery. I read your entire thread as a start to "Get Acquainted" to this site and can really relate to your battles through your first 50 days. Congratulations on that, by the way. It is no small task and an accomplishment to cherish.
When I first stopped drinking, I was much like you in that I was sure I could do it through education, understanding, support of family and a heavy dose of willpower. I had to attend two work related events in my first 30 days where the drinks flowed heavily, and on the company's tab. They were both tough, but at the moment, my resolve was tougher and I made it through. Something I am very proud of and extremely grateful for. I also once attended a concert and ordered a Diet Coke, which must have registered differently in the ears of the bartender because I got a coke but it wasn't of the diet variety, and when I took a swig, something in me registered this as "Not Right" and I spit it back in my cup and quickly and VERY firmly requested an exchange for DIET Coke. There are only two other times in my life in which I remember being that scared, one was having a gun pointed at me by a lunatic who thought I was someone else, and the other, my first encounter with a rattlesnake without the luxury of being at a zoo. I know all too well what precarious sobriety feels like.
I am glad you have made it through your tougher times, sobriety in hand, and stronger for the experience. I believe your friend is a true one and should be hung on to.
For me, the "Paper Thin" barrier between me and the first drink wasn't enough, and after 8 months of "White Knuckling" it, I decided I needed a more thorough solution. That's when I embraced AA as that solution. It has worked for me, the mental obsession is gone, and I don't have that fear of failing. I'm not saying that I have nothing to worry about, but like I said, it's a lot easier without the obsession.
You're doing a great job!!! Keep up the good work...and I'll be following your success!!
Member
Join Date: Sep 2007
Location: Redefining Happy
Posts: 2,085
Hi Octo,
I cried (yep, I am a weepy gal these days) when I read your post... the tears were for you and me and all of us. I am so glad your friend risked getting "thumped" and stood up to you. What a great friend. But ya know... your friend never would have stopped you unless you had told him about your sobriety PRIOR to this. And that took A LOT of courage on your part and that helped you stay sober in a moment of weakness.
Congrats to you on day 50. Hopefully the next 50 will be easier for you now that you know more about those sneaky triggers. I always want to be 40 days behind you
... Always.
R
I cried (yep, I am a weepy gal these days) when I read your post... the tears were for you and me and all of us. I am so glad your friend risked getting "thumped" and stood up to you. What a great friend. But ya know... your friend never would have stopped you unless you had told him about your sobriety PRIOR to this. And that took A LOT of courage on your part and that helped you stay sober in a moment of weakness.
Congrats to you on day 50. Hopefully the next 50 will be easier for you now that you know more about those sneaky triggers. I always want to be 40 days behind you
... Always.R
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Aug 2007
Location: London
Posts: 345
This is why I love this forum and you folks here. I knew that if I posted what happened on Sunday I would get suport and advice that would help me get the right perspective on things.
Dee - Thanks. This has opened my eyes to the risks. I realize I cannot now take my sobriety for granted. As you say, I will not live in fear but I will be forever vigilant.
Pilgrim - It means a lot to know somebody understands what I feel and go through. These moments when they happen are awful. I'm so glad you held strong and a with us today sober.
RK2007 - Must be something in the air! Be we came through it stronger.
Rowan & Merlotmamma - I do indeed have a great friend there. I actually have followed the advice given to me on this forum and distanced myselves from `drinking` friends. Anyone I felt would threaten my sobriety I have just allowed to drift away. It is most of my friends to be honest. But the few I have left are true friends who I can trust and rely on and who want to see me get better.
Hevyn - You did it though. We are both sober today, in my case with a touch of luck and in yours with some great strength of will. Lets both move on together and do this! Im with you.
John - Hi and Welcome to SR. Thankyou for taking the time to read through the thread and share your experience. Never confronted a Rattle Snake myself but I think its a great analogy! I think the way I felt for a while on Sunday would be pretty similar. Good luck with your own recovery and be sure to keep posting and let us know how you get on.
Reubena - Waht a great way to put it! I too hope you will always be 40 days behind I am als0 glad I never 'thumped' my friend. i cant beleive the thought even flashed through my mind. I am the ultimate pacifist! I cant stand violence in any shape or form. I have never been in a fight or hit anyone in my life. I was a classic soppy drunk. More annoying that anything. Guess it shows that as my mind heals strong emotions that I have buried for years have started to surface. Good as well as bad and I will need to learn to manage them myself.
Dee - Thanks. This has opened my eyes to the risks. I realize I cannot now take my sobriety for granted. As you say, I will not live in fear but I will be forever vigilant.
Pilgrim - It means a lot to know somebody understands what I feel and go through. These moments when they happen are awful. I'm so glad you held strong and a with us today sober.
RK2007 - Must be something in the air! Be we came through it stronger.
Rowan & Merlotmamma - I do indeed have a great friend there. I actually have followed the advice given to me on this forum and distanced myselves from `drinking` friends. Anyone I felt would threaten my sobriety I have just allowed to drift away. It is most of my friends to be honest. But the few I have left are true friends who I can trust and rely on and who want to see me get better.
Hevyn - You did it though. We are both sober today, in my case with a touch of luck and in yours with some great strength of will. Lets both move on together and do this! Im with you.
John - Hi and Welcome to SR. Thankyou for taking the time to read through the thread and share your experience. Never confronted a Rattle Snake myself but I think its a great analogy! I think the way I felt for a while on Sunday would be pretty similar. Good luck with your own recovery and be sure to keep posting and let us know how you get on.
Reubena - Waht a great way to put it! I too hope you will always be 40 days behind
I am als0 glad I never 'thumped' my friend. i cant beleive the thought even flashed through my mind. I am the ultimate pacifist! I cant stand violence in any shape or form. I have never been in a fight or hit anyone in my life. I was a classic soppy drunk. More annoying that anything. Guess it shows that as my mind heals strong emotions that I have buried for years have started to surface. Good as well as bad and I will need to learn to manage them myself.
Administrator
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,457
oh yeah the anger....I was incandescent too whenever someone stopped me from drinking...it's an addict thing I think. One more bit of proof, if we need it, that we're never quite ourselves when the addiction is raging
oh, and Rowans right...you're not a psycho....nutter maybe, but not a Psycho
LOL
D
oh, and Rowans right...you're not a psycho....nutter maybe, but not a Psycho
LOLD
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Aug 2007
Location: London
Posts: 345
Lol, Definitely a nutter!
Actually, the description that fits best for me is that alcoholics have an allergy to alcohol. I really like that definition. I have read up a bit on addiction and mental health this last few months and I think an allergy to something - substance, persons, situtions, environemnts, life in general - can be a good starting point for looking at many mental health issues. Many differnet medical terms can be used to describe all sorts of condtions but what it boils down to is that some individuals have mindsets that are just not suited to their circumstances and need help adjusting.
Why is it for instance a person behaving erratically is called deranged if they are poor but eccentric if they are wealthy? One has to be changed and the other celebrated?
Nobody is `abornormal`. Just different. Unique.
Actually, the description that fits best for me is that alcoholics have an allergy to alcohol. I really like that definition. I have read up a bit on addiction and mental health this last few months and I think an allergy to something - substance, persons, situtions, environemnts, life in general - can be a good starting point for looking at many mental health issues. Many differnet medical terms can be used to describe all sorts of condtions but what it boils down to is that some individuals have mindsets that are just not suited to their circumstances and need help adjusting.
Why is it for instance a person behaving erratically is called deranged if they are poor but eccentric if they are wealthy? One has to be changed and the other celebrated?
Nobody is `abornormal`. Just different. Unique.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Aug 2007
Location: London
Posts: 345
The bigger the thread the more encouraged I become It means my recovery is ongoing. Lets hope this thread is going for the rest of my life!
Thanks Parentrecovers and everybody else for the support you have given me since I have kicked the booze. You are my sole source of support and without you I wouldnt have got this far.
Peace to all.
It means my recovery is ongoing. Lets hope this thread is going for the rest of my life!Thanks Parentrecovers and everybody else for the support you have given me since I have kicked the booze. You are my sole source of support and without you I wouldnt have got this far.
Peace to all.
Member
Join Date: Nov 2005
Location: my room in ct.
Posts: 58,110
support out rz
octo octo, were alky's, were suposed to drink, its the "not" that is so very fragile..
free beer tomorrow!
we just try not to drink today...
good show octo....
xxoo, rz
octo
But I now feel that the barrier is paper thin. I am in danger of drinking at any point.
free beer tomorrow!
we just try not to drink today...
good show octo....
xxoo, rz
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Aug 2007
Location: London
Posts: 345
You're right Rusty. i think my mindset and body were perfectly designed to get hooked on booze. I was an alky before I took my first sip. I'm sure of it.
But we can change our nature. I see people on here doing it every day and I am going to do it too!
But we can change our nature. I see people on here doing it every day and I am going to do it too!
Currently Active Users Viewing this Thread: 1 (0 members and 1 guests)
