Octo, thank you for admitting....
...THE BARRIER IS PAPER THIN AFTER ALL!! No one could have said it better. My story isn't as dramatic as yours, but here it is. In our town there's a huge end of summer 3-day festival. I went with my husband, wasn't even thinking of alcohol. Dressed up, feeling good, (just like a real grown-up), I was enjoying the arts & crafts, bands, & ocean views. Strolling along, suddenly in front of me appeared a beer booth - and one part of my brain said, "Oh, cool - beer AND porta-potties all in the same location, how convenient!" My evil twin once again tried to convince me that I could use my willpower to just have 2-3 beers & enjoy the day like a so-called normal person. I had a horrible mental battle with myself, stuggled HARD to turn away from it. I wanted it so damn bad. WHY??? after all it's done to me. I won the fight, THIS time. Something tells me there will be many more similar incidents, some that I may not get through. It makes me feel like I totally do NOT have this thing made. I am scared. That's why I love SR - I can say this and no one will condemn me. I'm miserable, not encouraged. I didn't expect this. Thank you all for listening to me once again.