squiz

Hey Badger. Sounds stressful at the minute for you. You said it though, your family need SO much time to get used to trusting you again. I was thinking from your wifes perspective, she was probably used to the time with you away as her sanctuary from the madness. She may still be treating it like that. She also might need to keep staying detached from you for fear of reaching out and getting a message back alerting her to the fact that you've fallen back into old ways. Pop psych but whatever the reasons we all have to give everyone around us infinite time to readjust 🙂 Hope you start doing better together soon. All you can do is keep up with the sobriety and hugs.

Kachal, I've been a bit the same with my boyfriend. I need a bit of extra peace sometimes (never did before). I tell him I'm feeling super grumpy and he backs off a bit. Once I started feeling good again I did make myself pretty busy and spent time with other people - I'm wondering if, in the early weeks, I just didn't want to risk having to add him to the list of people who have said really stupid annoying things to me about not drinking. So stayed a way a bit just in case! I should've given him more credit but it was all very new and raw and a bit like dangerous ground.

Hope everyone's doing well. I had a terrible thought the other day, now that things have plateaued, that wouldn't it be good to go back, binge a bit and then be able to experience the high of quitting again? Madness. The brain is a wicked weapon, I pointed it in a more sensible direction! 😀

hns0685

Hey everyone, checking in on day 40. Still on vacation in Vegas. No temptations of drinking at all yesterday. In fact I noticed that most everyone walking around with a drink in their hand looks like a zombie.. stone faced, like they don't appear to be even having a good time. Meanwhile my girls and I have been cracking jokes, laughing, and just being silly together! It's funny how our brain tells us that we need alcohol to let loose and have a good time, when in reality that is not what I am seeing down here at all. In fact last night on our way back from dinner we walked by a couple who were fighting, both had drinks in their hands, girl was crying.. it brought back so many memories of drunken arguments. So grateful to be sober today.

Squiz- it's funny that you mention the high of quitting again. My whole life I've had this thing where I will tear myself down (self-sabbotage) only because building myself up again feels so good. For example, losing weight and getting in excellent shape only to start eating like crap, gain the weight back just to restart... it's really sick actually. But I completely get it. The thing with drinking is that I don't think I have enough inner strength to get sober one more time. I really feel like if I drink again I'm done this time.

I feel like our group has gotten pretty small.. how's everyone doing?

Viperidae

An extremely stressful day yesterday. Absolutely awful. I had a total mental breakdown. No excuse, but when I calmed down I went immediately for ‘the drink.’ Now I’m still worried and stressed.

Discouraged

badgerden

Hello all, checking in. Caught up with husband and friends Sunday night got stupid, do not remember a whole lot about the night, But however the next day, husband and I were alone on the boat, and he told me how worried he was about my drinking, that he new that I had been drinking but was hoping I would get my act together, that he was concerned about my health and how he doesn't want to lose me,,,,,I cried and I told him the truth, all of it. He didn't get mad, didn't threaten to leave, or any of the things I had imagined. He was understandably concerned about the rest of my trip. I promised him and gave him my word that I was done, we hugged and he accepted my promise. Nothing else was said about it. The relief that I feel is unreal, I am embarrassed and sad about sunday night, but what is done, is done. I can't move forward if I am looking backwards.

I am not sure where I fit in here, can I stay with the september group? Should I join October, wait for November? I dont know. But after talking to husband, i feel so much pressure is gone, I have a new support system right there, and he was here all along.

I need to close now and go back to my friends, who incidentally are non drinkers.

Thank you all for your support! Love ya!

Badge

Badger07

Viper. I am so sorry you are struggling. Just to confirm - you did drink?

Badgerden - You can post wherever you are comfortable. Dee will confirm but there are no rules per se. I post in the Feb 2016 and September 2017 groups because of my recent relapse. I came here because I need to post everyday. My old group had slowed down considerably. That is great you had a frank and honest discussion with your husband. The people close to us usually know when we are drinking. Its hard to hide it. Let him support you. But take it from me - our significant others do get tired of the ******** and will eventually leave. Be strong. You are an American Badger. You can do this. Do you have the want to quit?

Day 32. Thank you Squiz. I feel better today. Sometimes I just go to a place of panic. I don't want to be that guy - the drunk.. the guy who had a great family and lost them... I refuse! I choose not to drink. I choose to be present and to be there for my family. I don't want to drink and I have the willpower to go with it. I am a Honey Badger. I simply will not quit. Join me my fellow Septemberites.

Leeloo

HNS - your trip to Las Vegas sounds intense, glad you're still having a great time. I know what you mean about the drink zombies. I almost felt a bit smug running by all the drunk people on the beach on my vacation.

Viper - Can you find an alternative action to take next time stress hits you this hard? Some sort of exercise? Or meditation? calling someone to rant? Or rant here? Anything you can do instead of going for the drink?

Badgerden - Stick with us! I just stopped being confused by all those badgers here

Badger - way to go on 1 month plus! Great you're not letting the panic win. I'm with you! I refuse!

Badger Power!

I had a crappy start to my work day. Something had gone horribly wrong, and while everyone kind of had a part in it, it was mostly my fault since it was my account. Got rightfully told off, but fortunately, I have a boss that has a "let's learn from our mistakes and move on" mentality. Went for a run after work, and now I actually feel pretty good and ready for bed.

Just a month ago I would have gone out for a "couple" of pints to get over the stress, which in the end would have just prolonged the anxiety.

Great success!

Purplrks3647

Badgerden you can always post in both groups....that's what I do....I'm in three classes at the moment

Doing okay here ~ AV is active but not for anything immediate.....my sister is moving a few hours away, having a "going away" party at a bar (which I will not be attending) but I told her I'd come up to visit her when she moves....AV loved that, especially since she and I have been long time drinking buddies....it woke right up like Oh yeah, take a few days off, go out of town and you guys can get wasted!

I won't be planning that trip anytime soon....

Hope everyone else is doing okay! Thanks for another sober day

ReadyAtLast

Hi everyone,

Sorry to hear of your struggles Badge but great your husband is so supportive. Post everywhere and anywhere I pop into Dec 12 occasionally still

Glad you are enjoying your trip HNS

Seems AV is active for many this week. Totally understand those thoughts squiz.

Mine too - "oh you'll be on holiday, relax have a few drinks, it's just a holiday, then you can stop when you get home and just drink on holidays in future but never at home., drinks by the pool, just a couple of cocktails " Why does this happen? When did I even drink just a couple of drinks? NEVER! why does it tease that you will just have 2 or 3.

I started reading This Naked Mind last night. Has anyone read it? Crazily after chapter 1 and all the talk of drinking I wanted a drink. how is that ? I don't want these thoughts in my mind. I put the book down and picked up my spy thriller instead!

Sorry to hear of your work issues Leeloo but your boss sounds great too. At least you admitted up and faced up to it, enabling you to move on.

Glad you're having a better day Badger07.

Feeling unsettled ad excited although mentally stable so thats something at least,

Kachal

Squiz, I have felt so flat the last couple of days that I had the same thought RE drinking again, quitting again, feeling that elation. I was also reading bits of the October thread, and damn if everyone who is about 10days in doesn’t seem so ecstatic. I think though, that when I was there and felt that too, it was party disbelief I had even made it that far.

Badgerden, it was my BF’s concern that finally got me to see what I was doing to myself. I was hiding from everyone a little too well. He bailed me up, said he was worried about me, said he knew I was hiding empty vodka bottles in the house, and we had a proper honest talk about it. He looked terrified. I felt ashamed. The next day I found this place. I’d love it if you stayed with us.

Happy to report that the dark mood of the last few days seems to have cleared. I have a 3 hour shift today, so it’s basically a day off. I’ve been working a lot lately.

Some excellent news: we bought a tiny bit of land up the coast. It’s an awkward site, very steep with just enough room for a little shack on stilts. But it was very inexpensive and has amazing views of the ocean. The bank just told us yesterday we were approved.

Next up: re-learn to drive so I can actually get there.

Frank14

Sorry to hear that some are having difficulties because I certainly know how it feels.

One observation I had this morning is how great it is to spend quality time with... myself! Yes, instead of being completely zonked out of my mind, I can watch a movie and actually reflect and remember it the next day. This morning I was up at sunrise walking the dogs, and it was so peaceful. In my drinking days I would have been passed out and not able to wake up for hours. I'd skip breakfast and attempt to make it through the morning with a hangover while still partially buzzed and foggy from the night before.

On reflection, the first hour or two of drinking was always enjoyable, but the next 12-16 hours were always complete hell. After 3 years of trying I honestly think the good ole AV has given up.

Stronger2017

Sorry to hear about your relapse Viper. Do you have any face-to-face support for when you have a problem like that in the future? For me, I’m definitely going to call AA in my area if I get into a dangerous drinking situation. They are always happy to talk. Obviously, there are other support lines available if you’re uncomfortable with AA for some reason. I always find it more difficult to do something personally damaging after I’ve talked it out with someone. I’d also post in the newcomers forum of SR for the same reason.

Stronger2017

HNS, I’m really happy to read about your trip to Vegas. It sounds like you’re having a great time with your family😀.

38 days for me.

Dee74

Welcome back Viper and badgerden

I don't think it's ever too late to start work on a chapter two and write a better ending to our story.

I had to change my approach tho - endlessly trying the same things wasn't helping.

maybe it's a good time to look at what you've been doing to stay sober and tweak things a little?

D

Stronger2017

Badge, I’m sorry to hear about the relapse but I’m glad you had on honest talk with your husband. I don’t think I’d be able to do this without the support of my wife. Regards the class thing, just post wherever you’re comfortable. Personally, I’d try both. Don’t wait till November though.

Viperidae

Oh yeah I did (drink). Thanks everyone. I wish I could explain the my life situation. But I need to maintain my privacy (someday I will share). Highly stressful news yesterday. Disconcerting. I’ll figure something out. It might be a good thing in the end. Better to get on top of it before I actually could have really ended up in a bad spot.

I just watched The Book of Eli. Predator is coming on. I don’t think I’ve ever said no to Predator. “GET TO DAH CHOPPAH!!!” To many good lines. Classic.

Dee74

Hi Vipe - this may be something to consider...

I had a highly stressful life too - but drinking as a response is entirely self destructive and pretty much always self defeating, in that drinking again only adds more stress.

I know you've been trying to find other ways to deal with stuff and I acknowledge that...but I really believe that once we take drinking off the table as an option, and when we're prepared for a little discomfort for a while, you'll be amazed at what you can handle.

D

Viperidae

Dee, if I took drinking off the table 10 years, 5 years, or even 2 years ago, I wouldn’t be in the position I’m in now. I’d be sitting pretty. I’ve got to get a handle on it. There’s no amount that’s ok for me.

badgerden

Thank you all for your responses and support. I am terribly ashamed of myself, but I am going to add that to my sober power list. Had a lazy day, watched tv , read a little. Wondered what my husband was thinking when we talked on the phone, he never ask if I had been drinking (no). I think that is a part of the sadness that I feel, that I disappointed him. I also know that the only way to make any sort of amends is to never drink again and that trust will have to be earned. Anyway feeling down right at the moment. Perhaps a good nights sleep will settle things in my mind a little better

Thank you again

Badge

Dee74

I reckon it takes what it takes Vipe..

You know what they say...the best time to plant a tree is 20 years ago, but the second best time is today

Neo28

Day 34.

Went out to eat with my Dad, the restaurant portion was closed so we sat in the bar section. Think this was my first time being around that kind of area since I quit. No temptation today. Replaced my usual drink with a club soda which I've been growing fond of.

Anger still lingering and trying to work this out with my counselor. Feel like it's progress recognizing everything, so that's something. Noticed a thought that I think kind of wraps up how I've been overall this week minus the anger. While not heavily depressed, it's been this feeling that I'm that guy at the end of the movie who lost everything he wanted as opposed to the guy who lost everything at the beginning. My Ex and past job still haunt me like that was it for me, I'm giving them both too much credit. Been a struggle looking like there's something better in the future.

Also been lonely and kinda want to date, but I know that's not a good idea right now. Need to be in a better place with sober me and content with my past relationship which I'm still not over. Definitely don't want more problems, just sucks feeling stuck waiting. But yeah, one day at a time. Get to wake up feeling healthy.

Thank you all for sharing. I have not posted within a day or two but it has always helped reading your posts. Hope everyone has an amazing day!