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One Year and Under Club Part 58

Old 05-04-2017, 06:26 AM
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Welcome, Sandy and congrats on 47 days!
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Old 05-04-2017, 06:35 AM
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Good morning folks.

Great advice, Toots!

It is drizzly outside at the moment so indoor stuff today. I am trying to get myself off the computer and tackle the warren of dust bunnies before going out for lunch with my bestie.

Have a good one everyone.
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Old 05-04-2017, 07:34 AM
  # 223 (permalink)  
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Thanks so much for the birthday wishes, everyone.

HelenofTroy - sorry to hear you've been feeling down, although the fact that you were able to 'catch' that moment and let the thoughts pass sounds like a pretty positive step! Hope today is a better day for you. I can really relate to what you were saying about the inner teenage rebel, by the way. In my case - I was an absurdly responsible teen, very academically driven (OK - a massive swot!) and I think that part of my drinking (which really kicked off in my mid-20s) was about having missed out on that natural rebellious stage.

I've had a bit of a low week, to be honest - I've never been a big fan of celebrating my birthday, so usually just do something very low key or nothing at all. This year, I'd planned to go out for dinner with my husband, but when it came to it, I really didn't feel like it - I was irritable, the AV had really flared up and it just didn't seem worth spending lots of money to watch other people drink alcohol in a restaurant. My husband persuaded me to try, and we got as far as sitting down in the restaurant - but I made us leave before the waitress took our order. In the end, we just got fish & chips instead! (Good thing I'm married to an understanding man, eh?!)

I'm not sure why I'm feeling so low. I think I'm frustrated with myself that I still want alcohol after 8 months. It's strange, because I seem to be running two mindsets in parallel. On the one hand, I can see how good sobriety is for me: I'm much more stable in my moods; I sleep better; I'm more able to deal with the world; I'm not expending energy on this constant low-level anxiety about where the next drink is coming from; I like and respect myself more. In these ways, sobriety feels like this amazing gift - and I feel this way about things 90% of the time. BUT... At the same time, there's this part of me that truly feels I'm depriving myself by not drinking: "If they can have a glass of wine, why can't I?"

Stargazer - as you say, I'm someone who crossed that "invisible line", and by the end I was definitely drinking to stop feeling bad, rather than because I got any pleasure from it - so logically, it doesn't make any sense that I should miss it. Yet I still do! These two outlooks seem to co-exist for me - true gratitude for sobriety and resentment about not drinking!

Dee - Thank you for nudging me about a Plan...

- I'm trying to look after myself in basic ways: eating well, taking multi-vitamins, getting fresh air with the dog, going to bed on time (the sensation of drifting off into a deep sleep is such a pleasure after years of just passing out!)
- I've started Yoga - I go to two classes per week, plus try to do a 30 min practice via YouTube each day
- I would like to start running again. I ran a marathon a few years ago, but have let my fitness slip since then. There's a local half marathon that I'd like to enter next spring.
- I'm trying to be more honest about how I actually *want* to spend my time and have started saying No to some things. Most significantly, I found the courage to end a friendship that had been bringing me down for a long time.
- I'm 100% honest with my husband about when I'm having the urge to drink. And I've started to open up about why I'm not drinking to friends.
- I try to post here several times every week and find reading other people's stories enormously helpful (thank you!)
- The longer term plan is that we're hoping to start a family in the next year, so I guess life will be completely unrecognisable after that, anyway - and stressful in a whole new way! I'm grateful for the fact that I've woken up to my drinking before having kids, because "wine o'clock" would definitely have been my crutch.

Apologies for such a long post - I'd be really interested to hear about the practical things you're all doing for your Sobriety Plans - or any long term goals you're hoping to achieve in sobriety.

x
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Old 05-04-2017, 07:35 AM
  # 224 (permalink)  
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Welcome Sandy and Toots ! once again fantastic advice.
Have a great day everyone !.
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Old 05-04-2017, 07:39 AM
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Originally Posted by tootsl1 View Post
I had to consider my life as an active drinker, and think about what I wanted from my life. If I wanted those things, I needed to choose not to drink. It is still a matter of choice. If someone says 'shame you can't have a drink' I think ' well I could have a drink, if I chose to allow my life to continue swirling the plug hole. But I choose to live an overall happier, fitter, more rounded life.
I love the way you put this, Toots - I've copied it out! Thank you!
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Old 05-04-2017, 08:22 AM
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SSOH- I am going to suggest writing a gratitude journal to add to your plan if your not doing that already. I am being a hypocrite on that because I just decided I am going to start one a second ago when I read your post. haha.

I am doing a lot of the somethings you are. Exercising, getting plenty of fresh air, taking vitamins, saying no to things I don't want to do. etc. I also do go to church which I definitely find helpful but I know everyone has different feelings about that.

I hope everyone has a great day!! I plan on doing that journal today.
thanks for all the helpful posts.
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Old 05-04-2017, 08:38 AM
  # 227 (permalink)  
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Smile

hi guys ~
I journal and have for a long time . Even when I drank--and to look back is quite amazing --the feelings you have and have had good and bad. I'm past the year mark now and I feel a lot like you guys. I still feel the urge to drink very bad at times and I just can't put my finger on why I feel down . I hate it. People have said yes, you are going to have these times and that it is perfectly normal. But, that doesn't mean I like it. Anyway-----It helps me soo much to come here. I find reading what you guys have to say helps me a lot. Thanks again for being here.
Hugs to all of you

Babs
P.S. Journaling does help !
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Old 05-04-2017, 09:03 AM
  # 228 (permalink)  
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PAWS can last a couple of years.
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Old 05-04-2017, 01:12 PM
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I must look into this thread more often, some very helpful and supportive posts here - thanks, folks
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Old 05-04-2017, 04:08 PM
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Wow, thank you all so much. There is amazing and practical advice on this thread. I haven't really been able to articulate my feelings well. The best I can come up with is feeling "blah" at times. Although yesterday, the AV had me think for a short while that the real me is just boring and grumpy! These are two adjectives that nobody would ever use to describe me! The down moods don't last long but some very negative thoughts pop up at that time. It's bloody scary actually. I just realized that perhaps I can't stay sober because I'm in fear of getting depressed. How ironic! It's very helpful to read about other's journeys at different stages. Thank you all.

But damn, I have to get ready for work! I woke up to early to get some stuff done but have been on here for over an hour. I believe it has been a very productive morning!!
Thanks have a great day all 😊
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Old 05-04-2017, 04:16 PM
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Have a great day Sandy!
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Old 05-05-2017, 12:38 AM
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SSOH never apologise for posting - length or content - we write what we need to write and sometimes it is on,y when we begin a post that the actual crux of our need comes out. If like me alcohol, the need for it, planning things around it etc dominated your last drinking months, then it took me quite a long time to get over losing my BFF 'booze'. See my BFF was who I turned to for everything... The fun stuff, the support, the sad stuff, the angry stuff.... My BFF never judged me, my BFF told me how much it needed me, how much better my life was with my BFF. So when I chose a life without having my BFF, I actually went through a kind of grieving process. It was only when I understood this and actually allowed myself to feel the grief that I moved forward. I'm not saying this is right or wrong, just that I needed to do that for me. It's ok to feel sad or angry or frustrated that you are not someone who can drink in moderation. As you progress in your sobriety, these feelings will dwindle in proportion to how much stronger you become I your sobriety. Now I get the occasional twinge ( hubby recently had a limoncello - lemon liqueur - and I really wished I could have tasted it. I love tiramisu but will never eat it again)) but my gains far outweigh anything I might feel I have lost. And unlike so many others, the cure for my disease is just to stop doing something that would have destroyed me anyway. I don't have to take medication or have an operation, I don't get worse as long as I remain sober, I am able to do most things that other people do. If I had to get one life changing disease ? I guess this is not the worst to have.
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Old 05-05-2017, 05:28 AM
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Toots you are so right about losing our BFF when we quit drinking and the need to grieve that. Thanks for sharing such insightful posts.
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Old 05-05-2017, 05:42 AM
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That is spot on Toots. I never really considered the grieving process as something that applied to giving up booze, but it makes total sense in hindsight. I had lost my BFF after decades together.

Time heals all wounds thankfully.

Have a great day all!
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Old 05-05-2017, 07:48 AM
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Yes, Toots saying good bye is hard. I hate the fact that it is always lurking around waiting to remind me that I liked to drink. Ugh. Coming here is my cure. I would not be sober if it wasn't for you guys.
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Old 05-05-2017, 08:38 AM
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Hi Undies, back again. Officially started over May 1. Had a period of lots of slips and relapses thinking a drink or six would help me relax and relieve anxiety, etc.

Nope, didn't work.

Hugs to all Undies! Will need to take some time to catch up with you all!
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Old 05-05-2017, 01:53 PM
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Thanks Toots - it really is so helpful to post here. I hadn't thought about looking at this in terms of grief, but that's actually very useful - when someone you were close to dies, everything has to rearrange itself and life takes on a new shape. Alcohol was there through all the ups and downs, so I guess it's inevitable that I'll notice its absence for a good while... And your point about alcohol not being the worst disease to have is a good one! There are MANY worse things that could happen to me involving much more significant changes in lifestyle. I'll try to remember that.

I mentioned in my long post that part of the big plan is to start a family. Getting sober and staying sober was an important step towards that. And this morning, I found out I'm pregnant! Midwest - I think I have the first entry for my gratitude journal!

Hope you're all well. I'm exhausted and a bit overwhelmed - off to bed!

x
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Old 05-05-2017, 02:01 PM
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SomeSortOfHuman - the very best of health to you and your coming babe!
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Old 05-05-2017, 04:05 PM
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wow congratulations SSOH!! That would be an amazing first entry in the journal!
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Old 05-05-2017, 04:09 PM
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welcome back Drake! Glad your here!
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