SSOH never apologise for posting - length or content - we write what we need to write and sometimes it is on,y when we begin a post that the actual crux of our need comes out. If like me alcohol, the need for it, planning things around it etc dominated your last drinking months, then it took me quite a long time to get over losing my BFF 'booze'. See my BFF was who I turned to for everything... The fun stuff, the support, the sad stuff, the angry stuff.... My BFF never judged me, my BFF told me how much it needed me, how much better my life was with my BFF. So when I chose a life without having my BFF, I actually went through a kind of grieving process. It was only when I understood this and actually allowed myself to feel the grief that I moved forward. I'm not saying this is right or wrong, just that I needed to do that for me. It's ok to feel sad or angry or frustrated that you are not someone who can drink in moderation. As you progress in your sobriety, these feelings will dwindle in proportion to how much stronger you become I your sobriety. Now I get the occasional twinge ( hubby recently had a limoncello - lemon liqueur - and I really wished I could have tasted it. I love tiramisu but will never eat it again)) but my gains far outweigh anything I might feel I have lost. And unlike so many others, the cure for my disease is just to stop doing something that would have destroyed me anyway. I don't have to take medication or have an operation, I don't get worse as long as I remain sober, I am able to do most things that other people do. If I had to get one life changing disease ? I guess this is not the worst to have.