PhoenixJ

S, cliché but sums it up- you go girl! P

KiKi0615

It's kinda been going on for a long time. When I was sober from 2008-2014 we didn't get along. When I was going out & we were drinking together (these past 1.5 years after I relapsed) we got along because it seems like the only thing we have EVER liked to do together is drink! I like him much better when he drinks. The problem IS....I don't like ME when I drink & I'm never going back!

All we did before we got married and as newlyweds was party & drink. We were drinking buddies. Now we have nothing in common.

Honestly, if it wasn't for alcohol, I don't think I would have married him. Did I just say that?

KiKi0615

That may be true too! The 4th step will help me figure that out.

KiKi0615

Yes, we have tried in the past but he wasn't honest. We will try again but not for a while. I need to focus on ME and my sobriety first. Marriage sucks right now. :-(

Applekat

Hugs Kiki! I've read not to make major changes in the first year of sobriety. I'm sure you have heard similar stuff. Focus on you. Try the counseling. When you know you know.

Ladybug2

Hi everyone, just checking in on Day 3. Haven't made it past day 3 in awhile so need to stay strong today and keep busy. I want sobriety so much more than I want to drink ... have to keep remembering ALL the bad that follows after that first drink.

Kiki - hugs!!! I think you are right to just focus on you right now .... everything else will fall into place.

PhoenixJ

LB2-many around me relapse because they want instant gratification, to escape feelings of shame or guilt (that works really well) to numb the pain-rarely so they want to feel better. Some say 'stuff it, I do not care- I'll show the world- I'll drink, then we'll see what happens!' What happens? Usually nothing good. Relapses are notorious for becoming worse at each turn. Stick in there. In here and now. Do anything safe- eat tim-tams. Draw a silly cartoon of someone you loathe. Think how duck dodgers would handle the situation. Do anything safe- but pick up the first drink. P

Bobbieka

Unfortunately, Phoenix, we in the US are deprived of tim-tams. Also, what in the world is a duck dodger?

LB - Hang in there. Breathe through the moment. You can do this.

Kiki - Makes sense in a way. Sorry about the realization. Maybe you guys kind of have to start over. Get to know each other in a new way. Hugs to you.

Samantha - ditto Phoenix - "you go girl"!

Applekat - Just finished Smashed. Ready for another memoir. What's next?

Good morning everyone. Sorry I'm late. Where are all of our guys? (no offense, Phoenix)

Ladybug2

Thanks, Phoenix and Bobbie. I feel so much better about myself and everything else in my life when I am sober so why would I want to deliberately put myself back in that awful place? It should be a no brainer, right?

I am making a promise to all of you right now that I won't drink today .... if I do I know I will disappear again

Bobbieka

All you can take care of is today. You would think it would be a no brainer, but our brains don't seem to always make the decisions.

You really can do this. I know you don't always have time to go to meetings, but the steps help. Or maybe just write out a plan. Plans are phenomenal. And you feel as if you are being proactive.

Pelagic263

Hi fellow Marchers,

I was going to post in-depth about yesterday but thought better of it. Briefly, I show up for the endoscopy in withdrawal. They cancel and send me to the ER. ER doc says they should just do it, Profolol will sedate me just fine. I agree, good stuff. He gives me Ativan instead, sends me home.

And all I wanted was a glass of orange juice and to go home in the first place.

But such wonderful people in the health profession!! I have NO RIGHT to waste their time and talents with this. They are saints, and we should all bust our butts to make sure we don't make any more undo work for them.

So, maybe my presence here is not much use till I get solidly sober. Hell, I took the pre-endoscopy prescription of "clear liquids" a little liberally, that's for sure.

Not giving up. Keep up the good work one and all. I believe in you.

PhoenixJ

BB- Daffy Duck (aka 'Duck Dodgers in the 25th and 1/2 century!) I am offended. Matter of fact I am so upset I can't remember my name and I almost forgot to breathe. When it comes to recovery, I take humour very seriously. Duck Dodgers could be a drunk person solving life- the usual loony tunes violence, ridicule of the stereotypes of society.
LB2- no brainer? NO BRAINER? HA! If that were true- why does alcoholism exist? Got nothing to do with brains. Do not say you will go again. That is not the point. The point is you, now- what you do this moment. Let tomorrow take care of itself.

Timtams- no? Well anything with chocolate. The ultimate- has to be roasted coffee beans coated in dark chocolate.

Bobbieka

Pelagic, I am so sorry. That sucks. Just another reason to stay on track I think.

" So, maybe my presence here is not much use till I get solidly sober. " You mean here? If that's the case, that is so wrong. We need you here and it sounds like you need to be here. Staying here when you have sobriety? How does that help you. Stay here when you are struggling. When you feel like crap, when you hate yourself, when you don't want to get out of bed - you should be here. We Get It. We have all been there. Hugs.

Bobbieka

Phoenix - I agree with the chocolate theory. I prefer ice cream at the moment. I think it's Casey's fault. Blaming him anyway. Also, it really is tough to want a drink if your belly is full of ice cream.

PhoenixJ

P63-if we all could start our forever sober lives without being alcoholic- then we would not be alcoholic in the first place, would we?

Pelagic263

Yeah, maybe that wasn't clear. I meant here not HERE. You guys are on your way, no need for me to hold you back. But I'm not checking out the big way here--way too stubborn for that.

I felt SO bad about wasting those people's efforts. They were gems, remarkable, so kind. They patted me on the shoulder, took my hand, and I just lost it. The least I can do is reciprocate.

It's as real as it gets.

Bobbieka

I got it right. You mean here on SR. Who are you holding back? The only one I see is you. Let us be here for you. You have helped me many times. I may not always have the best words or even know what I am saying, but I will be your biggest cheerleader and I am a great listener.

If you are drinking, post.
If you are not drinking, post.
If you want to drink, post.
If you don't want to drink, post.

Come on. We all are from the same hell. Some of us are getting out what seems to be faster, but you don't know what we've already been through before we got here.

Don't you dare go away. I personally feel emotionally invested in your recovery. In your happiness and dammit in your wife's happiness too.

Pelagic263

Bless you, Bobbieka.

I just meant I have hurt so many people. Not my style. Not my style.

M.

Bobbieka

Well, you know how to make it stop. I'm curious - have you ever attended meetings? That has been a game changer for me. The hardest part for me to live with is how much I have hurt my family. The best part about being sober today is the look on their faces. You make amends by being your best you.

I know hurting people isn't your style. Your style is being in nature and bird watching. Your style is standing in front of a classroom talking about Poe.

I was walking in a park the other day and they had signs up informing watchers what birds were there. I thought of you.

samantha14

Checking in...day done...no tea today. I feel utterly and absolutely exhausted...really looking forward to just getting home. Hope you're all well.