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Class of November 2015 Part 9

Old 01-16-2016, 02:35 AM
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I'm sorry for your loss Andy and Learntofly.
I really believe it's never too late to live the life we were meant to live

D
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Old 01-16-2016, 03:02 AM
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Thanks Enfin, your kind words are really appreciated - feeling really low again now / been a bit hyper the last couple of days / until the anxiety kicked in yesterday & then the argument last night - this point would normally have been fcuk it I'm getting smashed but now there's no option there either - no matter how much I want a drink I will not do it I'm determined about that but I just feel lost right now. Trying to motivate myself to get out of the door and go to the gym, supposed to be meeting a mate there who I've not seen since I stopped, he knows where I'm at and has been supportive just not sure I can be bothered right now trying to talk to him, couple of nights ago when we arranged I felt great and no problem but yesterday has knocked me - if he starts telling me about any nights out etc I've missed out on or going out this afternoon it really isn't going to be what I want to hear right now, anytime I hear my mates in the office start up about anything we've done past nights out or they've been upto recently I just have to go and make a coffee or go for a wander - guess as much as I want this and have to make it stick I still keep feeling I'm missing out - doing my nut in as I know I shouldn't be thinking like that at all and again just think to where it takes me and what the problems would be if I did.

No sunshine here quite grey and dreary actually which doesn't help altho I can see a little blue sky in the distance, will focus on that.
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Old 01-16-2016, 04:00 AM
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Originally Posted by RedAndy View Post
Thanks Enfin, your kind words are really appreciated - feeling really low again now / been a bit hyper the last couple of days / until the anxiety kicked in yesterday & then the argument last night - this point would normally have been fcuk it I'm getting smashed but now there's no option there either - no matter how much I want a drink I will not do it I'm determined about that but I just feel lost right now. Trying to motivate myself to get out of the door and go to the gym, supposed to be meeting a mate there who I've not seen since I stopped, he knows where I'm at and has been supportive just not sure I can be bothered right now trying to talk to him, couple of nights ago when we arranged I felt great and no problem but yesterday has knocked me - if he starts telling me about any nights out etc I've missed out on or going out this afternoon it really isn't going to be what I want to hear right now, anytime I hear my mates in the office start up about anything we've done past nights out or they've been upto recently I just have to go and make a coffee or go for a wander - guess as much as I want this and have to make it stick I still keep feeling I'm missing out - doing my nut in as I know I shouldn't be thinking like that at all and again just think to where it takes me and what the problems would be if I did.

No sunshine here quite grey and dreary actually which doesn't help altho I can see a little blue sky in the distance, will focus on that.
Sun's gone here too.... but I'm making green soup to keep busy. .. downloaded a knitting patterns too for toeless socks. ..used to like knitting but it's hard to do drunk!!! How cool am I though .. toeless socks...😊

Can u go for a walk to a cake shop and but treats for everyone... or any shop to find a nice thing. Bag of skittles to play skittle roulette???? Dunno...just ideas...
U are.doing so well , keep at it! X
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Old 01-16-2016, 05:56 AM
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Thanks Enfin, gym not happening I just can't get myself going for that but dragged myself up made a sandwich and cup of tea and plonked myself on the settee to watch the football and take my mind off things and bring myself round a bit, feels like I go into such a deep slump when it takes hold.

Never played skittle roulette tho - will give it a try.
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Old 01-16-2016, 06:48 AM
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Hey guys, just checking in after not posting for a while. I will catch up with what you guys are all up to by reading through the recent pages of this thread tonight. I hope that overall you are all doing well though!

All is good with me, despite a violent wrestling match with my AV a couple of evenings this week which fortunately I won, but only just! Am now 70 days sober and down 30lbs. My dog walking has now turned into jogging (well think fastish walk rather than jog). I have not jogged for at least 5 years so am pretty made up about it as you can imagine! I have started aqua gym to and even went to a Zumba class this morning. I can't tell you how great I feel. This is in no way meant to sound as a gloating post, I know that some of our class are struggling, it is simply meant too motivate you and tell you that there are some amazing things ahead of you! Believe me. If I can do it you can. 70 life changing days. From fat, tired, ashen faced, depressed smelly and grumpy permanently hung over to a new energetic me. I know I have will have hard times ahead, as I said my AV drove me crackers Thursday and Friday. He even managed to talk me to driving as far as the wine shop but I talked him down at the last second and drove straight back home.

This afternoon my children are coming to a meditation class with me that has been designed for younger children (with the participation of a parent) to help them work on their concentration, self esteem and overall well being. I am so excited about the three of us sharing this activity, we will finish off with a visit to Starbucks. So what have I personally done to get this far :

Saw my Dr right at the beginning and followed his advice to the letter about detox and médications. I saw him everyday for 4 days and he then passed me on to a Psy.
The Psy persuaded me to go into a private rehab which I was TOTALLY against but which looking back gave me a great kickstart. I was there 3 and a half weeks.
I then continued to see my Psy weekly even if some weeks I felt like I did not need it.
My Dr had also put me in touch with a nutritionalist who knew I was newly sober and helped me work out my diet plan.
I drank liters and liters of water every day.
I started pushing myself on my walks with dog, walking faster up and down hills etc
I logged on here all the time, a few times a day.
I confided in my family and close friends that I was stopping and I needed support
I did not go out to bars and restaurants at all
I spolit myself... bought some great books, rented feel good movies, offered myself flowers, redid my bedroom....

I am so ready for the next 70 days!

I look forward to catching up with all you news later.

May the force be with you !!!!!!!!!
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Old 01-16-2016, 06:58 AM
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Nice one Fabat - congrats on 70 days and fantastic to have lost 30lbs - well done you must be feeling really good.

I'm having mostly good days to be honest and feeling good a lot of the time so trying to focus on that - just seem to have hit a bit of a brick wall over the last 24 hours but no matter what I have not and will not drink.
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Old 01-16-2016, 07:20 AM
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Wow, FabAt! Way to go! Your post does motivate me and actually brings me to tears because I am so happy for you and want this so badly for myself.

RedAndy, I understand completely how you're feeling. I'm sober. That is all. And that is better than being drunk, even if I am nothing else besides sober today.
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Old 01-16-2016, 11:03 AM
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Originally Posted by RedAndy View Post
Thanks Enfin, gym not happening I just can't get myself going for that but dragged myself up made a sandwich and cup of tea and plonked myself on the settee to watch the football and take my mind off things and bring myself round a bit, feels like I go into such a deep slump when it takes hold.

Never played skittle roulette tho - will give it a try.
Each skittle has a task/dare / forfit. ... it's quite funny! Especially with kids... hahah
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Old 01-16-2016, 11:07 AM
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Hey fabat, thats awesome... u done so well... I think maybe I need more help. I see a counsellor once a fortnight. .. I think I need some more talking time . I just want to drink tonight as just feel fed up with it all. Not going to. .. but am tired of trying I think today. Or maybe it was the panto this avo , that was enough to drive anyone to drink!!!
I'd just like a break of bloody thinking about it all the time huh.
Happy Saturday. ...
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Old 01-16-2016, 11:36 AM
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Congrats Fabat. What an inspiring post.

AV is talking non stop today. Why does it have to talk so much when I'm feeling low? I don't want another detox, AV needs to shut up!
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Old 01-16-2016, 11:43 AM
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Originally Posted by patricia68 View Post
Congrats Fabat. What an inspiring post.

AV is talking non stop today. Why does it have to talk so much when I'm feeling low? I don't want another detox, AV needs to shut up!
Kick it in the goolies Patricia. . No no no... ignore the wart faced weasel. You doing so well. .. every day will feel better. I have reported to chewing gum, menthol , so I can't felt like testing drink. It works! !! And give me something to do, like chew!!! Hahaha....
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Old 01-16-2016, 12:59 PM
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Originally Posted by enfinthechange View Post
You doing amazingly well Kiki, and fan for remembering all our individual stories. ... just a thing though. .. I never said we were bad people... I think that we are most definitely not... but the bad things we done can , for some folks including myself, weigh like a heavy cloak around the inner true core. So long was spent struggling under alcohol that the true inner core couldn't always rise out, and the other myriad of feelings drinking precipitated were always at the surface being given dealt with. So if the alcohol is gone, the true core entity and values can start to rise and shine out.... some bob to the surface quickly, like for me the old bounce and silliness. ... some need to fight through the old anxieties and peek out and grow strong over time.... I see it like plate tectonics!!! We are building new mountains after a contintntal Collision (he event which got us here) while the old false drinking self is being subducted into the core.... a reminder of how to never be.... the core is steady and strong. So I never meant we are bad people trying to be good... no way....not sure if my explanation makes sense..... but hope so!!! Have a great weekend, thank you for all you do for us... be strong, sip smoothies in your condo swishing your long hair! !! ; )
Hey Enfin!!! Sorry for the confusion. I wasn't saying that YOU said we were "bad" people etc. I just added it to your post because I've heard it in AA & it seems like something you would say...."that we are NOT bad people...that we are good people!" I knew what I was "trying" to say but communicated it poorly. Sorry about that! :-)

Enfin...your heart is massive! I know that you love everyone in our class unconditionally! I love the support you give to others & you are doing so amazing!

On another note, rough morning for me. I've been working through some severe trauma from my past & it is HARD! Since I am no longer numbing it with alcohol my feelings & emotions are all over the place! I woke up extremely angry this morning after digging into my past yesterday in therapy! Instead of drinking, I went down to the basement & beat the shite out of our punching bag. I pretended the person that victimized me many years ago was the punching bag! I never knew I could handle these emotions without drinking! Praise God!

I hope you are all having a blessed day! I haven't read all of the posts today but am gonna catch up later!

Xoxoxoxo to everyone!
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Old 01-16-2016, 01:24 PM
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Originally Posted by KiKi0615 View Post

Hey Enfin!!! Sorry for the confusion. I wasn't saying that YOU said we were "bad" people etc. I just added it to your post because I've heard it in AA & it seems like something you would say...."that we are NOT bad people...that we are good people!" I knew what I was "trying" to say but communicated it poorly. Sorry about that! :-)

Enfin...your heart is massive! I know that you love everyone in our class unconditionally! I love the support you give to others & you are doing so amazing!

On another note, rough morning for me. I've been working through some severe trauma from my past & it is HARD! Since I am no longer numbing it with alcohol my feelings & emotions are all over the place! I woke up extremely angry this morning after digging into my past yesterday in therapy! Instead of drinking, I went down to the basement & beat the shite out of our punching bag. I pretended the person that victimized me many years ago was the punching bag! I never knew I could handle these emotions without drinking! Praise God!

I hope you are all having a blessed day! I haven't read all of the posts today but am gonna catch up later!

Xoxoxoxo to everyone!
Phew... I thought I had upset u!!! I'd never want to cause any upset in here... to anyone!

It sounds like thought though it is, u are starting to hack away at the past stuff. It will be so hard, but u approaching it in the right way... feel sorry for the punch bag!!!!!

Think how awesome it will be when this [email protected] doesn't weigh so much! You rock x
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Old 01-16-2016, 03:03 PM
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Hope everyone has a good weekend

D
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Old 01-16-2016, 03:29 PM
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Originally Posted by Dee74 View Post
Hope everyone has a good weekend

D
And u too dee... bet it's warm and sunny down there.... unlike the cold n damp here!
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Old 01-16-2016, 05:30 PM
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Checking in , day 16! Been battling my AV. I keep reminding myself how much better I feel etc. I keep getting kind of angry that I can't be like other people who seem to be able to drink and not end up totally gone in a blackout. I'm hanging. In. I am safe and sound at home. My husband is going out to watch the football game at a local bar. Good night all!
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Old 01-16-2016, 06:27 PM
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You guessed right enfin

give yourself time to change - and to really experience the joy of being sober Rah. It will happen - you just need to be patient a little while

D
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Old 01-16-2016, 08:57 PM
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Originally Posted by enfinthechange View Post

And u too dee... bet it's warm and sunny down there.... unlike the cold n damp here!
-30 windchill when I get off of work tomorrow morning. I'm afraid back to school means less time for SR, but I will check in as often as possible. Hope you all find many sober successes in your day today.
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Old 01-16-2016, 10:27 PM
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Originally Posted by enfinthechange View Post
Phew... I thought I had upset u!!! I'd never want to cause any upset in here... to anyone! It sounds like thought though it is, u are starting to hack away at the past stuff. It will be so hard, but u approaching it in the right way... feel sorry for the punch bag!!!!! Think how awesome it will be when this [email protected] doesn't weigh so much! You rock x
I could never get mad at you enfin! (((Enfin)))

;-)
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Old 01-16-2016, 11:17 PM
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Hi Andy,

I'm sorry to read about your father, that's heavy to say the least. Not sure what to say other than I'd wager he'd be brimming with pride right now.

The strength and courage you are demonstrating in your fight for permanent change is to be applauded.

To be prepared to acknowledge your own weaknesses and reach those dark places deep, deep inside, to heal the wounds and emerge as a better father, husband and human being is, for the large part beyond most men.

It makes you one of the few, not the many and I'm sure your father is taking every step of your journey with you.

Stay strong my friend.
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