Class of November 2015 Part 9
Member
Join Date: Nov 2015
Location: USA
Posts: 5,250
Wow! Today was the first day I haven't checked in since I joined SR! Busy & fun day!
Lunch with my daughter, shopping, football games, basketball game, out to dinner & late movie at the theater.
I'm going to sleep now. I hope you all had a great Saturday! It's now the wee hours of Sunday morning. :-)
Patricia...I'm praying for you!
Lunch with my daughter, shopping, football games, basketball game, out to dinner & late movie at the theater.
I'm going to sleep now. I hope you all had a great Saturday! It's now the wee hours of Sunday morning. :-)
Patricia...I'm praying for you!
Member
Join Date: Nov 2015
Posts: 734
Morning all, glad the weekend is over to be honest.
Woke with a sense of dread, its a very strange feeling and hard to describe, noticed it happen more if I doze and then wake suddenly, a couple of times it really has freaked me out, breathless / anxious and a sense of isolation and fear, its only a recent thing that was happening whilst I was drinking too and also since I stopped and it's not what I would call regular - three maybe four times in the last month or so (does that sound familiar with anyone else?), it wasn't as bad as it can be this morning, only fleeting, so I got myself moving straight away which is the norm in a morning, I don't snooze or doze I just get myself up, then felt like I had a huge energy burst and away I went - hardly mustered a conversation for two days and now I'm back waffling away to the wife as I'm getting ready like the last 2 days haven't happened, into overdrive again?? from the lows of the weekend where I could hardly move at times and no motivation at all to that, I really don't get it, its not like I'm that excited about getting into the office at 8 on a Monday morning ? Now I'm out and about I feel like I've levelled out again but feel brighter than I have over the past few days which of course I am glad about, are these highs and lows and so quickly normal, has anybody else experienced this ??
Patricia, hope you managed to cope and keep calm last night - how are you feeling today ?
Woke with a sense of dread, its a very strange feeling and hard to describe, noticed it happen more if I doze and then wake suddenly, a couple of times it really has freaked me out, breathless / anxious and a sense of isolation and fear, its only a recent thing that was happening whilst I was drinking too and also since I stopped and it's not what I would call regular - three maybe four times in the last month or so (does that sound familiar with anyone else?), it wasn't as bad as it can be this morning, only fleeting, so I got myself moving straight away which is the norm in a morning, I don't snooze or doze I just get myself up, then felt like I had a huge energy burst and away I went - hardly mustered a conversation for two days and now I'm back waffling away to the wife as I'm getting ready like the last 2 days haven't happened, into overdrive again?? from the lows of the weekend where I could hardly move at times and no motivation at all to that, I really don't get it, its not like I'm that excited about getting into the office at 8 on a Monday morning ? Now I'm out and about I feel like I've levelled out again but feel brighter than I have over the past few days which of course I am glad about, are these highs and lows and so quickly normal, has anybody else experienced this ??
Patricia, hope you managed to cope and keep calm last night - how are you feeling today ?
Member
Join Date: Jun 2011
Location: Midwest, USA
Posts: 1,551
People are being too chatty at work. I'm not in the mood. Specifically one coworker. Totally annoying. Manged to get some school work done. Only a few hours left anyway...
One thing that strikes me when I'm sober... that I'm truly upset about on a daily basis... is missing missing my kids. I share custody 50/50 with their dad who is ok with them, but is an absolute nightmare to me. I get really sad when I think of how I'm missing out on half of their lives. All I can do is appreciate them fully when I do have them. I even contemplate having another with my boyfriend someday to fill the void. Even though it's not practical and I'm getting older and am struggling to keep my head above water as it is. But I also kind of want to know what it's like to share that bond with my boyfriend. I don't know. Just rambling I guess. :-)
One thing that strikes me when I'm sober... that I'm truly upset about on a daily basis... is missing missing my kids. I share custody 50/50 with their dad who is ok with them, but is an absolute nightmare to me. I get really sad when I think of how I'm missing out on half of their lives. All I can do is appreciate them fully when I do have them. I even contemplate having another with my boyfriend someday to fill the void. Even though it's not practical and I'm getting older and am struggling to keep my head above water as it is. But I also kind of want to know what it's like to share that bond with my boyfriend. I don't know. Just rambling I guess. :-)
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,439
I'm really sorry - I know that must be painful.
I think you have to be practical and patient thought BBF and work on your recovery for now.
It's a job enough on its own - and apart from anything else you'll have a clearer idea of who you are what you want & how to get it a few months down the track?
Andy I found highs and lows were very normal yes.
I walled up my emotions with alcohol for a long time. Take alcohol away and the 'dam' broke.
Those 'emotional waters' can get pretty tempestuous for a while, but they'll level out in time
D
I think you have to be practical and patient thought BBF and work on your recovery for now.
It's a job enough on its own - and apart from anything else you'll have a clearer idea of who you are what you want & how to get it a few months down the track?
Andy I found highs and lows were very normal yes.
I walled up my emotions with alcohol for a long time. Take alcohol away and the 'dam' broke.
Those 'emotional waters' can get pretty tempestuous for a while, but they'll level out in time
D
Member
Join Date: Mar 2014
Location: deepest england
Posts: 1,119
I know what u mean too... it's. Unpredictable for me... I. Wasn't expecting such lows with sobriety. But the happy moments are ones to focus on.
Maybe the weekends are changing more that the week for you... and the structure of the week is comforting, so u are just link 'normal' but better that normal as.u haven't been drunk. ...
I dunno
. .. I have a headache I knew that. Didn't even get them with hangovers!!! Sigh....
Maybe the weekends are changing more that the week for you... and the structure of the week is comforting, so u are just link 'normal' but better that normal as.u haven't been drunk. ...
I dunno
. .. I have a headache I knew that. Didn't even get them with hangovers!!! Sigh....
Member
Join Date: Nov 2015
Posts: 734
That makes sense Enfin, it was also a build up over a couple of days that I didn't handle very well at all, the usual escape wasn't / isn't an option so it's a case of dealing with things head on - it just didn't happen the way I envisaged it and it threw me massively.
Hope the headache clears for you.
Hope the headache clears for you.
Member
Join Date: Mar 2014
Location: deepest england
Posts: 1,119
Originally Posted by RedAndy 
That makes sense Enfin, it was also a build up over a couple of days that I didn't handle very well at all, the usual escape wasn't / isn't an option so it's a case of dealing with things head on - it just didn't happen the way I envisaged it and it threw me massively.
Hope the headache clears for you.
Hope the headache clears for you.
Member
Join Date: Sep 2013
Location: Canada
Posts: 1,075
Thank you for all the messages guys. I'm still struggling with anxiety. I could barely sleep last night. AV is still very loud. Trying some breathing exercises right now but my thoughts keep going back to the same...alcohol will help me relax. Ugh. AV won't shut up.
Member
Join Date: Mar 2014
Location: deepest england
Posts: 1,119
Originally Posted by patricia68
Thank you for all the messages guys. I'm still struggling with anxiety. I could barely sleep last night. AV is still very loud. Trying some breathing exercises right now but my thoughts keep going back to the same...alcohol will help me relax. Ugh. AV won't shut up.
Member
Join Date: Jun 2014
Location: Augusta, GA
Posts: 888
Originally Posted by SoberMarathon
Ultradad...how was the 50-miler? I can't imagine running that far and long...I can barely run that in a week, let alone one day!!
Member
Join Date: Mar 2014
Location: deepest england
Posts: 1,119
Originally Posted by snowvelvet
Back on day 5. Currently in psychiatric hospital. Cannot face posting more, but hope all are well. Love you class. I will always be November class.
Member
Join Date: Nov 2015
Posts: 734
Sorry to hear that Snowvelvet, hope you're ok and in the right place to help you.
UD - congratulations on 2nd place and not surprised your legs were trashed !!! used to enjoy running but a herniated disc means its a thing of the past, 50 miles tho - YIKES !!
Patricia - sorry to hear you're still struggling, try to stick to the breathing exercises at least and just remember what you are feeling is scary but its not dangerous - drinking may seem like a solution but you know alcohol will only make the anxiety worse. Hope you're feeling more relaxed and comfortable soon.
UD - congratulations on 2nd place and not surprised your legs were trashed !!! used to enjoy running but a herniated disc means its a thing of the past, 50 miles tho - YIKES !!
Patricia - sorry to hear you're still struggling, try to stick to the breathing exercises at least and just remember what you are feeling is scary but its not dangerous - drinking may seem like a solution but you know alcohol will only make the anxiety worse. Hope you're feeling more relaxed and comfortable soon.
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Join Date: Dec 2012
Location: USA
Posts: 678
Originally Posted by ultradad
Ended up 2nd place, SM! Had first locked up till mile 40, but hit major wall and was struggling to run, legs were trashed! Pushed through, but lost 1st place by 12 minutes, still grateful to be out there running and for second place! Enjoyed a nice ginger ale at the finish with my wife ; )
Member
Join Date: Nov 2015
Location: USA
Posts: 5,250
WOW! Look what mysteriously popped up on my iphone calendar today! So strange because I could have sworn I deleted it a while ago!
I wrote the list below on October 22, 2015 (25 days before my last drink) & set it to repeat daily in my calendar as a reminder of why I didn't want to drink anymore. I was drinking when I made this list & deleted it a few days later when I was drunk again. I remember saying to myself "F it! I'm never gonna be able to stop drinking so I may as well delete this stupid list"!
How & WHY did it pop back up out of no where on my calendar today??? So weird! But I'm sorta glad b/c it's a great reminder of why I don't wanna drink again!
-------------------------------------------------
😓 What alcohol is stealing from me (10/22/15)
1. My happiness
2. My self-esteem
3. My relationship with my kids
4. My relationship with My husband
5. My money! Lots of debt!
6. My health
7. My sanity
8. My body...I'm gaining weight! 9. My friends & family
10. My energy
11. My "freedom"
12. My joy
13. My future
14. My time (so many wasted days)
15. My hopes & dreams
16. My reputation
17. My liver, lungs, brain, throat & bodily health etc...
18. My job
19. My desire to live-I have suicidal thoughts :-(
20. My clean record-I have a DUI 21. My fitness
22. My hobbies
23. My mobility-lots of drunken injuries
24. My mental health (MAJOR depression & anxiety )
25. My hope
26. My honesty
27. My relationship with God
28. My ability to have energy & feel well.
29. My nutrition
30. My memory
31. My youthful look (getting a few wrinkles)
32. My ability to be a good mom 33. My ability to keep promises (promised kids & husband I would stop)
34. My ability to love myself (I HATE myself right now)! I can't even look in the mirror! :-(
35. My life -it's stealing it piece by piece
I wrote the list below on October 22, 2015 (25 days before my last drink) & set it to repeat daily in my calendar as a reminder of why I didn't want to drink anymore. I was drinking when I made this list & deleted it a few days later when I was drunk again. I remember saying to myself "F it! I'm never gonna be able to stop drinking so I may as well delete this stupid list"!
How & WHY did it pop back up out of no where on my calendar today??? So weird! But I'm sorta glad b/c it's a great reminder of why I don't wanna drink again!
-------------------------------------------------
😓 What alcohol is stealing from me (10/22/15)
1. My happiness
2. My self-esteem
3. My relationship with my kids
4. My relationship with My husband
5. My money! Lots of debt!
6. My health
7. My sanity
8. My body...I'm gaining weight! 9. My friends & family
10. My energy
11. My "freedom"
12. My joy
13. My future
14. My time (so many wasted days)
15. My hopes & dreams
16. My reputation
17. My liver, lungs, brain, throat & bodily health etc...
18. My job
19. My desire to live-I have suicidal thoughts :-(
20. My clean record-I have a DUI 21. My fitness
22. My hobbies
23. My mobility-lots of drunken injuries
24. My mental health (MAJOR depression & anxiety )
25. My hope
26. My honesty
27. My relationship with God
28. My ability to have energy & feel well.
29. My nutrition
30. My memory
31. My youthful look (getting a few wrinkles)
32. My ability to be a good mom 33. My ability to keep promises (promised kids & husband I would stop)
34. My ability to love myself (I HATE myself right now)! I can't even look in the mirror! :-(
35. My life -it's stealing it piece by piece
Member
Join Date: Nov 2015
Location: USA
Posts: 5,250
Originally Posted by patricia68
Thank you for all the messages guys. I'm still struggling with anxiety. I could barely sleep last night. AV is still very loud. Trying some breathing exercises right now but my thoughts keep going back to the same...alcohol will help me relax. Ugh. AV won't shut up.
(((((((Praying)))))))
Member
Join Date: Nov 2015
Location: USA
Posts: 5,250
Originally Posted by snowvelvet
Back on day 5. Currently in psychiatric hospital. Cannot face posting more, but hope all are well. Love you class. I will always be November class.
(((Snow)))
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