Class of October 2014 Part 24
Member
Join Date: Nov 2012
Location: German Village, Columbus with my love ♥
Posts: 88,516
02.27.15 :): ▽VII△VIII
Join Date: Mar 2013
Location: California
Posts: 2,802
Everyone looking forward to the new year? I know I am. Time to start a new chapter. Getting sober was the best thing that happened for me in 2015, and I hope it primed me for a better year. I'm hopeful that I will be able to overcome the challenges I'm facing now.
Yesterday I was formally diagnosed with anorexia nervosa, which came as kind of a shock. I truly didn't believe it was that bad. I still don't totally believe it. They can't make any significant med adjustments or start trauma therapy until I gain weight.
I actually have gained a couple pounds in the past week because in an effort to be compliant, I have eaten tons of food. But now that I'm actually seeing the gain, I keep going back and forth between eating a lot because I'm supposed to keep gaining and then starving and exercising to offset the calories because actually gaining is completely freaking me out. I pretty much feel helpless and out of control regardless of what I do, alternately grateful for the people who care enough about me to intervene, and resenting them because they are trying to take away something I have come to value very much.
It's very much like drinking was, and the AV sounds like the same voice I hear now telling me to starve. It's hard to ignore or challenge it. Right now I totally feel backed into a corner by every force in my life.
But it's going to get better, I am determined. I have to believe that this will get easier the more I work at it. 2016 will be a better year, it will, dammit!
Yesterday I was formally diagnosed with anorexia nervosa, which came as kind of a shock. I truly didn't believe it was that bad. I still don't totally believe it. They can't make any significant med adjustments or start trauma therapy until I gain weight.
I actually have gained a couple pounds in the past week because in an effort to be compliant, I have eaten tons of food. But now that I'm actually seeing the gain, I keep going back and forth between eating a lot because I'm supposed to keep gaining and then starving and exercising to offset the calories because actually gaining is completely freaking me out. I pretty much feel helpless and out of control regardless of what I do, alternately grateful for the people who care enough about me to intervene, and resenting them because they are trying to take away something I have come to value very much.
It's very much like drinking was, and the AV sounds like the same voice I hear now telling me to starve. It's hard to ignore or challenge it. Right now I totally feel backed into a corner by every force in my life.
But it's going to get better, I am determined. I have to believe that this will get easier the more I work at it. 2016 will be a better year, it will, dammit!
Member
Join Date: Nov 2012
Location: German Village, Columbus with my love ♥
Posts: 88,516
Originally Posted by Briar 
It's very much like drinking was, and the AV sounds like the same voice I hear now telling me to starve. It's hard to ignore or challenge it. Right now I totally feel backed into a corner by every force in my life.
No matter how loud the voice is that tells you to keep this (illusive) control, you are listening to those who love and care for you. That's HUGE. That's a major battle with Anorexia.
It is going to be a little while before the battling voices stop duelling, but it will happen.
Gosh I am proud of you Briar. ♥
Administrator
Thread Starter
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,445
I'm sorry it was a shock for you Briar but I understand it - I think a lot of us have difficulty with self image, and a difficulty in accepting there's a definable problem...clear echoes there of my fight with alcohol..
I really hope 2016 is a wonderful year of growth change and peace for you, and for all the other Octsobers too
I really hope 2016 is a wonderful year of growth change and peace for you, and for all the other Octsobers too
Member
Join Date: Oct 2014
Posts: 1,697
That's right. You're heading in a healthy direction, Briar. So glad you've got a team of support. I'm looking forward to seeing what positive change 2016 brings for all of us too.
I've been busy with family stuff so need to catch up. My grandma is not well and in the hospital. Just dehydrated, we think. And 90, ya know? She's sleeping all the time. I hope when I'm 90, people will just let me sleep for Pete's sake! I'm sure she feels the same. Lol
Gotta stir up the guys and get this day going! My college team plays their bowl game in four hours. Counting down to kick off!
And I love Carole King! Her voice is so pure. Thanks, V!
I've been busy with family stuff so need to catch up. My grandma is not well and in the hospital. Just dehydrated, we think. And 90, ya know? She's sleeping all the time. I hope when I'm 90, people will just let me sleep for Pete's sake! I'm sure she feels the same. Lol
Gotta stir up the guys and get this day going! My college team plays their bowl game in four hours. Counting down to kick off!
And I love Carole King! Her voice is so pure. Thanks, V!
Member
Join Date: Feb 2014
Location: East Coast USA
Posts: 120,877
Originally Posted by Conquest
That's right. You're heading in a healthy direction, Briar. So glad you've got a team of support. I'm looking forward to seeing what positive change 2016 brings for all of us too.
I've been busy with family stuff so need to catch up. My grandma is not well and in the hospital. Just dehydrated, we think. And 90, ya know? She's sleeping all the time. I hope when I'm 90, people will just let me sleep for Pete's sake! I'm sure she feels the same. Lol
Gotta stir up the guys and get this day going! My college team plays their bowl game in four hours. Counting down to kick off!
And I love Carole King! Her voice is so pure. Thanks, V!
I've been busy with family stuff so need to catch up. My grandma is not well and in the hospital. Just dehydrated, we think. And 90, ya know? She's sleeping all the time. I hope when I'm 90, people will just let me sleep for Pete's sake! I'm sure she feels the same. Lol
Gotta stir up the guys and get this day going! My college team plays their bowl game in four hours. Counting down to kick off!
And I love Carole King! Her voice is so pure. Thanks, V!
Member
Join Date: Feb 2014
Location: East Coast USA
Posts: 120,877
Originally Posted by BrighterDayz
I'm not one for staying up late-have not seen the ball drop in years. I also don't enjoy going out on days that the restaurants are recruiting you and expecting you to be there with fancy menus, etc. I'll probably cook a nice dinner. DD will go out-but I won't want her driving. Too many dangers on the road that night.
Member
Join Date: Feb 2014
Location: East Coast USA
Posts: 120,877
Originally Posted by phoebe64
A quiet New Year's Eve planned with the kids for tomorrow. We are going to have homemade pizzas. Well watch movies or shows until midnight, play games, do the American Idol game and just dance on the Xbox.
(I'm ducking out of the festivities early - guests or not!!!!!)
Member
Join Date: Feb 2014
Location: East Coast USA
Posts: 120,877
Originally Posted by venuscat
Guess who has their bathroom fixed? And the leak was easily fixable. Yes, I am a moron. Feel free to smack me over the head next time.
Your evening really sounds perfect phoebe.
Hi Arbor love, and everyone else.
Your evening really sounds perfect phoebe.
Hi Arbor love, and everyone else.
Member
Join Date: Sep 2013
Location: New England
Posts: 3,805
^^^ Nice one Leigh.
Agreed. Glad your taking care of the situation Briar and have started to accept this part of you. You've been through quite a lot over the last year. I wish nothing but the best for you and your family in the coming year. Happy new year.
Agreed. Glad your taking care of the situation Briar and have started to accept this part of you. You've been through quite a lot over the last year. I wish nothing but the best for you and your family in the coming year. Happy new year.
Currently Active Users Viewing this Thread: 1 (0 members and 1 guests)
