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Old 11-10-2015, 04:52 PM
  # 361 (permalink)  
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Hi there

Hello all,

I am new here. Day 2 for me ended at 3PM. Looking forward to marking another day off my calendar tomorrow. This evening was a bit rough .. the kiddos really know how to put me off the top and the wine did make me quite a bit more patient parent. It's so hard to not find 10,000 reasons for drinking sometimes.

Thank you all for the inspiration,
Lisa
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Old 11-10-2015, 05:05 PM
  # 362 (permalink)  
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Welcome Lisa!
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Old 11-10-2015, 09:01 PM
  # 363 (permalink)  
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Thank you everyone again for your comments about my mom, it is appreciated.

Nomis, congrats on 3 years! Thanks for stopping by and offering encouragement.

Soulpower, thanks and I am wishing you a good day tomorrow

Ambuler, thank you and I am really sorry to hear about your son. I can’t imagine going through something like that with a child. I can relate to a lot of what you posted about multiple day ones, alternating stores, etc. and will keep you in my thoughts & prayers.

Hi Olivia, it is so good to hear from you . I remember you very well. You have been through a lot with your mom & aunt and now your favorite aunt. I am wishing her successful treatments and keeping you & her both in my prayers. We had a head shaving party at the nursing home tonight. I offered to shave my head too and would have done it without a second thought but my mom wouldn’t let me (she wouldn’t let my dad or brother either). She said she likes our hair too much. She had a good attitude about it and she looks pretty good with no hair . She won't go with no hair though she will wear a cap or wig. It is good to hear from you.

Welcome to everyone new

Day 2 is almost over and tomorrow will be day 3. Wishing everyone a happy & sober Wednesday~
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Old 11-10-2015, 09:58 PM
  # 364 (permalink)  
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Originally Posted by Ambuler View Post

I am, yet again, on day 2. I'm shaking my head as I type that. This is the third time now. I'm usually ok to not drink on day 1 because I'm hungover and feel like crap. Then day 2 is alright too because I don't want to feel like I did on day 1. Then on day 3 I start to get the urge, but am usually strong enough to say no. By day 4 I'm starting to feel amazing, and I start (or rather the AV starts) to convince myself that a drink or two would be nice. I fight it for a while, but I eventually cave, and I'm back to day 1 again. Always the same cycle. Here I was on Sunday posting on here, encouraging everyone to not drink," We can do this!", and all it took was having to go to the store for a few things I needed for dinner, and I was buying a four pack of mini bottles of chardonnay and a 24oz Corona. I had convinced myself that it was waaayyy less than I would normally drink, so that's at least good, right?

It makes me question if I'm even serious about this. I know that I am so grateful to be off the merry-go-round of waking up and having to think, "Do I have enough wine?" "I have to go get some wine, but it's too early." "Oh, I can't go to that store because I just went there yesterday, let's go to the the other store 3 miles out of the way. I haven't been there yet this week." "I hope I don't bump into any of my friends from church at the store." Etc, etc....But it seems that complete sobriety isn't something that I'm taking seriously. At first I thought I did. I made it from Oct 17 until Halloween without a drink, and felt great. But since Halloween I haven't been able to break this repeated 4 day cycle....

Sorry for rambling, I'm just kind of frustrated, and ambivalent about this all at the same time. Keep me in your thoughts and prayers, guys. I sure do need it.
Hi Ambuler. I could have written that post myself. This addiction is so much more then we think at times. This is once again Day 1 for me and I feel embarrassed typing it out. I had some wine leftover. Was about 3 glasses then I dipped into the chocolate vodka (that I now have to replace so hubby doesn't notice). It really is an inconvenience. I wish for everyone on here that we can start taking it seriously. Yesterday I read about people dying because of liver failure and it scared me... that was quickly forgotten when I got home.
Starting over is better then quitting Ambuler and you are back here trying again... eventually (hopefully this time) you will succeed.
Here for you!
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Old 11-10-2015, 10:34 PM
  # 365 (permalink)  
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Emme, I'm thinking about you and hoping your mom proves them all wrong, and most of all hoping you have the support and the downtime , that's just so hard.

So many posts about relapse , and we're all about an inch away from that, esp for me later in the day when backwards 'logic' and urges set in.

Do you ever use fear? For example the memory or the photo of someone you care about who went much deeper into this hell? Or a paragraph describing your own worst experience ? Make yourself read or look at it before buying, because it's taped to the ID you use? Just something to offset all the the glamorous ads about drinking , and the BS from your AV that your subconscious is bombarded with every minute? That's my idea that I want to try , since I come very close to making an error when I'm , as they say, hungry angry and tired etc.
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Old 11-11-2015, 05:22 AM
  # 366 (permalink)  
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Day 3 -hi everybody!
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Old 11-11-2015, 05:29 AM
  # 367 (permalink)  
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Good morning all! Day 6 in tha house!!!
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Old 11-11-2015, 05:39 AM
  # 368 (permalink)  
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Hi all, I am hoping and praying for a sober day with some clarity about decisions I am trying to make. Have a blessed day.

K
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Old 11-11-2015, 05:43 AM
  # 369 (permalink)  
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Originally Posted by TheRake View Post
If I hadn't of drank at the weekend....I would have had 29 days today.

back to square one.....pisses me off!!!!!!!!

I need this sorted now. I have a huge feeling inside of me that I need to have this sorted by Christmas. I go home for Christmas and once I have a few weeks under my belt, I think it will be relatively easy not drinking with the family. They prefer a sober Rake and it's possible they think I'm still not drinking....I didn't last Christmas.

Mmmm but I did the previous year and I had a problem with my back like I just had recently....painkillers? anti-inflammatory? Pain???

is there a link?

I remember breaking my sobriety before when I broke my big toe playing football. Excruciating pain......whisky straight. Not good. puking dying. Seems there is a link......need to be carefull there
Legit. Christmas is my ball park too. I told my mother about it, so she's supportive, but her friends love to drink, and my parents so... it'll be interesting. If I can get this under wraps, it'll be okay. The only thing I'll REALLY miss is Baileys - can they not make a non-alcoholic version!? Sigh.

Today is day 2. Yesterday I went to the gym, had curling. Didn't even think about alcohol. Team that beat us offered to buy us rounds, but I had a diet sprite. It's really not something that's haunting me or feeling difficult to avoid, it's rather the knowing that I really enjoy certain alcohols (taste) but I have to say sayonara to that idea.
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Old 11-11-2015, 06:22 AM
  # 370 (permalink)  
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Today my mind has tortured me with memories of how I've embarrassed myself in front of family and friends...I have some really unpleasant episodes of showing up extremely intoxicated in inappropriate situations. I won't go into details, but I am sure many of you can imagine how I feel.

The shame. The regret.

Would I like to drink over it? You bet I've considered to do so! The brilliant logic of an addict. To bask in an icehole. Put band-aids on internal wounds.

I guess the only reasonable thing to do is to avoid it ever happens again...and possibly hope that some of my close ones choose to pretend they are afflicted with selective amnesia.

Horrible day 15.
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Old 11-11-2015, 06:25 AM
  # 371 (permalink)  
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Day 7 here--round, well, too many to count. I feel great! Have the day off and lots of plans to be productive--rather than drinking in bed in front of the tv!

Hope we all have terrific sober days.
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Old 11-11-2015, 06:56 AM
  # 372 (permalink)  
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Day 11

Yesterday was rough.I feel like ****,no energy,lack of any emotion except irratability,anxoiusness,depressed and anger.

Alcohol has a funny way of telling you if you drink,you will feel better,even know it has taken so much.Yes it will give some quick releif but the next morning the HELL cycle returns with a vengence.

Do you ever notice when you go to a doctor one of the first things they ask is "do you drink"?Why is that?I think to myself if i didnt drink i probally wouldnt be here.

Todays plan is to think less,eat and sleep.Hoping for a better tommoro!

The people that have some good sober time and come visit us,thanks its inspiring and i feel like its worth it.I couldnt even fathom a day where i dont think about it.I beleive the path of sobriety will lead to freedom!

I think everything in life runs in cycles(ex. day1-day 4 relapse patterns),so i must try to break these cycles and start some new ones.Anyone ever read the I Ching,its one of my favorites.

May the day be ours!Cheers!
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Old 11-11-2015, 07:35 AM
  # 373 (permalink)  
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Hello all again. Day 5 for me still having withdrawals hoping it will finish soon.

Thanks for the welcome dee X fancy meeting u here lol again

Hope everyone is having an ok day xx
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Old 11-11-2015, 07:52 AM
  # 374 (permalink)  
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Morning everybody! I'm checking on on day 3. (Seriously only 3 days???!!! Feels like 3 years. Have you noticed how fast time flies by EXCEPT when you're trying to get sober?).
Anyway...Dee74, Thank you for the links you provided for the sobriety plans. I have them printed and will show my sponsor today after a meeting.
Zeeker and Ambuler hang in there. I totally get where you are both coming from. I made it 10 or 11 days and then started a weekend binge as soon as hubby walked out the door. (small bottles of vino so I didn't drink as much and then made sure I hid them in the trash so he wouldn't find them and know I drank when he got home)
There really does seem to be a 4 day cycle much like you said, but let's try to remember our "big why" when day 4, 8, 12 .... Cycles around and reach out to this amazing group instead of our tiny bottles!
Dallow- nothing worse then waking up the next morning and remember what an ass we made of ourselves and the crap that came out of our mouths (even in fun). I look at my texts and call log and just cringe....or rejoice when it's only a call to a trusted friend. Anyway, not fun so let's all help each other stop pushing repeat!
Have a great day!
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Old 11-11-2015, 08:07 AM
  # 375 (permalink)  
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Originally Posted by Dallow View Post
Today my mind has tortured me with memories of how I've embarrassed myself in front of family and friends...I have some really unpleasant episodes of showing up extremely intoxicated in inappropriate situations. I won't go into details, but I am sure many of you can imagine how I feel. The shame. The regret. Would I like to drink over it? You bet I've considered to do so! The brilliant logic of an addict. To bask in an icehole. Put band-aids on internal wounds. I guess the only reasonable thing to do is to avoid it ever happens again...and possibly hope that some of my close ones choose to pretend they are afflicted with selective amnesia. Horrible day 15.
I understand this Dallow. The shame. The regret. I'm right there with you and I drink over it and get more shame and regret so I drink more. Downward spriral. Let's get off that spiral..it's gonna kill us. We can do this!
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Old 11-11-2015, 08:09 AM
  # 376 (permalink)  
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Originally Posted by Max74 View Post
Day 11 Yesterday was rough.I feel like ****,no energy,lack of any emotion except irratability,anxoiusness,depressed and anger. Alcohol has a funny way of telling you if you drink,you will feel better,even know it has taken so much.Yes it will give some quick releif but the next morning the HELL cycle returns with a vengence. Do you ever notice when you go to a doctor one of the first things they ask is "do you drink"?Why is that?I think to myself if i didnt drink i probally wouldnt be here. Todays plan is to think less,eat and sleep.Hoping for a better tommoro! The people that have some good sober time and come visit us,thanks its inspiring and i feel like its worth it.I couldnt even fathom a day where i dont think about it.I beleive the path of sobriety will lead to freedom! I think everything in life runs in cycles(ex. day1-day 4 relapse patterns),so i must try to break these cycles and start some new ones.Anyone ever read the I Ching,its one of my favorites. May the day be ours!Cheers!
I'm desperately trying to break the 1-4 day relapse pattern too! Why do we do that???
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Old 11-11-2015, 08:12 AM
  # 377 (permalink)  
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Originally Posted by Keepnitreal View Post
Morning everybody! I'm checking on on day 3. (Seriously only 3 days???!!! Feels like 3 years. Have you noticed how fast time flies by EXCEPT when you're trying to get sober?). Anyway...Dee74, Thank you for the links you provided for the sobriety plans. I have them printed and will show my sponsor today after a meeting. Zeeker and Ambuler hang in there. I totally get where you are both coming from. I made it 10 or 11 days and then started a weekend binge as soon as hubby walked out the door. (small bottles of vino so I didn't drink as much and then made sure I hid them in the trash so he wouldn't find them and know I drank when he got home) There really does seem to be a 4 day cycle much like you said, but let's try to remember our "big why" when day 4, 8, 12 .... Cycles around and reach out to this amazing group instead of our tiny bottles! Dallow- nothing worse then waking up the next morning and remember what an ass we made of ourselves and the crap that came out of our mouths (even in fun). I look at my texts and call log and just cringe....or rejoice when it's only a call to a trusted friend. Anyway, not fun so let's all help each other stop pushing repeat! Have a great day!
Yes! Time goes soooo slow when trying to stay sober & disappears when drinking! Why is that??? Ugh.
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Old 11-11-2015, 08:17 AM
  # 378 (permalink)  
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Hey Dallow, I'm in kinda the same place you are. Rehashing the past a lot. What I've found to be helpful is really focusing on this as an opportunity to push myself to be someone who respects themselves and can be respected by others. We're fortunate to have this chance and we got to seize it!
We can be the change we want to see
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Old 11-11-2015, 10:30 AM
  # 379 (permalink)  
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Originally Posted by Supertired View Post
Hey team November Wishing everyone a safe evening... Feeling a little off today so figured it's be a good idea to post and get a few things down. The last 10 days have seemed like a month, and during that time I've done so much thinking about things that I forget that to everyone else in my life , it's just been 10 days ... And 10 days is certainly not long enough to negate the terrible damage that has been done to the trust between myself and my gf. It's amazing that she hasn't left me , but she's loyal and she's stubborn, and I'm lucky despite myself. I told her earlier that I'm going to watch a basketball game at a friends and that I wouldn't be too late, and she teared up because going through her mind, of course, is that I'll be out all night god knows where doing god knows what ... I got mad because in my mind, after this last 10 days why would I f*** up now!? But I thought it through .. And of course she thinks this way. Living with me for 5 years would lead her to think that. Getting and staying sober is one thing, but I can't undo the things I've done , and only time and effort will reconcile the past... So be it It'll still be worth it
This is so similar to my experience. I would go to watch sport and when I returned I would have no idea what the score was. She has been long suffering. It is hard to repair this damage. It may not be possible to repair for me. Good luck pal
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Old 11-11-2015, 10:53 AM
  # 380 (permalink)  
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Hi, All. I'm embarrassed to post that I'm on day one. I drank the last two nights. There wasn't even a real reason for it. The AV is so damn sneaky. There is something in rational recovery about the AV predicting life without alcohol as gloom and doom. I believed that. But here's what I want to counter that with today: I had three and a half months sober this summer and it was great, but then I had PAWS symptoms (depression) and drank in August. Since then I've been drinking about once every week or two. There have been some posts about needing to break the cycle. I need to break the cycle!!

I reflected back on some of the things I gained during those three and a half months that I could have never predicted when I quit in April:

Confidence in myself, especially how I look. I started taking care of myself. I thought I did that before, but I really didn’t have respect and love for myself because I was too busy hating myself for drinking and all the things I did while drunk. I felt a calmness that I’ve never had. My anxiety decreased. I saved lots of money. My physical abilities greatly increased: I was able to swim only once a week and still stay in better shape then when I was swimming multiple times a week and drinking. I woke up without a hangover every day, just like a normal person!

We can do this. As Dee says, it starts with a plan. For me, it will be waking up and committing to my sobriety each day. And recognizing that ANY thought of drinking is 100% my AV, no matter what the reasoning. I commit to posting the AV's thoughts here. I accept that recovery is the hardest thing I've ever had to do in my life. But I do believe the rewards that will come from long-term sobriety will make it worth the struggle.

Thank you all for being here. I could not do this without you guys. Stay strong!
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