Hi, All. I'm embarrassed to post that I'm on day one. I drank the last two nights. There wasn't even a real reason for it. The AV is so damn sneaky. There is something in rational recovery about the AV predicting life without alcohol as gloom and doom. I believed that. But here's what I want to counter that with today: I had three and a half months sober this summer and it was great, but then I had PAWS symptoms (depression) and drank in August. Since then I've been drinking about once every week or two. There have been some posts about needing to break the cycle. I need to break the cycle!!
I reflected back on some of the things I gained during those three and a half months that I could have never predicted when I quit in April:
Confidence in myself, especially how I look. I started taking care of myself. I thought I did that before, but I really didn’t have respect and love for myself because I was too busy hating myself for drinking and all the things I did while drunk. I felt a calmness that I’ve never had. My anxiety decreased. I saved lots of money. My physical abilities greatly increased: I was able to swim only once a week and still stay in better shape then when I was swimming multiple times a week and drinking. I woke up without a hangover every day, just like a normal person!
We can do this. As Dee says, it starts with a plan. For me, it will be waking up and committing to my sobriety each day. And recognizing that ANY thought of drinking is 100% my AV, no matter what the reasoning. I commit to posting the AV's thoughts here. I accept that recovery is the hardest thing I've ever had to do in my life. But I do believe the rewards that will come from long-term sobriety will make it worth the struggle.
Thank you all for being here. I could not do this without you guys. Stay strong!