soulpower89

I'm so sorry, Emme. That's really hard news to get, and I can understand where the sadness and stress comes from. You're strong to come here and share, and accept it for what it is. I hope your family is close and working through it together.

I don't have any excuse, except that my will power sucks. After 9 days, I drank last night. It wasn't even me alone, or emptying a bottle, or a strong desire to drink...I was at my friends place, we made dinner together, and he told me he bought a sample-4 pack of beers from Scotland (I hope to move there in 2016). He showed me the box and said he knew I was trying sobriety (he had to pick me up on Halloween when I was drunk off my rocker) but said one wouldn't be the end of the world... I ended up having 2 bottles of beer. I didn't get loopy, or feel like keeping drinking, but I still feel so guilty. I feel worse because I really, really enjoyed it... they were so good, and I hate to say it! Ugh. So, back to day 1, time to reinforce my will power, and be more clear with my friend... I know it won't be the last time I'm tempted by a friend, so I have to be stronger than my desire to have one.

Hoping today/tomorrow is better.

KiKi0615

Haha I would go to all of them! Maybe one early today and one tonight? Also...men are not supposed to sponsor women so he's fine. Women stick with women & men stick with men.

If a man tries to sponsor you & you're a woman...RUN! Ha

Erratic

Hi all I would like to join this group it's not the first time I've been here I did try last year for a couple of months . So here I am trying and doing again. I am actually on my 4th day and I have started getting withdrawals but I'm pushing on. Sry for this short post as I am at work and away to start. Thanks SR for being here still this can be a great place to get help xx

Ambuler

This was almost exactly how I was going to begin my post today....

First of all, hi everyone! I'm so glad to see everyone seems to be doing well. I'm sorry for those that fell off and feel bad, but I'm so happy to see you guys right back here, not giving up! It's so inspiring.

Emme, I'm so, so sorry for what you're going through with your mother. I'll pray that you will stay strong, for her and yourself, during this time. I've been there myself; I lost my son 5 years ago at age 7 to a heart condition, and watching someone deteriorate, and feeling helpless because you want to help, but can't, is probably one of the hardest things in life to go through. You're in my prayers today.

I am, yet again, on day 2. I'm shaking my head as I type that. This is the third time now. I'm usually ok to not drink on day 1 because I'm hungover and feel like crap. Then day 2 is alright too because I don't want to feel like I did on day 1. Then on day 3 I start to get the urge, but am usually strong enough to say no. By day 4 I'm starting to feel amazing, and I start (or rather the AV starts) to convince myself that a drink or two would be nice. I fight it for a while, but I eventually cave, and I'm back to day 1 again. Always the same cycle. Here I was on Sunday posting on here, encouraging everyone to not drink," We can do this!", and all it took was having to go to the store for a few things I needed for dinner, and I was buying a four pack of mini bottles of chardonnay and a 24oz Corona. I had convinced myself that it was waaayyy less than I would normally drink, so that's at least good, right?

It makes me question if I'm even serious about this. I know that I am so grateful to be off the merry-go-round of waking up and having to think, "Do I have enough wine?" "I have to go get some wine, but it's too early." "Oh, I can't go to that store because I just went there yesterday, let's go to the the other store 3 miles out of the way. I haven't been there yet this week." "I hope I don't bump into any of my friends from church at the store." Etc, etc....But it seems that complete sobriety isn't something that I'm taking seriously. At first I thought I did. I made it from Oct 17 until Halloween without a drink, and felt great. But since Halloween I haven't been able to break this repeated 4 day cycle....

Sorry for rambling, I'm just kind of frustrated, and ambivalent about this all at the same time. Keep me in your thoughts and prayers, guys. I sure do need it.

Meshelly

Checking in on day 10. Getting ready to go to the gym even though i really really really don't want to. I feel a little down in the dumps today, that's why i know i must push myself harder to get to the gym. Exercise always makes me feel so much better.
Some days are just harder than others but that's no reason to drink over it.
Moving forward,
One day at a time,
Today is all we have promised.

Dallow

I am on day 14 and it's getting dangerous. This is usually the time when I cave in. My body feels better, but my mind doesn't - and I start to question, what is this sobriety really doing for me? I feel numb, nothing excites me, I just push through each day trying not to drink.

I have some difficulties in my life right now, and sometimes it feels like my head is going to explode trying to work everything out. I would like to get rid of my anxiety and my thoughts for a while...Last night I was prepared to take a bad hangover or withdrawals in exchange for a couple of hours of releif. But instead I cried until I got a headache.

Ambuler, I also have a hard time relating to total sobriety. I don't want another day 1, I don't want to be a slave to this addiction. I know that alcohol it's destroying me, that "it's going to get better" and all of that, but sometimes I just can't grasp it. I am not gonna drink today, but I don't want to feel like I do anymore.

It's good to see people are still trying here, still coming back even though some of you are going through really hard times. You are my inspiration.

Thumbelina

Just checking in. Day 11 done
Sorry to hear some of to you have fallen - don't be too hard on yourselves

Olivia2011

I'm behind on reading but wanted to say hi to Emme (and all of you). I was wondering how your mom was doing. You prolly remember me. I lost my mom to ovarian cancer and aunt to breast cancer. Now my fave aunt underwent lung surgery to remove half of one lung. She is taking chemo as we speak. Some of the lymph nodes tested positive. Your mom must be a really strong woman. You're a really good daughter. Stay sober for her and your family and you, of course.
Good to hear from you. It's a very difficult road to say the least. Try not to drink. Xo

KeyofC

Welcome Erratic!

patricia68

Hi, I hope it's okay for me to join this class. Day 1 again...

Gifford

I have had a much better day, I slept better last night which always makes me feel good. I was tired after work but dragged myself to the gym. Even after getting changed and starting on a machine, my heart wasn't in it. However very quickly the blood started pumping and I had a full session. It must have been good as my body has a strangely smug ache about it. Plan for tomorrow is the same as today. Day 4 safely negotiated. I must not rest on my laurels though. Tomorrow is another day I must conquer.

The only downside is it is more and more likely that my relationship is over. I am starting to feel a bit more positive about it though, I need less tension around me.

Have a good day everybody, I will be checking on everyone's progress. It is difficult for us all, my problems are put into perspective when I read of other people's plights.

f1ngers

Hey everyone!

Nearly 8:30am here in Oz. About this time last week I was still feeling drunk from the night before and not long after experiencing the come down and then anxiety leading me to be in and out of ER for most of the day.

Today marks my week off any alcohol at all. The cravings are hard but not unbearable. I'm amazed at how much I can get done in a day and my wife is shocked that I'm staying up until 10:30 at night lol.

I can feel the habit slowly starting to die, but I know this is a way off yet and going to be the toughest part of giving it away.

Thinking of the rest of the November group, be strong it's worth it!

Dee74

Welcome Erratic and Patricia

I'm sorry to hear about your mom Emme but I'm glad you're back posting here

regarding maintenance - I found posting here daily really made a difference - not only posting for myself but to others too

It was much harder for me to rationalise that I was overreacting and I was not an alcoholic when I read my story over and over again in other peoples posts.

It may seem as those sobriety is a bit of a burden that stretches on forever right now, and there's a little bit of fear in that...

The early recovery phases is rough, but it's not forever.

Recovery's really not a burden, it's a release - and I really hope you guys will stick around long enough to see that I'm not talking nonsense

D

Supertired

Hey team November
Wishing everyone a safe evening...
Feeling a little off today so figured it's be a good idea to post and get a few things down.
The last 10 days have seemed like a month, and during that time I've done so much thinking about things that I forget that to everyone else in my life , it's just been 10 days ... And 10 days is certainly not long enough to negate the terrible damage that has been done to the trust between myself and my gf. It's amazing that she hasn't left me , but she's loyal and she's stubborn, and I'm lucky despite myself.
I told her earlier that I'm going to watch a basketball game at a friends and that I wouldn't be too late, and she teared up because going through her mind, of course, is that I'll be out all night god knows where doing god knows what ... I got mad because in my mind, after this last 10 days why would I f*** up now!? But I thought it through .. And of course she thinks this way. Living with me for 5 years would lead her to think that. Getting and staying sober is one thing, but I can't undo the things I've done , and only time and effort will reconcile the past...
So be it
It'll still be worth it

TheRake

Yeah me too....shall we put a stop to it once and for all?

TheRake

If I hadn't of drank at the weekend....I would have had 29 days today.

back to square one.....pisses me off!!!!!!!!

I need this sorted now. I have a huge feeling inside of me that I need to have this sorted by Christmas. I go home for Christmas and once I have a few weeks under my belt, I think it will be relatively easy not drinking with the family. They prefer a sober Rake and it's possible they think I'm still not drinking....I didn't last Christmas.

Mmmm but I did the previous year and I had a problem with my back like I just had recently....painkillers? anti-inflammatory? Pain???

is there a link?

I remember breaking my sobriety before when I broke my big toe playing football. Excruciating pain......whisky straight. Not good. puking dying. Seems there is a link......need to be carefull there

Dee74

Welcome to you too TheRake

D

Humbug

Don't worry therake what is done is done just focus and being sober today.
I did fail and drank on Saturday but right now my focus is on today and waking up hangover free tomorrow. God bless you

Healthygoals

Welcome new classmates!

Really got a huge urge to pour a drink while assembling a huge lasagna for the family and I could have snuck it in since the man isn't home and my daughter is upstairs but I literally started talking to myself out loud and instead, made a cup of decaf tea and signed on here. I know that one could become more than one and I don't want to feel like garbage in the morning. I think the urge is passing now. My plan for tonight is to knit, watch a movie with my daughter and stay close to here.

Dallow

Welcome to all newcomers!

And TheRake, I am also thinking about Christmas and New years already. It's like a milestone for me, since it's a difficult time to pull through in early recovery.

It's insane how the holidays always comes with a pressure to drink, like it's the very basis of how to "enjoy" oneself.