I am, yet again, on day 2. I'm shaking my head as I type that. This is the third time now. I'm usually ok to not drink on day 1 because I'm hungover and feel like crap. Then day 2 is alright too because I don't want to feel like I did on day 1. Then on day 3 I start to get the urge, but am usually strong enough to say no. By day 4 I'm starting to feel amazing, and I start (or rather the AV starts) to convince myself that a drink or two would be nice. I fight it for a while, but I eventually cave, and I'm back to day 1 again. Always the same cycle. Here I was on Sunday posting on here, encouraging everyone to not drink," We can do this!", and all it took was having to go to the store for a few things I needed for dinner, and I was buying a four pack of mini bottles of chardonnay and a 24oz Corona. I had convinced myself that it was waaayyy less than I would normally drink, so that's at least good, right?
It makes me question if I'm even serious about this. I know that I am so grateful to be off the merry-go-round of waking up and having to think, "Do I have enough wine?" "I have to go get some wine, but it's too early." "Oh, I can't go to that store because I just went there yesterday, let's go to the the other store 3 miles out of the way. I haven't been there yet this week." "I hope I don't bump into any of my friends from church at the store." Etc, etc....But it seems that complete sobriety isn't something that I'm taking seriously. At first I thought I did. I made it from Oct 17 until Halloween without a drink, and felt great. But since Halloween I haven't been able to break this repeated 4 day cycle....
Sorry for rambling, I'm just kind of frustrated, and ambivalent about this all at the same time. Keep me in your thoughts and prayers, guys. I sure do need it.