Class of July 2013 Part 23
Guest
Join Date: Aug 2013
Location: Sydney Australia
Posts: 4,225
Thanks Ladybug. I actually had to unpack some old stuff of my children's school stuff that had been packed away for many years, and sadly as I read report cards and notes from them, I realised I wasn't really present for some important things. I thought I was, but on sober reflection, I was not. I could have done better, enjoyed their teenage years more. Sadly that was when I was on the edge of when things were getting worse.
If you can reign this in now, Ladybug, please do. I know an hour seems a long time, perhaps not just a craving, but the obsessing that comes with letting something go, but hold on....you are building sober muscles.
Most of what I read from my kids I could not remember receiving. And this was at a time where I didn't even think I was drinking too badly - yet I missed a lot.
I also found a wad of beautiful cards and notes from my lovely ex. It was hard going. Words of love and looking forward to more years together and happy anniversaries. Things I ruined by continuing to drink and took away from us. Some cards, a few - were little apologies, "sorry for yesterday, hope you have a better week"....no doubt some stupid argument with the root cause being because I drank, or one of the many deflected arguments I caused from drinking. You know what I mean.
I wasn't expecting to find all the things I did, but I made myself read every one. They are painful. There are still a few wads of school stuff of my kids things to go through, again, it will be hard, but it has to be done.
If you can reign this in now, Ladybug, please do. I know an hour seems a long time, perhaps not just a craving, but the obsessing that comes with letting something go, but hold on....you are building sober muscles.
Most of what I read from my kids I could not remember receiving. And this was at a time where I didn't even think I was drinking too badly - yet I missed a lot.
I also found a wad of beautiful cards and notes from my lovely ex. It was hard going. Words of love and looking forward to more years together and happy anniversaries. Things I ruined by continuing to drink and took away from us. Some cards, a few - were little apologies, "sorry for yesterday, hope you have a better week"....no doubt some stupid argument with the root cause being because I drank, or one of the many deflected arguments I caused from drinking. You know what I mean.
I wasn't expecting to find all the things I did, but I made myself read every one. They are painful. There are still a few wads of school stuff of my kids things to go through, again, it will be hard, but it has to be done.
Member
Join Date: Apr 2013
Location: Canada
Posts: 3,997
Hello everyone,
I became completely distraught and agitated on Oct 13 and my psychiatrist admitted me directly from his office. I was highly agitated, beside myself.
I only just got a pass today, to go off the ward. I don't have my iPad, I'm writing from a computer in the hospital library.
I think you all know that I completely frustrated at how unwell I seem to be, and for how long this has gone on. I've tried AA, but I don't feel like I fit in, I think I've given it a good try, many meetings. I don't want to be going to meetings for the rest of my life, and have people tell me that I will not be able to stay sober unless I do the steps, give over to a higher power. I'm so torn, I want to enjoy life, I want to be happy about being sober, but I've so little will to go on.
Anyway, I had the chance to check in, thanks everyone for thinking of me. I hate being morose all the time. I'm a bit less agitated, although I did scream and swear at a fellow patient who was needling me. I can't believe the vitriol that came out of my mouth, I'm not usually like this. I feel completely unhinged, really, on this sober journey. I know I couldn't have kept drinking, I was driving drunk and blacking out.
I don't know when I will be able to go home, I get frightened about being alone, but I can't live in the bloody hospital. A girlfriend brought Tiki to board at the vet's, I hope he's ok. I've let so many people down, the bird too.
I hope everyone can keep plugging away, Ladybug, I'm glad your husband is supporting you. I told all the staff here about my drinking and the main psychiatrist, the inpatient doc says he doesn't think there is a connection between my stopping drinking and this crippling, chronic depression, but I don't know? It's seems like it to me. Anyway, I won't drink. I just wish there was some f2f support in my community that wasn't AA. I mean, why isn't there a group for sober socializing, or something like that. Go bowling, or lunch, with no "dating" connotations? Just have a joke, a laugh, like we do here, only in real life. I crave social connection, don't know how to find it at my age. I find AA meetings, well I have recently, altogether too "holy" and "heavy". I broke down at one and a lady gave me a scriptures thing which was kind of her to think of me, but it's just not me.
Well, enough rubbish from me.
I became completely distraught and agitated on Oct 13 and my psychiatrist admitted me directly from his office. I was highly agitated, beside myself.
I only just got a pass today, to go off the ward. I don't have my iPad, I'm writing from a computer in the hospital library.
I think you all know that I completely frustrated at how unwell I seem to be, and for how long this has gone on. I've tried AA, but I don't feel like I fit in, I think I've given it a good try, many meetings. I don't want to be going to meetings for the rest of my life, and have people tell me that I will not be able to stay sober unless I do the steps, give over to a higher power. I'm so torn, I want to enjoy life, I want to be happy about being sober, but I've so little will to go on.
Anyway, I had the chance to check in, thanks everyone for thinking of me. I hate being morose all the time. I'm a bit less agitated, although I did scream and swear at a fellow patient who was needling me. I can't believe the vitriol that came out of my mouth, I'm not usually like this. I feel completely unhinged, really, on this sober journey. I know I couldn't have kept drinking, I was driving drunk and blacking out.
I don't know when I will be able to go home, I get frightened about being alone, but I can't live in the bloody hospital. A girlfriend brought Tiki to board at the vet's, I hope he's ok. I've let so many people down, the bird too.
I hope everyone can keep plugging away, Ladybug, I'm glad your husband is supporting you. I told all the staff here about my drinking and the main psychiatrist, the inpatient doc says he doesn't think there is a connection between my stopping drinking and this crippling, chronic depression, but I don't know? It's seems like it to me. Anyway, I won't drink. I just wish there was some f2f support in my community that wasn't AA. I mean, why isn't there a group for sober socializing, or something like that. Go bowling, or lunch, with no "dating" connotations? Just have a joke, a laugh, like we do here, only in real life. I crave social connection, don't know how to find it at my age. I find AA meetings, well I have recently, altogether too "holy" and "heavy". I broke down at one and a lady gave me a scriptures thing which was kind of her to think of me, but it's just not me.
Well, enough rubbish from me.
Member
Join Date: Aug 2013
Location: Ma
Posts: 3,553
Hello everybody,
Glad things are working out for you, Crois.
It is ok to look a little in the past to learn from it. Just don't let it drag you down as there will be many, many more memories to place in your [U]new[U] sober book.
I know as I have many regrets. But I've also begun to create some new memories that are slowly beginning to push back the bad ones.
Snoozums,
You and your daughters are definitely the salt of the earth.
Leshar, It's so good to hear from you.
Just know sweetness, we are all praying for you.
SW, goodnight
Everybody else, have a wonderful day/night.
Glad things are working out for you, Crois.
It is ok to look a little in the past to learn from it. Just don't let it drag you down as there will be many, many more memories to place in your [U]new[U] sober book.
I know as I have many regrets. But I've also begun to create some new memories that are slowly beginning to push back the bad ones.
Snoozums,
You and your daughters are definitely the salt of the earth.
Leshar, It's so good to hear from you.
Just know sweetness, we are all praying for you.
SW, goodnight
Everybody else, have a wonderful day/night.
Member
Join Date: Nov 2012
Location: German Village, Columbus with my love ♥
Posts: 88,509
Oh Leshar ~ I wish we could all get on a plane and be with you. We would be able to do some awesome sober socialising....and yes, there must be ways of finding that in the f2f world....maybe a book club or walking group. You meet people and drinking is not the focus. It may sound a little lame, but you never know. 
I really hope the doctors and staff are lovely and helpful where you are right now...we are all thinking about you and praying you feel better soon love. And it's OK, your bird will be fine. Just look after you right now.
Wow Crois, Congrats on the move. That's wonderful news.
And gosh you are brave....going through all of those notes and letters.
It's hard to feel that stuff.
But you are moving forward, and giving some great advice by the way!!!
You will make new memories, and I realy believe the world is your oyster....
And as Bob said, creating new memories in our sober lives really does help to push back the bad ones.
Well, I am grateful that right now I am here with all of you.
So much wisdom and hope and love here....
And your daughters are a credit to you Snooz. Just sayin...
Well done Ladybug.....an hour feels like a long time when you're in that frame of mind, but look at you, you did it!!!
Key ~ glad you got some time with your man. It really sounds like an awesome country song girl; you should write it!!
Love to wolfie , Leigh, letitgo and everyone else I missed.
I really hope the doctors and staff are lovely and helpful where you are right now...we are all thinking about you and praying you feel better soon love. And it's OK, your bird will be fine. Just look after you right now.
Wow Crois, Congrats on the move. That's wonderful news.
And gosh you are brave....going through all of those notes and letters.
It's hard to feel that stuff.
But you are moving forward, and giving some great advice by the way!!!
You will make new memories, and I realy believe the world is your oyster....
And as Bob said, creating new memories in our sober lives really does help to push back the bad ones.
Well, I am grateful that right now I am here with all of you.
So much wisdom and hope and love here....
And your daughters are a credit to you Snooz. Just sayin...
Well done Ladybug.....an hour feels like a long time when you're in that frame of mind, but look at you, you did it!!!
Key ~ glad you got some time with your man. It really sounds like an awesome country song girl; you should write it!!
Love to wolfie , Leigh, letitgo and everyone else I missed.
Administrator
Thread Starter
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,444
I'm so glad to hear from you Leshar
Rather than beating yourself up for letting people down, rememeber that you're entitled to some TLC and self care too
You're just as important as anyone else here.
I'm sorry you're still struggling with things. I wish I knew what the answer was and I'd give it to you freely.
I'm going to pray that this time you'll find the right apprach, or find someone who can help you find that right approach
take care Leshar- you're an integral part of this thread and we love you
D
Rather than beating yourself up for letting people down, rememeber that you're entitled to some TLC and self care too
You're just as important as anyone else here.
I'm sorry you're still struggling with things. I wish I knew what the answer was and I'd give it to you freely.
I'm going to pray that this time you'll find the right apprach, or find someone who can help you find that right approach
take care Leshar- you're an integral part of this thread and we love you
D
Guest
Join Date: Aug 2013
Location: Sydney Australia
Posts: 4,225
Thanks Bob....yes, I'm definitely embracing the new sober memories - absolutely. And in fact the notes were an unexpected find, but they had to be read, I believe. I can move on - and have, but I definitely need to feel and understand that pain and the pain I caused. Not so much as to beat myself up - as it felt in the beginning, but rather to know not to take what I do have now for granted. I find all these things as just more reasons not to drink again.
Venus, thanks for your kind words.xx
Venus, thanks for your kind words.xx
Member
Join Date: Jul 2013
Location: Australia
Posts: 11,351
Originally Posted by Croissant 
Thanks Ladybug. I actually had to unpack some old stuff of my children's school stuff that had been packed away for many years, and sadly as I read report cards and notes from them, I realised I wasn't really present for some important things. I thought I was, but on sober reflection, I was not. I could have done better, enjoyed their teenage years more. Sadly that was when I was on the edge of when things were getting worse.
If you can reign this in now, Ladybug, please do. I know an hour seems a long time, perhaps not just a craving, but the obsessing that comes with letting something go, but hold on....you are building sober muscles.
Most of what I read from my kids I could not remember receiving. And this was at a time where I didn't even think I was drinking too badly - yet I missed a lot.
I also found a wad of beautiful cards and notes from my lovely ex. It was hard going. Words of love and looking forward to more years together and happy anniversaries. Things I ruined by continuing to drink and took away from us. Some cards, a few - were little apologies, "sorry for yesterday, hope you have a better week"....no doubt some stupid argument with the root cause being because I drank, or one of the many deflected arguments I caused from drinking. You know what I mean.
I wasn't expecting to find all the things I did, but I made myself read every one. They are painful. There are still a few wads of school stuff of my kids things to go through, again, it will be hard, but it has to be done.
If you can reign this in now, Ladybug, please do. I know an hour seems a long time, perhaps not just a craving, but the obsessing that comes with letting something go, but hold on....you are building sober muscles.
Most of what I read from my kids I could not remember receiving. And this was at a time where I didn't even think I was drinking too badly - yet I missed a lot.
I also found a wad of beautiful cards and notes from my lovely ex. It was hard going. Words of love and looking forward to more years together and happy anniversaries. Things I ruined by continuing to drink and took away from us. Some cards, a few - were little apologies, "sorry for yesterday, hope you have a better week"....no doubt some stupid argument with the root cause being because I drank, or one of the many deflected arguments I caused from drinking. You know what I mean.
I wasn't expecting to find all the things I did, but I made myself read every one. They are painful. There are still a few wads of school stuff of my kids things to go through, again, it will be hard, but it has to be done.
You are WONDERFUL Crois . Such an inspiration to our class.
Ladybug, I really identify with this honey & I'm so proud of you for getting through that long one hour craving session.
Your beautiful girls are worth it.
I could not think of any better advice than what I have read here by Crois.
Thanks Crois , for sharing so much more of you these days . It really has helped me.
I'm so happy for you. Your life has come full circle. You are in such a good place.
The move back home is fantastic news. I'm really truly happy for you xxxxx
Member
Join Date: Jul 2013
Location: Australia
Posts: 11,351
G'day Key 
((((( LESHARRRRR)))))
It's so good to hear from you sweetheart
First off.... You have let NOONE down. You are sick. I'm so glad you are getting the help you need. I'm so thrilled to hear from you.
I tend to agree with your psych. I feel that this is more about your mental state of mind and less about the alcohol.
I think maybe you were self medicating through alcohol as your way of checking out of you mental illness.
Now that you no longer drink and are more present , it's more obvious to you that you are sick and I suppose this was less noticeable whilst drinking
You seem to be handling the alcohol side of things remarkably well. But that's not to say you do t still need to be vigilant etc.
It's made my day seeing your post and that we all here know you are safe and sound being cared for.
When you get out, make sure to check in every day with us lovely.
I know better things await you. Don't give up cos you are worth fighting for , my friend. We love you dearly
PS , don't worry about lashing out and snapping etc, it's a release for you.
Tiki is being well cared for, so that's a load off your mind.
Take care hunnybunny and looking forward to your next post ️xxx
Much love always , your SR. JULYERS XXXX
((((( LESHARRRRR)))))
It's so good to hear from you sweetheart
First off.... You have let NOONE down. You are sick. I'm so glad you are getting the help you need. I'm so thrilled to hear from you.
I tend to agree with your psych. I feel that this is more about your mental state of mind and less about the alcohol.
I think maybe you were self medicating through alcohol as your way of checking out of you mental illness.
Now that you no longer drink and are more present , it's more obvious to you that you are sick and I suppose this was less noticeable whilst drinking
You seem to be handling the alcohol side of things remarkably well. But that's not to say you do t still need to be vigilant etc.
It's made my day seeing your post and that we all here know you are safe and sound being cared for.
When you get out, make sure to check in every day with us lovely.
I know better things await you. Don't give up cos you are worth fighting for , my friend. We love you dearly
PS , don't worry about lashing out and snapping etc, it's a release for you.
Tiki is being well cared for, so that's a load off your mind.
Take care hunnybunny and looking forward to your next post ️xxx
Much love always , your SR. JULYERS XXXX
Currently Active Users Viewing this Thread: 1 (0 members and 1 guests)
