Originally Posted by Croissant

Thanks Ladybug. I actually had to unpack some old stuff of my children's school stuff that had been packed away for many years, and sadly as I read report cards and notes from them, I realised I wasn't really present for some important things. I thought I was, but on sober reflection, I was not. I could have done better, enjoyed their teenage years more. Sadly that was when I was on the edge of when things were getting worse.

If you can reign this in now, Ladybug, please do. I know an hour seems a long time, perhaps not just a craving, but the obsessing that comes with letting something go, but hold on....you are building sober muscles.

Most of what I read from my kids I could not remember receiving. And this was at a time where I didn't even think I was drinking too badly - yet I missed a lot.

I also found a wad of beautiful cards and notes from my lovely ex. It was hard going. Words of love and looking forward to more years together and happy anniversaries. Things I ruined by continuing to drink and took away from us. Some cards, a few - were little apologies, "sorry for yesterday, hope you have a better week"....no doubt some stupid argument with the root cause being because I drank, or one of the many deflected arguments I caused from drinking. You know what I mean.

I wasn't expecting to find all the things I did, but I made myself read every one. They are painful. There are still a few wads of school stuff of my kids things to go through, again, it will be hard, but it has to be done.