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Class of April 2015 Part 7

Old 08-13-2015, 06:38 AM
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Good morning.

My confidence is definitely up. Another thing is regret is down. It's still lurks behind the scene and I can call it to action any time.

As time goes on, pride is gaining strength and regret is fading. Despair has been replaced with hope.

I can almost see it as though there's a gray area between those transitions. The gray area has feelings of mourning and doubt sprinkled with hope. Maybe a better way to describe it would be to compare to Night to Dawn to Day.

The sun had shown itself for me. I have way more hope and confidence.
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Old 08-13-2015, 06:52 AM
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Morning,
I don't know about confidence but I have realised that compared to so many I have been dealt a pretty good hand in life. Being sober allows me to appreciate that. I have also realised that I am fundamentally happier in all aspects of my life when I am not drinking. I did have a moment in the store yesterday but I am fine with that - it is bound to happen, but I am sober and happy this morning.

Have a good day all. None for me today.

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Old 08-13-2015, 07:06 AM
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Confidence, self-respect and happiness are all products of a sober life, I think.

There are bound to be moments as OMD said but for me, even those are increasingly manageable. They are just that. Moments. If I had a different illness that meant that say, I occasionally felt out of breath but I knew that the feeling would pass with no further consequences if I just rode it out, I'm sure I wouldn't worry about it too much or let it affect the way I lived my life. I try to take my moments with that philosophy...
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Old 08-13-2015, 07:36 AM
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Good morning,
My self esteem is growing for sure. Every time I go out to events I surprise myself! I've said it before, but I drank my wine thinking I needed it to loosen up and become more confident, but it only made me self conscious. One some occasions, I was more into hiding the fact that I was drunk then actually having fun. I called it my "pathetic little wine bubble", I would just sit there and not say much because I was too worried about what people would think (In reality, they probably thought I was either a snob or a total ditz!). Today, I really don't really care what people think. I have great ideas and opinions to bring into the conversation, and if people don't agree, then so be it! I am learning to have fun without the alcohol. I also seem to have more time, so I am accomplishing so much more, and that is a boost to the old self esteem. It feels great. My life was so chaotic, and it showed up in the space around me. Today, I feel more at ease and my surroundings are reflecting that. Not only the space at home, but where I find myself, and who I am with. My old life, the disordered and tense version of me is now being replaced with a more refined, confident and structured version of me. Some of my friends have all but disappeared, but I am content with the one or two that stuck around, and I find that I am happy with my new found friends!

It's going to be a hot one here today, so I am not venturing very far from the cool air conditioned house. I did promise my son a swim in the lake today, which I think I can do post lasik eye surgery if I wear my goggles, so we will be doing some swimming.

None for me today because I don't want to waste the last weeks of summer drunk or nursing a horrendous hang-over.
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Old 08-13-2015, 07:44 AM
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Originally Posted by amp123 View Post
Nice as someone said, to turn self-loathing into self-respect!
I was the self-loathing queen for for about a year before I finally quit for good in April. I tried to quit drinking at least 3 times before then, and it hurt me to the core when I slipped up, I was really hard on myself. I don't want to go there again. Self-respect is showing up and I like it! The work outs, eating healthy, not drinking, and being grateful is where it's at!
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Old 08-13-2015, 08:10 AM
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Amen!
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Old 08-13-2015, 08:11 AM
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Morning, All! Good vibes here this morning. I like it! To your question, Amp, the biggest change for me has been becoming confident and happy with myself. Even when I do things that I'm not proud of (like eating half a bag of chocolate chip cookies last night bc the AV was bothering me) I am able to forgive myself. I've accepted that I'm human and therefore not perfect and everyday is a new fresh start.

As I mentioned earlier, I joined the August class and it has been really interesting to see where everyone is at the first few days/weeks. People post and are just so unhappy with themselves: unhappy for relapsing, unhappy about mistakes they've made, etc. I'm really seeing those feelings now as the product of the AV; it wants you to feel bad about everything and that you're not worth it so you will drink. I've decided that I'm not going to let my AV make me feel bad about relapsing. Instead, it was a huge lesson learned on my path to lifelong sobriety. I quit drinking in April and that doesn't change. I learned how manipulative the AV can be even at 90 days in and that I need to keep my guard up extra high this time.

I am happy to not be hungover this morning!
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Old 08-13-2015, 08:24 AM
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Kim, I made some "healthy" brownies the day, and they are oh so good! Google "Black Bean Avocado Brownies", seriously! Don't let the title fool you, they are decadent and sweet, and chocolaty, yum.

And yes, I remember being so down on myself from relapses, but I never associated it with the AV. It's a sly and cunning creature of our minds that's for sure. The fact that you recognize it makes you stronger then It. You've got this Kim, keep it up!
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Old 08-13-2015, 09:50 AM
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Cauliflower I just googled those and they look so, so good! Once it's cool enough to fire up the oven that is first thing I will make! Thanks for sharing
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Old 08-13-2015, 10:17 AM
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Morning as far as changes go... My self esteem has improved immensely. I'm more motivated. I find myself being at peace. Just feeling relaxed and content. Some days do suck but for the most part I'm happy. Crazy to think I allowed myself to be miserable for so long.

Today is off to a good start I'm gonna have to check out those brownies. I love baking. Have a good one everybody!
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Old 08-13-2015, 10:19 AM
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I too googled the brownies! Looking goooood!!! There's the link for any other curious Aprilians:

http://www.ambitiouskitchen.com/2012...-free-low-fat/
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Old 08-13-2015, 02:45 PM
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Mmm. Looks yummy.
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Old 08-13-2015, 08:18 PM
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Hi all. Not feeling that great but I'm not drinking. 108 days today. Trying to get out of this mood and I have been using the stationary bike on breaks and during part of my lunch at work. I was thinking exercise might help. Had to force myself to go today but I went and did my thing on the bike. It's a nice little room they have set up with several treadmills, bikes and weights for people to use. I'll get over this soon enough and I won't drink. No desire to drink today so that's good. This is a great group and I appreciate all of you. Sorry for not being there for everyone.
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Old 08-13-2015, 09:23 PM
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Angie, you ARE here for us! Your strength and commitment to stay sober makes our group stronger. I am sorry to hear that you had a rough day. Good job for getting on the bike That can be a daily hurdle for me sometimes too. But exercise is good for us, mentally and physically. I hope the negative feelings pass soon (I know they will!). Hang in there.
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Old 08-13-2015, 10:15 PM
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Good morning all, catch up laggers
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Old 08-13-2015, 10:43 PM
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Morning!
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Old 08-14-2015, 05:38 AM
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Good morning.
I'm not drinking today so I can have a nice weekend without drinking to dampen my hangover.
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Old 08-14-2015, 06:06 AM
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Morning all,
None for me today. I like being sober too much.

Have a great day!

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Old 08-14-2015, 09:59 AM
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None for me today too!

Last night my son and I camped out in our yard after spending the afternoon on the beach. I am grateful that I am able to have a little stay-cation with my babes every once in a while. I think I will sleep out there again tonight, it was so peaceful and the fresh air does wonders for the soul.

The last time I did that was with my sister and we got plastered with wine and beer, and spent the next day suffering in a hot tent. I am glad that is not me today. I was even wondering if it would be an experience sober, and it was....1000x better then last years experience.

It's Friday, the start of another sober weekend! Be good to yourselves and Angie, you are part of this group and you are helping!
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Old 08-14-2015, 10:20 AM
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Good morning everyone! None for me today either I woke up thinking about last Friday and the horrible hangover I endured. Ugh. Still makes me shudder. I'm grateful to be at work and being productive.
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