Blogs


Notices

Class of April 2015 Part 7

Old 08-20-2015, 09:32 AM
  # 381 (permalink)  
Member
 
Cauliflower's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jan 2015
Location: Canada
Posts: 687
It was an early morning rise for me this morning for a breakfast meeting and I am so glad I wasn't hungover or still drunk from the previous night. I've come a long way this year!

Kim, I am sure there are about a million people who would trade in the booze for cookies in a heartbeat, so you are doing A-Ok!

num num num num nummm....cookies!
Cauliflower is offline  
The Following 2 Users Say Thank You to Cauliflower For This Useful Post:
Dee74 (08-20-2015), Lily123 (08-20-2015)
Old 08-20-2015, 10:37 AM
  # 382 (permalink)  
Member
 
Lily123's Avatar
 
Join Date: Feb 2014
Posts: 1,277
Nice job on 4 months in control

Having some strong urges to drink today. There's a really good chance we are moving at the end of the year. I've been trying to keep my options open (with school and work) in case we don't move. My husband just let me know that there's a good chance he could be moved before me. The whole thing is confusing and frustrating. I'm trying to remind myself that there is nothing I can do about it. No need to stress because I really have no idea what the outcome will be.

On a positive note... It's a gorgeous day! I'm gonna stay busy today and visit with family later. I work tomorrow so drinking is not an option.

Have a good one everybody!
Lily123 is offline  
The Following User Says Thank You to Lily123 For This Useful Post:
Dee74 (08-20-2015)
Old 08-20-2015, 08:28 PM
  # 383 (permalink)  
Member
 
Cauliflower's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jan 2015
Location: Canada
Posts: 687
Lily, despite the challenges of not knowing, it sounds like you have the right attitude about the situation. It can be stressful for sure, it would drive me bonkers! Try not to put your life on hold, all of that stuff happening around you is just that, stuff. Concentrate on you, and your recovery.
Cauliflower is offline  
The Following 2 Users Say Thank You to Cauliflower For This Useful Post:
Dee74 (08-20-2015), Lily123 (08-21-2015)
Old 08-20-2015, 09:51 PM
  # 384 (permalink)  
Member
 
ZaBoozer's Avatar
 
Join Date: Apr 2015
Location: Johannesburg, Gauteng, South Africa
Posts: 1,371
Good morning all, catch up laggers.
ZaBoozer is offline  
The Following 2 Users Say Thank You to ZaBoozer For This Useful Post:
Dee74 (08-20-2015), Lily123 (08-21-2015)
Old 08-21-2015, 01:24 AM
  # 385 (permalink)  
Member
 
amp123's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jul 2014
Location: Spain
Posts: 1,983
Morning Zab!

Lily, I hear that moving house is meant to be one of the most stressful things you can do! It's normal to feel some anxiety about it. Imagine what it would be like dealing with the uncertainty being hungover too!!!! Ugghhh!

Hope you all have a great day!
amp123 is offline  
The Following User Says Thank You to amp123 For This Useful Post:
Lily123 (08-21-2015)
Old 08-21-2015, 07:29 AM
  # 386 (permalink)  
OMD
Member
 
Join Date: Apr 2015
Posts: 558
Morning all!
Just checking in. Kim - a few cookies is obviously no big deal but in case you're interested here's something to think about. Multiple studies have shown that it is in fact the thought of eating cookies and not the act that is most important, so if you want to limit yourself (since only you know what will make you happy) I have 2 suggestions: either imagine yourself having eaten x number (you'll need to do this properly, imagining each bite) or say well my ideal cookie number is zero, when I binge I eat x (whatever that number is) so I am going to eat x/2 when I feel like it because I am human, and they taste nice.

Anyway, all that proper thinking about cookies before diving in might make you eat less than you used to, bizarrely!

Have been in some very tempting situations in the last couple of days, especially since my stomach has finally cleared up (woohoo!) but I am still sober. None for me today.

BIG Congratulations to those hitting 4 months!

Best wishes
OMD
OMD is offline  
The Following 2 Users Say Thank You to OMD For This Useful Post:
Cauliflower (08-21-2015), Lily123 (08-21-2015)
Old 08-21-2015, 07:33 AM
  # 387 (permalink)  
Member
 
amp123's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jul 2014
Location: Spain
Posts: 1,983
Congrats to you OMD for getting through a challenging time. Don't know what it was but I know it was bothering you.

Cookies. Biscuits where I come from. How can anyone say their ideal number is zero??!!
amp123 is offline  
The Following 2 Users Say Thank You to amp123 For This Useful Post:
Cauliflower (08-21-2015), Lily123 (08-21-2015)
Old 08-21-2015, 07:58 AM
  # 388 (permalink)  
Member
 
Cauliflower's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jan 2015
Location: Canada
Posts: 687
Good Morning,
Tomorrow is my 4 month sober-versary. Even though the AV is quiet these days, I know I still have to keep my guard up, I still romanticize a drink here and there, but it's been relatively easy for me to reason. I know how difficult it will be to get back to this point, and I worked hard to get to this point. Something tells me if I stay grateful, and don't forget where I came from, then I can do this long term. I remember back on day 2 or 3 and I was asking SR peeps when they stopped thinking about having a drink. I was determined not to drink, but the AV was active, and alcohol seemed to be everywhere.
Do you remember those days?
Everything in my life was an opportunity to have a drink.
Over the past 4 months, I have:
Not had one drop of alcohol
I woke up hangover free
no red puffy eyes in the mornings
no self loathing and crying in the mornings
no anxiety about hidden wine bottles and wine glasses
no more pushing my child away when he wants to play but I'm too hungover
no more pushing my child away when I wanted peace and quiet to drink
I am exercising
I am eating better
I planted flowers and kept them alive all summer!
I spent time on the beach without a cooler full of beer
Fishing is fun with just a cold bottle of water
I dusted off the old bike and actually used it
I've started meditating
I've made new friends
It's easier to grieve without getting lost in a fog of wine
It's easier to win debates without loosing your focus
It's easier to let upsetting situations just flow through
It's easier to let go of difficult people
I went yard camping and roasted marshmallows with nothing but tea and fresh air.
I now know that steak ,lobster, spaghetti, and fan fried pickerel are just as decadent without wine
I discovered loose steeped tea
I appreciate a good bottle of sparkling mineral water
It's fun to open a bottle of sparkling juice, letting the cork fly and hearing my son and grand-daughter explode into laughter and squeals of joy, and then share using fancy glasses and pretending to be posh.
Dancing while sober is liberating
I re-discovered my love to read
I can watch a movie with the family without a bottle of wine
I can watch my favorite tv shows without a bottle of wine
I am more organized and productive with my work
I feel no resentment towards my husband
I feel closer to the man I married because of his love and support
I am down on my knees giving thanks to my higher power for allowing me to be a role model to the young adults in my life!!
Cauliflower is offline  
The Following 4 Users Say Thank You to Cauliflower For This Useful Post:
Angie247 (08-21-2015), Lily123 (08-21-2015), stargazer016 (10-16-2015), SwimKim12 (08-21-2015)
Old 08-21-2015, 08:09 AM
  # 389 (permalink)  
Member
 
amp123's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jul 2014
Location: Spain
Posts: 1,983
That is SO cool, Cauliflower. I identify with a lot of that. Happy 4 months!

You're so right about remembering days 2 and 3. Sobriety is like the flowers. Keep working on it and we'll keep them alive all year and maybe years to come
amp123 is offline  
The Following User Says Thank You to amp123 For This Useful Post:
SwimKim12 (08-21-2015)
Old 08-21-2015, 09:23 AM
  # 390 (permalink)  
Member
 
Lily123's Avatar
 
Join Date: Feb 2014
Posts: 1,277
Morning thanks for the positive words. I made it through the day. Nothing like waking up sober! Things tend to pan out in the long run.

I really enjoyed reading your list cauliflower. So many things to be grateful for. Congrats on 4 months!

All this cookie/biscuit talk is making me want cookies lol have a good Friday everyone!
Lily123 is offline  
The Following 2 Users Say Thank You to Lily123 For This Useful Post:
Angie247 (08-21-2015), SwimKim12 (08-21-2015)
Old 08-21-2015, 02:16 PM
  # 391 (permalink)  
Member
 
Incontrol15's Avatar
 
Join Date: Apr 2015
Posts: 2,412
Yuppo Cauliflower. I remember day 2 and 3 all too well. I'm with you. As long as I remember the desperation before I quit and the week following, I'm good to go!
Incontrol15 is offline  
The Following 2 Users Say Thank You to Incontrol15 For This Useful Post:
Angie247 (08-21-2015), SwimKim12 (08-21-2015)
Old 08-21-2015, 06:30 PM
  # 392 (permalink)  
OMD
Member
 
Join Date: Apr 2015
Posts: 558
Yes Amp there have been a few things, a couple still on the near horizon, and lots of things that life has thrown my way, like it does to all of us. Thanks for remembering. But guess what, there is nothing that would be improved by the addition of alcohol. Once I remind myself I am fine, after a while.

Work wise things running into a bit of a pressure climax over the next few weeks but I can handle it all without booze.

Cauliflower I appreciated your post. For the past 4 months, after the struggles of the first few weeks I have been happier than I can ever remember. I doubt many of us would feel differently. So not much debate to have here, folks just need to keep reminding ourselves! I too romanticise drinking and then remember it's just self destruction and I choose life.

Have a great day all!

OMD
OMD is offline  
The Following 4 Users Say Thank You to OMD For This Useful Post:
amp123 (08-22-2015), Angie247 (08-21-2015), Olivia2011 (08-22-2015), SwimKim12 (08-21-2015)
Old 08-21-2015, 07:22 PM
  # 393 (permalink)  
Member
 
Angie247's Avatar
 
Join Date: May 2015
Location: California
Posts: 2,424
Blog Entries: 30
Hi all. Have had more cravings for alcohol lately but I'm getting through them sober. Feeling okay now. Hope everyone has a wonderful weekend.
Angie247 is offline  
The Following 2 Users Say Thank You to Angie247 For This Useful Post:
Olivia2011 (08-22-2015), SwimKim12 (08-21-2015)
Old 08-21-2015, 07:57 PM
  # 394 (permalink)  
Member
 
SwimKim12's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jun 2014
Posts: 563
Hi, All. Cauliflower, congratulations on four months!! I read your list this afternoon and it brought tears to my eyes. I am so happy for the peace that you have found being sober.

OMD, thank you for the recommendation about visualizing eating cookies and really thinking it through before making the decision to go down that path.

So I hate to write this, but I have to: I drank last night. I was self-medicating. As you guys know I've been having a really tough time at work and I've been binge eating rather uncontrollably over the last few weeks. I've really been down in the dumps. And what does my AV do yesterday? Plants the seed: you feel so horrible, if you drink you won't have to feel that anymore. It will be an escape. If you just go and buy cookies you will eat them and feel sick and wake up feeling lethargic from all the sugar so you may as well drink and block out the feelings. And that's what I did. And I drove drunk. And I lied to my boss and called in sick. I'm so ashamed. It's really hard to write this. But I'm here and writing it because I want to be sober; I never want to drink again.

It is clear to me that alcohol was my coping method. And my way of coping with the hangover that I got from drinking was food. I need to figure out a healthy way to cope with negative feelings. I know many of you meditate, and that's something I'm going to try again (I tried meditating back when I was drinking to get a handle on my anxiety, but it didn't really help because I was still drinking and that was the source of the problem). I've also realized that I should see a doctor for my moods. I know it's normal to get in a rut from time to time, but this has been a particularly long and arduous rut (so much that it caused me to break my three and a half month sober streak).

It's ironic that I had just posted a few days ago that the only thing "wrong" with me is that I'm an alcoholic. From the outside I seem like I have it all together: good job, good health, stable relationships with family and friends, etc. I'm realizing that maybe I don't have it quite so together on the inside. The whole cookie binge eating trend has kind of freaked me out. It's brought up questions related to a possible eating disorder/body image problem. Nothing I've ever talked to a doctor about but maybe it's something I should do.

Well this is a rather long rant. Thanks for being here guys. Today I decided that I can never drink again because I am an alcoholic and I cannot drink safely. Once I start drinking I completely loose control and I could end up in a very, very bad place. I much worse place than binge eating cookies would ever get me in. I need to recognize that when I am in a bad mood I need to be hyperaware of the AV, because I am extra vulnerable when I don't feel well and want to revert back to my old ways of escaping.

Again, congratulations to you guys for hitting the four month milestone. It is hard and it takes a lot of work. Ironically, today would have been my four month mark. I did learn a lot in those first few months, and I am stronger than I was four months ago. Onward and upward. Thank you all for being here.
SwimKim12 is offline  
The Following 2 Users Say Thank You to SwimKim12 For This Useful Post:
Dee74 (08-22-2015), Olivia2011 (08-22-2015)
Old 08-21-2015, 10:54 PM
  # 395 (permalink)  
OMD
Member
 
Join Date: Apr 2015
Posts: 558
Hi Kim,
Glad to see you're still here. Fact that you are means that you are in the right frame of mind. Let's get through this.

For what it's worth I have developed a sweet tooth since I stopped drinking. It doesn't bother me. In fact, it's nice because I am not overdoing it. You may well also not be, so please don't rush into thinking you need help because that may simply not be necessary.

Sorry things aren't going so well at work. I am trying to keep it in my head that I can have a drink if I want one when things get bad, but I just don't want one because I value other things more highly.

I am sure you will find your peace here. And I disagree with your sober date by the way.

Best wishes
OMD
OMD is offline  
The Following 3 Users Say Thank You to OMD For This Useful Post:
Dee74 (08-22-2015), Olivia2011 (08-22-2015), SwimKim12 (08-22-2015)
Old 08-22-2015, 12:49 AM
  # 396 (permalink)  
Administrator
Thread Starter
 
Dee74's Avatar
 
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 188,563
Blog Entries: 1
I think you show a lot of self awareness Kim and that will hold you in good stead.

One of the things that worked really well for me when I was stressed or in a bad place was exercise.

I still don't like it but it does cut that cycle of bad feelings leading to drinking, leading to eating, leading to feeling bad and drinking...

D
Dee74 is offline  
The Following 2 Users Say Thank You to Dee74 For This Useful Post:
Olivia2011 (08-22-2015), SwimKim12 (08-22-2015)
Old 08-22-2015, 01:49 AM
  # 397 (permalink)  
Member
 
amp123's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jul 2014
Location: Spain
Posts: 1,983
Kim, really sorry you drank but really pleased you posted here straight off. Anyone can get knocked back at anytime even after years of sobriety so the main thing is how you deal with it.

Try to turn a negative into a positive and reflect on what your relapse can teach you about your condition and the triggers that have been bothering you.

Stay strong and be well l, all
amp123 is offline  
The Following 3 Users Say Thank You to amp123 For This Useful Post:
Dee74 (08-22-2015), Olivia2011 (08-22-2015), SwimKim12 (08-22-2015)
Old 08-22-2015, 08:10 AM
  # 398 (permalink)  
Member
 
Incontrol15's Avatar
 
Join Date: Apr 2015
Posts: 2,412
Good for you Kim for not driving that plane into the ground. You grabbed a parachute and jumped.

And yeah...see a doctor about the mood issues. You (we) have a couple things at play. Alcoholics often are self medicating. Things can be different if we let a doctor medicate. They can be a lot better in fact. Alcoholics often have issues that need to be dealt with. Medicine prescribed will help for sure, but not cure. Counseling is what cures how we deal with the issues that cause depression and anxiety.

We have not been spending the past few years learning how to cope. In fact, we've spent them forgetting natural methods. We've retarded our natural abilities to overcome.

On top of that, we have PAWS to deal with. It's normal to be moody for a little while after dropping a long term addiction.

Another way to look at it....
You need to do something different than what you have been doing. Going to a doctor and following his/her advise is something that is easy to do and could very well be a life changer.

I believe most of us are not equipped to effectively handle stress or depression. I believe most of us need professional guidance in that regard. If nothing else, at least to learn some alternative methods for handling stress and depression.

The most important thing is that you recognize where you are. You didn't give up and you are still fighting. That takes determination and resolve. You came out of the experience knowing that drinking didn't help a damn thing. Now you're stronger. You can free your mind of those kind of thoughts and let others take over, like learning different ways for addressing stress.

You're doing great Kim. That's what matters. Just think of it as a process. Be good to yourself today and allow yourself some slack. Anxiety and depression will be higher than normal after drinking.
Incontrol15 is offline  
The Following 3 Users Say Thank You to Incontrol15 For This Useful Post:
amp123 (08-22-2015), Dee74 (08-22-2015), Olivia2011 (08-22-2015)
Old 08-22-2015, 08:52 AM
  # 399 (permalink)  
Member
 
SwimKim12's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jun 2014
Posts: 563
Morning, All. Thank you so much for the kind words. It brought tears to my eyes to read your encouragement. I absolutely could not do this on my own, and I am so grateful for you all.

OMD, I had toyed for awhile with putting my sober date on my signature. Back before I relapsed I used that as a reason not to drink; I didn't want to change my sober date. It does suck that it is in August, but it doesn't change that my decision to quit drinking was April. I'll still tell people that because I am proud of that

Dee, you nailed it on the head - I need to make sure I prioritize exercise even when I feel bad. It always (99% of the time anyway) makes me feel better. And it keeps me from falling into that vicious self-loathing cycle, which is where I've spent a lot of time lately.

Thanks, Amp. I'm trying to do just that! It's okay to make mistakes as long as you learn from them.

Inc, thanks for the good advice. You know, I had read about PAWS months ago (probably before I quit drinking) and I hadn't even thought about that. I checked out the symptoms, and they totally jive with what I've been feeling. It makes total sense. To deal with the symptoms I was binge eating and not working out (because I've been so tired), which in turn just made me feel worse. Bingo! I still want to see a doctor/therapist to learn coping mechanisms. And I meditated last night. There are some good guided meditations online from UCLA (google guided meditations). Meditating isn't comfortable for me yet, but it's something I know I should do everyday and it will get easier. And it's easy to do even when you feel tired.

Thanks again for being here, guys. I'm going to head out for a swim and then take my car in for an oil change. I hope you all have a great, sober day!
SwimKim12 is offline  
The Following 2 Users Say Thank You to SwimKim12 For This Useful Post:
Dee74 (08-22-2015), Olivia2011 (08-22-2015)
Old 08-22-2015, 12:26 PM
  # 400 (permalink)  
Member
 
Cauliflower's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jan 2015
Location: Canada
Posts: 687
Kim, I so sorry! I am really glad you are still here and have a deeper resolve to stay sober. Quitting drinking is not easy, it's been a constant battle but learning how to cope is key. I've read alot of self help books about staying in the present moment, not living in the past, etc. etc. Most of this reading was when I still drank, and someone pointed out that trying to implement this life style was while drinking was like driving with the hand break on. So true. The same goes for meditation. I remember trying to get to that place of no thought by meditation instead of drinking. It never worked for me, because it just made my eventual drinking so much more remorseful. You do have a goal, keep it clear and everything will fall into place as it should. Keep the faith in yourself that you can do this. Life has a way of working itself out when you are focused on a goal.

I haven't exercised yet today, feeling lazy and blah. It's pouring rain outside and I just feel like doing nothing. Can't even stay focused on my new book. I think I will just force myself to work out, maybe just try some yoga as my back is achy today from yesterdays strength training.

On a good note, AV is real quiet today and I won't be drinking!
Cauliflower is offline  
The Following 3 Users Say Thank You to Cauliflower For This Useful Post:
amp123 (08-22-2015), Dee74 (08-22-2015), Olivia2011 (08-22-2015)

Currently Active Users Viewing this Thread: 1 (0 members and 1 guests)
 
Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off
Trackbacks are On
Pingbacks are On
Refbacks are Off




All times are GMT -7. The time now is 12:57 AM.