Class of April 2015 Part 7
Member
Join Date: Jul 2014
Location: Spain
Posts: 2,004
Morning all. A fairly quiet weekend here in Spain although my 12 year old son is increasingly rebellious and causing a fair bit of friction. He is, I would say, addicted to an online video game called Minecraft. All he wants to do is play it and when he's not playing it he's looking for ways to con me or his Mum into letting him play it. It is making him and everyone else unhappy as we frequently end up with aggressive outbursts about how we are the worst and most unfair parents in the world. It is very trying and yesterday, when we were entertaining some distant relatives from out of town he caused a huge scene. I was very embarrassed. I think he has a problem.
My wife surprised me by partially blaming me telling me I am not being inclusive enough trying to involve him in alternative activities. She says I'm down on him all the time but I can't condone his behaviour.
Last night she said "You, of all people should understand addictive behaviour".
Felt that was a low blow. She was kind of pushing to get an argument off the ground between the two of us. I just went to sleep instead. Not sure what today will bring.
Truth is the situation is a bit unsustainable. I seems crazy as it's just a 12 year old flipping out about his favourite toy, but it's also more than that and I need to give it some proper attention. The aggressive, insulting attitude has to stop. I don't know where he has picked it up.
I actually feel sorry for the boy because he'll be all puffed up, trying to boss the situation at one minute and, when he realises he's gone too far he'll be crying saying he doesn't know what's happening, that he's terribly unhappy and that this is the worst summer ever.
It all sounds depressingly familiar in addiction terms. I'm actually secretly worried for him that he has the, oh-so-sought-after family addictive gene. Let's hope not.
I'm going to try and find some help on google now and, I guess, look up a psychologist for us in September :-/
My wife surprised me by partially blaming me telling me I am not being inclusive enough trying to involve him in alternative activities. She says I'm down on him all the time but I can't condone his behaviour.
Last night she said "You, of all people should understand addictive behaviour".
Felt that was a low blow. She was kind of pushing to get an argument off the ground between the two of us. I just went to sleep instead. Not sure what today will bring.
Truth is the situation is a bit unsustainable. I seems crazy as it's just a 12 year old flipping out about his favourite toy, but it's also more than that and I need to give it some proper attention. The aggressive, insulting attitude has to stop. I don't know where he has picked it up.
I actually feel sorry for the boy because he'll be all puffed up, trying to boss the situation at one minute and, when he realises he's gone too far he'll be crying saying he doesn't know what's happening, that he's terribly unhappy and that this is the worst summer ever.
It all sounds depressingly familiar in addiction terms. I'm actually secretly worried for him that he has the, oh-so-sought-after family addictive gene. Let's hope not.
I'm going to try and find some help on google now and, I guess, look up a psychologist for us in September :-/
Member
Join Date: Jan 2015
Location: Canada
Posts: 691
AMP, I think Dee is right. Hormones. It's something that he can't control and it's throwing him off. He does need a bit of guidance. Is your mother in law still there? That may be causing him some stress as well. Kids are very intuitive, and are sensitive to the slightest changes in their world.
My 9 year old spends way too much time in front of the screen. Some times I catch him playing Minecraft on the play station and Pokemon on his DS. Augh. He is so bored this summer. 3 more weeks until school starts and we can get back on schedule. I am counting down.
Today, we are going to order my mothers headstone. It will be emotional. I have been putting it off for far too long, but we really need to get it done. She passed away in 2009, 6 years ago already. Her ashes are buried beside her mother in law's (my dad's mom) 1200kms away, so we have a little road trip in our near future.
Yesterday I finished a great work out. Going to keep it up, it feels too good not too!
My 9 year old spends way too much time in front of the screen. Some times I catch him playing Minecraft on the play station and Pokemon on his DS. Augh. He is so bored this summer. 3 more weeks until school starts and we can get back on schedule. I am counting down.
Today, we are going to order my mothers headstone. It will be emotional. I have been putting it off for far too long, but we really need to get it done. She passed away in 2009, 6 years ago already. Her ashes are buried beside her mother in law's (my dad's mom) 1200kms away, so we have a little road trip in our near future.
Yesterday I finished a great work out. Going to keep it up, it feels too good not too!
Member
Join Date: Apr 2015
Posts: 2,412
Amp...here's a link for ya below.
Of all the games he could be obsessed with, at least it's minecraft. Read up on the game. There's some good from playing it. He's not frying his brain playing a mindless game.
One interesting note regarding MC, is it can be a doorway to computer programming. The creators made it such that each player can modify their game using JavaScript. My oldest son learned JavaScript programming when he was 13. At age 15, he's the youngest member of a programming group that creates some awesome things on the game. He's shown me some of the stuff they have done...pretty intense and a lot to be proud of.
http://minemum.com/minecraft-obsession
Of all the games he could be obsessed with, at least it's minecraft. Read up on the game. There's some good from playing it. He's not frying his brain playing a mindless game.
One interesting note regarding MC, is it can be a doorway to computer programming. The creators made it such that each player can modify their game using JavaScript. My oldest son learned JavaScript programming when he was 13. At age 15, he's the youngest member of a programming group that creates some awesome things on the game. He's shown me some of the stuff they have done...pretty intense and a lot to be proud of.
http://minemum.com/minecraft-obsession
Member
Join Date: Jun 2014
Posts: 563
Morning, All. Amp, the situation with your son sounds very frustrating and stressful. While I don't have children, I know I was a PAIN to my parents and defied them from my teens into early 20's (and as recently as this spring while I was drinking). Don't worry though about thinking your son may have an addict brain and may develop an addiction to a computer game that mirrors your addiction to alcohol. I think he will be okay. As he gets older you may choose to educate him about your addiction so that he can be prepared for adult situations he encounters, but that's a ways down the road.
I wanted to post about a recurring "fantasy" that my AV keeps having (before the relapse and as recent as this morning). It's a fantasy that I will move to an area of a city that is very walkable and I'll be able to get to work and run errands and go out to eat without driving. Where my AV chimes in is that if I live in such an area then I can walk to restaurants and bars and never worry about having to drive so I can drink. I don't like this thought bc it goes against my goal for a life without alcohol. Drinking isn't glamorous for me - I don't just have a glass of wine on a sunny patio at lunch. I have a glass of wine and then another and another ($30 later) and then I leave to go buy more alcohol and get really drunk before dinner and then pass out and wake up hungover and anxious at 10pm only to not be able to fall back asleep again, regretting my choice to drink.
Wow, it felt good to play the tape through in that one. Thanks for letting me vent here!
I wanted to post about a recurring "fantasy" that my AV keeps having (before the relapse and as recent as this morning). It's a fantasy that I will move to an area of a city that is very walkable and I'll be able to get to work and run errands and go out to eat without driving. Where my AV chimes in is that if I live in such an area then I can walk to restaurants and bars and never worry about having to drive so I can drink. I don't like this thought bc it goes against my goal for a life without alcohol. Drinking isn't glamorous for me - I don't just have a glass of wine on a sunny patio at lunch. I have a glass of wine and then another and another ($30 later) and then I leave to go buy more alcohol and get really drunk before dinner and then pass out and wake up hungover and anxious at 10pm only to not be able to fall back asleep again, regretting my choice to drink.
Wow, it felt good to play the tape through in that one. Thanks for letting me vent here!
Member
Join Date: Jul 2014
Location: Spain
Posts: 2,004
Sounds like you know yourself pretty well Kim. When you play that tape through it sounds a lot like my tape! Top quality road to ruin!
Thanks for the kind words about my son. It's all part of life's rich tapestry, I guess....
Thanks for the kind words about my son. It's all part of life's rich tapestry, I guess....
Member
Join Date: Apr 2015
Posts: 560
Originally Posted by amp123 
Hi all!
I may try a spot of meditation, OMD. Seriously considering it but I've never done it before. Not sure how to get started. I spend a fair amount of time thinking and working things out which, I guess, is the same principal. Maybe time to take it a step further.
Well done Inc for flexing your sober muscles walking by those bars! It is always important to remind ourselves of the advantages of staying sober
Swim - Great news you didn't drink. You may still be a little vulnerable from your relapse so be wary of those social situations and drinks lists!!!
Have a happy Fun Day Monday, all!!!
I may try a spot of meditation, OMD. Seriously considering it but I've never done it before. Not sure how to get started. I spend a fair amount of time thinking and working things out which, I guess, is the same principal. Maybe time to take it a step further.
Well done Inc for flexing your sober muscles walking by those bars! It is always important to remind ourselves of the advantages of staying sober
Swim - Great news you didn't drink. You may still be a little vulnerable from your relapse so be wary of those social situations and drinks lists!!!
Have a happy Fun Day Monday, all!!!
None for me today.
OMD
Member
Join Date: Apr 2015
Posts: 2,412
Trigger for the day...
Hard days work. Things didn't go as planned.
Driving home I was looking at how inviting the bars looked. I was hungry too.
I didn't dwell on it. Just thought of what I was going to do that would be relaxing when I got home. Kept my thoughts on what I was going to do next instead of what I wanted to do now.
I spent a ton of time and money in bars after dats like this. Even if I didn't really have the money to spend.
This time I'm glad I didn't spend my utilities money and I'm glad I had a relaxing night. Now I can wake up to a new day with a fresh mind.
Hard days work. Things didn't go as planned.
Driving home I was looking at how inviting the bars looked. I was hungry too.
I didn't dwell on it. Just thought of what I was going to do that would be relaxing when I got home. Kept my thoughts on what I was going to do next instead of what I wanted to do now.
I spent a ton of time and money in bars after dats like this. Even if I didn't really have the money to spend.
This time I'm glad I didn't spend my utilities money and I'm glad I had a relaxing night. Now I can wake up to a new day with a fresh mind.
Member
Join Date: Feb 2014
Posts: 1,277
Morning Zab 
Today has been really up and really down. Glad today is coming to an end. I didn't drink. I made some positive choices to relieve stress. I went for a walk, talked to a friend and kept busy. Hope everyone has a good day tomorrow. Sending positive vibes
Today has been really up and really down. Glad today is coming to an end. I didn't drink. I made some positive choices to relieve stress. I went for a walk, talked to a friend and kept busy. Hope everyone has a good day tomorrow. Sending positive vibes
Member
Join Date: Jul 2014
Location: Spain
Posts: 2,004
Morning all! Yesterday was one of those days where I had to keep myself in check a little. The cold beer by the beach, the glass of wine....
Clearing up after dinner there's a half bottle of red on the counter which my wife and my mother have been slowly drinking with meals over a couple of days. I suddenly had the urge just to take a good long slug right out of the bottle (certainly not unheard of behaviour for me!!). Anyway, I didn't but in a way that last urge was a really good one to have.The other urges I'd had were kind of romanticised social, fun drinking. The last one was the real me drinking. It felt good to sort of "stare down" the wine bottle and take a mental note remembering drinking for what it was (an addiction and a problem), instead of bemoaning my sobriety (a liberation and fresh start).
I looked at the bottle for a while remembering just how low I had had to go while I was enslaved to that lifestyle and I started feeling good about being free. Nice to turn a negative into a positive!
Have a great day!
Clearing up after dinner there's a half bottle of red on the counter which my wife and my mother have been slowly drinking with meals over a couple of days. I suddenly had the urge just to take a good long slug right out of the bottle (certainly not unheard of behaviour for me!!). Anyway, I didn't but in a way that last urge was a really good one to have.The other urges I'd had were kind of romanticised social, fun drinking. The last one was the real me drinking. It felt good to sort of "stare down" the wine bottle and take a mental note remembering drinking for what it was (an addiction and a problem), instead of bemoaning my sobriety (a liberation and fresh start).
I looked at the bottle for a while remembering just how low I had had to go while I was enslaved to that lifestyle and I started feeling good about being free. Nice to turn a negative into a positive!
Have a great day!
Member
Join Date: Apr 2015
Posts: 560
Morning all!
Sorry, been on the road a bit.
I'm sure things will work out with your son Amp. He wil be a product of his environment and so there is no reason he shouldn't become a fine person. It will be a changing environment but that's all just part of growing up. I think there's a book called Raising Boys. Anyway, he'll need your love the most when you think he deserves it the least (not my expression but I think it fits). Meditation may help. All I can wish you is luck!
Gotta run. Glad to see everyone is doing well. I'm in pretty good shape at the moment. I've started telling people I'm in training when they ask me why I'm not drinking. A few have said to me they're thinking about quitting too. I remember saying that I am getting to the stage where I wonder again why I threw away all those years and all that money. Ah well, gotta keep moving forward, and I appreciate being able to move forward with you guys, so thank you.
None for me today, because my life is better without it.
Best wishes
OMD
Sorry, been on the road a bit.
I'm sure things will work out with your son Amp. He wil be a product of his environment and so there is no reason he shouldn't become a fine person. It will be a changing environment but that's all just part of growing up. I think there's a book called Raising Boys. Anyway, he'll need your love the most when you think he deserves it the least (not my expression but I think it fits). Meditation may help
. All I can wish you is luck!Gotta run. Glad to see everyone is doing well. I'm in pretty good shape at the moment. I've started telling people I'm in training when they ask me why I'm not drinking. A few have said to me they're thinking about quitting too. I remember saying that
I am getting to the stage where I wonder again why I threw away all those years and all that money. Ah well, gotta keep moving forward, and I appreciate being able to move forward with you guys, so thank you.None for me today, because my life is better without it.
Best wishes
OMD
Member
Join Date: Jan 2015
Location: Canada
Posts: 691
Hi guys, we just a busy day, but it was anticipated. We were out the door early and just got home. Dinner is on, so I have a second to check in. None for me today! You are all doing so well, and staring down this addiction with conviction!
Later!
Later!
Member
Join Date: Apr 2015
Posts: 2,412
Only "trigger" today was down time between clients. In the past, the drinking go light would come on. I would look up the closest bar and head on over for a quick one.
I don't miss those days. Sounds lame just thinking of it. I guess because it WAS lame!
I'm much happier with myself.
Good night all. See ya on the flip side.
I don't miss those days. Sounds lame just thinking of it. I guess because it WAS lame!
I'm much happier with myself.
Good night all. See ya on the flip side.
Member
Join Date: Jul 2014
Location: Spain
Posts: 2,004
Hi guys!
The topic of self esteem just came up on the One Year and Under thread and I realised how much I have gained in that regard since April. Before that I didn't like myself much at all. All that sneaking around and hiding was in a way maybe as hard or harder on me than anyone. I just don't know where I got the energy! Enough to turn anyone into a ball of nerves.
Nice as someone said, to turn self-loathing into self-respect!
If I had to name just one main benefit of sobriety so far, I'm not sure what I'd pick but this would definitely be in the mix.
I'd be interested in your own views on the big changes in your lives since April. We're coming past the 4 month/third of a year mark which is an interesting moment to take stock.
Wishing you all well for a reflective Thursday
The topic of self esteem just came up on the One Year and Under thread and I realised how much I have gained in that regard since April. Before that I didn't like myself much at all. All that sneaking around and hiding was in a way maybe as hard or harder on me than anyone. I just don't know where I got the energy! Enough to turn anyone into a ball of nerves.
Nice as someone said, to turn self-loathing into self-respect!
If I had to name just one main benefit of sobriety so far, I'm not sure what I'd pick but this would definitely be in the mix.
I'd be interested in your own views on the big changes in your lives since April. We're coming past the 4 month/third of a year mark which is an interesting moment to take stock.
Wishing you all well for a reflective Thursday
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