Class of March 2015 Part 5
Member
Join Date: Mar 2015
Location: Farmington
Posts: 79
So sorry for your loss, Spirit. Wishing you love and strength to make it through.
I'm really struggling these days. I was looking forward to this job---caring for kids, working on a team, fun activities---and I know that I did it fine last year, but I don't thikn I can do it this year. I'm already so overwhelmed and out of it. Too much social time, too much on time---I feel like I'm bursting out of my own skin. I can't handle it, I just can't handle it, and I don't know how to come back to myself. I will be meeting with my therapist, but not until Friday. I don't know what to do until then. I just want to feel ok again. I know it's only for a few weeks, but I'm not sure I'm going to make it through. I'm using all my standard coping techniques, like reading, movies, and crafts, but nothing's breaking through this time. Gah!
I'm really struggling these days. I was looking forward to this job---caring for kids, working on a team, fun activities---and I know that I did it fine last year, but I don't thikn I can do it this year. I'm already so overwhelmed and out of it. Too much social time, too much on time---I feel like I'm bursting out of my own skin. I can't handle it, I just can't handle it, and I don't know how to come back to myself. I will be meeting with my therapist, but not until Friday. I don't know what to do until then. I just want to feel ok again. I know it's only for a few weeks, but I'm not sure I'm going to make it through. I'm using all my standard coping techniques, like reading, movies, and crafts, but nothing's breaking through this time. Gah!
Administrator
Thread Starter
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,451
Hi Happy 
have you started the job yet? weren't you moving as well? all that is mega stressful - but I wouldn't write yourself off yet...you obviously enjoyed the job last year enough to apply again
there's some great ideas on stress here anyway:
http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...44-stress.html
have you started the job yet? weren't you moving as well? all that is mega stressful - but I wouldn't write yourself off yet...you obviously enjoyed the job last year enough to apply again
there's some great ideas on stress here anyway:
http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...44-stress.html
Member
Join Date: Jul 2013
Location: Midwest
Posts: 354
Originally Posted by SpiritOfDjinn 
Thanks Marchers. I know my last post was really grim and I apologize. But I know I can come here for support in all things because this is a great group of people that care. Couldn't have made a better decision than to March along with you all.
I found out yesterday that my uncle's service is Wednesday. I'm going but not for him so much as for my cousins. I know how they must feel and I want to be there for them to lean on. It's the least I could do.
As for me, I'm 76 days sober and counting, have some interviews coming in the next week or so, and I may be buying property soon. Now if I could just get my novel fully underway I'd be right as rain.
Thanks Marchers for being here. I wish you all the very best and I hope to hear from you soon.
I found out yesterday that my uncle's service is Wednesday. I'm going but not for him so much as for my cousins. I know how they must feel and I want to be there for them to lean on. It's the least I could do.
As for me, I'm 76 days sober and counting, have some interviews coming in the next week or so, and I may be buying property soon. Now if I could just get my novel fully underway I'd be right as rain.
Thanks Marchers for being here. I wish you all the very best and I hope to hear from you soon.
One day at a time.
Join Date: Mar 2015
Location: Nowhere, USA
Posts: 340
Originally Posted by happytobealive1
So sorry for your loss, Spirit. Wishing you love and strength to make it through.
I'm really struggling these days. I was looking forward to this job---caring for kids, working on a team, fun activities---and I know that I did it fine last year, but I don't thikn I can do it this year. I'm already so overwhelmed and out of it. Too much social time, too much on time---I feel like I'm bursting out of my own skin. I can't handle it, I just can't handle it, and I don't know how to come back to myself. I will be meeting with my therapist, but not until Friday. I don't know what to do until then. I just want to feel ok again. I know it's only for a few weeks, but I'm not sure I'm going to make it through. I'm using all my standard coping techniques, like reading, movies, and crafts, but nothing's breaking through this time. Gah!
I'm really struggling these days. I was looking forward to this job---caring for kids, working on a team, fun activities---and I know that I did it fine last year, but I don't thikn I can do it this year. I'm already so overwhelmed and out of it. Too much social time, too much on time---I feel like I'm bursting out of my own skin. I can't handle it, I just can't handle it, and I don't know how to come back to myself. I will be meeting with my therapist, but not until Friday. I don't know what to do until then. I just want to feel ok again. I know it's only for a few weeks, but I'm not sure I'm going to make it through. I'm using all my standard coping techniques, like reading, movies, and crafts, but nothing's breaking through this time. Gah!
One day at a time.
Join Date: Mar 2015
Location: Nowhere, USA
Posts: 340
Originally Posted by secretary
Spirit, I am so sorry to hear about the loss of loved ones. Always hard. and 76 days, that is a great accomplishment. Well done!
Member
Join Date: Aug 2012
Location: Australia
Posts: 2,098
Hi guys, just need somewhere to vent. not in a good place today I was really freaked out by something scary that happened in my street and a guy who wanted access to my house. Don't really want to rehash everything but I have issues of feeling unsafe in my home anyway and I think this would bother even a 'normal' person so I'm feeling a bit ick
Made worse by someone not taking it/me seriously because it's all 'out of our hands' or whatever
I don't know it just really upset me and made me so anxious so I've been obsessively thinking about every scary horrible thing that has happened in my past and it's just not a good headspace for me!
Added to this we have a small bottle of baileys in the house which is really bothering me, and I'm not going to lie I definitely thought how drinking it would at least calm my nerves(and how 2.7 standard drinks would hardly even be a relapse..such lies). I'm not going to drink it, and im safe in bed and a bit less anxious now, but the entire day has just been so emotionally draining
As usual I feel better after posting here though
Made worse by someone not taking it/me seriously because it's all 'out of our hands' or whatever
I don't know it just really upset me and made me so anxious so I've been obsessively thinking about every scary horrible thing that has happened in my past and it's just not a good headspace for me!
Added to this we have a small bottle of baileys in the house which is really bothering me, and I'm not going to lie I definitely thought how drinking it would at least calm my nerves(and how 2.7 standard drinks would hardly even be a relapse..such lies). I'm not going to drink it, and im safe in bed and a bit less anxious now, but the entire day has just been so emotionally draining
As usual I feel better after posting here though
Member
Join Date: Jul 2013
Location: Midwest
Posts: 354
Originally Posted by SpiritOfDjinn
Thank you secretary. I know that many if us from the March class are well beyond the 76 day mark. But, for me, I feel like it's my crowning achievement thus far. Especially considering the amount of stress that I've been under. This ole world can kick me around but I'm not staying down.
Member
Join Date: Jul 2013
Location: Midwest
Posts: 354
Originally Posted by immri
Hi guys, just need somewhere to vent. not in a good place today I was really freaked out by something scary that happened in my street and a guy who wanted access to my house. Don't really want to rehash everything but I have issues of feeling unsafe in my home anyway and I think this would bother even a 'normal' person so I'm feeling a bit ick
Made worse by someone not taking it/me seriously because it's all 'out of our hands' or whatever
I don't know it just really upset me and made me so anxious so I've been obsessively thinking about every scary horrible thing that has happened in my past and it's just not a good headspace for me!
Added to this we have a small bottle of baileys in the house which is really bothering me, and I'm not going to lie I definitely thought how drinking it would at least calm my nerves(and how 2.7 standard drinks would hardly even be a relapse..such lies). I'm not going to drink it, and im safe in bed and a bit less anxious now, but the entire day has just been so emotionally draining
As usual I feel better after posting here though
Made worse by someone not taking it/me seriously because it's all 'out of our hands' or whatever
I don't know it just really upset me and made me so anxious so I've been obsessively thinking about every scary horrible thing that has happened in my past and it's just not a good headspace for me!
Added to this we have a small bottle of baileys in the house which is really bothering me, and I'm not going to lie I definitely thought how drinking it would at least calm my nerves(and how 2.7 standard drinks would hardly even be a relapse..such lies). I'm not going to drink it, and im safe in bed and a bit less anxious now, but the entire day has just been so emotionally draining
As usual I feel better after posting here though
Member
Join Date: Mar 2015
Location: Farmington
Posts: 79
Hoping you made it through, Immri!
I'm still really struggling. Job is going MUCH better, but I sunk into bad habits that are hard to break. Recommitting to my meal plan tomorrow, because it is really important to me that I stay safe around food, both now and when I move to the more long-term job in two weeks. I know that I can do this, but the line between ok and not ok is so blurry, I keep missing it and not realizing until things get significantly worse.
To support myself, I am going to:
Have a great Fourth of July, everyone!
I'm still really struggling. Job is going MUCH better, but I sunk into bad habits that are hard to break. Recommitting to my meal plan tomorrow, because it is really important to me that I stay safe around food, both now and when I move to the more long-term job in two weeks. I know that I can do this, but the line between ok and not ok is so blurry, I keep missing it and not realizing until things get significantly worse.
To support myself, I am going to:
- Take breaks when I need it
- Re-self when I start to feel like I'm not in my own self anymore
- Do fun things to build a life that is more interesting than eating
- Think about what I am grateful for
- Remind myself that I am competent, capable, hopeful, strong, and loved.
Have a great Fourth of July, everyone!
Member
Join Date: Mar 2015
Location: Arizona
Posts: 111
Hope everyone had a safe and sober 4th of July. Just checking in. Not much new to tell I guess. Up to day 127, happy about that. Most of the cravings have gone away, but I eat too much sugar (ice cream, etc..) to make up for it. I don't know if that is good either.....maybe replacing one bad habit with another? What do you all think?
One day at a time.
Join Date: Mar 2015
Location: Nowhere, USA
Posts: 340
Originally Posted by immri
Hi guys, just need somewhere to vent. not in a good place today I was really freaked out by something scary that happened in my street and a guy who wanted access to my house. Don't really want to rehash everything but I have issues of feeling unsafe in my home anyway and I think this would bother even a 'normal' person so I'm feeling a bit ick
Made worse by someone not taking it/me seriously because it's all 'out of our hands' or whatever
I don't know it just really upset me and made me so anxious so I've been obsessively thinking about every scary horrible thing that has happened in my past and it's just not a good headspace for me!
Added to this we have a small bottle of baileys in the house which is really bothering me, and I'm not going to lie I definitely thought how drinking it would at least calm my nerves(and how 2.7 standard drinks would hardly even be a relapse..such lies). I'm not going to drink it, and im safe in bed and a bit less anxious now, but the entire day has just been so emotionally draining
As usual I feel better after posting here though
Made worse by someone not taking it/me seriously because it's all 'out of our hands' or whatever
I don't know it just really upset me and made me so anxious so I've been obsessively thinking about every scary horrible thing that has happened in my past and it's just not a good headspace for me!
Added to this we have a small bottle of baileys in the house which is really bothering me, and I'm not going to lie I definitely thought how drinking it would at least calm my nerves(and how 2.7 standard drinks would hardly even be a relapse..such lies). I'm not going to drink it, and im safe in bed and a bit less anxious now, but the entire day has just been so emotionally draining
As usual I feel better after posting here though
One day at a time.
Join Date: Mar 2015
Location: Nowhere, USA
Posts: 340
Originally Posted by secretary
Stress and not drinking is very difficult. You've done so well!
One day at a time.
Join Date: Mar 2015
Location: Nowhere, USA
Posts: 340
Originally Posted by happytobealive1
Hoping you made it through, Immri!
I'm still really struggling. Job is going MUCH better, but I sunk into bad habits that are hard to break. Recommitting to my meal plan tomorrow, because it is really important to me that I stay safe around food, both now and when I move to the more long-term job in two weeks. I know that I can do this, but the line between ok and not ok is so blurry, I keep missing it and not realizing until things get significantly worse.
To support myself, I am going to:
[*]Take breaks when I need it[*]Re-self when I start to feel like I'm not in my own self anymore[*]Do fun things to build a life that is more interesting than eating[*]Think about what I am grateful for[*]Remind myself that I am competent, capable, hopeful, strong, and loved.
Have a great Fourth of July, everyone!
I'm still really struggling. Job is going MUCH better, but I sunk into bad habits that are hard to break. Recommitting to my meal plan tomorrow, because it is really important to me that I stay safe around food, both now and when I move to the more long-term job in two weeks. I know that I can do this, but the line between ok and not ok is so blurry, I keep missing it and not realizing until things get significantly worse.
To support myself, I am going to:
[*]Take breaks when I need it[*]Re-self when I start to feel like I'm not in my own self anymore[*]Do fun things to build a life that is more interesting than eating[*]Think about what I am grateful for[*]Remind myself that I am competent, capable, hopeful, strong, and loved.
Have a great Fourth of July, everyone!
One day at a time.
Join Date: Mar 2015
Location: Nowhere, USA
Posts: 340
Sorry I've been away for a bit Marchers. Trying to get settled in to my new place, applying for jobs, and going to interviews. So far I've had four successful interviews and I'm waiting to be called back.
AV has been quiet lately. Had some terrible dreams in which I lost my grip and got tanked. Woke up full of regret but it subsided once I realized it was all a dream. Craziness.
Anyway, I hope you're all doing well. I will definitely be in touch.
AV has been quiet lately. Had some terrible dreams in which I lost my grip and got tanked. Woke up full of regret but it subsided once I realized it was all a dream. Craziness.
Anyway, I hope you're all doing well. I will definitely be in touch.
Member
Join Date: Jul 2013
Location: Midwest
Posts: 354
Originally Posted by SpiritOfDjinn
Sorry I've been away for a bit Marchers. Trying to get settled in to my new place, applying for jobs, and going to interviews. So far I've had four successful interviews and I'm waiting to be called back.
AV has been quiet lately. Had some terrible dreams in which I lost my grip and got tanked. Woke up full of regret but it subsided once I realized it was all a dream. Craziness.
Anyway, I hope you're all doing well. I will definitely be in touch.
AV has been quiet lately. Had some terrible dreams in which I lost my grip and got tanked. Woke up full of regret but it subsided once I realized it was all a dream. Craziness.
Anyway, I hope you're all doing well. I will definitely be in touch.
Member
Join Date: Jul 2013
Location: Midwest
Posts: 354
I made it to four months! Which is how long I was able to stay sober two years ago and then I just threw away that sobriety to worship at alcohol's altar again. This time I'm stronger in my resolve (thanks to you guys!!) although I will admit this weekend I did have a bit of a craving. We went to a new restaurant where my daughter is a bartender (ironic, isn't it?) and so we sat in the bar. That really got my AV shouting, begging, pleading for just one drink. But I'm hanging in there. I do start thinking, oh what's the problem with one drink, you have this under control now and I think that's what got me last time. But I know that I will NEVER have this under control. My dad was a raging alcoholic and it ended up killing him. I don't want that to be me.
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