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Class of March 2015 Part 5

Old 07-28-2015, 11:59 PM
  # 481 (permalink)  
love is the answer
 
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Thanks dee.
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Old 07-29-2015, 06:29 AM
  # 482 (permalink)  
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Originally Posted by mystified View Post
Around this time last year I let myself get pulled into a network marketing business that I believed had huge potential. (I half believe it still does-it's on the back burner for the tim being) I got myself some business cards printed with my details on and added the phrase "you can't change your life if you don't change your thinking".

This morning my first waking thought was "you don't think your way into new behaviour, you behave your way into new behaviour.

So which feels more true for you?
That's a tough one!
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Old 07-29-2015, 07:46 PM
  # 483 (permalink)  
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Originally Posted by mystified View Post

I hear ya spirit. 100 days was a huge psychological milestone for me too. I'm currently at 132 days which is the longest time I've been sober (excluding my pregnancies) in over 20 years.

I've realised that the 'numbing' I was indulging myself with was masking some irritating little character flaws (for want of a better word) which are only coming to light now. Being honest with myself is proving more tricky than I thought. Funny how the mind of an addict works isn't it?

I'm committing to participating more regularly here. Perhaps I can work out some of these issues with your support, friends?
Mystified, you are 100% right! I too hid things I didn't like about myself behind a glaze of alcohol. I came to find that the alcohol just compounded the problem by causing me to make even more poor choices. Plus, it never allows you to really deal with the feelings surrounding your flaws or failures. Everything just kind of snowballs into a mass of trouble and regret.

But that's all in the past. It's time to move on. The first step, after ditching booze of course, is to forgive yourself. That's very important! And, if you feel it necessary, ask those you've hurt or disappointed for their forgiveness as well. Once you forgive yourself, it frees your mind and heart to move on to bigger and better things.

Now, of course, feelings of regret and shame, or maybe even sadness, will come back. You just have to take them in stride. Life DOES get better.

Sorry folks, I seem to be rambling. Just trying to impart some of the things I've learned and experienced. Maybe someone can find some comfort or help in all that mess I just wrote. :P
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Old 07-29-2015, 07:49 PM
  # 484 (permalink)  
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Originally Posted by Dee74 View Post
I think there's a certain truth to 'fake it till you make it' - acting like a sober person helped me become the real thing...

but I had to change my thinking too.. so I dunno? 50/50?

D
I think you're right Dee. You have to change many things in your life to become successfully sober. Thoughts, behaviors, routines, everything really. It's a hard road for sure.
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Old 07-29-2015, 11:07 PM
  # 485 (permalink)  
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Originally Posted by SpiritOfDjinn View Post
Mystified, you are 100% right! I too hid things I didn't like about myself behind a glaze of alcohol. I came to find that the alcohol just compounded the problem by causing me to make even more poor choices. Plus, it never allows you to really deal with the feelings surrounding your flaws or failures. Everything just kind of snowballs into a mass of trouble and regret.

But that's all in the past. It's time to move on. The first step, after ditching booze of course, is to forgive yourself. That's very important! And, if you feel it necessary, ask those you've hurt or disappointed for their forgiveness as well. Once you forgive yourself, it frees your mind and heart to move on to bigger and better things.

Now, of course, feelings of regret and shame, or maybe even sadness, will come back. You just have to take them in stride. Life DOES get better.

Sorry folks, I seem to be rambling. Just trying to impart some of the things I've learned and experienced. Maybe someone can find some comfort or help in all that mess I just wrote. :P
Ramble on spirit. Everyone has something of value, something important to share.

I find peace and comfort everywhere on these forums and I've 'met' and talked to some amazing people. I found my tribe here.

I admire you spirit. You show so much care and compassion to those who post here. I value your presence and your input very much.

As for recovery, well I feel that quitting drinking/drugging/whatever is less than half the story. I've learned more about myself in the last 4 months than I have in 30 odd years. Therapy has helped with that somewhat but it's simply shone a light into places I hadn't fully acknowledged were there before. The real work, as you mention spirit, forgiveness, acceptance and regaining ones self esteem and worth begins AFTER you get sober.

I understand now why it's taken 4 or 5 tries to reach this point: it's bloody painful.

Now I'm rambling.

Keep on friends. Have an amazing day/evening/night.
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Old 07-30-2015, 04:19 AM
  # 486 (permalink)  
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I like hearing what you have to say too spirit, you too mystified

And I definitely agree with what you guys are saying, I think that's why I've never been able to stay sober long - I was still pretty unhappy with myself (even if was happy with my life, still hated me) so working on those things I dislike about myself really seems to be making a difference this time.
For example, I'm so unreliable. I thought it was the drinking but even sober I can be really flakey and promise or plan a whole bunch of things that I truly mean one day, then bail on it all when I don't feel like it (in my mind I always had a good reason to disappoint people eg too anxious that day, not feeling well, etc, but really anytime anything isn't exactly what I want when I want to do it, I decide it's too hard. What a yucky character flaw!) so I'm working on it by committing to just a few key things that I know I am able to do, and forcing myself to stick to them. I think I'm making progress haven't missed work or yoga yet! Sounds small but that's an achievement to me !

So good to hear from you guys, il try and post/read here more, we seem to have lost a few
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Old 07-31-2015, 12:16 AM
  # 487 (permalink)  
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My voluntary work went really well yesterday.

It was so nice to feel useful; to feel competent again and to see something finished. I don't often get any of those things as a stay at home mom of 3 kids 5 years and under.....

How are my fellow marchers doing?
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Old 08-01-2015, 05:47 AM
  # 488 (permalink)  
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Originally Posted by immri View Post

So good to hear from you guys, il try and post/read here more, we seem to have lost a few
So it seems, I wonder what happened to all our old friends!
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Old 08-01-2015, 05:48 AM
  # 489 (permalink)  
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Originally Posted by mystified View Post
My voluntary work went really well yesterday.

It was so nice to feel useful; to feel competent again and to see something finished. I don't often get any of those things as a stay at home mom of 3 kids 5 years and under.....

How are my fellow marchers doing?
Wow, it's amazing you even get out of the house with 3 kids under 5. Good for you!
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Old 08-01-2015, 10:49 PM
  # 490 (permalink)  
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I have an amazing support system. I couldn't do it without my parents.

I think I'd go quietly insane if I couldn't get out of the house alone once in a while.

How is everyone doing?

I've been up since just after 5 am but that meant I got to see the most amazing sunrise and drink my coffee in peace. These things matter to me now. I notice so much more now I'm not nursing a hangover.
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Old 08-02-2015, 11:33 AM
  # 491 (permalink)  
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Originally Posted by mystified View Post
My voluntary work went really well yesterday.

It was so nice to feel useful; to feel competent again and to see something finished. I don't often get any of those things as a stay at home mom of 3 kids 5 years and under.....

How are my fellow marchers doing?
Good for you mystified! As a stay at home mom, it's important for you to get out once in awhile. Especially to get some adult interaction. I mean, kids are awesome but every adult needs a higher level of interaction. Someone to talk about adult subjects with. By 'adult' I don't necessarily mean inappropriate either. Just subjects that children don't understand. Like politics, finances, religion, etc.
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Old 08-02-2015, 11:36 AM
  # 492 (permalink)  
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Originally Posted by mystified View Post
I have an amazing support system. I couldn't do it without my parents.

I think I'd go quietly insane if I couldn't get out of the house alone once in a while.

How is everyone doing?

I've been up since just after 5 am but that meant I got to see the most amazing sunrise and drink my coffee in peace. These things matter to me now. I notice so much more now I'm not nursing a hangover.
I agree! There are a great many things that I find value in without the influence of alcohol. AND as an added bonus, I can actually focus my attention and energy on the things I value because I'm not consumed by the pursuit or use of and recovery from alcohol!

Stay strong friends and enjoy your sobriety. We've all earned it!
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Old 08-02-2015, 12:56 PM
  # 493 (permalink)  
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Speaking of enjoying sobriety, today is a very special day for my family. My daughter turns 16 today. I can't believe it's been 16 years since she came into the world. It seems like we just celebrated her 10th birthday. Now, she's almost a full grown woman who's ready to enter the world all on her own. They really do grow up fast!
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Old 08-03-2015, 12:51 AM
  # 494 (permalink)  
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Cherish her while you can spirit. ♡
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Old 08-03-2015, 11:20 AM
  # 495 (permalink)  
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Dear Marchers,

Thank you for the messages. Not that any of this is easy, but I am inspired by this group, that we have done the near-impossible even as people sat on the sidelines and doubted our resolve. You folks are the best! With us helping each other, 1 will become 10, 100, 1,000, and yet more days.

My report is that settling into a very stable routine and schedule, and avoiding wild-card events and surprises, is working well for me.

Mel
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Old 08-03-2015, 08:28 PM
  # 496 (permalink)  
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Originally Posted by SpiritOfDjinn View Post
Speaking of enjoying sobriety, today is a very special day for my family. My daughter turns 16 today. I can't believe it's been 16 years since she came into the world. It seems like we just celebrated her 10th birthday. Now, she's almost a full grown woman who's ready to enter the world all on her own. They really do grow up fast!
Happy birthday to your daughter. They really grow up way too fast.
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Old 08-03-2015, 08:36 PM
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In a few days I will be looking at 5 months of sobriety. AND, I guess it's not surprising that my desire to drink has been WILD lately. When that happens I always ask myself the HALT questions, hungry, angry, lonely, tired. And I find I have all of these emotions, especially the last three almost all the time.
My first appointment with my new counselor is on Thursday and I hope I can start to explore who I am sober. At first I thought I wanted to go into marriage counseling with my husband and then thought, I need to find out who I am about before I start dealing with the marriage. I might not even want to bother with counseling with him, what if I don't even want to be married to him anymore?

Rambling, I'm rambling. Sorry. Anyway, GO ME for 5 months and taking that step into counseling.
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Old 08-03-2015, 08:54 PM
  # 498 (permalink)  
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Congratulations Secretary

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Old 08-03-2015, 09:17 PM
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Time for a new thread

http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...-part-6-a.html

D
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