Duffster

Well, I guess I am a soccer mom. It's a term for a suburban mom who spends a lot of time driving her kids to different sports, soccer being one of the most popular. My boys are still little (2 and 4) and it's already started. Soccer on Tuesday afternoon, tennis and golf on M & W, swimming lessons, etc...

Goat

Day 2 for me too.

I spent the night on the couch with my laptop, reading SR in between dozing. Didn't get enough sleep to count for anything. I need to get back to work today. I'm dreading it.

Still don't feel very well. I've got that hot and cold at the same time thing going on. My wife's such a sweetheart -- she stayed on the couch with me all night.

So anyway, just wanted to say hi to everyone Hi!

-Goat

Goat

I think by that definition I'm a soccer mom too Three baseball teams, one soccer team and scouts every week.

But no, I can't just take the kids and drop them off, I have to volunteer to be the coach. Between that and work and my band I'm stretched a bit too thin.

-Goat

TempeBrenn

You are blessed to have a supportive wife. Respect and thank her. I was so worried my husband would leave me yesterday, but he said he loves me and will work together on my drinking. I thank God for him. I spent the my first night doing the same. Today is better. You can do it.

mmhoule

Well another day one gone...I can do this. I know I can. I just have to find a good center...it's for me. No one else. I want to be sober. I need to accept that I can NOT have even one like normal people and I have to stop being mad about it. I need to just accept it. Mostly I need to be at peace with it.

fruitymarzipan

LOL, I guess I am the British soccer mom then, I too run my daughter to Tennis, Netball, Swimming, Street Dance!!! My little boy is only 3 1/2 but he'l be starting school in September so I guess i'l have it all with him too!!

Goat

You're right mmhoule, we can't have one. There's no point in being mad about it. I sometimes wonder if a non-alcoholic person was told (by a doctor, say) that they could no longer drink even one drink would they get so upset like we do? I think they might be mildly bummed, but not obsessed like we are.

I think I have tried every possible permutation of "just one" and failed at every try.

I keep coming back though. Eventually I will get it. This time what's different for me is that I came pretty close to dying. I don't want to die.

I want recovery. I've wanted it every time I've come back. This time feels different, but it always feels different.

So what I'm going to *do* differently this time is commit to a homegroup and find a sponsor. I took the first step towards that yesterday by going to a meeting.

mmhoule

Thank you Goat! I would like a sponsor...however I am leaning more towards a secular recovery...I am doing some research and trying to find what will work for me. Someone mentioned the book "Broken Open" and it is an eye opener. So good...so little by little and day by day my eyes are going to open and one glorious day I will know that I have made it. Until then I will keep brushing myself off after standing back up!

Loki7

Day 18,

Feeling absolutely fine about not drinking at the moment, and for the rest of this month which was the target I set myself initially ('don't drink in April, then think about longer term plans later'). But I'm curious whether the reason I'm doing ok is because I haven't cut myself off from alcohol forever, only for a short period of time.

In an ideal world I would like to be able to drink moderately, and I want to believe that with hard work and awareness of my behaviors it doesn't become a routine or an issue.


Does anyone else have similar views, previous experience, or any advice on whether moderation can be achieved and or whether it can be maintained?

I by no means want this to be some kind of trigger post for other people who are doing well, we all have completely different experiences and relationships with alcohol and I hope none of you change your own perceptions of your own situations on account of a few questions from myself

Duffster

They should change it to "soccer parents." I see as many dads at the activities as the moms. We haven't gotten to the phase of coaching yet but my friends tell me it is time consuming and some of these activities can go on well into the evening -- it's hard to do it all. I know. But your kids are always going to remember your being there for them.

Duffster

Dee told me early on to just accept that drinking is not an option for me and that advice changed my life. Accepting that one fact stopped the arguing that was constantly going on in my head. Once I accepted that I just cannot drink, period, I was able to let go of the fantasy that I could that I could drink in moderation, or that it was ever even an option.

That said, I did slip after 2 months. I'm still not totally sure how since I wasn't intending on drinking that day when I left the house. I just let my guard down and I wasn't thinking. I suppose I was hoping that I could have a few, get a bit of a buzz, and all would be fine. Needless to say that did not happen. While I'm disappointed that I slipped I am in a much better place this time around since I am armed with the "take it off the table as an option" advice and my "experiment," if you will, was a disaster.

Not easy stuff, is it? I feel everyone's struggles.

NapsteR1

I've tried the moderation thing more times than I can count, the first attempt goes well as after some time off my tolerance is way down, I can feel myself getting off balance, call it a day at 2 or 3, wake up and feel fine and then wonder what all the fuss was about. Because the first attempt went so well I'll suggest sharing a bottle of wine the next night or so with Mrs N, then while I'm at the store buying "legitimately" I may as well grab some extra for myself as I don't want to risk drink driving if I want more later - actually while I'm thinking about it I'd best get enough to sort out tomorrow too. So bottle of wine, actually two and as I'm going to have to hide the stuff for tomorrow and extra for tonight it makes sense to get a litre bottle of vodka..

it's not always as condensed as that but once I've done that bottle the head fuzz and anxiety is back and I start retreating into my alco cave and filling up the entrance with empties, in a couple of weeks I'll be stopping off on the way home to pick up more and halfway round the supermarket I'll forget which town I'm in or what has to be done tomorrow, everything stops mattering except for getting the first pint of half and half mix down the tube to get that magic relaxation as the booze starts to hit - tomorrow isn't an issue anymore, today worked because I got drunk. The fact that my heart was in my mouth at the checkout because I actually had no idea whether there was any money left doesn't matter either. The fact that I have no gas left in the car for tomorrow's meeting doesn't matter either - nothing else does, I have enough to drink unconcious today, I've won.

so not going to be going there again - I've got a Sales Conference next week with a pre-booked hotel room, a free bar and 900 other sales people to get drunk with... now that will be a test!

Ladybug2

I, too, have tried the moderation thing and, in my experience, it just doesn't work, not for true alcoholics. I went 3 months last year when I was pregnant (lost the baby at 12 weeks) and thought I was "fine" because I had gone 3 months without even thinking about or craving alcohol. After a week of trying moderation I was right back to my old ways and then some. I actually became worse than I had been before I got pregnant. From what I have been told and have learned is that this is a disease that will only progress and get worse with time. I agree with Duffster, it is has become a little easier after I finally just took the drink off the table. Not an option for me anymore if I want to live a happy and healthy life. That being said, I am only on Day 12 and honestly still miss and crave my wine, but I am hoping that will get better with time.

Goat

Ha! Yep, you just described me to a T. I mean exactly.

mmhoule

Today is April 18, 2013 and this is the day that I have chosen sobriety for the rest of my life! I will conquer this demon with all of you helping. I know I will! ;-)

Goat

Awesome! I love to read that! Everyone here is in your corner!

Beavis

Loki7- I've been pondering over the same thing. I've tried setting up rules for moderation that I've broken. For example, only drink on Saturdays and Sundays, only one drink a night.
This is day 9 for me and I plan to continue being sober. I know that I have a problem, but I don't think I have true alcoholism. Maybe if I had continued what I was doing, it would have turned into that. This experience is teaching me some self-awareness and self-discipline. And I am liking being sober and working on improving my health.
However, I would like to have a glass of wine during date night or at my husband's 40th birthday party without feeling guilty. I don't think that will lead me back into buying the boxes of wine and drinking every night.
I can see where having the mindset that I will never drink again versus I will occasionally drink can influence daily decisions.

Goat

So, my withdrawal seems to be easing up. My stress level has gone down over the course of the day. I was very stressed about 1) work and 2) the DUI charge hanging over my head.

But I did some organizing today. Right now I'm working 4 different contracts.

Contract 1 - stuff due on Monday, but by sheer luck they decided to ask me to stop working on it because they need to rethink what they've asked me to do. So they gave me a debugging task to replace it. I like debugging and I am very good at it.

Contract 2 - very large amount of work due May 8. AND, the contract hasn't paid me yet so I haven't been able to field the necessary engineers to get the work done. I've been busting my hump to get it all done myself. Losing days to alcohol this week did not help. But, I have made a plan to correct it.

Contract 3 - this is a "favor" contract for an old, very important friend. They can't afford to pay me much, and as a result I have not been completing the work, because real, paying work comes first. But, this is stressing me out because I really want them in my portfolio. I bit the bullet and assigned an engineer to just take care of it.

Contract 4 - this contract is mercifully under control.

So. with that organization my work stress is down to a manageable level.

I also talked with my lawyer today. My offense carries a minimum mandatory sentence of 20 days in jail. That could kill my little company. I can't be away for 20 days. But, the lawyer was very encouraging. He said as long as I'm working a program and doing intensive outpatient recovery (which I plan to start asap) the court will be lenient and may give me a few days in jail and then a long stretch of house arrest. That would fix the problem!

So that stress is much reduced as well.

Goat

I was an alcoholic the very instant I got drunk the first time. I know that's not everyone's experience, but it can happen. I knew the way I drank wasn't normal right from the start, but I was far from ready to seek help.

I'm no sure what I would call "True" alcoholism. I'm pretty sure it's not the classic image of the wino in the gutter. That guy probably exists, but I've never met him.

I think your plan to continue to stay sober is the right plan. I, personally, would prefer just to call the whole thing off and not entertain any thoughts of being able to moderate in the future.

fruitymarzipan

Hi Loki7 & Beavis, If uv read any of my posts you will see I am currently 15 days sober from a 3 year painkiller addiction. However in my 20's I drank, I was always unsure If i was a true alcoholic or a binge drinker but I sobered up in my mid-late 20's and didnt drink at all for several years. Then I did reach a place where I could moderate. I could drink a couple out at dinner or on a weekend or weddings etc. this went on happily for years until i had an accident was prescribed opiates and developed this painkiller addiction. Now my counsellor & I have d/c the years i moderated then the years i started pills, did i swop one addiction for another?! Its common?! I started to taper my pills down from Christmas ready for detox and noticed i started drinking more again!!! So im kicking both at the moment, so does moderation work? I dont know, i did moderate for 4 years before the pills, so Im still exploring how I feel about that, but im inclined to think for me maybe not really!! Xx