Class of April 2013 Part 2
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Join Date: Mar 2013
Posts: 141
abideby & ladybug - good luck with your tests. I applied for life insurance recently and they test everything. only thing that came back slightly elevated was bilirubin, but it was still within normal limits.
bobbyjim - good for you for staying on the bus! I am catching glimpses and starting to not understand my prior thinking anymore, but I know it's an illusion. My brain does this to convince me that I don't have a problem. "See, if you're already so easily cured of alcoholism, then you didn't really have it to begin with." Then BOOM, I convince myself I can have a glass of wine, then I have a few more, then I'm quickly back to where I started. This is a dangerous time for me right now...
napster - I drank (mostly) out in the open, but my husband would never notice/pay attention to the ratio (i.e. mostly vodka, some cranberry juice, not the other way around), or how much I had before he got home, or how often I got up for refills, and I would always try to act sober so that I didn't seem so far gone. It is nice not to be sneaky!
bobbyjim - good for you for staying on the bus! I am catching glimpses and starting to not understand my prior thinking anymore, but I know it's an illusion. My brain does this to convince me that I don't have a problem. "See, if you're already so easily cured of alcoholism, then you didn't really have it to begin with." Then BOOM, I convince myself I can have a glass of wine, then I have a few more, then I'm quickly back to where I started. This is a dangerous time for me right now...
napster - I drank (mostly) out in the open, but my husband would never notice/pay attention to the ratio (i.e. mostly vodka, some cranberry juice, not the other way around), or how much I had before he got home, or how often I got up for refills, and I would always try to act sober so that I didn't seem so far gone. It is nice not to be sneaky!
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Join Date: Nov 2010
Posts: 39
Hi April friends...finishing up Day 3. It started much better...I am usually so blitzed out when I get up to get my son out the door for school, I always lay back down to doze as long as possible before having to go to work. Today, I got him up and out and actually stayed up and did some creative work!
Tonight is a bit different story because he is at Scouts and my hubby is at work...this would usually be my perfect "me and hidden bottle" time and I am feeling the twinge. I have nothing here, thankfully. Got to stay busy!
Thanks for being here!
Tonight is a bit different story because he is at Scouts and my hubby is at work...this would usually be my perfect "me and hidden bottle" time and I am feeling the twinge. I have nothing here, thankfully. Got to stay busy!
Thanks for being here!
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Join Date: Nov 2010
Posts: 39
Originally Posted by NapsteR1 
Day 9
One of the things that's striking me at the moment is how stressful all the plotting and scheming and hiding was. How I'd be able to make sure I had enough cash to get today's stash in, hiding credit card statements, trying to remember where the empties were, making some ******** excuse to go to the shops, coming up with excuses for not being at work, jumping out my skin when I heard someone approaching while I was mid swig, trying not to let the screaming frustration show when for some reason I wasn't able to get enough to hit unconsciousness, trying to not get too close to the wife in case she smelt the booze, having to say "no problem" when asked to drive the family somewhere at 10am cos you can't admit you're already too pissed up to drive.
Cravings and depression aside, being sober is a lot less stressful!
One of the things that's striking me at the moment is how stressful all the plotting and scheming and hiding was. How I'd be able to make sure I had enough cash to get today's stash in, hiding credit card statements, trying to remember where the empties were, making some ******** excuse to go to the shops, coming up with excuses for not being at work, jumping out my skin when I heard someone approaching while I was mid swig, trying not to let the screaming frustration show when for some reason I wasn't able to get enough to hit unconsciousness, trying to not get too close to the wife in case she smelt the booze, having to say "no problem" when asked to drive the family somewhere at 10am cos you can't admit you're already too pissed up to drive.
Cravings and depression aside, being sober is a lot less stressful!
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Join Date: Apr 2013
Location: Pennsylvania
Posts: 3,313
Wow, Napster and Purplelily - when I was reading your posts I felt like I was reading about myself. I, too, put so much energy into finding ways to get the booze, hiding the paper trail or getting " cash back" at grocery stores so my hubby would think it was spent on groceries, and then finding creative hiding places for the bottles. I even went so far as to put the empty bottles in a bag and drive them to a different neighborhood where they had a community recycle bin. How pathetic and sneaky I became. I also switched from my favorite Chardonney to vodka so my hubby wouldn't smell it. I could go on and on but it only depresses and makes me sad that I became so deceitful. I guess when I really think about it, it was like a was having an affair, not with another man, but with alcohol.
It does feel really good to be sober and honest. Great job to all of you who have made it another day. Hope we are all here in 30 days and more
It does feel really good to be sober and honest. Great job to all of you who have made it another day. Hope we are all here in 30 days and more
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Join Date: Mar 2013
Posts: 141
Ladybug - funny you should mention driving to a different neighborhood's recycling bin. One of the (many) reasons I switched to wine in a box was that the bag went in the trash and the box went in the cardboard recycling and could easily be burned in the fireplace or put inside a pizza box when I did cardboard recycling. Not to hide it from my hubby, but so as not to attract attention at the transfer station. Throwing four bottles of wine into the glass bin may attract attention, but putting a pizza box in cardboard recycling, nobody blinks an eye at.
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Join Date: Apr 2013
Location: Pennsylvania
Posts: 3,313
Yes, I also used to drink the boxes of wine. When my husband started noticing how light the box had gotten (pretty much empty) after 2 days I started blaming it on my mom (big wine drinker) having been over. I think my husband thought she was an alcoholic after awhile. Guess I owe her an apology?
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Join Date: Nov 2006
Posts: 1,397
[QUOTE=MustLoveCoffee;3909959]Well, today has been a crazy day. Lots of stupid, clique high schoolesque BS from members of the PTA here. I resigned my position and declined a separate opportunity for another one in the same PTA today. Crazy!
I'm just happy to be sober today. A few weeks ago I would have been well into the bottle over this by now and I wouldn't have handled this as cooly as I did and may have damaged relationships as a result. Today, I was able to provide constructive feedback while standing my ground.
Good for you, MLCoffee!!! I'm trying to find a good way to back out of a volunteer position, myself. I've always been the consummate volunteer ... hard time saying "no" ... and right now I'm simply spread too thin. Ran a PTA at one point, too, and you're right ... some personalities are tough to deal with especially when you can't make everyone happy all of the time.
Thank you for always taking the time to touch base with everybody in your posts. Sometimes, because I don't get on too often I read those to catch up!
Hope you get to do something fun with your newfound free time!!!
I'm just happy to be sober today. A few weeks ago I would have been well into the bottle over this by now and I wouldn't have handled this as cooly as I did and may have damaged relationships as a result. Today, I was able to provide constructive feedback while standing my ground.
Good for you, MLCoffee!!! I'm trying to find a good way to back out of a volunteer position, myself. I've always been the consummate volunteer ... hard time saying "no" ... and right now I'm simply spread too thin. Ran a PTA at one point, too, and you're right ... some personalities are tough to deal with especially when you can't make everyone happy all of the time.
Thank you for always taking the time to touch base with everybody in your posts. Sometimes, because I don't get on too often I read those to catch up!
Hope you get to do something fun with your newfound free time!!!
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Join Date: Nov 2006
Posts: 1,397
Originally Posted by BobbyJim
I on the other hand was desperate to get off the sober-fun-bus and head to Pubtown - I was literally screaming and shouting but the driver would not let me off and so I continue to head for SoberVille by the skin of my teeth,
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Join Date: Mar 2013
Location: Northeast, US
Posts: 2,073
Sorry to disapoint, but I'd only be lying to myself. The stupid artist's building I live in and the back patio is a huge problem. Day 1. Tomorrow will probably stink.
I am starting in my more sober days to realize something that I have been suffering from for years. When confronted with stress, or tasks that need to be done, I become immediately exhausted, foggy headed, the body pain returns. It's like my mind/body just prevent me from doing things. From being the person I need to be. It's been going on for a decades. I won't be going back to grad school, instant drunk recipe. I have to start working after a few drinks and continue a project all night or for many nights while drunk. Horrible. I have some mental health work to do.
Thanks, and I'm glad so many of you are doing so well, I have faith in those that have slipped and I welcome the newcomers!
I am starting in my more sober days to realize something that I have been suffering from for years. When confronted with stress, or tasks that need to be done, I become immediately exhausted, foggy headed, the body pain returns. It's like my mind/body just prevent me from doing things. From being the person I need to be. It's been going on for a decades. I won't be going back to grad school, instant drunk recipe. I have to start working after a few drinks and continue a project all night or for many nights while drunk. Horrible. I have some mental health work to do.
Thanks, and I'm glad so many of you are doing so well, I have faith in those that have slipped and I welcome the newcomers!
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Join Date: Apr 2013
Posts: 76
Day 2 for me here. I'm glad I found this site because it's really helping me.
There's been some talks about livers here. I guess I am thankful that I had a kidney infection recently, which the tests also showed that my liver has elevated levels of everything. I'm seeing a doctor tomorrow about that and I am very nervous. My hope is that this has been caught early enough so that I can learn from my mistakes and move on.
It all started out so innocent. A few glasses of wine here, a few bottles of wine there, and then a few boxes later... I don't know why I started drinking during the day. I think I drank because I was bored. I work at home and I don't really like my job. But it's gotten to the point where I need a drink to enjoy everything I'm doing. Almost everything is associated with alcohol.
I have the hardest time dealing with the labels and what to call this. Can I just call this a really bad habit and that I need to work on retraining my brain and refocusing my energies? Is it time to check that box that says I am an alcoholic? Perhaps if I tried this and went back to my old ways, then it would be.
I'm looking forward to going to the first party where alcohol is served. It's entertaining to watch others get drunk. I know that I used to look like that. I think it will feel good knowing I'm not making an ass of myself for once.
Day 1 sucked, but day 2 was easier. I read about "The Beast" and it helped me with the persistent thoughts. Separating those thoughts from my thoughts is helping me. My biggest hurdle this week will be Friday night, winding down after a long week with a glass of... Diet Pepsi or something.
There's been some talks about livers here. I guess I am thankful that I had a kidney infection recently, which the tests also showed that my liver has elevated levels of everything. I'm seeing a doctor tomorrow about that and I am very nervous. My hope is that this has been caught early enough so that I can learn from my mistakes and move on.
It all started out so innocent. A few glasses of wine here, a few bottles of wine there, and then a few boxes later... I don't know why I started drinking during the day. I think I drank because I was bored. I work at home and I don't really like my job. But it's gotten to the point where I need a drink to enjoy everything I'm doing. Almost everything is associated with alcohol.
I have the hardest time dealing with the labels and what to call this. Can I just call this a really bad habit and that I need to work on retraining my brain and refocusing my energies? Is it time to check that box that says I am an alcoholic? Perhaps if I tried this and went back to my old ways, then it would be.
I'm looking forward to going to the first party where alcohol is served. It's entertaining to watch others get drunk. I know that I used to look like that. I think it will feel good knowing I'm not making an ass of myself for once.
Day 1 sucked, but day 2 was easier. I read about "The Beast" and it helped me with the persistent thoughts. Separating those thoughts from my thoughts is helping me. My biggest hurdle this week will be Friday night, winding down after a long week with a glass of... Diet Pepsi or something.
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Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,443
When confronted with stress, or tasks that need to be done, I become immediately exhausted, foggy headed, the body pain returns.
It's very easy to feel a certain way and then think that a drink is the only thing that can change that feeling...but if you never try anything else, you'll never work other strategies.
I think we have to accept a certain level of fatigue for a while - it makes sense to have reasonable expectations of what we can and can't do - cutting your chores down into achievable chunks can help, for instance....
but if it's really impacting you, why not see your Dr? It's a better alternative than drinking
Noone needs to be resigned to drinking Johnny - you can do this
D
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Join Date: Apr 2013
Location: Canada
Posts: 34
Hello All!
There are so many stories that I can relate too and this is helping me learn about where I am and what may lie ahead dependant on the choices I make. My first few days I struggled with acceptance (of the denial variety), guilt, shame, loneliness (which was lessened by the community here), anger and a million other heavy, heavy thoughts and emotions. Today, at day 8 (start of week two!) I feel the sun poking through the clouds. Things are a bit clearer (although still unknown) but I feel calmer and similar to Napster WAY less stressed. I'm not lying to myself or anyone else anymore.... I feel like I can breathe a big, deep, forgiving breath for the first time since I can remember.
Thank-you all for doing this with me and for those just joining, keep looking ahead.
Be Well
Carter.
There are so many stories that I can relate too and this is helping me learn about where I am and what may lie ahead dependant on the choices I make. My first few days I struggled with acceptance (of the denial variety), guilt, shame, loneliness (which was lessened by the community here), anger and a million other heavy, heavy thoughts and emotions. Today, at day 8 (start of week two!) I feel the sun poking through the clouds. Things are a bit clearer (although still unknown) but I feel calmer and similar to Napster WAY less stressed. I'm not lying to myself or anyone else anymore.... I feel like I can breathe a big, deep, forgiving breath for the first time since I can remember.
Thank-you all for doing this with me and for those just joining, keep looking ahead.
Be Well
Carter.
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Join Date: Mar 2013
Location: UK
Posts: 127
Hi Everyone, days 8 here woohoo! Its pouring with rain in Merry England, as per usual. But I have woken up this morning for the first time without any WD symptoms, My WD meds finish today so im hoping I dont wake up feeling horrendous tomorrow but my Dr assures me I shouldnt due to the way we have tailored down the WD meds. So here is hoping! So Thursday is my day with little munchkin home, he doesnt go to nursery today. Amazing to think how different today is shaping up to my Thursdays of recent. I would normally have had at least 6 pills by 830am, and already be lying in my pjs on the den sofa whilst munchkin (still in his pjs) played with his toys and watched disney channel. This would have been my day. This morning, I got up at 6 with hubby, im showered & dressed in jeans & a nice shirt (not manky old joggers). I had my hair done yesterday, a manicure & pedicure & eyebrows threaded. Hubby was suitably impressed when he came home from work, My teenager stared at me and asked if we were going to a black tie do or something..cheeky madam! So Iv made Hubby & the kids breakfast this morning, brewed some yummy coffee. Munckin is dressed. Iv called up my friend (who nearly dropped the phone with utter shock!) and we are taking the kids to a playzone. Later I plan to clean the house as I have another agent coming out to value and take on our house. I am loathed to take on a second agent as we cant afford the higher sale percentage, but we need to sell, and soon, so will have to take drastic action. We'v also got open viewing/house on Saturday I plan on going to the garden centre to get some new flowers for the front garden. Its amazing to think 2 weeks ago, I would have just snoozed on the sofa all day. Hope everyone elses day is shaping up well. In the words of mustlovecoffee Go Bandicoots!!!
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Join Date: Jul 2011
Posts: 129
Hi All,
Just checking in, One week today for me, like others I'm getting tired quickly
All the best with you Dr visit Ladybug.
Newhouse your not alone in being exhausted, at the moment I'm the same. hopefully it passes soon, oh and the dreaded sugar cravings, I've just finished off a big bag of lollies. (sweets) and now feel all sugared out LOL.
Napster your smack on the mark there, being sober is a heck of a lot less stressful.
Beavis - It took me a long time to be able to say (and I mean to myself) that I had a drinking problem, maybe even years, I don't think I wanted to believe that I wasn't in control of my life, and probably even more I didn't want others to know that I wasn't in control of my life, and even now no one knows that I have a drinking problem. I have kept it really well hidden... It has made for a lonely, secluded life., hiding away drinking.
Today, at day 8 (start of week two!) I feel the sun poking through the clouds. Things are a bit clearer (although still unknown) but I feel calmer and similar to Napster WAY less stressed. I'm not lying to myself or anyone else anymore.... I feel like I can breathe a big, deep, forgiving breath for the first time since I can remember.
Carter. -Love it. What a great way of putting it..
Onwards and upward bandicoots!!! We can beat this beast.
Just checking in, One week today for me, like others I'm getting tired quickly
All the best with you Dr visit Ladybug.
Newhouse your not alone in being exhausted, at the moment I'm the same. hopefully it passes soon, oh and the dreaded sugar cravings, I've just finished off a big bag of lollies. (sweets) and now feel all sugared out LOL.
Napster your smack on the mark there, being sober is a heck of a lot less stressful.
Beavis - It took me a long time to be able to say (and I mean to myself) that I had a drinking problem, maybe even years, I don't think I wanted to believe that I wasn't in control of my life, and probably even more I didn't want others to know that I wasn't in control of my life, and even now no one knows that I have a drinking problem. I have kept it really well hidden... It has made for a lonely, secluded life., hiding away drinking.
Originally Posted by carter91
Today, at day 8 (start of week two!) I feel the sun poking through the clouds. Things are a bit clearer (although still unknown) but I feel calmer and similar to Napster WAY less stressed. I'm not lying to myself or anyone else anymore.... I feel like I can breathe a big, deep, forgiving breath for the first time since I can remember.
Carter.
Onwards and upward bandicoots!!! We can beat this beast.
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Join Date: Dec 2012
Location: Olde England
Posts: 528
Originally Posted by MustLoveCoffee
Ladybug - funny you should mention driving to a different neighborhood's recycling bin. One of the (many) reasons I switched to wine in a box was that the bag went in the trash and the box went in the cardboard recycling and could easily be burned in the fireplace or put inside a pizza box when I did cardboard recycling. Not to hide it from my hubby, but so as not to attract attention at the transfer station. Throwing four bottles of wine into the glass bin may attract attention, but putting a pizza box in cardboard recycling, nobody blinks an eye at.
and people say alcoholics lack resourcefulness and willpower!
at the end of The Big Slip I noticed that in Tescos (big supermarket) have started selling 35cl soft packs of vodka with "Festival Friendly" on the label. Festivals are big business in the UK and nearly all of them don't allow glass bottles onto the main site. I saw the soft pack and thought "genius! here's a delivery mechanism that allows me to hide the pack in a half inch gap and I can roll the empty up and hide it in a closed hand!" I'm sure some marketing team somewhere have seen this advantage to secret drinkers too, hence selling festival friendly drink in February when there's half a foot of snow on the ground. Makes you wonder how many people there must be out there struggling if there is actually an addressable market for flat pack vodka.
The Big Slip was 100% vodka for me, I lost a stone and a half in weight in the 2 months sober between Dec and Feb and thought that vodka and zero sugar mixer was the way forward... silly arse...
I've gone for total disclosure with Mrs N as to all the tricks and if we're genuinely short of something I'll ask her to pop to the shops rather than me. Shared one "tell" yesterday - when I used to polish off a couple of half and half vodka and somethings on the trot I used to get a sneezing fit lasting 10 or 12 sneezes. Now it's one more thing out in the open.
I always used to keep a Probability Table in my head of getting busted, weighing up each and every action as to how pissed I could get and how soon without blowing my cover - it's nice not to have to do that now and the reason I'm sharing all my sneaky tricks is that the probability of getting busted is now that much higher so I'm intellectually more in control as I know it will end in tears even though it's amazing how AV will seek to exploit and rationalise the very smallest margins of risk.
I passed out at my (home) office desk a few weeks ago, literally went from sitting up straight to face planting on a spiral bound note pad with a pen still in my hand (made for an interesting facial tattoo when I came 'round). Mrs N kindly took a picture of me and mms'ed it to my phone with "thanks for you scintillating company last night". Good wake up call, thanks love - silly arse...
Working from home today as our landlords are getting a new boiler fitted, going out to see Oblivion (ha ha) later.
Have a great sober Thursday everyone :o)
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Join Date: Jul 2011
Posts: 129
Originally Posted by NapsteR1
I passed out at my (home) office desk a few weeks ago, literally went from sitting up straight to face planting on a spiral bound note pad with a pen still in my hand (made for an interesting facial tattoo when I came 'round). Mrs N kindly took a picture of me and mms'ed it to my phone with "thanks for you scintillating company last night". Good wake up call, thanks love - silly arse...
Have a great sober Thursday everyone :o)
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