Duffster

Made me smile for the first time today. This is home

Duffster

Yes!!! I am ready to accept life without alcohol. That's why I was so taken by surprise. I had totally embraced Dee's take it off the table option and I was so focused on doing my best for myself and my boys and then...bam. I know my trigger and it's social situations. I am shy by nature and have to watch out for turning to booze for that social courage. It's been this way since I was a teen -- time to break the cycle.

I know we don't need labels here but I feel like I have to say it: I am an alcoholic.

North, good for you to resist the wine!! I would have struggled so much in that situation. I wish I could read some of your work but I don't want to break your anonymity.

RaggedyMan

Good Day everyone,

I hope you are all staying strong and marching along with your sober days...

Been trying to post all weekend, but my little people won't leave me alone for a minute...

Over the last three weeks I've tried worked out where the drinking "problem" began and why it's the way it is and I've reached my conclusions... When I read the posts on SR a line and the a line there always rings true with me so hopefully this little ramble will help someone...

I became addicted to alcohol the very first time I really drank heavily in 1987, since then (with the odd exception here and there), it was always about getting wasted with the urges just getting stronger over the years. I totally understand BP's "alcohol switch" - I definitely have one and once it's on, it's really hard to get it back off. It's also not just alcohol, I'm simply become addicted to things extremely easily, smoking (gave up years ago somehow), Facebook (utterly pointless), Facebook games (even more than utterly pointless)!

My triggers were similar to so many - something good happened - celebrate, something bad happened - drown sorrows, social occasion - peer drinking, cooking a big meal - compliments the meal, sunny day - refreshing, busy day - unwind, stress - relief. But basically I may as well just write "event - excuse" because that's what it was.

Three weeks on I'm becoming more even tempered, I look in the mirror and see someone almost healthy looking back (!), I wake up in the morning and I feel good, mood swings/depression are lessening... Drinking never gave me ANYTHING, it just spoiled the good times and made the bad times worse and it took me 25 years to realise... well not so much to realise but to face up to it.

I'm very lucky to have a great family around me, but it still feels lonely some days, my father-in-law was a heavy drinker yet my wife still does not understand that some people simply can't moderate - it's just not a choice.

So SR has been huge for me, to be able to quickly read a few posts first thing in the morning and then whenever I grab a moment during the day, then last thing at night has given me a focus that AA didn't; "one day at a time"/always "recovering", never "recovered" was too depressing for me. The "higher power" also never worked for me so, it's me, my will power, SR and latterly AVRT... It's proving a pretty successful combo so far. To come on here and read people's stories is very valuable - every so often I'll read a post and just think "he/she is just like me" - that's probably the biggest thing for me.

Ramble over.

Thanks to everyone who has encouraged, scolded and shared...

...and welcome back Panache, I'll never be a prolific poster like you - it was strange without you...

tootsl1

In which case Duffster, get back on your sober pony. You cannot avoid social situations for the rest of your life, so you need to find a way to deal.
I actually wrote about this today on another thread ( yes folks you are not the only guys I bore sh!tless). I feel I need to get my life back to near normal. I don't mean going on a pub crawl with my husband and sticking to coke, I mean going out for meals, weekends away. Things that in the past involved alcohol, but didn't revolve around it. That way, I am going to create new, good sober memories to overlay the older drinking ones. I know temptation is out there, but it will be there one week one month one year down the road, I need to start saying no at some point and the longer I hide from it the bigger the concern will get until I am dwarfed by it. I refuse to live my life dictated to by an addiction. I am not giving up anything by stopping drinking, I am gaining in experience, in personal growth, in how I see myself and how I feel about myself.
I am not a different person, just not a drunken one.
Duffster, do you work? Do the people at work like who you are? That is a social situation. Conversations in shops, going to the dentist, we have sober conversations every day with people who do not think we have two heads.
The problem is, we forget. We forget that we have an inner strength, a desire to survive. An ability to survive. And if you can do that, you can have an evening out without a drink. I believe it or not am extremely shy, but I refuse to let that stop me from enjoying life. Most people if they are honest can be nervous in difficult situations, doesn't mean we have to drink.

I apologise, this has become something of a vent. Feel free to ignore it.

chuff1

Thank you Raggedy

Great post, totally agree with your view on AA, wasnt so much depressing for me, although I did find it so, its just that somehow I was always waiting for something to happen that never did or could, once I took drink away as an option....that was it ....I no longer wait for something to happen.....its happened....and now I can just get on enjoying this sober life, knowing that it can only get better and better.
The problems we all face, the insecurities, self doubts, urges, they are still there, I would be a liar to say otherwise, but they really are easily dealt with, IF the priority in your life is to stay sober.

Mick

ArgentOfSilvae

Umm to be honest Natty (and this is not aimed at you just on the subject as its been brought up) what you want to read is irrelevant, how people choose to use this thread and what they post in it has nothing to do with you or me for that matter (unless it directly involves us). Yes this is a support forum and support (and the asking) comes in many different forms.

If someone comes on and has a big old moan about all the stuff that's happening in there life, then good for them, they are here doing what they need to do to get healthy.

What I try to remember when reading posts is that (me personally) as an alcoholic am incredibly selfish, woe really is me, the world and all things within it revolve around me. So chances are that whoever is posting also has been/is like this, so let them post away, ignore it if you want, but it's not for us to tell them they are in the wrong for doing so,

Personally I sometimes refrain from posting a reply to someone as I sit back and think "what help could i be? What do I know about recovery really, I am barely getting through myself ect" and sometimes I think I can help so I try.

But at the end of the day the best help I might be on some day is to b*tch and moan and maybe someone will read it and say, at least I'm not alone! (As I have done many times when reading said "one-way pityfests"

Just my thoughts again not directed at anyone just an opinion.

AoS

chuff1

Thanks Toots
Take away social occasions and you take away most of your life, what would be the point of that, Alcohol is a fact of life, its all around us and always will be.
Life is to be enjoyed, personally I love going to Restaurants and do, Love watching footie on a big screen down the pub, and still do, still have poker nights....whoop there arses now that I am sober and they are not!!!
Gave up drinking not living.
Mick

Northlander

Hey Duff - Glad are joining the April class, but please also stay with the Marchers - love having you here.

Hey Raggedy and Mick - been to AA three times - what I took was the liberating feeling of saying "I'm an alcoholic" out loud. I like the meeting, but I know the program isn't for me. With smoking, I am one puff away from a pack-a-day. Same for me with drinking - one drink, then more, then the hang-over, then the "maintenance" drinking that leads to the buzz, the pass-out, the hang-over, the maintenane drinking, blah, blah, blah.

Like Mick said, it is so much easier at the end of the day just to take the option of drinking off the table. I like the idea that we are not marytrs giving up something good, obviously booze ain't good for us. Instead we're gaining freedom from hangovers, gaining better health, gaining more money by not blowing our pay packets on the drink.

Hey Natty - it was a joke, friend...

Nattythreads

The reason why the post opens with "this is a personal take."

360shoes

Thanks Snaggle for the link. Thank you Donel.
It made me think about something my Mother used to tell me when I was young. "There are worse things then death". She never did tell me what they were though.

It so unfair because she is probably living her own worst nightmare. Her Alzheimer's has robbed her of her personality, her feelings, her memories, everything that makes her...her. I sometimes wonder what she would say now. Is she living her nightmare? I have a feeling, in her own beautiful way even she would see Alzheimer's as not all that bad. She has said to me while she still could put a sentence together that she was lucky because so many older people are alone and have diseases that are physically painful. She did not have that. I may have gotten a little bit of her optimism...just a little. If I did I owe her big time.

I don't know. It is horribly sad and so unfair that the young man doesn't get a chance to do all the things he wanted to do or what life may promise to those who get more time but he sure seems to me to be living every minute he has been given...which is more than I can say some days.

Maybe it is because he knows his time is limited that he savors it. If he didn't have a terminal illness, maybe he would be like the rest of us....living the lie that we have all the time in the world.

Maybe he would walk right up to me and slap me right upside my face for complaining about that "horrible" hour I had to spend fighting an "unbearable" urge. For not making what seemed to be such an effortless change to have a life. I couldn't blame him. Then again, he may come up to me and just hug me with compassion and love and understand that for whatever the reason...sometimes life is suffering no matter what the dimension. He may even actually feel more sorry for me that I wasted so much of what was so freely given. He didn't ask to become enlightened or a teacher...but he sure as hell became one.

Maybe that's what my Mom meant that there are worse things then death. A wasted life no matter how much time you have may be one. She probably didn't tell me because she knew I had to figure it out by myself. No one could do it for me. Thanks Mom. <3

sandgirl

Great to hear you are well Panache, NL def recommend camomile and honey tea-slows me right down.
My big worry-going back to work! Went well though and am home and sober-for me the end is in sight:-). Won't be on here for a while as starting an outside programme that wants me to focus on just that-so I'm committing to it fully. Just want to say thank you so much for all the support it started me on my sober road that I really do think I'll stay on now. All the best. Xxx

Geek033113

I mean no harm but until a recent post, I felt totally at home here. I felt kindred spirits and hope for an openness toward what I have been going through. Please understand, I do not mean to be confrontational and the last thing I want to be doing is suffering the indignation of being cussed in a room where I reach out to others for help, laughter, and even tears.

As an alcoholic, I have come here for help after going through some really low lows and coping inappropriately for years. Living in a happy-go-lucky world or a bitter-frustrated one is not beneficial for me or anyone around me. Neither of those perspectives are real, fulfilling or healthy.

I'm new to recovery and I have my ups and downs. I would hope that I could come here and say whatever I chose to say (whether self-absorbed or fun-loving) and there would be people here to support me without cuss words and lack of consideration for my feelings. If that's not the case, then it's really sad. That would mean I'd have to keep things bottled up all over again and keeping things bottled up will take me back to opening up another bottle.

I understand anger, frustration, and hatred because of circumstances that one has created for themselves but to take it out on others is hurtful. Those feelings need to be coped with to help with one's own recovery.

I am a bald, middle-aged woman, in a job that is at times impossible, with a husband who almost never understands what I am going through. Sometimes, I need to let out those emotions so that I can keep from going back to my old ways...which aren't very old...16 days to be exact.

I apologize if this offends anyone!

Duffster

Donal's story has really touched all of us, I think. AoS, yes, I think we are generally a selfish lot. I annoy myself with my whining and griping - I don't usually care if it makes everyone else around me miserable -- shudder -- doesn't make me sound very nice. I'm alive and have every reason in the world to be happy! Time to get control of this drinking c**p and live my life. And not gamble my good health away.

Toots, I hear you - it's time to learn how to function in the real world. You're right, yes I can converse like a normal person during regular interactions. That's a nice way to look at socializing - just carry on normal conversations like we do in other areas of our lives.

Can't tell you how much I've gained from the posts today --

Beautiful post, Shoes.

Panache

Geek you carry on purging your feelings on this thread as much as you like. It is a group discussion, so what may work for some won't work for others and I'm sure none of us are ignorant enough to dismiss that. We are all wired differently.

If one thing SR has taught me, is that everyone's opinion is valued, respected and ought to be heard. The fact that no one gets left behind is sheer testimony to this.

So whether you're angry, hitting a low point or in the highs of euphoria, be confident in posting it on here as there will always be someone in the same situation. That's what happens when you have such an eclectic mix of individually wonderful people.

tootsl1

Beautifully put, Panache. Geek, sometimes our struggles for sobriety can cause frustrations and anger to bubble over. It is as necessary to have a safe place to explore them as it is to be shy and Introspective. Sometimes we can forget to respect each others ways, and recognise the differences between us all.
I hope that this doesn't cause you to leave the thread if you have been getting support here, I for one would miss your contribution.
But as AofS said, we are all top billing in our own lives, and deal differently with what we are going through. Not every post is aimed at you, so please don't feel personally attacked, unless it has your name on it!
I hope you feel safe enough to continue posting here, if you don't like something you read, you have the right to ignore it, but if you believe in freedom of speech, you also have to allow it to be written

Nattythreads

Geek

There's absolutely NOTHING wrong with letting it out on here. It's what it's for. Everybody vents in a different way. Everybody rails at the unfairness of it all in a different way. That's why places like this exist. It would be dull in the extreme on here if we all thought, acted and spoke on here like a bunch of automatons. It's the differences between us that make the similarities more intriguing.

So long as the personal commitment is there from us individually to do what we can to keep to our goals, then the sheer range of viewpoints, thoughts and diversity of methods are surely an absolute blessing, are they not?

tootsl1

Duffster, I am glad you understood what I was trying to say, I know you are serious about your sobriety, so you will succeed.

Duffster

Natty, thanks for the clarification.

Toots, thank you for your support (as always).

Geek, I have poured out a lot on this site and have always been met with nothing but kindness and support (and sometimes a little bit of tough love). You are safe here --

Northlander

Hi Geek

You stay with us, friend. If I didn’t have a bald, middle-aged alcoholic to go through this with, I hate to think about what I would do!

Like Panache said, “If one thing SR has taught me, is that everyone's opinion is valued, respected and ought to be heard. The fact that no one gets left behind is sheer testimony to this.”

What works for me is humor, and it works for me as a weapon against depression, which I have suffered from since my brother died of cancer but I survived it. So I’ll take the funny, the sad, and the humble, but leave the humorless and the pompous since that don’t work for me no mo.

Duff, hope you stay with us too, and Snaggle and Black, we are all one drink away from Day One.

Shoes, thanks for your post.

Big Love to all Sober Marchers!

Panache

North I'm with you man. Being serious and straight for 24/7 would crack me up more than I already am. It's just not in my nature, hell it's barely bearable doing 8 hours in work.

This thread is an amalgamation of seriousness, support, lightheartedness, morale, advice, debate and discussion amongst much more.

If it ain't broke, don't fix it. Guess we're doing fine. X