Good Day everyone,
I hope you are all staying strong and marching along with your sober days...
Been trying to post all weekend, but my little people won't leave me alone for a minute...
Over the last three weeks I've tried worked out where the drinking "problem" began and why it's the way it is and I've reached my conclusions... When I read the posts on SR a line and the a line there always rings true with me so hopefully this little ramble will help someone...
I became addicted to alcohol the very first time I really drank heavily in 1987, since then (with the odd exception here and there), it was always about getting wasted with the urges just getting stronger over the years. I totally understand BP's "alcohol switch" - I definitely have one and once it's on, it's really hard to get it back off. It's also not just alcohol, I'm simply become addicted to things extremely easily, smoking (gave up years ago somehow), Facebook (utterly pointless), Facebook games (even more than utterly pointless)!
My triggers were similar to so many - something good happened - celebrate, something bad happened - drown sorrows, social occasion - peer drinking, cooking a big meal - compliments the meal, sunny day - refreshing, busy day - unwind, stress - relief. But basically I may as well just write "event - excuse" because that's what it was.
Three weeks on I'm becoming more even tempered, I look in the mirror and see someone almost healthy looking back (!), I wake up in the morning and I feel good, mood swings/depression are lessening... Drinking never gave me ANYTHING, it just spoiled the good times and made the bad times worse and it took me 25 years to realise... well not so much to realise but to face up to it.
I'm very lucky to have a great family around me, but it still feels lonely some days, my father-in-law was a heavy drinker yet my wife still does not understand that some people simply can't moderate - it's just not a choice.
So SR has been huge for me, to be able to quickly read a few posts first thing in the morning and then whenever I grab a moment during the day, then last thing at night has given me a focus that AA didn't; "one day at a time"/always "recovering", never "recovered" was too depressing for me. The "higher power" also never worked for me so, it's me, my will power, SR and latterly AVRT... It's proving a pretty successful combo so far. To come on here and read people's stories is very valuable - every so often I'll read a post and just think "he/she is just like me" - that's probably the biggest thing for me.
Ramble over.
Thanks to everyone who has encouraged, scolded and shared...
...and welcome back Panache, I'll never be a prolific poster like you - it was strange without you...