Class of March 2013 Part 10
Member
Join Date: Mar 2013
Posts: 6,224
Originally Posted by chuff1 
To make changes in our life, we have to make changes?
This part of Mick's post, which was backed up by Dee, resonates with me. The things I used to do when I was drinking I'm not doing now so I'm in a different place -- literally -- which breaks the chains.
I use a different glass at the table, I don't take the glass into the lounge room after dinner, I sit in a different spot to watch TV and I keep my hands busy. Because I want to get up early and I have things I want to do when I get up there is no pay out in knocking myself out to sleep because I don't have time to not feel good first thing in the morning. You just can't do deep breathing or write three pages longhand with a furry tongue, a raging thirst and a pounding headache.
Since March 9th (soberday) I've done very little socialising. Right now I am rebuilding me and this new life -- nothing matters to me more. I surprise myself because this 'loving yourself' philosophy has never appealed to me but maybe there is something in it.
i used to regard the 'loving yourself' philosophy as self-absorbed and selfish, in fact the reverse applies. I was far more self-absorbed and selfish when I drank both in my behaviour while drinking and in my self-focused faze of hangover. Then I had no hope of behaving kindly and generously from the time I got out of bed because my focus was on physical symptoms, now I focus on me early and then get on with the day looking outwardly. It works and it's good.
Member
Join Date: May 2012
Location: US East Coast
Posts: 14,287
Dear Marchers,
I find it awesomely inspiring to think back to the beginning of March and compare my impressions of then Vs now in reading all of your posts. Yes, some are still struggling but the perspectives have changed enormously! The struggling has a different "flavor" and the victories are so very sweet.
Lots of love and (((hugs)))
Sassy
I find it awesomely inspiring to think back to the beginning of March and compare my impressions of then Vs now in reading all of your posts. Yes, some are still struggling but the perspectives have changed enormously! The struggling has a different "flavor" and the victories are so very sweet.
Lots of love and (((hugs)))
Sassy
Member
Join Date: Mar 2013
Location: Rogersville, Tennessee
Posts: 2,659
Hi Marchers,
Hope you are all doing well.
Today is day 33 for me, if it was 5 weeks ago, I would be getting trashed tonight.
As I posted yesterday, one of my pinsetters had broken down Tuesday night. I spent all day yesterday working on it and had most of it completed. I came in today to finish up the job.
There were going to be 2 possibilities. Either it would work well, or, some damage happened inside the gearbox and would need to replace the entire gearbox.
Either situation would have sent me to the bar, either to celebrate the repair, or to drown my sorrows if the gearbox needed replacement.
I turned on the pinsetter and tried to cylce it. Next sound was a loud BANG, as the housing snapped.
Now I have to call, a specialist to come in and help me change the gearbox, as that is beyond my skill level.
I would really like to drink tonight, so my plan is.
I am going to stay here for a while and read posts. When I decide to go home I will leave all cash and credit cards in my office so I cant stop at the bar. Once I am home the urge will go away.
I will not let this setback, screw up what I've worked hard for for the last 33 days.
Thanks for being here.
Stay Strong
Ken
Hope you are all doing well.
Today is day 33 for me, if it was 5 weeks ago, I would be getting trashed tonight.
As I posted yesterday, one of my pinsetters had broken down Tuesday night. I spent all day yesterday working on it and had most of it completed. I came in today to finish up the job.
There were going to be 2 possibilities. Either it would work well, or, some damage happened inside the gearbox and would need to replace the entire gearbox.
Either situation would have sent me to the bar, either to celebrate the repair, or to drown my sorrows if the gearbox needed replacement.
I turned on the pinsetter and tried to cylce it. Next sound was a loud BANG, as the housing snapped.
Now I have to call, a specialist to come in and help me change the gearbox, as that is beyond my skill level.
I would really like to drink tonight, so my plan is.
I am going to stay here for a while and read posts. When I decide to go home I will leave all cash and credit cards in my office so I cant stop at the bar. Once I am home the urge will go away.
I will not let this setback, screw up what I've worked hard for for the last 33 days.
Thanks for being here.
Stay Strong
Ken
Member
Join Date: Mar 2013
Location: Rogersville, Tennessee
Posts: 2,659
Update to previous post.
I decided it was time to head home, locked up shop got on bike and started pedalling. I got about 100 yards and the sky opened up.
Turned around and went back to shop, laughing my ass off, as I guess Mother Nature felt I needed to read some more.
Storm is over,and I feel much better!
Heading home now, see you all tomorrow
Stay Strong
Ken
I decided it was time to head home, locked up shop got on bike and started pedalling. I got about 100 yards and the sky opened up.
Turned around and went back to shop, laughing my ass off, as I guess Mother Nature felt I needed to read some more.
Storm is over,and I feel much better!
Heading home now, see you all tomorrow
Stay Strong
Ken
Member
Join Date: Mar 2013
Location: American in the UK
Posts: 235
Great job Ken! I have to admit I have no idea what a pinsetter is, but it sounds pretty bad, so well done making a plan to overcome cravings to drink. I bet that just by making that plan you got a message to your brain/AV "don't even think about it!" Glad you're laughing and feeling better! 
MeSoSober, very interesting reflections on slipping and resolve, thank you for sharing. And I loved the Simpsons clip. I want to go to the Betty Ford too!
Snaggle, I'm glad you're sticking with us. We've certainly all been in that stage of not quite being ready to quit drinking (most of us for years - I know I was), so none of us will judge you for being there!!
Trach, sorry you're feeling aquiver. I looked it up and it doesn't sound good.... take it easy tomorrow!
Sassy, I know what you mean. It's almost six weeks since I found SR and this group, and it's amazing how things have progressed. It's also sad to think that some have slipped or lost touch, but hopefully they're all ok and have found (or will find soon) support. Or come back if they're lurking of course!
Shoes, I'm with you on the long posts and getting to the root of the problem. I sometimes feel bad about writing such long posts - but that's just who I am. It helps me to write them, and if no one reads them I don't mind. As for the root of the problem, I've been thinking a lot about childhood and how I got from there to here. You know people say you're born an alcoholic? I really think I was.... I had a (mostly) very positive childhood and was very overprotected by my parents. I never saw them (or any other adults we knew) drink - not once! But I knew about the concept of alcohol, and that it somehow got you into a different state of mind, and I really liked that idea because I just wasn't very comfortable in my own mind. I remember from a young age telling people I wanted to get 'tipsy' one time in my life, just to try it! I didn't start drinking until I was 20 and even then very little because I was doing two degrees and working four part-time jobs, including some nighttime ones. So basically, I studied and worked and very occasionally went out to party with friends. But it was enough - I'd tasted the nectar and felt the effects of booze, and I thought about it a lot. I'm sure I thought about alcohol more than a normal person. Drinking increased to a few glasses of wine a week after I left college and moved over to the UK to get married to my British fiance. I didn't drink at all when pregnant and then very little when my daughter was a baby. I had a year's maternity leave from my PR job and then went back to work and was almost immediately promoted to a high-level position, which I really wasn't ready for - it required a huge commitment even outside office hours, being tied to a Blackberry and laptop, etc. This was extremely hard with a one-year-old, a self-employed husband who works 80 or so hours a week, and no family support (they're all in the States). And I remember one specific incident: after one stressful day at work, I decided to get really drunk on vodka - at home with my husband. He didn't even drink much with me, so I was essentially drinking alone. I felt horrible at the time and afterward, but it certainly blotted out the work stress. This started a pattern of almost daily drinking, which continued for over four years - with a few attempts at sobriety - which takes me up to six weeks ago. I quit the super-stressful job back in August but didn't quit drinking because of course the pattern was established and I was addicted. I really do think I have some sort of alcohol switch in my brain that doesn't exist for normal people. And my brain 'likes' getting into that altered state.... but it's finally getting used to not having that option available!
Like Marcher said, I was a lot more selfish when I was drinking. The drinker is the only person receiving any so-called benefits (relaxation or whatever), and the next day they're limited by the requirement to self-care due to the hangover. I feel like I'm better able to focus on others now, being more present for my daughter, husband and others, volunteering at the school, etc. Life is getting better, even if it's not easy!
Anyway, I didn't mean to share my life story, but just got typing so there it is in a nutshell.... how's that for verbose?
Hope all you Marchers have a lovely day xxx
MeSoSober, very interesting reflections on slipping and resolve, thank you for sharing. And I loved the Simpsons clip. I want to go to the Betty Ford too!
Snaggle, I'm glad you're sticking with us. We've certainly all been in that stage of not quite being ready to quit drinking (most of us for years - I know I was), so none of us will judge you for being there!!
Trach, sorry you're feeling aquiver. I looked it up and it doesn't sound good.... take it easy tomorrow!
Sassy, I know what you mean. It's almost six weeks since I found SR and this group, and it's amazing how things have progressed. It's also sad to think that some have slipped or lost touch, but hopefully they're all ok and have found (or will find soon) support. Or come back if they're lurking of course!
Shoes, I'm with you on the long posts and getting to the root of the problem. I sometimes feel bad about writing such long posts - but that's just who I am. It helps me to write them, and if no one reads them I don't mind. As for the root of the problem, I've been thinking a lot about childhood and how I got from there to here. You know people say you're born an alcoholic? I really think I was.... I had a (mostly) very positive childhood and was very overprotected by my parents. I never saw them (or any other adults we knew) drink - not once! But I knew about the concept of alcohol, and that it somehow got you into a different state of mind, and I really liked that idea because I just wasn't very comfortable in my own mind. I remember from a young age telling people I wanted to get 'tipsy' one time in my life, just to try it! I didn't start drinking until I was 20 and even then very little because I was doing two degrees and working four part-time jobs, including some nighttime ones. So basically, I studied and worked and very occasionally went out to party with friends. But it was enough - I'd tasted the nectar and felt the effects of booze, and I thought about it a lot. I'm sure I thought about alcohol more than a normal person. Drinking increased to a few glasses of wine a week after I left college and moved over to the UK to get married to my British fiance. I didn't drink at all when pregnant and then very little when my daughter was a baby. I had a year's maternity leave from my PR job and then went back to work and was almost immediately promoted to a high-level position, which I really wasn't ready for - it required a huge commitment even outside office hours, being tied to a Blackberry and laptop, etc. This was extremely hard with a one-year-old, a self-employed husband who works 80 or so hours a week, and no family support (they're all in the States). And I remember one specific incident: after one stressful day at work, I decided to get really drunk on vodka - at home with my husband. He didn't even drink much with me, so I was essentially drinking alone. I felt horrible at the time and afterward, but it certainly blotted out the work stress. This started a pattern of almost daily drinking, which continued for over four years - with a few attempts at sobriety - which takes me up to six weeks ago. I quit the super-stressful job back in August but didn't quit drinking because of course the pattern was established and I was addicted. I really do think I have some sort of alcohol switch in my brain that doesn't exist for normal people. And my brain 'likes' getting into that altered state.... but it's finally getting used to not having that option available!
Like Marcher said, I was a lot more selfish when I was drinking. The drinker is the only person receiving any so-called benefits (relaxation or whatever), and the next day they're limited by the requirement to self-care due to the hangover. I feel like I'm better able to focus on others now, being more present for my daughter, husband and others, volunteering at the school, etc. Life is getting better, even if it's not easy!
Anyway, I didn't mean to share my life story, but just got typing so there it is in a nutshell.... how's that for verbose?
Hope all you Marchers have a lovely day xxx
Member
Join Date: Oct 2011
Location: Yorkshire, UK
Posts: 348
Morning Marchers,
Just checking in, still sober but smoked a joint last night. Putting this down to the sheer lack of planning I get so hung up on not drinking that I don't do anything else. Nothing to be done but fix that.
So what y'all got planned for the weekend, here's my list:
1. Scrub the kitchen within an inch of its life.
2. Give the kitchen a lick of fresh paint.
3. Go to range to buy a white board for previously mentioned now shiny kitchen
4. Fill said whiteboard with next weeks meal plan (as I am eating to late and when I am hungry i confuse hunger with wanting a drink)
5. Go through the "back of beyond" and take all the cr@p to the local tip
6. Put some of the cr@p people might want on eBay
7. Fix my bath plug issue (can't afford a plumber)
8. Do all the other house work (washing, cleaning ect)
AoS
Just checking in, still sober but smoked a joint last night. Putting this down to the sheer lack of planning I get so hung up on not drinking that I don't do anything else. Nothing to be done but fix that.
So what y'all got planned for the weekend, here's my list:
1. Scrub the kitchen within an inch of its life.
2. Give the kitchen a lick of fresh paint.
3. Go to range to buy a white board for previously mentioned now shiny kitchen
4. Fill said whiteboard with next weeks meal plan (as I am eating to late and when I am hungry i confuse hunger with wanting a drink)
5. Go through the "back of beyond" and take all the cr@p to the local tip
6. Put some of the cr@p people might want on eBay
7. Fix my bath plug issue (can't afford a plumber)
8. Do all the other house work (washing, cleaning ect)
AoS
Member
Join Date: Mar 2013
Location: Wales
Posts: 147
Sounds organised AoS! I blitzed the garden in the week-I definitely slept well after it. My plan this weekend is eating out with non-drinking friends today. Long walk in the country with another friend tomorrow. With family who are supporting me giving up drink Sunday. Happy days.
BIG victory over my AV last night bumped into my ex on my way home from a friends around 9-he`s usually a big drinking trigger as he really messed my head up. It was like me AV shouted”SEE YOU`LL NEED A DRINK NOW!”
I got home got in the car (hire car-another story) put my music on loud and went for a spin until the urges subsided. Had a camomile tea and honey and slept.
Chuffed!:-D
BIG victory over my AV last night bumped into my ex on my way home from a friends around 9-he`s usually a big drinking trigger as he really messed my head up. It was like me AV shouted”SEE YOU`LL NEED A DRINK NOW!”
I got home got in the car (hire car-another story) put my music on loud and went for a spin until the urges subsided. Had a camomile tea and honey and slept.
Chuffed!:-D
Member
Join Date: Mar 2013
Location: American in the UK
Posts: 235
Go Sandgirl! That's great!
AoS, that sounds like a very ambitious plan - can you come sort out my house when you're done please? Thanks!
I'm reading the FlyLady book. Anyone heard of her? The book's all about establishing routines so that you don't really have to think about housework, it just gets done on schedule. I really need that kind of structure because..... let's just say I haven't adjusted to my new role as full-time housewife too well!
AoS, that sounds like a very ambitious plan - can you come sort out my house when you're done please? Thanks!
I'm reading the FlyLady book. Anyone heard of her? The book's all about establishing routines so that you don't really have to think about housework, it just gets done on schedule. I really need that kind of structure because..... let's just say I haven't adjusted to my new role as full-time housewife too well!
Member
Join Date: May 2012
Location: US East Coast
Posts: 14,287
Good morning, all!
Texas- great to hear from you and congrats on staying sober!
Ken, all I can say is "wow". You've got a great sense of humor and are obviously using it in putting the AV in its place :-)
BP, I love life stories! I will happily read anything from very short to very long. When we share our stories, we share part of ourselves and I feel like people become 3-dimensional when I read things about their lives. It also can help some of us think back and see similarities and/or lead us into thinking about our own past and things that affected or shaped us.
AOS, it sounds like you've got quite a list there! But you left out one thing --- even if that list represents "fun" to you, I don't see any whimsical fun-for-the-sake-of-fun on there!
Toots, your sense of humor is priceless :-)
Sandgirl, big congrats on ignoring the AV last night!!!
The Flylady book sounds like just what I need - will see if I can find it!
AFM, doing well. Finally got a good night's sleep last night for the first time in weeks. Today will be busy later but I'm taking the morning to relax.
Have a great day, all!
Sassy
Texas- great to hear from you and congrats on staying sober!
Ken, all I can say is "wow". You've got a great sense of humor and are obviously using it in putting the AV in its place :-)
BP, I love life stories! I will happily read anything from very short to very long. When we share our stories, we share part of ourselves and I feel like people become 3-dimensional when I read things about their lives. It also can help some of us think back and see similarities and/or lead us into thinking about our own past and things that affected or shaped us.
AOS, it sounds like you've got quite a list there! But you left out one thing --- even if that list represents "fun" to you, I don't see any whimsical fun-for-the-sake-of-fun on there!
Toots, your sense of humor is priceless :-)
Sandgirl, big congrats on ignoring the AV last night!!!
The Flylady book sounds like just what I need - will see if I can find it!
AFM, doing well. Finally got a good night's sleep last night for the first time in weeks. Today will be busy later but I'm taking the morning to relax.
Have a great day, all!
Sassy
sober date 4th march 2013
Join Date: Mar 2013
Location: kent england
Posts: 971
Good Morning marchers
Buddink..pinsetter??
Well done you for riding out the storm.....can feel another Doors moment coming!
Sandgirl...exs can be a pain in the butt, well done you
Trachy...I Love a quiver meself
Bepresent...thanks for sharing, I do believe that I was born an alcoholic, my first drink was around 4 years old and I remember I liked the buzz, and I went on needing that buzz all my life, now the only buzz I need is life itself...warts and all.
Love to all
Mick
Buddink..pinsetter??
Well done you for riding out the storm.....can feel another Doors moment coming!
Sandgirl...exs can be a pain in the butt, well done you
Trachy...I Love a quiver meself
Bepresent...thanks for sharing, I do believe that I was born an alcoholic, my first drink was around 4 years old and I remember I liked the buzz, and I went on needing that buzz all my life, now the only buzz I need is life itself...warts and all.
Love to all
Mick
Member
Join Date: Mar 2013
Location: American in the UK
Posts: 235
Hi Mick!
Yes, I liked the buzz from the first time I tried alcohol - I liked the idea of the buzz even before my first drink. And even when I was only drinking small amounts, I was pretty obsessive about it. That's how I know moderation isn't a good idea for me. Well said about life being the only buzz we need
Sass, I love reading other people's stories as well - I've read a fair proportion of the recovery stories in that area of the forum. It felt really good to share because for so long I felt like a complete monster, hiding this shameful behaviour.
Yes, I liked the buzz from the first time I tried alcohol - I liked the idea of the buzz even before my first drink. And even when I was only drinking small amounts, I was pretty obsessive about it. That's how I know moderation isn't a good idea for me. Well said about life being the only buzz we need
Sass, I love reading other people's stories as well - I've read a fair proportion of the recovery stories in that area of the forum. It felt really good to share because for so long I felt like a complete monster, hiding this shameful behaviour.
Member
Join Date: Oct 2011
Location: Yorkshire, UK
Posts: 348
Good point Saskia I actually can't think of anything fun to do.
But some of the above have been playing on my mind just lately, when I go to bed my mind just goes over the most random of stuff. Last night I thought about who would sort out all the cr@p in the back of beyond if I were to die (I have no reason to think I will or intentions to) still it kept me awake.
So i guess I'll have more fun knowing that they will be sorted out, also very much obsessed with paying off bills and the ebaying has been exciting.
We will be doing our daily walks which I am enjoying.
Ill have a think...
But some of the above have been playing on my mind just lately, when I go to bed my mind just goes over the most random of stuff. Last night I thought about who would sort out all the cr@p in the back of beyond if I were to die (I have no reason to think I will or intentions to) still it kept me awake.
So i guess I'll have more fun knowing that they will be sorted out, also very much obsessed with paying off bills and the ebaying has been exciting.
We will be doing our daily walks which I am enjoying.
Ill have a think...
Marchia in Aeternum
Join Date: Mar 2013
Location: Georgia
Posts: 11,094
Originally Posted by Saskia
For those of you across the pond and/or below a certain age, a pinsetter is, if memory serves me correctly, the machine in each lane of a bowling alley that sets up the "pins" 
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