Codependency and Beyond Part 3
Leap of Faith Survivor
Join Date: Dec 2007
Posts: 4,555
Sher, I am so sorry you have had to go through this...but so glad to hear you have the restraining order now and you can finally exhale....what a difficult journey it has been.....gentle care ....sending you huge hugs and prayers for serenity and healing:ghug3
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Aug 2003
Location: Dancing in the Light
Posts: 61,522
Wow, Storm, I guess I can understand you having to do that, but how very awful it must have felt. I am so glad that, in the end, you got the restraining order.
I KNOW balance is key for me and that is one thing that has been crystal clear to me since I began recovery. Of course, it doesn't always work. Grateful, I can imagine you are doing a difficult balancing act at the moment, but I know your strength and spirit will get you through it.
I KNOW balance is key for me and that is one thing that has been crystal clear to me since I began recovery. Of course, it doesn't always work. Grateful, I can imagine you are doing a difficult balancing act at the moment, but I know your strength and spirit will get you through it.
Sher you got through it and you got through it sober. Love n Hugs my dear
Member
Join Date: Sep 2007
Location: Atlanta
Posts: 31,179
((((Sher))))
I can imagine the ordeal in the courtroom was extremely difficult, but I'm glad you had support, the order has been granted, and I think you did an awesome job in handling it and taking care of you.
I am going to have to re-train my mind, when it comes to this balance thing and work/play. The manager who does our schedule at work, said that since we have so many people working weekends, she was going to alternate giving weekend nights off to those who want them. I instantly said "no thanks", thinking I can't afford it. Fortunately, something kicked in (exhaustion?) and I told her I would like a Friday off, occasionally, and I know she will give it to me, as she is my buddy and I have a ton of seniority.
I will be seeing my little niece and nephew on Tue. They are 8 and 4. My other nephew is coming up from FL (he's 19, I think?) so it will be fun. Nothing like spending time with kids who adore you, (and vice versa) remember what's REALLY important in my life, and it's not working all the time.
Hugs and prayers!
Amy
I can imagine the ordeal in the courtroom was extremely difficult, but I'm glad you had support, the order has been granted, and I think you did an awesome job in handling it and taking care of you.
I am going to have to re-train my mind, when it comes to this balance thing and work/play. The manager who does our schedule at work, said that since we have so many people working weekends, she was going to alternate giving weekend nights off to those who want them. I instantly said "no thanks", thinking I can't afford it. Fortunately, something kicked in (exhaustion?) and I told her I would like a Friday off, occasionally, and I know she will give it to me, as she is my buddy and I have a ton of seniority.
I will be seeing my little niece and nephew on Tue. They are 8 and 4. My other nephew is coming up from FL (he's 19, I think?) so it will be fun. Nothing like spending time with kids who adore you, (and vice versa) remember what's REALLY important in my life, and it's not working all the time.
Hugs and prayers!
Amy
Forum Leader
Join Date: Dec 2008
Posts: 10,944
(((Storm))) Gee....he sounds like a real peach....can't imagine why you would want to give up a guy like that 
Seriously, though, I'm soooooooo relieved to hear it!!! I hope that peace, calm, and joy return to your world very soon.
Balance is a struggle for us all, but especially for women, I think. We tend to put everyone else's needs before our own. Personally, I have a tendency to feel as though I cannot allow myself to relax or have fun until "I have finished my homework!". Problem is, I never feel as though I have finished my homework!
Hugs to you all! Enjoy the rest of your weekend!!!
HG
Seriously, though, I'm soooooooo relieved to hear it!!! I hope that peace, calm, and joy return to your world very soon.Balance is a struggle for us all, but especially for women, I think. We tend to put everyone else's needs before our own. Personally, I have a tendency to feel as though I cannot allow myself to relax or have fun until "I have finished my homework!". Problem is, I never feel as though I have finished my homework!
Hugs to you all! Enjoy the rest of your weekend!!!
HG
Leap of Faith Survivor
Join Date: Dec 2007
Posts: 4,555
March 29
Getting Needs Met
Picture yourself walking through a meadow. There is a path opening before you. As you walk, you feel hungry. Look to your left. There's a fruit tree in full bloom. Pick what you need.
Steps later, you notice you're thirsty. On your right, there's a fresh water spring.
When you are tired, a resting place emerges. When you are lonely, a friend appears to walk with you. When you get lost, a teacher with a map appears.
Before long, you notice the flow: need and supply; desire and fulfillment. Maybe you wonder, Someone gave me the need because Someone planned to fulfill it. Maybe I had to feel the need, so I would notice and accept the gift. Maybe closing my eyes to the desire closes my arms to its fulfillment.
Demand and supply, desire and fulfillment - a continuous cycle, unless we break it. All the necessary supplies have already been planned and provided for this journey.
Today, everything I need shall be supplied to me.
Getting Needs Met
Picture yourself walking through a meadow. There is a path opening before you. As you walk, you feel hungry. Look to your left. There's a fruit tree in full bloom. Pick what you need.
Steps later, you notice you're thirsty. On your right, there's a fresh water spring.
When you are tired, a resting place emerges. When you are lonely, a friend appears to walk with you. When you get lost, a teacher with a map appears.
Before long, you notice the flow: need and supply; desire and fulfillment. Maybe you wonder, Someone gave me the need because Someone planned to fulfill it. Maybe I had to feel the need, so I would notice and accept the gift. Maybe closing my eyes to the desire closes my arms to its fulfillment.
Demand and supply, desire and fulfillment - a continuous cycle, unless we break it. All the necessary supplies have already been planned and provided for this journey.
Today, everything I need shall be supplied to me.
Guest
Join Date: Sep 2008
Posts: 4,151
When I'm really working my program 100% then my wants always seem to be my needs....but when I'm having a tantrum (self will) OMG I just want and want and want something usually right now!!! And what happens, my HP doesn't necessarily give me that want and all I do is get frustrated.
:ghug2
:ghug2
Member
Join Date: Sep 2008
Posts: 95
So many wonderful words of wisdom expressed here this past day. Once again. I so appreciates the insights, the perspectives, shared here.
Balance! That truly is key, I think it's the key to peace and happiness. It applies to all things, all aspects of life. It applies to work and play, eating and exercise and sleep, it applies to dealing with the difficulties as well as experiencing the joys. (((IO))) I can only imagine the grand challenge of what you're going though. And (((Grateful))) your plate is full, with mourning, and with the exciting potential progress you're seeing in your daughter.
And Impurrfect backs that up, "he's never going to be happy with YOU, because he's not happy with HIM."
I can see so clearly how that works. I know it is true! It is from within ourselves that we find happiness and contentment, it doesn't come from others.
I'm grateful for all the encouragement you all provide me here, to really concentrate on taking care of myself. All my life I've pushed myself to the wayside so I could give others what they want. It seemed easier to do that and endure so to avoid conflict, than to take care of my own needs. Life doesn't work so well that way.
Peace to you all on this day.
Balance! That truly is key, I think it's the key to peace and happiness. It applies to all things, all aspects of life. It applies to work and play, eating and exercise and sleep, it applies to dealing with the difficulties as well as experiencing the joys. (((IO))) I can only imagine the grand challenge of what you're going though. And (((Grateful))) your plate is full, with mourning, and with the exciting potential progress you're seeing in your daughter.
Originally Posted by hydrogirl 
Fall, I think you know that the struggle/debate/argument/accusations that you are receiving from your mate are ones that you will NEVER win. All of the peace, happiness, and confidence he needs can only come from within him. Please don't let his burdens become your burdens
I can see so clearly how that works. I know it is true! It is from within ourselves that we find happiness and contentment, it doesn't come from others.
I'm grateful for all the encouragement you all provide me here, to really concentrate on taking care of myself. All my life I've pushed myself to the wayside so I could give others what they want. It seemed easier to do that and endure so to avoid conflict, than to take care of my own needs. Life doesn't work so well that way.
Peace to you all on this day.
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Aug 2003
Location: Dancing in the Light
Posts: 61,522
Knowing and believing that our needs will be fulfilled, is such a peaceful thought. It can remove the fear, the anxiety, the worry from day-to-day life.
This is something I have to focus on. I have to distinguish between my needs and my wants. My wants come from my ego and are not what I need.
This is something I have to focus on. I have to distinguish between my needs and my wants. My wants come from my ego and are not what I need.
Member
Join Date: Sep 2008
Location: BC Canada
Posts: 1,221
I am feeling a little sad and disappointed right now, I finally talked to my son yesterday, it turns out he never did go for treatment. So I just have to continue to put him in God's hands and live my life day by day. As long as I can do that, I will have peace.
Before I believed that all my prayers had to be answered and everything had to work out just the way I want it to, before I could be happy and have peace. But I know now thats not so, I can have peace regardless of my circumstances..I must feel my sadness, not deny the feelings, then let it go when I am ready.
Before I believed that all my prayers had to be answered and everything had to work out just the way I want it to, before I could be happy and have peace. But I know now thats not so, I can have peace regardless of my circumstances..I must feel my sadness, not deny the feelings, then let it go when I am ready.
mergirl
Join Date: Jan 2009
Location: Paradise
Posts: 4,161
A week after I quit drinking, my on again off again husband did as well. I talked extensively about why I quit, he never said a word. I asked him yesterday and he said pretty much what I thought he would, that he quit because I did.
At this point, I don't think he will ever do any work on his recovery, or that he even believes he had a problem (and boy oh boy did he). I know its not healthy, and I can only work on me right now but. . .
We moved to this city for me. We took in stray kids because I wanted to. We have packs of dogs because I wanted to. Every important decision made is him following my lead, and right now I am pretty uncomfortable with it.
being on the flip side of it, having somebody 100% dependent on me for their feelings and thoughts is not good, even though I think I used to look at it like "he would do anything for me".
Just wanted to share, hugs to you all
S.G, I am so sorry to hear about your son. I hope he finds his way out soon.
At this point, I don't think he will ever do any work on his recovery, or that he even believes he had a problem (and boy oh boy did he). I know its not healthy, and I can only work on me right now but. . .
We moved to this city for me. We took in stray kids because I wanted to. We have packs of dogs because I wanted to. Every important decision made is him following my lead, and right now I am pretty uncomfortable with it.
being on the flip side of it, having somebody 100% dependent on me for their feelings and thoughts is not good, even though I think I used to look at it like "he would do anything for me".
Just wanted to share, hugs to you all
S.G, I am so sorry to hear about your son. I hope he finds his way out soon.
Member
Join Date: Sep 2007
Location: Atlanta
Posts: 31,179
((SG)) I'm sorry about your son. I'm glad that you're aware, though, that you need to work through your feelings. I spent way too many years either denying my feelings or getting stuck in them. I don't thing I even realized I COULD work through them and move on.
((Lisa)) I totally understand the "uncomfortable" feeling. When I was deep in my codie-ness, it didn't bother me to be around other codies. Now, however, it drains me. My stepmom is the ultimate codie, and literally lives her life for everyone else (when she's not doped up on lortabs, lately). Sometimes I just want to shake her and say "can you make ONE decision on your own?!?!?" I don't, but I've had to set up a lot of boundaries.
I like today's reading. I used to get upset when the kid I work with would make way more in tips than I would. I'd forget that he has a weed addiction, 2 kids with another coming on Thur., etc. I finally just started telling myself "I have enough" any time I would get envious. I DO have enough! Not just money. Now, when I start to panic about what I don't have, I just repeat those 3 words...works wonders
Hugs and prayers!
Amy
((Lisa)) I totally understand the "uncomfortable" feeling. When I was deep in my codie-ness, it didn't bother me to be around other codies. Now, however, it drains me. My stepmom is the ultimate codie, and literally lives her life for everyone else (when she's not doped up on lortabs, lately). Sometimes I just want to shake her and say "can you make ONE decision on your own?!?!?" I don't, but I've had to set up a lot of boundaries.
I like today's reading. I used to get upset when the kid I work with would make way more in tips than I would. I'd forget that he has a weed addiction, 2 kids with another coming on Thur., etc. I finally just started telling myself "I have enough" any time I would get envious. I DO have enough! Not just money. Now, when I start to panic about what I don't have, I just repeat those 3 words...works wonders
Hugs and prayers!
Amy
Member
Join Date: Feb 2008
Location: Kansas
Posts: 10,182
*DeVon waves at everyone*
I've been quiet lately, haven't I?
I don't know what's going on with me except that I will be glad when this semester is over because I've been like a salmon swimming upstream ever since it started. I already made up my mind I am not taking any classes over the summer. I need a break. I have a couple of rooms I need to paint, and other assorted things. My brain needs a rest.
I'm just feeling really fatigued these days. I do read here every day, just not posting. Hugs to all!
:ghug :ghug :ghug
I've been quiet lately, haven't I?
I don't know what's going on with me except that I will be glad when this semester is over because I've been like a salmon swimming upstream ever since it started. I already made up my mind I am not taking any classes over the summer. I need a break. I have a couple of rooms I need to paint, and other assorted things. My brain needs a rest.
I'm just feeling really fatigued these days. I do read here every day, just not posting. Hugs to all!
:ghug :ghug :ghug
IO Storm
Join Date: Mar 2007
Location: Southern California
Posts: 18,436
Everyone's share has been helpful today..and my heart goes out to each one with
heartaches. :ghug2:
Devon..what you said..."I've been like a salmon swimming upstream ever since it started."
I still have that fight or flight adrenaline going...it may take awhile to just
whoooosh....let my breath go.
But the reading for today was perfect for me, right where I am at today.
"There is a path opening before you. As you walk, you feel hungry. Look to your left. There's a fruit tree in full bloom. Pick what you need.
Steps later, you notice you're thirsty. On your right, there's a fresh water spring.
When you are tired, a resting place emerges. When you are lonely, a friend appears to walk with you. When you get lost, a teacher with a map appears."
This reminds me of Forrest Gump..(that movie taught me so much)..when after his
walk was over, he was asked about it. He said, in effect, " I just ran..when I was
hungry..I ate. When I was thirsty, I drank. And when I had to..you know...I went."
This is how am to get through the aftermath. And the "afterburn"..Sober.
One day at a time. Moment, by moment...taking care..good care! Of myself.
Again, Grateful..
Thank you for these readings,
and thanks friends!
heartaches. :ghug2:
Devon..what you said..."I've been like a salmon swimming upstream ever since it started."
I still have that fight or flight adrenaline going...it may take awhile to just
whoooosh....let my breath go.
But the reading for today was perfect for me, right where I am at today.
"There is a path opening before you. As you walk, you feel hungry. Look to your left. There's a fruit tree in full bloom. Pick what you need.
Steps later, you notice you're thirsty. On your right, there's a fresh water spring.
When you are tired, a resting place emerges. When you are lonely, a friend appears to walk with you. When you get lost, a teacher with a map appears."
This reminds me of Forrest Gump..(that movie taught me so much)..when after his
walk was over, he was asked about it. He said, in effect, " I just ran..when I was
hungry..I ate. When I was thirsty, I drank. And when I had to..you know...I went."
This is how am to get through the aftermath. And the "afterburn"..Sober.
One day at a time. Moment, by moment...taking care..good care! Of myself.
Again, Grateful..
Thank you for these readings,
and thanks friends!
Member
Join Date: Sep 2008
Location: BC Canada
Posts: 1,221
What I remember from Forrest Gump when he said something along the lines of you have to let go of the past before you can go forward. Anyone remember the proper wording?
Yes,((Storm)) One day at a time, moment by moment, taking good care of myself......
Everyone have a good evening, bless all of you!!!
Yes,((Storm)) One day at a time, moment by moment, taking good care of myself......
Everyone have a good evening, bless all of you!!!
Member
Join Date: Mar 2009
Location: kansas
Posts: 5
I am new to this site and find so much encouragement and strength in everyone's words. It feels good to know i'm not alone. I'm having a hard time not feeling bitter towards my alcoholic husband. I hold so many resentments for all the broken promises, the put downs, the nasty names, the lies, and choosing his friends and alcohol over me. I kicked him out last week, I just couldn't take it anymore. I have an 8 yr old son from previous marriage and i know he doesn't need to be in that environment. I'm also about 10 weeks pregnant and worried about health of baby cuz of all the stress, not eating good at all, and smoking. I just want to start feeling better about myself and be stronger for my kids. How can i let go of all these resentments and anger?
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