grateful2b

Hello everyone!
It is so good to be back, I have missed you all and this blessed thread

Please join me in thanking SerenityGirl for the fantastic job she has done with "Language" and her continued support on this thread. I peeked in from time to time and my heart filled, seeing how all of you continue to bring so much here to our little corner..making it the truly special place it is, and I am grateful..

Welcome, OzSandy!..It is good to see you here with us...

My mother passed away last saturday. She was very clear that she did not want to go on and on in an illness like my father had, and thankfully she got her wish.
She had her catscan on the 27th of February, was diagnosed with pancreatic cancer, and was in the hospital a two weeks later...so it was very fast..

Something quite miraculous has come out of the last week or so..
my daughter has decided to give recovery a try.
After eight years, it is wierd and wonderful to be watching this unfold..I am excited but not too excited; trying not to have any expectations..
And I am doing my best to stand right where I need to..I feel the power of God working in her life right now, evidenced in what is happening around and to her that supports her movement forward...
It all truly is in his time and I am humbled by it.

I love today's passage; I struggled all of my life with after-burn...It is so wonderful to know that after-burn has its purpose and that we also can gently release it...

There is so much to catch up on with all of you... but for now ...
:ghug:ghug:ghug

espresso

G2B

Impurrfect

((Grateful)) - it's good to see you back! It was good to see ((Kat)) here, too

Yes, ((SG)) did do a great job with the daily readings while you were gone. Funny how I've gotten used to those daily readings, now

I like today's reading, too. I can get stuck in the "afterburn". Now, I know I can let it burn off..no need to wallow around in it.

Hugs and prayers!

Amy

SerenityGirl

(((Grateful))) So good to have you back!!!

Anna

SG, I also want to thank you for your help with this thread. I haven't been around here as much as I wanted to, because of things going on in other areas of SR that have been keeping me busy.

Grateful, I am so happy to see you back here. I hope you will be able to navigate through the grieving process and that you have many fond memories of your Mom.

It's been great to see Kat here too!

grateful2b

my dad passed 21 years ago, after a very lengthy illness and I was his Palliative care and I was very much a participant in his journey.
the passing of my mother has been very different..very fast and we all feel a little left out of her process, but I have to chuckle a little at how like her , her exit was, and for her I am glad.
I am grateful that our relationship has been that of adult/adult for many years and in fact, in the last year and a bit it evolved into a lovely women's friendship..
we did the work we came to do with one another and that is a huge blessing I feel...no unfinished business..
Spiritually, I am at peace with where they both are and happy for them...
Its is my human heart that needs to find its way yet..

Mariposa18

Grateful~ I'm sorry to hear about your Mom. You are in my thoughts and prayers:praying

SerenityGirl

((Grateful))That is so good that you and your Mom had a special friendship the last year or more. I am very thankful too for my relationship with my Mom the last few years before she passed away. When I was younger I resented my Mom, I had a hard time letting go of some things. But as we both got older, I started understanding her more and I forgave her, probably when I realized I wasn't the perfect Mom either...anyway we had alot of special times together and the anger was gone. Thank goodness...

fall

(((Grateful))) Condolances to you. You sound strong. Welcome back.
SG, I thank you too for continuing the readings this past week. They're important.

I'm not going to write much tonight as I'm reeling from a very emotionally tumultuous day, past couple of days really. But today resulted in a complete meltdown. Crying, screaming, throwing my body against things, fighting physically and mentally against my mate, I'm so so tired of the fight. I get out only to be "promised" that "everything is going to change" if only I'll give it just one more chance. And if I don't give it that chance that means I'm not trying, I'm not doing my part. And if I don't trust his promises, then I'm guilty of doing what I can no longer tolerate from him, his constant distrust of me. It just never stops. Every couple days, another round of "and here's why I can't trust you," comes around for me to answer to, again. It's so wrong. It's so unjust. I don't deserve that treatment.

So I strive to say what I need to say, set boundaries I need to set, and fight for the right to take care of myself. But continually cower in the shadow of his pleading for me to give him another chance, "because I love you" he tells me over and over, after every incident of distrust explodes and then calms down. I'm supposed to give him what he wants, otherwise I'm the bad guy for not trying.

I'm too tired to try anymore. I'm harming myself and possibly the unborn child I'm carrying too. I need to take care of myself. He can take care of himself. His worries are NOT mine to bear.

Thanks for listening, for being here.

Good to read from you all. We all struggle in our own ways. Neat we can be here to hear one another.

Anna

Fall,

I am sorry for your struggle, and I hope and pray that you will find peace.

You deserve better!

SerenityGirl

I just read todays reading again, and its a really important one for me...I have found when I do set some boundaries, I do get that afterburn, feeling very guilty and uncomfortable. But once the feelings pass, I feel so good that I stood up for myself. I feel very impowered, instead of letting others control me. It's true what it says that the after-burn is what we allowed to control us all our life. Shame and guilt....

grateful2b

Fall, I am so sorry that you are going through this, but I am glad that you are strong in the truth of what is yours and what is his.....mega, mega hugs and prayers...

IO Storm

My news will wait..

I just want to say welcome back dear Grateful. My heartfelt sorrow on your mom's

passing. I am glad to hear of the news about your daughter's choice for

recovery. True..it best to be grateful for this..one day at a time , like everything

else we have in our lives.

Hugs and prayers for all friends who posted today.. :ghug2:

Until tomorrow..take good care.

Seren

Grateful, I am glad that you are back!!!! SG really did a fantastic job in maintaining the daily readings and in keeping the conversation going.

You have my deepest sympathies on the loss of your mother. I'm envious of the relationship you developed as adults! What a joy, too, that your daughter is beginning a new path toward sobriety. My prayers are with her and with you.

My best thoughts, hugs, and wishes are now with IO and Fall. IO, I have no idea what new drama has developed with the ex, but please, please stay safe and know that I am praying for you!!!

Fall, I think you know that the struggle/debate/argument/accusations that you are receiving from your mate are ones that you will NEVER win. You will never be able to offer him enough proof of your fidelity, you will never be able to make him as happy as he has ever been, you will never be able to give him all the things he seems to demand of you. All of the peace, happiness, and confidence he needs can only come from within him. Please don't let his burdens become your burdens (you have enough of your own, little mama). I hope that you will find some peace and alone time this weekend, you and your baby deserve some peace and rest!!

This last reading reminds me of my "foot in mouth" disease that I feel I had (and still do sometimes) growing up. I was brought up in a "household of shame" in which we children were taught that we should never be an inconvenience or a burden to anyone. Sometimes, though, we would "spout off", and then the guilt and shame would kick in. It is a boundary I struggle with to this day....where is the line between speaking my mind and caring for myself and being hurtful to others? The work continues..........

Hugs to you all and thank you for sharing! HG

grateful2b

You are reading from The Language Of Letting Go by Melody Beattie

March 28

Balance

Seek balance.

Balance emotions with reason.

Combine detachment with doing our part.

Balance giving with receiving.

Alternate work with play, business with personal activities.

Balance tending to our spiritual needs with tending to our other needs.

Juggle responsibilities to others with responsibilities to ourselves.

Balance caring about others with caring about ourselves.

Whenever possible, let's be good to others, but be good to ourselves too.

Some of us have to make up for lost time.

Today, I will strive for balance.

grateful2b

Thank you everyone for your kind words of comfort and wonderful welcome back!

Today's passage is what I need to be mindful of right now...
My daughter needs a lot of support in her new recovery at the moment, and as I am spending a lot of time with her, I am trying to be there for her while keeping an eye on meeting my own needs and where I am and need to be...and it is indeed a balancing act

SerenityGirl

Sending prayers out for all of you!! ((Fall)) please take care of yourself and you too ((10))
((Grateful)) I'm sure you will do good, with keeping things in balance..

Thankyou everyone for your thanks, It was my pleasure to help out Grateful, I enjoyed sharing the readings and I found it very helpful to my own recovery.

Impurrfect

(((IO))) - don't know what's going on, but sending extra hugs and prayers your way.

(((Fall))) - I agree with ((HG)) - he's never going to be happy with YOU, because he's not happy with HIM. I know it's hard to extract yourself from the situation, but let me just give you something else to think about. I was a nurse for years. When you're constantly under stress, your body release all kinds of chemicals, which aren't really good for you. Those chemicals are going to your baby, too, sweetie.

Our bodies don't know the difference between what you're going through, and, say, a literal threat to your life....it just knows the "fight or flight" response. In short, your adrenaline kicks in, heart speeds up, and blood pressure goes up.

You may already know all this, but I care about you and your baby, and just want you to take care, okay?

Balance...boy do I need to work on that! I do fine, in most areas, except the work/play part. Haven't figured out how to improve on that one, but I am trying to figure out how to get one extra day off next month. How pitiful is that? I get 4 days off a month, and I'm trying to figure out how to get one more? Yep, I've got some work to do in this area.

Hugs and prayers!

Amy

Gypsy Feet

Believe this

IO Storm

:ghug2:

Sorry, friends....I should have let you know last night, but I just didn't want it to "be

about me"..and I was so tired. My Alanon friend calls it "decompressing"..

Yesterday morning a 3 year restraining order was granted by the Court against the

ex. It was ugly and very dramatic, though. I had to tell what happened at the

meeting on Monday night..and the obscenities the ex screamed at me as he ran away

across the parking lot, after he was asked to leave by the meeting secretary.

I broke down and cried..having to repeat the C word, and the W word and a lot of other

things in front of the judge, my sponsor, my sister , and a packed courtroom was

not easy. My sister was my character witness. She did magnificently. And the ex

had a go at her..he hung himself. Blame, shame, ridicule ..bringing up the past,

years ago stories..she was a champ! The judge finally said "That will be all."

I think it was clear how sick he has become..and I am so glad it is for 3 years.

I can renew it ...My HP was there, guiding me, and holding me up the entire time.

My sponsor was there..praying the entire time..and my sister. I am grateful.

Fall)))

Please..I can't tell you what to do. But when people say a relationship is toxic..it

means it makes both people sick. As you can see..I do know, sadly. Just be careful.

Hugs and prayers from me.