QUACKERs.... Part 4
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Join Date: Jun 2019
Posts: 298
The REAL reason kids are angry at AH
...is because they are addicted to the screen and they are mad at him for NOT being addicted to alcohol...it wouldn’t be that they’re on the screen too much in order to avoid AH or because they’re stuck inside...or that they have any real reasons to be mad at AH...
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Join Date: Jun 2019
Posts: 316
STBEXAH (well that feels weird to write ahead of AH): “I hope you don’t end up with someone who tries to control you too. Remember when you used to tell me I could only have two beers and I would drink some of the third in front of you and then pour it out in the sink just to show you you couldn’t control me?”
Nothing about what he said here is normal and the fact that he thinks it is acceptable to say this to me or that situation was acceptable is ridiculous. I cannot believe I lived like that for so long.
Nothing about what he said here is normal and the fact that he thinks it is acceptable to say this to me or that situation was acceptable is ridiculous. I cannot believe I lived like that for so long.
Member
Join Date: Jun 2019
Posts: 298
Originally Posted by FWN 
STBEXAH (well that feels weird to write ahead of AH): “I hope you don’t end up with someone who tries to control you too. Remember when you used to tell me I could only have two beers and I would drink some of the third in front of you and then pour it out in the sink just to show you you couldn’t control me?”
Nothing about what he said here is normal and the fact that he thinks it is acceptable to say this to me or that situation was acceptable is ridiculous. I cannot believe I lived like that for so long.
Nothing about what he said here is normal and the fact that he thinks it is acceptable to say this to me or that situation was acceptable is ridiculous. I cannot believe I lived like that for so long.
aaauuuggghh
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Join Date: Oct 2004
Location: maine
Posts: 1,548
AH was on unemployment, home all day. The ONLY thing I asked of him was that the dishes were done, so I wouldn't have to clean the kitchen to make something to eat. THE ONLY THING. I remember the evening I came home, picked up the house, tired, and just made spaghetti for dinner. Of course, I had to do the dishes first. I made the spaghetti, told him I made something to eat. He came in, looked at the food, and said, "That's not enough, I'm really hungry." He often left food behind, so I may have said, well, I'll make more. "Never mind. I won't have anything. It's not enough food."
But...wait...what? "Wait, you're hungry, but because it's not *enough* you're not going to eat anything at all? That doesn't make any sense." He argued with me, and I finally just walked away.
The next morning, he apologized, admitted it was stupid. The two years he was on unemployment (Thank you, President Whomever, for extending that) I asked him to do the dishes while I was at work. For two years, every afternoon when I came home and ran hot water into the sink, he said, "I was gonna do that."
To this day, I feel peevish when New Guy doesn't do the dishes in a timely manner. I have to remind myself he's a different person, and sometimes each of us has our daily schedule derailed.
But...wait...what? "Wait, you're hungry, but because it's not *enough* you're not going to eat anything at all? That doesn't make any sense." He argued with me, and I finally just walked away.
The next morning, he apologized, admitted it was stupid. The two years he was on unemployment (Thank you, President Whomever, for extending that) I asked him to do the dishes while I was at work. For two years, every afternoon when I came home and ran hot water into the sink, he said, "I was gonna do that."
To this day, I feel peevish when New Guy doesn't do the dishes in a timely manner. I have to remind myself he's a different person, and sometimes each of us has our daily schedule derailed.
Member
Join Date: Aug 2020
Posts: 17
Was still learning to walk away from fights when this happened.
AH: You are a control freak, just like your grandmother.
Me: I am? What specifically do I control?
AH: Me! I'm not allowed to do anything
Me: What specifically am I not letting you do?
AH: *gets upset* I can't think of a specific event right now, but I'm not allowed to do anything!
Me: You can do whatever you want, including walking out that front door, I'm not stopping you.
AH: No, that was not what I meant.
Me: You can stop drinking too, I don't control that.
AH: *gets upset and leave the room*
AH: You are a control freak, just like your grandmother.
Me: I am? What specifically do I control?
AH: Me! I'm not allowed to do anything
Me: What specifically am I not letting you do?
AH: *gets upset* I can't think of a specific event right now, but I'm not allowed to do anything!
Me: You can do whatever you want, including walking out that front door, I'm not stopping you.
AH: No, that was not what I meant.
Me: You can stop drinking too, I don't control that.
AH: *gets upset and leave the room*
Member
Join Date: May 2010
Posts: 1,254
The A miffed that the new owners of a house they/family no longer own will not hold their mail months after the house sold/they 'moved'. The are trying to avoid a change of address fearing their car insurance will increase because of a dui. Says a lawyer told them avoid change of addresses which would remind or inform insurance companies of their dui/s. And yet they cleared over 6 figures and are complaining a mailbox service charges $5 extra for excessive mail.
Member
Join Date: Oct 2019
Posts: 83
I think I can add 2 for today. Lots of quacking today.
AH: I slept all day yesterday, didn't even drink. Was so dehydrated I threw up.
Me: Oh yeah, I saw you were in bed already when I got home from work.
AH: Yeah just too dehydrated yesterday. I'm drinking a little today though.
Me: uh huh
AH: After today, no more drinking. My new year resolution is quitting drinking.
Me: That's a good resolution
AH: Yeah I'm done with this drinking.
Me:
AH: Just know it's going to be a real struggle, I'm going to probably be angry sometimes, (on and on how terrible he will be/it will be for me) etc.
Me: Well I'll take care of me you take of you. Any plans in mind to deal with issues Meeting, support anything you think you might try?
AH: No I don't want to hear about all that.
Me: ok, didn't mean step on your toes.
AH: Yeah I don't need to hear about that
End of convo
AH: I slept all day yesterday, didn't even drink. Was so dehydrated I threw up.
Me: Oh yeah, I saw you were in bed already when I got home from work.
AH: Yeah just too dehydrated yesterday. I'm drinking a little today though.
Me: uh huh
AH: After today, no more drinking. My new year resolution is quitting drinking.
Me: That's a good resolution
AH: Yeah I'm done with this drinking.
Me:
AH: Just know it's going to be a real struggle, I'm going to probably be angry sometimes, (on and on how terrible he will be/it will be for me) etc.
Me: Well I'll take care of me you take of you. Any plans in mind to deal with issues Meeting, support anything you think you might try?
AH: No I don't want to hear about all that.
Me: ok, didn't mean step on your toes.
AH: Yeah I don't need to hear about that
End of convo
Member
Join Date: Jun 2019
Posts: 298
Originally Posted by HopeUnending
I think I can add 2 for today. Lots of quacking today.
AH: I slept all day yesterday, didn't even drink. Was so dehydrated I threw up.
Me: Oh yeah, I saw you were in bed already when I got home from work.
AH: Yeah just too dehydrated yesterday. I'm drinking a little today though.
Me: uh huh
AH: After today, no more drinking. My new year resolution is quitting drinking.
Me: That's a good resolution
AH: Yeah I'm done with this drinking.
Me:
AH: Just know it's going to be a real struggle, I'm going to probably be angry sometimes, (on and on how terrible he will be/it will be for me) etc.
Me: Well I'll take care of me you take of you. Any plans in mind to deal with issues Meeting, support anything you think you might try?
AH: No I don't want to hear about all that.
Me: ok, didn't mean step on your toes.
AH: Yeah I don't need to hear about that
End of convo
AH: I slept all day yesterday, didn't even drink. Was so dehydrated I threw up.
Me: Oh yeah, I saw you were in bed already when I got home from work.
AH: Yeah just too dehydrated yesterday. I'm drinking a little today though.
Me: uh huh
AH: After today, no more drinking. My new year resolution is quitting drinking.
Me: That's a good resolution
AH: Yeah I'm done with this drinking.
Me:
AH: Just know it's going to be a real struggle, I'm going to probably be angry sometimes, (on and on how terrible he will be/it will be for me) etc.
Me: Well I'll take care of me you take of you. Any plans in mind to deal with issues Meeting, support anything you think you might try?
AH: No I don't want to hear about all that.
Me: ok, didn't mean step on your toes.
AH: Yeah I don't need to hear about that
End of convo
niiiiiiiiice
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Join Date: Jun 2019
Posts: 298
Miiiiind Gaaames FOREVER
AH: (text thread that appears to show concern about kids physical health)
me: ok thanks
AH: I didn’t send the text for this, but here’s where you could compliment me on being a caring father
me: good job (I just wanted him to go away. I wasn’t feeling well). I’m nauseous r now.
AH: thanks that’s the first compliment you’ve given me in months. Did complimenting me make you nauseated?
me: done texting now
me: ok thanks
AH: I didn’t send the text for this, but here’s where you could compliment me on being a caring father
me: good job (I just wanted him to go away. I wasn’t feeling well). I’m nauseous r now.
AH: thanks that’s the first compliment you’ve given me in months. Did complimenting me make you nauseated?
me: done texting now
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Join Date: Aug 2012
Location: Chicago
Posts: 5,450
Originally Posted by pizza67
AH: (text thread that appears to show concern about kids physical health)
me: ok thanks
AH: I didn’t send the text for this, but here’s where you could compliment me on being a caring father
me: good job (I just wanted him to go away. I wasn’t feeling well). I’m nauseous r now.
AH: thanks that’s the first compliment you’ve given me in months. Did complimenting me make you nauseated?
me: done texting now
me: ok thanks
AH: I didn’t send the text for this, but here’s where you could compliment me on being a caring father
me: good job (I just wanted him to go away. I wasn’t feeling well). I’m nauseous r now.
AH: thanks that’s the first compliment you’ve given me in months. Did complimenting me make you nauseated?
me: done texting now
Member
Join Date: Jun 2019
Posts: 298
Opposite world
Kids refuse his apology because he immediately and angrily expected them to apologize (for what?) after he said it. They say he’s insincere.
AH: if someone is willing to forgive, wouldn’t an insincere effort matter? I’m at least trying.
tl;dr: if I reject your insincere apology, it’s my fault because I’m not forgiving enough.
And in other news: black is white, day is night
AH: if someone is willing to forgive, wouldn’t an insincere effort matter? I’m at least trying.
tl;dr: if I reject your insincere apology, it’s my fault because I’m not forgiving enough.
And in other news: black is white, day is night
Member
Join Date: Aug 2017
Posts: 48
Me: Wow you drank a lot last night, huh?
9 beers? What's going on with you?
ABF: No I didn't.
Me: I cleaned the kitchen. Put the empties outside. Nine cans.
ABF: Well some of them I brought in from the car.
Me: (!!!!?????)
I'm in deep denial. He's drinking in the freaking car. I haaaaaate this. And he thinks it's no big deal. I work with all men and some of them do the same. A beer on the way home. A beer or two around town. The pit of dread in my stomach.
9 beers? What's going on with you?
ABF: No I didn't.
Me: I cleaned the kitchen. Put the empties outside. Nine cans.
ABF: Well some of them I brought in from the car.
Me: (!!!!?????)
I'm in deep denial. He's drinking in the freaking car. I haaaaaate this. And he thinks it's no big deal. I work with all men and some of them do the same. A beer on the way home. A beer or two around town. The pit of dread in my stomach.
Member
Join Date: Jun 2020
Posts: 47
Oh my gosh I have soooo many!!
EXAH - “if you’d only have let me sit out the back and smoke and get drunk in front of the kids our marriage might have survived!”
ME- (when he had said I had changed/grown up and not the fun party girl I used to be) “Well we have 3 young children, that party life we had in our late 20s just isn’t compatible with family life”
EXAH- “well I know plenty of Mums who can still be wild you know”
he honestly values people based on how much they can drink and whether they smoke. He actually said he wished I smoked and that I got drunk more!!!!!!
EXAH - “if you’d only have let me sit out the back and smoke and get drunk in front of the kids our marriage might have survived!”
ME- (when he had said I had changed/grown up and not the fun party girl I used to be) “Well we have 3 young children, that party life we had in our late 20s just isn’t compatible with family life”
EXAH- “well I know plenty of Mums who can still be wild you know”
he honestly values people based on how much they can drink and whether they smoke. He actually said he wished I smoked and that I got drunk more!!!!!!
Member
Join Date: Jun 2019
Posts: 298
Dry drunk narc husband (DDNH) quacks himself into someone else’s funeral
Backstory: unpleasant relative X of mine died. I care about this relative’s child, so I am attending funeral virtually. DDNH is alienated from me and the kids due to his ongoing behavior.
me: x’s funeral is this week
DDNH: when
me: x o clock x day
DDNH: maybe I can take off work. It’s a shame there was no reconciliation in the family before X died...(said with a hint hint tone).
me: this isn’t about you. It’s a funeral.
DDNH: I’m talking about family reconciliation and what a shame it is that it doesn’t occur.
me: relative X falsely accused my family of murdering my father. Some things can’t be reconciled.
DDNH: like what other kind of things can’t you reconcile with, Pizza? Hmm?
me: it’s not right to make this about you and how you feel. There’s a word for that...
DDNH: goes into a rant about how he CAN’T be a narc because no narc would live with ME, and how I’m projecting, and how this is why he doesn’t respect psychology...
me: please do not take time off for the funeral.
PS I’m a mental health professional. DDNH is decidedly not.
me: x’s funeral is this week
DDNH: when
me: x o clock x day
DDNH: maybe I can take off work. It’s a shame there was no reconciliation in the family before X died...(said with a hint hint tone).
me: this isn’t about you. It’s a funeral.
DDNH: I’m talking about family reconciliation and what a shame it is that it doesn’t occur.
me: relative X falsely accused my family of murdering my father. Some things can’t be reconciled.
DDNH: like what other kind of things can’t you reconcile with, Pizza? Hmm?
me: it’s not right to make this about you and how you feel. There’s a word for that...
DDNH: goes into a rant about how he CAN’T be a narc because no narc would live with ME, and how I’m projecting, and how this is why he doesn’t respect psychology...
me: please do not take time off for the funeral.
PS I’m a mental health professional. DDNH is decidedly not.
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